It does not seem like it has been almost 9 years without you Shandi,  It still seems as if it were yesterday and the questions are still the same. No questions were ever answered.  It still is not fair.  Living life without you is sometime unbareable. Nothing is fair about this. Your daughter is getting so big and she misses you so much.. She is so grown up but this little girl should  have to live a life this way without her mother.  She is an exact twin of you. Her voice, her walk, her attitude, its just like watching you. Which then it makes us miss you more.. 
There is not a day that goes by that I dont think about you and where you would be today.. what would she be doing right now if she were with us? Would you be married?.  Would you have more babies? The list goes on and on.. The "what if's" are something that never goes away and somedays are worse than others. You have reached out to us and we feel you. You have spoken to us and we have heard you.. we just wish it was more. The more we hear.. the more we want.  your heart was so good and your messages show us that. Being a mother that has lost a child now makes it hard to see other mothers heartbreak when things happen.I know that heartache.. that hate, that guilt, that fear, that anger.. It should never be like this.. I will treasure the day that you meet me at the light to take my had to be with you. That broken link sometime will be repaired. Until then.. We love an miss you more than anyone could imagine.  your daughter misses you and asks about you all the time.Please watch over us all.. Your brother, your sisters and your baby girl.  Until that special day... Always and Forever... MOM...  

Shandi Rae was born on October 18, 1986. She came into this world kickin and screamin,, She was my 3rd child and the wildest, spunkiest of all.. She was happiest when she was making someone laugh. She cared for everyone she met and gave her friendship to many. Not that it always stayed that way if you crossed her. Her friends knew her as the one that would scrap with the biggest, as long as she was getting her point across. She was not scared of anyone or anything.. This included her brother and sisters. Her smile and laughter was what kept us all going in tough times. She brought a beautiful baby girl into this world one year before her passing. Camrenn Carol. This little girl lives on in her mother in every way shape and form. Her face, her smile, her voice, her walk, her smell.. It is like Shandi all over.. She will never get to know her mother and know how wonderful she was.. Cami watches her memorial video over and over with little tears flowing. Grandma.. when will I get to be with my mommy?  As a grandmother, my heart breaks knowing she will never get to enjoy special mommy moments, birthdays, 1st day of school, mothers day and giving her mommy that plaster hand that says I love you mommy,  her prom, boyfriends, a wedding and her children. Her mommy will have to enjoy her from Heaven. 
Shandi's life was cut short on Sept 25th, 2005 when she was shot by a drug addict, drunk that she thought was her friend. 
She stayed with us for a few days but knowing Shandi's life would never be the same as she would never wake up. We made the choice to give her back to God.s The hardest decision a mother had to make... She had a special visit from her brother before she went to be with God.. He came to see his sister for the last time on Sept 27th. The last memory of them together was him bending down to kiss her knowing it was the last time he would ever see his sister.  Her sisters, Sirena,Jerika and Shiann and brother-n-law, Jason and I  brought her home from the hospital on Sept 28th at 3:32pm.  Her sisters and I spent the day with her, painting her fingernails, putting make-up on her, Just laying with her letting her know we were all there with her.  Her nephew Braydun, covering her with flowers.. Knowing her time was short, there was not a minute we wanted to be away from her. Watching her slowing leave us was the hardest thing in life anyone should ever have to go through. At 10:55, we all sat with Shandi as she took her last breath and felt her last heart beat.. As her mother, I remember when I felt her 1st heart beat.. and then her last.. My heart went with hers... We miss her so much words could never explain.. She is always in our hearts..Her memory will live on forever.  We love you Shandi Rae..