Shawn is so much more than a son, father, brother, partner and friend.  He is an incredibly loving, kind man that would do anything for the people he loves.  He has a laugh that you would naturally want to hear over and over and you couldn't help but laughing with him.  While he teased a lot he never bullied or hurt someone else.  He was always very careful not to hurt other peoples feelings.


Shawn has been battling depression for years and he finally thought he had it under control.  He had met a man that he loved in a way that he never loved anyone.  He was happy where he was in life.  He always said that Brandon (his partner) made him a better person.  He was so proud of Brandon and everytime I talked to him you could hear the love he had for him in his voice.  As much as he was happy he was still battling his depression......unfortunately his depression won and he died by suicide on October 7, 2013.  


10-7-13 has to be the worst day of my life.  I was making dinner for my kids when my Mom called.  My youngest answered the phone and handed it to me quick.  All my Mom said was "Shawn's dead"......"What I yelled".....I packed the kids up and rushed to my parents house.  As soon as I walked in I knew I had heard her right.  My Mom and Dad were in the kitchen crying......our whole world had crashed down.  My brother, the one person I knew would always be there for me had left this world.  Somehow we made it through the next week.  My cousin Cindy and her daughter Amy really helped us a lot.  Shawn's 2 daughters are living with my parents so my Mom and Dad really had to pull (and hold it) together for their sake.  


It's been about a month and a half since that day and while I have some good days I also have times when I just sit around and cry.  Nights are the hardest for me.  I lay in bed and talk to Shawn.....sometimes crying, sometimes laughing, sometimes yelling.  I know he's listening I only wish that I could feel him more.  


I love you, my brother, then, now and forever to heaven and back.