Uncle Tam was known to us affectionately as 肥佬姑爺. Whenever we visited Kota Kinabalu, we would stay at his place in Luyang. The house is like a halfway house for all relatives, known and unknown, and I remember it as perpetually busy and crowded with friends and relatives. I got the impression that pretty much anyone who’s a relative or friend of a relative was welcome to stay and be well-fed. 姑爺 would hold court at the round dining table, patiently dealing with roaming groups of relatives and kids; and there were plenty of them.
姑爺 was probably the most patient and well-tempered man who ever lived. I remember how he interacted with his daughters, my 5 lovely cousins and other kids. He would talk them into total submission: never raising his voice, using only stories, logics and reasons. I could still hear his soft and gentle voice in my head.
A most generous & kind man, here’s a verse from Fogelberg’s “Leader of the Band” as a small tribute to remember our 肥佬姑爺:
He earned his love
Through discipline
A thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls
Took me years to understand.