ForeverMissed
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Stephen died January 16th at the age of 66 after a courageous battle with cancer. We wish to thank all the wonderful people at the Dana Farber Cancer Institute who cared for him. Stephen was born February 22nd, 1953 in New Britain, Connecticut to Antonio and Reah (LaVallee) Perniciaro. His family moved to Vermont when Stephen started high school. He attended Chester School and Hinckley School in Hinckley, Maine. Stephen graduated from Amherst College with a Bachelors Degree in Fine Arts. He joined ROTC while attending Amherst. He spent three years in Germany as an artillery officer and several years in the Army Reserves upon returning to the states. Stephen attained a professional engineering degree and spent 35 years working in the firearms industry. His last few years he worked at Tsubaki Power Transmission LLC in Holyoke, Massachusetts. 

Stephen had many interests among them: camping, hunting, firearms, karate (earning a second degree black belt), science fiction, and was an accomplished pianist. He was an avid reader, a true student of life and enjoyed teaching others. A Renaissance man. He had a personality that left no question about where he stood (on anything). 

One of his greatest joys was having his family around him. Stephen married Shirleen Harrington in 1973. They were married for 46 years. He was always proud of their marriage. He is survived by his wife, son- Giuseppe and daughter-in-law Alissa, and two grandsons- Giovanni and Matteo. Also his sister Dawn Perniciaro-Brown and her husband Robert Brown of Naples, Florida and extended family.

There will be a celebration of life TBA in the near future. There will be no services held. Please raise a glass of wine to celebrate Stephen's life and all the people he touch during his lifetime. He was the real deal. 

Friends and Family: Please leave a memory or thought on the tribute portion of the page.

In lieu of flowers, the family has requested that donations be made in Stephen's name to Dana Farber Cancer Institute: https://www.dana-farber.org/how-you-can-help/get-i...
Or mail a check to:  Friends of Dana-Farber, 450 Brookline Ave., SW120, Boston, MA 02215.

January 20, 2023
January 20, 2023
Still missing you - will always miss you. This is a difficult year in that Giovanni will be graduating high school and setting off on his own life journey. You would be so proud of the young man he has become. The wisdom you shared with him in your inimitable way will serve him well.
I think of you often and think to myself, "What would Stephen do in this situation?" Mostly when I let emotion run away with me. Sometimes I agree with what I think you would do and sometimes I think, "hell no!" that's not me.
February 22, 2022
February 22, 2022
I cannot express how with each passing we find our generation missing the best parts of who we are. We are so busy rushing around that time just ticks by. When these anniversaries come up we need to pause and remember those who are going before us and what they meant to us. Praise for having the opportunity to share our lives together and have our lives filled with the "who they are". Love to you my cousin and say hello to all the rest there with you, until we will meet again.
January 16, 2022
January 16, 2022
Two years seems so short and yet so long. I miss being able to discuss things with Stephen; he never lacked an opinion. His perspective was usually logical-he was able to take emotion out of the equation when looking for answers. Mostly I appreciated this, but sometimes not. Stephen gave me so much in our life together-47 years of marriage went by too quickly. We speak of him often; he left us with many memories. He would be so proud of the fine young men his grandsons are becoming: Stephen loved being a grandfather. Missing him.
January 26, 2021
January 26, 2021
I am just learning of Steve's passing, almost a year late. I just wanted to leave my own tribute, albeit a late one. I worked with/for Steve at Remington Arms in Ilion. Steve was a great boss and I always thought of him as a friend. He openly shared his vast technical expertise and was always open to challenging technical discussion. He provided me with many opportunities along the way, encouraging my personal success and advancement.

Beyond the professional aspects of our relationship, Steve was always fun to be around. He enjoyed the shooting sports and was instrumental in helping my wife and me getting our handgun permits. He brought us to a local shooting range with a selection of his personal firearms, instructing us in their safe operation and allowed us to try them.

Even though its been 11 years since I last saw Steve, I feel diminished, knowing he has passed. Farewell, old friend!
January 18, 2021
January 18, 2021
Saturday was the one-year anniversary of Stephen's death. Our family gathered for the weekly family dinner (as we have been doing every Saturday since our daughter-in-law, Alissa suggested when we discovered that Stephen's cancer had returned five years ago.) That idea was such a gift and Stephen always loved having his family around him. So Giuseppe and I had 'dirty martinis' (Stephen's favorite cocktail). We all toasted to the man, the love, and the memories. We talk of Stephen often and the impact he had on our lives. He was so proud of his grandsons (he loved being a Pepe) - best decision we ever made was to live closer to the petit Ps. The two sisters with whom I live have made it easier to deal with the loss of my husband of 47 years. Blessings,
January 26, 2020
January 26, 2020
I was very honored to have known Steve, and have him as part of my life. What a unique and remarkable individual. 
I post a more lengthy entry in the "Stories" section.
Chuck Monty
January 21, 2020
January 21, 2020
I was sorry to hear of Steve's passing and I want to express my deepest condolences to you. Please know you are in my thoughts as you go through this time. Steve was a great co-worker and will be truly missed! He was always ready to go the extra mile for us! Know that he will continue to be thought of dearly.
January 18, 2020
January 18, 2020
I never met Stephen but through my son-in-law, Earl LaVallee III, I heard so many amazing things about him. Oh the camping stories Earl and the kids would share with us. He always spoke highly of him and they all loved being with all of you doing what you all enjoy. Stephen was truly a special person. I know he was loved by all whom he met and will be missed dearly. My heart goes out to all of you. Sending love to you all.
January 17, 2020
January 17, 2020
Shirleen,  I am deeply sorry to hear of Stephen's passing.  I am not a family member or a friend. So I have no story or memory to share. But I can vouch that you are the embodiment of amazing grace.  Always a pleasure to see. No doubt, Stephen enjoyed a life of abundance with you.   
January 17, 2020
January 17, 2020
You will always be loved and in our hearts Uncle Stephen. I am so glad we were able to see you this summer and spend time with the family. They are memories I will treasure forever. I guess my wine intake will go up to two glasses tonight, one for you and one for Grandmother. I know you two are together and at peace. Love you.
January 17, 2020
January 17, 2020
God bless Shirleen, Giuseppe, Allie, Matteo, Giovanni, Dawn and Robert.  I am so sorry that Stephen is not among us now. He left a true mark on our family and I thank him for being a part of our lives. He and my brother, Earl, were as close as brothers and that relationship played a huge part in our lives. 
I thank Stephen for his patience with me when I was a bratty little teenager and living with Reah and Tony. Thank you for being a part of my life. I know that Stephen would want us all to "live long and prosper". 
January 16, 2020
January 16, 2020
I will love this man until the end of my days! He was a father figure, a beacon of morality, and a teacher. I owe so many successes in my life, to the uncle that he was. I love you Uncle Stephen ❤️

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Recent Tributes
January 20, 2023
January 20, 2023
Still missing you - will always miss you. This is a difficult year in that Giovanni will be graduating high school and setting off on his own life journey. You would be so proud of the young man he has become. The wisdom you shared with him in your inimitable way will serve him well.
I think of you often and think to myself, "What would Stephen do in this situation?" Mostly when I let emotion run away with me. Sometimes I agree with what I think you would do and sometimes I think, "hell no!" that's not me.
February 22, 2022
February 22, 2022
I cannot express how with each passing we find our generation missing the best parts of who we are. We are so busy rushing around that time just ticks by. When these anniversaries come up we need to pause and remember those who are going before us and what they meant to us. Praise for having the opportunity to share our lives together and have our lives filled with the "who they are". Love to you my cousin and say hello to all the rest there with you, until we will meet again.
January 16, 2022
January 16, 2022
Two years seems so short and yet so long. I miss being able to discuss things with Stephen; he never lacked an opinion. His perspective was usually logical-he was able to take emotion out of the equation when looking for answers. Mostly I appreciated this, but sometimes not. Stephen gave me so much in our life together-47 years of marriage went by too quickly. We speak of him often; he left us with many memories. He would be so proud of the fine young men his grandsons are becoming: Stephen loved being a grandfather. Missing him.
His Life
Recent stories

Steve P. at US Tsubaki

January 26, 2020
15 November 2019  

All,

This past Friday we put on a ‘Retirement’ party for employee Stephen Perniciaro.  Steve had been with US Tsubaki for less than 4 years, but had reached what some might call retirement age.  He didn’t want to stop working, but his physical health drove him to it.

 
Steve came to US Tsubaki Roller Chain Division as Manufacturing Engineering Manager to fill a vacancy.  He did a bang up job even though his original education was Liberal Arts at Amherst College.  He had enlisted in the Army upon college graduation in 1976, was an Artillery Officer in Germany for four years, and then studied engineering texts and the EIT/PE exam books to achieve his Professional Engineering license.  He had worked in various Engineering capacities other places prior, of course.  Steve was a conscientious, smart, professional, hard-working, all around straight-shooter.

Steve was not a run of the mill engineer, nor person.  For example, he was in ROTC during his college years.  But about a year before graduation the Vietnam war ended and the mandatory Draft ended.  Almost all of his ROTC mates quit.  But Steve was one of a few who enlisted in the Army anyway upon Graduation (4 years in Army, plus 4 years in the Reserves).  Steve almost never ate lunch at work.  He wore the same outfit EVERY day of his time at our workplace, including when traveling on business.  The ONE exception was when he famously wore a Calvary outfit for the Costume contest portion of Fruitcake Follies Day one holiday season.  EVERY day he drove 28 miles in to work, but then parked about 2 miles away from the facility and walked the rest of the way in (rain or shine, snow, sleet, whatever).  Of course he walked back out at end of the day as well.  Each year he went on a survival back-to-nature outing.  He’d go into the woods, usually by himself, with only a knife (and clothes) for a week.  Sometimes winter too.  He told many stories of catching and eating bugs, moths, squirrel, etc. in the woods for sustenance.

He could be stern, demanding, detailed, and no-nonsense; but also kind, helpful, humble (carried coffee cup refills from storage room to the coffee space regularly), and with quite a sense of humor.  He was always confident and incredibly candid.  His clear stance on things and ability to speak them even if others disagreed could lead one to think he was self-centered.  But nothing could farther from the truth, as you will see.  Steve was quite a pianist (preferring classical content), having played for almost 60 years.  He was a Black Belt in Karate.  He had a passion for firearms, owned many, and had a concealed carry license in multiple states.  And he had a very odd ‘Sci-Fi’, or ghost-like, ringtone on his mobile phone which always went off during meetings.

So, Steve’s Farewell Party was planned and put into place for Friday, but we didn’t hold it.  Here’s the story.

Several years ago, well before he joined US Tsubaki, Steve was found to have Prostate cancer.  [Note – I can share all of this because Steve was incredibly open, and he gave permission to do so.]  So Steve was treated for the prostate cancer, including surgery, and was cleared.  Fast forward to his time at UST.  About 3 years ago Cancer was discovered to have returned.  Steve turned to the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute in Boston.  However, the cancer was found to be throughout his body, especially in his bones.  At that time Steve was given something like 2 years or less to live.  Steve told us at work all about it.  It became clear that Steve had a remarkable pain tolerance, and this perhaps led to his cancer being so advanced before it was found. 

When Steve told his Management and coworkers about his condition, the first thing he said was, “I want to continue to work.  I want to work until I can’t anymore.  Or until I am told that I am no longer effective.”  And so he did.  He said he felt little to nothing regarding discomfort from his condition.  His energy level was high (he was a nonstop kinetic machine!).  He continued to walk that last mile or two in to work, and back home.  He went on a business trip to Japan, and on a couple of supplier trips to the Midwest.  Steve pushed forward like nothing had changed.  He told me that he and his wife had no ‘bucket list’.  No driving desire to travel the world, make that one last pilgrimage to wherever, or to build that ship in a bottle.  He just wanted to live.  And for him, working was living.  Contributing was life-fulfilling.  He wanted to take care of his responsibilities - to ‘Stand his Post’.  And as you’ll also see, he did to the end.

Perhaps most notable was what Steve did regarding his health condition.  His prognosis was worse than grim.  Nevertheless, he volunteered to participate in Cancer drug/treatment trial(s).  Working with the team from Dana-Farber, Steve ‘raised his hand’ and essentially signed up to be used as a guinea pig.  He said to me, “It’s likely not going to help me, but if they learn anything from these trials then hopefully it will help the next guy.”  Those were his words – “to help the next guy.”  As many of us know, or imagine, taking a known or unknown experimental drug can have difficult or problematic direct, or side effects.  Horrible nausea, terrible pain, or other health impacts.  During the course of his second drug trial participation, Steve got terribly ill and landed in the hospital and “almost died” he said.  Only with rapid communication between his local hospital and Dana-Farber were they able to reverse his acute condition.  In spite of that, Steve persevered – both in the Dana-Farber Cancer experiment(s), and coming back to work.  He chose to subject himself to those trials and whatever the side effects were, and the related assessment tests.  Mostly the diagnostic focus was on the progression of the disease in his bones (all throughout his body - skull, legs, hips, and especially his spine and ribs).  Most of the time you’d never know what he was going though.  And he’d show up for work, even if he couldn’t make it a full day near the end.  Steve signed up for successive trials when a current one was abandoned by the medical team.  He did this not once, or twice, or three times.  Steve volunteered to put himself through that drug trial ordeal SEVEN (7) times!  Seven times he volunteered as a ‘subject’ to “hopefully help the next guy.”  He stopped just recently only because his medical team said “No more.”

Three weeks ago his doctor told him he had 3-6 months to live.  The cancer was just too prevalent throughout his body, especially his bones.  So Steve needed to bring things to close at work, but again insisted on setting a future date for his ‘retirement party’ so he could settle his work responsibilities.  We set November 8 as that date, and the day we would hold a party in his honor.  The room was arranged and decorated, and special food catered in.  Gifts and presentations prepared.  Everyone aligned to join for the Luncheon.  That morning Steve’s wife called to say Steve couldn’t make it in.  He was just too sick, too nauseous.  But she insisted that Steve demanded he return to close a couple of work things, pick up his belongings, and try to attend some sort of alternate event (‘Party 2.0’).  We said “Okay, whenever – you tell us”.  The following Monday Steve made it in with his wife and we held the party.  It was an abbreviated affair due to his extreme pain and weakened condition.  He took it all in.  He laughed.  And cried a little.  Some people cried a lot.  But everyone was appreciative to be able to say Farewell.

The event included some good natured ribbing, some gag gifts, a few sincere gifts, and some accolades.  I played Mozart piano sonatas for the ‘dinner music’ since he said he liked Mozart.  At the end of my presentation (let’s call it ‘The Wonderful Mystery of Steve Perniciaro’) I was able to close with some notes of sincerity, and especially highlighting his incredible sacrifice for the good of cancer treatment research.  I was honored to read a brief letter which US Tsubaki received recognizing our support of the Perniciaro endeavors as well.  But really, I know that Steve facilitated that letter, and that the basic intention was for Steve, through Dana-Faber, to thank his coworkers at US Tsubaki for their support of him during his cancer/trials work.  I was also able to announce a gift his coworkers made.  A collection was organized, voluntarily of course, and 38 employees, with company match, donated $3,530 in Steve’s name.  The donation was to Dana-Faber for Cancer Research in honor of Stephen Perniciaro.

Believe it or not, Steve had already formally entered Hospice Care before his last day of regular work.  On the day of his Party 2.0 he told me that Hospice had already upped his dosage of morphine, and that he had to force himself up that morning to get in the car (wife drove) to ‘come to work.’  He pushed himself that close to the end.

And finally, it may not now surprise you to learn that Steve took things even another step further.  Steve has already made plans for his body to be donated for medical use.  He said he hopes it goes to Tufts Medical School or Harvard Medical School.  Half-joking he said, “Wherever I can get in.”
January 17, 2020
Steve was an extraordinary person. He was probably the most courageous person I have ever met. I am truly sorry that he has past.  I will not forget him. 

Please accept my sincerest condolences on your loss. 

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