Well today is a hard day for me because it has been 13 years my son Shaun has been gone. Some days I still can’t believe I lost my baby son Shaun. I still don’t understand why I lost my son, it’s not fair, and I still say why my son “WHY”. I miss our talks and his smile where his dimples show.

Well I am awake early, today is a hard day for me it would have been my baby’ so. Shaun birthday today, he would have been 30 today. Some days I just don’t know how to handle it, so I cry when I am by myself. Shaun was born in Vancouver children’s hospital, he weighed 7 lbs 12 oz. I remember his hair was wavy, the name Shaun Michael. Ame to me when I seen him and it was funny because people thought I named him after the wrestler Shaun Michael and I said who the hell is that. I said no I don’t watch wrestling. My son I just miss you so much my heart aches. Why, why why my son Shaun I don’t understand, he didn’t deserve to die. I can’t believe you will be go e for 12 years on July 29 this year. People say it will get easier it doesn’t get easy when you lose a child, when my son passed away I was working in camp I remember that day because it was so hot that year. A lot of people tell me different things about the cops and how they said they were waiting for there own negotiators and they told me my son Shaun was asking for his granny Sadie and they did t even let him see her, he could always talk with Sadie. I blame the. IPA for what happen to my son and I really don’t know what happen. I remember that day my husband Ray came to the kitchen because I was prepping stuff for dinner like veggies, potatoes, and he came and stood at the door and was just looking at me, I asked him what’s wrong he didn’t answer me, I asked him if it was one of his parents, he walked away the first time, than he came back a second time and it looked like he was ready to cry and I told him he was scaring me and he told me to go to the office and someone was going to call me, so I went to the office and waited for a phone call, it was my sister in law Bonnie that called me, she told me it had to do with Shaun, I asked her what is wrong, than all of a sudden I heard people screaming and that’s when she told me that my son was gone, I was screaming. They called all workers to come in and our boss told the helicopter pilot to bring us to new Hazelton, one of our bosses met us there, and brought me to the hospital and I did t want to believe my son was gone and when we got there was lots of people and I screamed. Oh my son I LOVE AND MISS YOU SO MUCH.

Well I needed to write something today, I was thinking of my son Shaun, as some days are harder than others. Some days it still feels like it was yesterday, I still look for my son some days. People tell me it will get easy, it doesn’t get easy, especially when you lose a child. We carry our children for 9 months and feel there movements, even listen to babies heart beat,. My dear son I still don’t understand why you left me so soon, you were my baby. I just miss you so much son and I love you.

Well today is my late sons Shaun birthday today he would have been 29 years old today, I miss him so much and I can’t believe he has been gone that long. There are days where I cry when I am by myself. I treasure the 18 years I had with my baby son, I miss all the talks we had and laughs. I could talk to you and you would listen I miss that so much. I don’t how people say it gets easy it doesn’t because I carried you for 9 months and watching you grow into a young man and I was so proud of you. When I lost you my heart broke into a million pieces. I remember when you first met Ray you were so attached to him right away, you never really knew your biological dad because you were just a baby when he told us to leave, But you were old enough where me and Ray were gonna tell you he wasn’t your dad but someone told you and you got confused and that person was getting mad at you because you kept telling him Ray was your dad . We love you and miss you so much. Today I was trying to be strong but cried when I was by myself. I LOVE YOU MY BABY AON SHAUN AND I MISS TOU SO MUCH.

Well today is 10 years that my son Shaun has been gone, it is an emotional day for me. I miss him so much and I still say why my baby he was only 18 years old. There are days I still look for him even when I go by schools and I wonder what he would be doing, where he would be living would he have children, I remember this day, I was working in camp, and why didn’t the police try get a hold of me, and I don’t it was right that they didn’t even let our own counsels see him either, my husband ray kept coming to the kitchen and I asked him what was wrong but he didn’t answer me the first time and the second time he came it looked like he was crying and I asked him what is wrong, I asked him if it was his mom or dad and that’s when he told me I had to go to office to wait for a phone call and I asked him why and he told me it had to do with my son Shaun. So I waited in office and my sis in law Bonnie called me and that something happened to my son Shaun and all of a sudden I heard people screaming and that’s when she told me my son was gone and I didn’t believe her at first. The company I worked for flew us right to Hazelton, I got to the hospital and there was a lot of people there and Becky, Annie were there and told me my had died and I screamed. I just believe it is 10 years, it’s like it was yesterday, I MISS YOU MY BABY SHAUN SO MUCH AND LOVE YOU. There is so much more I could say.

I am having bit of a hard day today, it has been 9 years today my son Shaun passed away, I still can’t believe he is gone. I miss and love him so much. I still wonder why the police didn’t even try get a hold me, I miss seeing his dimples, I remember all our talks and we would always be there for one another when we needed to talk, he was my baby boy, why did my son have to go, it’s not fair. Some days I wonder what he would be doing, where he would be living, or would my son have children today. I love you my son Shaun