One evening Tete, myself and my kids went mini golfing. Tete and Josh were teasing each other on the ride who is best and who will win. (being guys) well we get to the place and we grab our balls and right away Tete says to Josh, "Grab a pink one cause girls golf with pink" Josh laughs and says, "wheres yours?" well needless to say...the game started or should i say the ego's emerged? We are only on the 2-3 hole...its Tetes turn, he places the ball down and looks back at Josh and as he is looking back at Josh, he hits his golf ball......he made a whole in one.....we all had our mouths to the ground. Tete turns around looks at the coarse looks at us, we told him he got a whole in one...he stands up, folds his arms and says to Josh "now thats how its done" (as if Tete meant to do it) Josh was floored. Well the game proceeded...(those two in there own game). Needless to say, adding up the strokes...the girls won...Firstplace Mom (me) 2nd Jessica, then Tete then Josh...from that day on, We played many games...Tete and Josh always competing, horsing around. It was always a fun time. Miss you Tete! 

Just as a little girl I remember making peanut butter sandwiches with you.   You would help me as I struggled to scoop the peanut butter out of the jar.  Just years later, I was taught to hide the peanut butter and Cheez-its in my closet before you flew out from Florida to visit us in California.

My favorite weeks of the year were when you came to visit.  Christmas and Thanksgiving were a thousand times better when you were there.  The first Christmas Eve I remember was when I was five.  Mom got me two mice which we thought were two boys until I went into my bedroom Christmas Eve and asked my Mom why there was a squeaky toy in the mouse cage.  She quickly realized that they were baby mice when one after another appeared in the cage.  Hoping I wouldn't realize what they were she asked you to quickly scoop them up and bring what quickly became thhirteen baby mice to Petco.  You walked into my bedroom and saw them and then refused to take them away from their mother.  When you told me that I no had thirteen new pets, we laughed hysterically for what seemed like hours because we knew how afraid my Mom was of mice!

From the time I was about five years old we would stay up late every time you came to visit.  We would lay in Emma's bed and you would tell us stories about Goldie, stories about the Vietnam War, and embarrassing stories about my Mom and Uncle Duck.  Then the next morning I would wake up bright and early at seven and sit on you, beating you with a pillow until you woke up.  You would come downstairs hours later after taking a shower and blow drying the ten hairs you still had!  I would be waiting at the kitchen table for you with Candyland set up and ready to play, and a big smile on my face.  We would play Candyland for countless hours and you wouldn't even issue a one word complaint because you knew how happy it made me.

You would take Emma and me anywhere we wanted to go - from movies to Scandia, from miniature golf to bowling, from the batting cages to bumper cars.  I swar to God you drove countless hours just to put a smile on our faces!  When I redesigned my room to resemble a beach, you would walk dow to the ocean in Florida and find one-of-a-kind shells and ship them out to me.

Taquito would bark at you for hours when you came to visit because he was terrified of everybody he didn't know very well, but you never got mad because you knew Taquito was just trying to protect me.  You always pointed out how loyal he was to me.  You noticed how he slept right beside me each night and followed me everywheree.  When I sat on the couch, Taquito sat down on the couch; when I got up to go to the refrigerator, Taquito followed closely behind me; everything I did was with the shaodw of Taquito, but you grew to like him because you knew he would protect me.

When we came to visit you in Florida, you would buy us all sorts of candy and take us to the beach daily.  You called me "Geli Bean" and Emma, "Emma Bean".   To this day nobody understands why, but we both love the nicknames!

Everyone told us that you were the happiest when you were with me and Emma.  We were one of the things that made you truly happy, and we knew that.  For your birthday, Emma and I would paint you a picture or draw you a portrait and you would hang it up on your refrigerator or your wall so you could see it every day.

I went to Florida to visit you in February.  Little did I know that was that last time I would see you alive.  We went mini golfing and we tied for first!  Days later we went to the beach, walked along the ocean together, and found seashells.  The last day we were in Florida we went to your house and you gave me most of your sea shell collection and candy.  You also introduced us to Roy and Ray, your two cats that you rescued and nurtured back to health.  You gave me the biggest hug and watched as we got into the car the day we left.  I think you somehow knew that that was going to be the last time I saw you because you had tears in your eyes.  As we drove away, you waved and mouthed, "I love you, Bean!"  I mouthed "I love you" back.  That was when I knew how much I meant to you.  I never got the chance to tell you how much you meant to me.  I loved every second I was with you, and we never fought!

You did so much for us - fixing the sprinklers, re-bolting the cabinet doors, replacing the lights, putting on the screen door, putting in the fence, mowing the lawn, cleaning out the fridge, and everything else one could possibly imagine!  

Thank you for doing so much for our country while fighting in the Vietnam War!  Mom, Duck, Emma, and I love you and miss you so much.  All your brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews, cousins, and friends love you so much and we all know you are happier now.  I know you are looking down at me right now and smiling.  You were proud of each and every person here today and all of us here love you in our own special way.  you may be gone, but I promise you that you will never be forgotten!  

I love you, Papa!  Rest in peace!

Love, Geli Bean 
 
      
     

"TeterTot" took me to dinner one evening to the Beach House. He ordered is usual steak and potato and Budweiser. We are talking, the dinner comes and Tete tries to season up his steak with salt and pepper. Well as im talking i notice he is shaking the pepper, hitting the bottom of the shaker, looks at me with "whats wrong with this thing?" He looks at the bottom of it, looks at me, looks for waitress, mean while. i'm laughing so hard i cant even catch my breath. Tears falling from my eyes. I finally take a deep breath, grab the shaker and proceed to show Tete, its a twist shaker. He looks at me, grabs it from me and rolls his eyes and said to me "No one is to ever know about this." i told him "No promises, this is too good not to share." Well i kept my promise....till now! Glad to share it with all that love him! xoxo
Miss you Teter Tot! xoxo 

Christmas 2003 is one that will always be remembered.  Dad had come to California to visit for the holiday and to meet his youngest grand daughter, Emma.  My oldest daughter Angelica was five and had two pet mice.  Two male mice, or so we were told several months earlier.

Christmas Eve Angelica came out of her room exclaiming there was a cute squeaky toy in her mouse cage.  I went to see what it was and quickly realized the think that looked like a little gummy bear was a hairless little Baby.  I quickly ran to get Dad, thinking he would get rid of the nasty thing for me before Angelica realized it was alive.

So what did Dad do?  He walked into my daughter's room prepared to scoop out the baby as I'd instructed and dispose of it.  As he reached into the cage though the baby started wiggling around.  Next think I knew my Dad was back in the livingroom declaring he could not take a baby from its mother.

Dad posted a sign on my daughter's bedroom door declaring it a nurse's ward and we proceeded to run in and out of the room all night as our mouse gave birth to not one, not two, but twelve baby mice.  Dad was joking the whole time - telling my daughter she was now the proud mom of twins, triplets, etc.  I remember her laughing so hard she had to run to the bathroom.

Thanks to Dad being so 'tough', I had to keep all the darn baby mice until they were old enough to leave their mother and be brought to the pet store for adoption (or to be fed to a snake).                 
 
 

For those of you who were not aware, Dad was diagnosed with Progressive Bulbar Palsy earlier this year.  This is a form of Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS), a fatal motor neuron disease better known as Lou Gehrig's Disease.  While Dad may have had symptoms for years, by the time he knew something was seriously wrong, it was attacking his upper body, causing all his muscles from his shoulders up to become weaker and weaker.  While no one ever told us, from what I have now read on line there have been studies from as far back as 2006 linking military service to this disease.

Matt and I brought the girls to Florida during their school break in February.  This was the first time I had ever seen any weakness in Dad.  He was starting to have trouble swallowing and he was slurring his speech.    He was also complaining about his tongue being numb.  I encouraged him to go back to the doctors and have his heart checked, convinced he's had a stroke.  This proved not to be the case, despite his weight and eating habits, his heart was healthy as could be.  Neither VA doctors nor neurologists could confidently diagnose Dad at this time however and he continued to get worse.

By May Dad was completely unable to talk, he never gave up trying but his muscles were so weak that only sounds came out.  He was also completely unable to swallow which meant he could no longer feed himself or even drink water.  In typical Dad fashion, he didn't want anyone to worry about him so when he decided he needed help, he checked his cats into Kitty Daycare for a few days and took himself to the hospital.  Fortunately his sister Jackie had called that day and the only word she thought she understood was 'hospital' so I started calling VA hospitals in the area until I found him.

Thankfully Jon, Kevin, and Peter were already on their way to Florida to check on their big brother not realizing how serious it had become.  Derek as well as Dad's brothers therefore all showed up at the Bay Pines VA Hospital in St. Petersburg and from what I understand told bad jokes and kept Dad laughing.  During this stay Dad had a feeding tube inserted about four inches above his belly button.  The first thing he asked the nurses after surgery was if he could put Budweiser in his feeding tube!  Dad wasn't in the hospital long - once he had recovered and proved he knew how to feed himself and keep the insertion sterile, he drove himself home, picking up his two cats Ray and Roy on the way.

Dad continued to want to live his life and not have anyone take care of him.  I kept asking if I should come but he was never going to say yes even if he wanted me to come visit and I knew it.  Finally, I decided that if Fathers Day wasn't a good enough excuse to show up on Dad's doorstep I didn't know what was.  I decided to make this trip by myself however as I wasn't sure how hard it was going to be to see Dad with a feeding tube and unable to talk - I didn't want my girls to be too scared.

I was very nervous about going to see Dad.  My biggest fear actually wasn't seeing him but rather wondering if I'd be strong enough to hold back my tears in front of Dad as I wanted my trip to lift his spirits and not make things harder.  I pulled it off somehow though Mom got to deal with my melt downs every evening when she would come get me from Dad's for dinner.

I will never forget Dad's last Fathers Day or my trip to see him, not just because it was the last time I saw Dad alive, but also because I saw his strength and continued spirit even in the face of death.  I know I've rambled a lot already, but this is what I really wanted to share with all of you, Dad's strength and humor even in the end.
    
Derek picked me up at the airport and drove me down to Dad's on Fathers Day.  He was expecting Derek to come by but had no idea I was coming.  When we arrived, Derek knocked on Dad's door.  Dad came out in shorts and with his green plaid shirt on, but completely unbuttoned so I could see his feeding tube - he was at least 40 pounds lighter than when I'd been there four months ago.  Derek said, "Guess what Dad, I brought you a special Fathers Day present!"  

Dad's response?  He got a big smile, a toothless one at that as he wasn't keeping his teeth in, he then looked at me, lifted his hands up in the air, and although he was no longer really able to say words, I understood immediately that he had said, "Where?"  And then of course he began laughing!   

Derek and I sat with him all day and even watched a Yankees game together.  That may have been a first for the three of us to watch an entire Yankees game together.  I am a Red Sox fan so cursed throughout the game as the Yankees won.  Dad of course was smiling the whole time.

Throughout the few days that I was there, Dad would grab his pad of paper and write things down as he wanted to say something I could understand.  There were some things I did understand though, like when Dad got out his cane and threatened to beat me with it.  I think it may have been when I asked him why he didn't have the doctor's shave his back as well when they shaved part of his stomach to put in the feeding tube.

Dad was also still focused on others.  Jackie had called so Dad wanted me to call her back for him.  He wanted to know if Turk needed more cigarettes.  He later had me drive him to the store where he proceeded to take care of this himself including the shipping using his notebook and pen to communicate with the woman behind the counter.   When we were on the phone with Jackie he also had me ask her if she remembered what he did when she and Turk went to our house in Maine years ago to visit him after he'd had back surgery.  Apparently he had told mom to get his wooden stick with the middle finger sticking up and he slid it under the blankets to make it look like something inappropriate (you know, I can't say it as that's a disturbing thought and my kids may read this).  Anyway, after Jackie said yes, she remembered, Dad got up and left the room.  He came back in a minute later, his darned feeding tube strung through his shorts, holding it in his hand like a big prize and swinging it in circles laughing.  And yes, I of course then had to describe to Jackie the ridiculous scene before me!

The only serious conversation I had with Dad that week was asking him if he would eventually move into Derek's.  He told me (by writing on his pad of paper) that when he left the hospital they had asked him the same thing.  He had told them that he would not move in with my brother and let Derek take care of him.  He also told them he was not going to let Derek move in with him so he could take care of Derek again!  I really didn't like this and did not want my Dad to be alone, but I also knew that there was no arguing with him.  He wanted to live as long as he could and he didn't want anyone to have to take care of him. 

The only time I broke down that week (in front of Dad) was when Dad gave me the biggest goodbye hug ever.  I did not say the words 'goodbye' as I was determined he would stay alive and I would see him again.  I think he knew however.  I did understand the words he said as I was leaving and he said, "I love you Bonk" but I would have understood that without the words anyway.  I have always known how proud my Dad was of my brother and I as well as my girls, his precious 'beans'.
I will always remember that visit - still smiling, still joking, still strong and determined to live the best life he could without any help. 

I am proud of you Dad.  There has never been a stronger man or better Dad or Papa.  I will always miss you and carry you with me in my heart you 'Old Poop'!        

Love,
Bonk (aka Kim)