November 13, 2016
November 13, 2016
4 months seems like forever. I have not been able to put into words the grief that has overtaken my every day life. I am constantly missing you and dreaming of you. Our children are so beautiful and I am truly blessed to have spent the last 8 years of my life knowing my soul mate. The time cut short due to our differences pains me every day. I have always had a hard time dealing with your absence but nothing compares to knowing it won't be a long time until we meet again. If there was one thing I could take back it would be the anger that I held towards you for leaving us in the beginning. If only I knew it would be forever I would have tried harder to accept your flaws. Maybe just maybe I could have saved you. I try not to live with the regret and focus on the positive but boy is this hard. Harder than walking hand in hand into the courtroom, harder than pushing out a 10lb baby at 17, harder than the 11 months you spent in prison. I will always remember your light and I see you everywhere I go. You're with me in the trees and the wind and the beautiful Oregon sunsets. I'm not ready to say goodbye. I probably never will because we both know how stubborn I am. I love you so very much. Always have and always will.