I held you close in my heart today,
It made me feel complete.
You may have died, but you are not gone,
You will always be a part of me.
As long as the Sun shines...
The Wind blows...
The Rain falls...

Missing you 6 Months and 14 days (196 Days)
  • 84 years old
  • Born on October 6, 1933 in Meerut, India.
  • Passed away on December 29, 2017 in Madison, Wisconsin, United States.

This memorial website was created in memory of my father, Sushil Bansal, 84, born on October 6, 1933 and passed away on December 29, 2017. He will live on in our hearts forever.

My father was suffering from complications due to stroke and since June this year after a surgery he started to have more problems. While he suffered with multiple issues this year, it appears that he went to sleep on the night of December 28th and just didn't wake up and went peacefully. He was at Belmont Nursing Home in Madison, Wisconsin at this time and had been there for little less than a year.

He was born in Meerut, India, the son of Dr. Dhanpat Rai and Smt. Prakash Vati (Goyal) Gupta. He married Saroj Rastogi on December 25, 1958, in Mawana, India. It was an arranged marriage. They saw one-another for the first time after they were married! They were rarely ever apart until my Mom passed away on September 8, 2013. My father was an accountant by profession. He had a Masters in Mathematics. His first job was as a teacher at a school in Meerut but soon he found a position working as an accountant for the Government Of India. He always worked very hard and no matter how difficult the situation became, he never let any of know that there were problems. In 1977 we moved to the United States and he worked with the Embassy of India in Washington DC for four years. Eventually he resigned from the Government Service and stayed on here so that we, the children could have a better life. After living in Maryland for 23 years they moved to Madison, Wisconsin along with his son's family.

He has always been the quiet one; most comfortable with papers, figures, computers but at the same time he did have a witty sense of humor. He always enjoyed a challenge – learning a new skill like web site development, mastering photography, creating projects on Shutterfly. He loved taking walks. My parents used to take regular a mile walk at least once a day, no matter how cold it was. They both loved to travel. We travelled a lot together both in India as well as here in the States. We went on a Cruise many years ago and this became his favorite way of vacationing. He was very actively involved with Indian American Association in Madison. He loved playing Bridge and created a Bridge Group at the Fitchburg Senior Center. He also volunteered there for various activities including exercise program. He was supposed to teach Exercise class there a day after he had his stroke on February 14, 2013. Stroke left his left side weak. He loved working with the therapists and worked very hard to gain his strength back. He joined Adaptive Fitness class at the UW Natatorium offered by Tim Gattenby in Summer of 2013 and attended every session until the Fall of 2017 when he was too ill and weak from several complications due to Stroke. He loved this class; loved working with the students who doted on him; found a wonderful friend in Tim who went out of his way many times to help and work with my Dad. My Dad was very much looking forward to starting this class again on January 30th, 2018, but... He was definitely a fearless and adventureous soul.

His final year was spent at Belmont Nursing Home and Rehab. He was happy there and actually considered it second best place to home. Special thanks to Gail, Jerri, Essa, Pam, Chad, Joan and Katie who went out of their way many times to make his life a bit easier; and to the Activities Staff for discovering an artist in my father who had never before used a paint brush.

He is survived by his Son, Ashish; daughter-in-law, Gauri; grand-daughters, Priya and Pramita; daughter, Sandhia; and son-in-law, Christopher. He was preceded in death by his parents; 3 brothers – two older (Rajendra Kumar Bansal and Sukumar Chandra Bansal) and a younger one (Suboth Kumar Bansal); his wife and my Mom, Saroj Bansal and his older sister-in-law, Bala Bansal.

Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 12th July 2018
Dear Papa
I called Belmont earlier and talked with Jerri. While waiting for her on phone listening to same music as before, I missed you a lot. I so badly wanted to ask her 'how is he doing today?' as I used to. But I knew... Toward the middle of December, there was a week when she almost always told me in answer to my question 'Today is not a good day...'. Papa, I really thought we still had at least couple of more years together. Now looking back, I wish I had taken some leave and stayed with you for a while. But we don't get to do it all over again, do we? If you knew that Babaji had so little time left when we left him in September of 1977 - seemingly healthy, you probably wouldn't have moved to US. Still when I think of these things sometimes, I have trouble breathing! I am thinking of those two times when you came to pick me up at the airport after you got your driver's license back. It felt like then that at least some part of old days was back again. But that was short-lived. I need your help... your hand... to do some of the things that I need to do now. I am missing you so much right now. I hope you knew that behind my anger and frustration was this sadness and helplessness of not being able to help you and make you happy again. You were very much needed. I need you still... Love you Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 30th June 2018
Dear Papa Someone gave me Laddoo and Chamcham and Cazu burfi. I thought of you and how much you loved sweets! The entire year you never tasted food! But you never complained - at least not to me. Now I find so many things about you that I am amazed at and admire... Not that I didn't before - there were many and you were never a complainer about your problems - rarely you let us know what was bothering you, but now I have time to think about some of the things you could do and would not be able to! I miss you every day. Love you Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 17th June 2018
Dear Papa
Didn't know that last year was the last I could call you to wish you Happy Father's Day. I think at this time last year, things were looking a bit better even though so much was wrong. You were in Nursing Home where you should not have been... you could not eat anymore all those things you loved to eat. But you did make lemonade from the lemons that life gave you. You still found happiness in what you 'could' do without pining so much for what you (at least thought) 'could not' do.
Papa, I hope wherever you and Mummy are, you are happy for this Father's Day (and a belated Mother's Day) gift that Shailu and I are able to give you. It saddened me that there wouldn't be anyone to remember you once I stopped breathing. But now your name will live on for a very long time and will benefit many. I hope that you both approve of how we have made use of your legacy.
You are forever in my heart and always on my mind. I dreamed of you last night. While your voice was strong, it seemed that you were not well. Papa, I hope you are much better and are happy to be reunited with Mummy, Babaji, Ammaji and rest of the family. The dream disturbs me but I hope it wasn't true. I want to see you the way I saw Mummy once on 19th of April, 2015 when she and I took a walk in my dream. It started out with grey sky and trees without leaves but soon as we walked, the trees became full and there was sunshine. I took that to mean that she was telling me that she was now in much better place and was healthy again. That is what I want for you. I want to remember the picture I have in my head of her coming down in the early hours of December 29th last year and taking you by the hand and saying to you 'aab aa jao, chalo merai saath... Gudiya will be okay' - and you smiled a happy smile and slowly rose above.
Come and tell me that you are okay now and are happy.
Missing you very much Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 5th June 2018
Dear Papa
What would you like for Father's Day this year? May be you will inspire me with something that you would want... Please tell me...
Love you and Miss you Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 29th May 2018
Dear Papa
Missing you so much today on your 5 month anniversary - more than yesterdays... I wish you weren't alone and wish I knew what exactly happened that night. Wish we talked more...
Love you Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 28th May 2018
Dear Papa
Today my loss in complete - with all four sets of parents one can possibly have being gone now. I hope you are all together somewhere and happy. Not an hour goes by when I don't think of you. Especially last few days I have thought of you often. I don't have a closure as far as you are concerned. I will never really know what happened. First Father's day is coming and what should I do? I used to ask you what you would want but now I can't call you. May be you can come and whisper in my ear when I am asleep how you want me to celebrate your day. I hope you will inspire me once again with what it is that you would want. I miss you more than I ever imagined I will and I love you more than I thought I did. The time has gone by so quickly... just flown by... We were together just the last moment and now... Was it all a dream?
Love you and Miss you Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 19th May 2018
Dear Papa
This morning in my dream you, Mummy and I were at a restaurant somewhere and we ordered what looked like fried potatoes (may be tikki?)? -- your favorite.
I am just looking at the last birthday card you sent for me and another one that said 'hur beti kai bhagya mein pita hota hai; Hur pita kai bhagya mein beti nehi hoti' and you wrote after that 'So, I am lucky...'! Papa, I don't know whether you were lucky or not but I sure was. I hope that I was not a total failure at being your 'beti'. I tried Papa but I did not OR could not try harder. I should have... I MISS YOU!
Love you Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 13th May 2018
Dear Papa I forgot to mention in yesterday's tribute the most important thing I remember when I think of you now - a man who gave so much more than anyone else would and sacrificed everything for his children and never ever reminded them of it when things went badly; a proud man who didn't like asking for things and even when his body wasn't cooperating, he tried his best to keep his independence and dignity. If ever I am in the situation you were in, Papa, I hope to take inspiration from you but I am not as strong as you and Mummy were. I need you - the four of you - more than I can say. I miss you very much today - on Mother's Day - you used to take pictures of the flowers I sent for mummy and email me. Love you Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 12th May 2018
Dear Papa On the Indian Head Bike Trail I thought of you many times. The last time I was on that trail last October you had called me multiple times and sent texts - "Call back"... "Please call back". I waited until I got home to call... I thought there was still time... And there wasn't. Hope you know how much I miss you and how much I loved you. I felt your pain even when I was mad at you. I wished I could take your pain away but I couldn't. I did what I could to make you walk again... but I was wrong. I should have honored what you wished because you were a very smart man - until the end... and you were stronger than I gave you credit for. Now when I look back, I see a man who made lemonade out of the lemon that life gave him... a man who did his best to enjoy his life as much as was possible... a man who laughed freely and had a big smile that everyone I talk to now remembers. If I am ever in your condition, I doubt very much that I would have the courage to ever smile again. I miss you. I wish you could come back just once so that I could give you a hug and tell you how much I love you. I believe you know now. I hope so... Love you Your daughter
Posted by Carly Wunrow on 7th May 2018
Words from Tim Gattenby: One happy memory about having known Sushil was that when he first signed up for the Adapted Fitness program, he actually either called me every week or actually showed up well before his programming ever started simply because he was so excited and so adamant about not missing the first day. Sushil was a hard worker, fun to work with and helped to train easily a hundred UW students about adapting exercise. At first glance Sushil would appear as being a smaller framed and fragile man. But this was far from the truth. In one class session I took a 20 lb weighted vest and I set it on Sushil's shoulders while he did his squats, gait training and balance exercises. The students working with Sushil were rather shocked that I would inflict this type of added weight on him. At the end of the session Sushil walked over with his cane, still having the weighted vest on and said to me, " put my name on that vest." In the next week's session on his return he came up to me first thing, and said "where's my vest!" We will all miss him.
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 29th April 2018
Dear Papa Its been 4 months and a day since we last talked! We used to talk almost every day... I had a very vivid dream Friday night/Saturday morning. It is interesting that I remember it so well. Most of the times I can't recall them as clearly. You, Mummy and I were in some ship. I was talking with some people. You and Mummy got off the ship. By the time I noticed, the ship had already sailed and I hadn't gotten off!!! I tried to call you but my cell phone wouldn't work! I was so upset because I knew it will be a long distance before the ship will stop and that you would worry about me and that I didn't know how I would get back to you... Will I? Missing you very much Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 26th April 2018
Dear Papa Today is Babaji's day. Don't worry - I remember him and love him just as I ever did. He is always in my heart. I also keep his memorial site up to date. I am glad that you started it. If you are with Babaji - give him a BIG hug for me and tell him how much I miss him. He has been gone for 38 years! But never ever away from my heart and my memories... Love you and miss you Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 19th April 2018
Dear Papa When I think of you, often I go back to that evening on October 21st last year when I turned around to look at you once before leaving Belmont. Somehow it is still not real to me that you are not there. What if you didn't have stroke? I often think about that. Wonder if that would have kept mummy around longer and whether she would have suffered more? I was thinking about lunch at Woodland the other day and was reminded of you wanting to eat there. But it was such a hot day and that place was overcrowded with lots of people standing in line outside the restaurant. I told you we would do it next time... for at that moment there was going to be a 'next time'... I hope you look down on me from wherever you are now and know my heart. I hope you saw Tim's comments in his newsletter and were happy and smiled to see you are still remembered and still are in so many hearts. Love you and Miss you. Your daughter
Posted by Chris Whelley on 5th April 2018
Dear Sushil and Family, I was so sad to hear of your passing. I remember you well from stroke camp. You were so kind and smart, interesting in all things. It was a pleasure to meet you and to be able to share time with you and Ashish. Thank you for your participation, it was a great inspiration to us all. Rest in peace my friend.
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 31st March 2018
Dear Papa Just came back from biking. Thought of you often. This was the first one since when I could call you or you could call me. I often either called or texted you or talked to someone at Belmont about you... It is too hard being on my own now. Mummy always used to worry and from what Chris told me you too were worried about me... I know this is the way it is supposed to be but it is too hard. I miss you so much. Not being able to call you anymore is hard. Thinking of you not being at Belmont is hard... Thinking of having abandoned you at Belmont is too hard and hardest of all is not being able to be there for Mummy when she needed me the most... not being able to protect her. I can never ever forgive myself for failing her. You take care of her now. Love you Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 31st March 2018
Dear Papa First day of outdoor biking today - I am thinking of that day not so long ago in October when we were on bike trail and you called so many times on both of my phones and texts. This was after the Turp and you were a bit confused/anxious? You were worrying about the doctor's appointment. You suffered so much and yet whomever I talked to who knew you for any length of time always remembers your 'big smile' as the first thing they remember! I miss you and love you Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 28th March 2018
Dear Papa I talked to you just about at this time via text exactly three months ago - for the last time! Who knew? I miss you so much that it hurts. I see your photograph and it almost doesn't seem real. I don't think it will ever be real for me, not totally, that you are not there anymore. I didn't see you off. Miss you so very much. Love you, Papa Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 23rd March 2018
Dear Papa Missing you a lot today, don't know why - but... Where have you gone??? You were my last link to my roots and you are gone without a word to me. All these years... were you really here with me, with us? I was just looking at your picture I took at the airport when you and Mummy dropped me off in December 2012 after Christmas. You look so real! Just about 5 years from that date you went away. Will I see you again? I want to believe it. Want to believe in anything that promises that I will see you, Mummy, Babaji and Ammaji again. Without the four of you I am at a loss. For some reason this was not something I could have imagined! Love you Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 17th March 2018
Dear Papa I repeated once again in frustration on December 27th, 2 days before you went away with Mummy that "I don't know how to do this. I have no time for myself. I spend all my time talking / fixing things about you with doctors, CGs..."... Now I have all the time to myself and wish you were here to claim some of it. You were angry with me, I know... That's why you just went away without so much as a phone call or text... But I did do my best and I did love you very much... just as I do today. I hope you know now... Love you and Miss you Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 11th March 2018
Dear Papa I saw you in my dream on the night of 9th - two days ago. First time you were the way you were before you were gone. You were at home and I was trying to give you a bell so that you could ring it if you needed someone to help. You were arguing with me just as you used to, telling me how you didn't need the bell. Then little later what I thought was a continuation of that dream, I thought I heard some noise in your room. Thinking that you had fallen, I ran in but when I got there, I saw Mummy... and I saw you! You were dressed in your blue suit and tie and were standing there smiling a happy smile! It gave me some peace. May be you are letting me know that you are okay now. That evening when I came home, I called out for you - 'Papa... papa...' as I do sometimes when no one is listening - to make sure I don't forget the sound of this beloved word. May be you heard me. Some times my cell phone beeps and when I look, there is nothing - no email, text, phone call... May be you reach out to me sometimes. I don't know, I just want to believe it because it makes me feel better. Papa, when you were around even though I tried to imagine but really couldn't imagine how it will be when you are gone - just as in Mummy's time. But now I am left all alone without anyone with whom I grew up. In my imagination, I go back to that home in Vijaynagar and wander around - all by myself; all four of you gone! It makes me very sad. But what really makes me most sad is the thought that after me, there won't be anyone who will remember and think of Babaji, Ammaji or Mummy. When you were here, I could talk to you about them; I could be with you when we sent off a balloon for Mummy together. But now I am all alone in remembering them. How someone who was 13+ at the time cannot remember two people who would die for them, is beyond me - but that is the way it is. You - Shailu will probably remember you but that is where it will end. We were such a close family - whatever has happened to it? I am not afraid of dying and I hope and wish to die before Chris. The only thing that makes me sad about me dying is that after me at least three of the four of you will be forgotten. My only hope is that some day some strangers will come across these pages and will see how much you were all loved; and how lucky I was to have been born in this family that gave me so much love. Babaji and Ammaji gave me so much and loved me so much that no amount of riches could make me want to have been born elsewhere. Remember when Babaji brought samosas for me at St. Thomas when the practicals lasted much longer. Everyone talked about it! But in the end we weren't there for them. Both of them needed us and would have felt easier if we were there since we were together all our lives. Wish I did better by Mummy's side. Wish I knew how much she needed me before it was too late. And you, I tried my best... I did. I love you but you were very hard-headed and you didn't make good use of the help I tried to provide. I don't know why... I am still asking that question - 'why?' I know I made you miserable with my constant pestering about exercises but I did what I thought was best. It didn't turn out to be that way but I wasn't to know it then. Would you have been happier if I left you alone? I don't know. I am grateful that you went in your sleep and didn't suffer more than you already did. I am glad that you were able to do things that you enjoyed - at least some of them - until the end. I am glad that you didn't end up on some machine support to wait for the end to come. But I miss you so very much... Love you Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 6th March 2018
Dear Papa Because I wasn't there with you to say goodbye, it will always be unreal to me - you not being there. I see you as I left you around 7pm on October 21st sitting in Belmont Lobby. You teared up and I tried to make a joke. But my heart broke every time I left you there at Belmont. It didn't hurt as much when I left you at the house but once you went to Belmont, I always felt like we sort of threw you away once you needed our help. I did my best - I think - to keep you from moving toward a nursing home but... The stroke stole your life and also Mummy's and some of ours too. Wish I could have you back once again. Love you Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 28th February 2018
Dear Papa Two months today since we last talked. You were going around doing whatever, planning things, looking forward to beginning of next session of class and then... just left - no goodbyes, no nothing.. How does such an important person in ones life just disappear? All of a sudden all alone.... Love you Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 25th February 2018
Dear Papa I had a dream yesterday that you were pushing mummy on a wheelchair. Your legs were weak and you were struggling and eventually you fell. I don't know what happened after that. I was hoping to see you in better health when I first dreamt of you. I am missing you so very much. Even now when I am preparing dinner, I almost expect to hear from you or am tempted to call. That's when I often called you and/or Belmont to see how you were doing. I renewed your phone today; so it is back again. Jill and I will work on that Sr. Center Photo book for you this year and hope to complete it before September 8th. May be you will inspire me about how to do it as I don't have much idea - not being very imaginative! At St. Mary's now your/Mummy's candle is sitting at the gift shop where you found happiness for all volunteers to see. Your name is now being added to the "In Memory Of..." on that board where you saw Mummy's name once. I have told Jill that we have some money left over from your/Mummy's time that we would like to donate to Sr. Center and she is thinking about a project where it can be best used. I hope that you can see all this and find some peace in the fact that so many people remember you and speak of you with love and fondness. Miss you. Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 18th February 2018
Dear Papa Two months ago yesterday you returned from the hospital for the last time. It is all so strange even now because my heart just refuses to believe what my brain knows - that I will never see you again - at least not until I too die. I haven't seen you in my dream yet; but did you ping me? I wonder... Missing you and feeling a little lost still. Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 16th February 2018
Dear Papa Missed you in Madison this time around. But while you weren't there in body, you were definitely there in spirit - in people's heart. Lauren who worked with you for short time at Natatorium had tears in her eyes as we talked about you; there was Mike; of course Tim; Dr. Eastman, Dina, Essa, Jerri - so many who miss you and remember you and smile when they think of your stubbornness! Do you know that they are dedicating a computer station to you at Belmont? Your table is all set up there along with the printers and the residents will be able to use the computers when they buy them soon. You have brought about a change, a good change in so many people's lives. They smile when they say at Belmont 'he was interesting fellow... different!'. They are right! Now looking back I see how much you accomplished even in this condition. More than anything else, I marvel at that big smile you had and wonder how you can possibly manage to look that happy. I don't think I will have that strength. I haven't laughed like that in a long time now. I don't know whether I was right or wrong and whether I caused you more unhappiness. I do know that I tried so hard to keep you from going to nursing home; to have you be able to walk again. I haven't wanted anything else more in my life as much as I wanted that. I am sorry that I wasn't able to keep you at home. I know how desperately you wanted to go home in Dec 2016 when you were in hospital! I know how sad you were then. But I hope that you were relatively happy at Belmont. Still I did not take care of it the way I should have. You should not have been at nursing home. And I was frustrated with you; angry with myself for the way things went. Still I hope you know now how much I loved you and will love you as long as I live. Missing you so very much! Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 6th February 2018
Dear Papa Life goes on, doesn't it? It's been 37 years, 9 months and 12 days since Babaji was reachable. I used to wake up in the nights when I was little, look at him and breathe a sigh of relief when I could see him breathing. I didn't think then that I could live one day without him! And yet... My Christmas gifts from Chris are sitting locked because I haven't broken the code. I feel like if I work on it or even do so many of other things that I used to do then I am leaving you behind - leaving all of the four of you behind. If I leave all of you behind, then what is left of my childhood? I am not ready yet to move on. May be you will give me a sign that you are somewhere... Love you Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 4th February 2018
Dear Papa A month today since your service... Since I am a part of you and you are of me, you will never be gone as long as I live. Missing you so very much. You and I never got to go back to Mummy's bench since after 2015 birthday. I will go and sit there for a bit this time I go and think of you. I hope you will see me and smile at me and know truly how much you are missed. Love you Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 1st February 2018
Dear Papa This morning as I drove to the bus stop and walked to catch the bus, I had this strong feeling to check my phone for your text or to call Belmont to see how your night went. Looking at your picture just now it is so hard to believe that you are not there in your room! I miss you so very much. Love you Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 31st January 2018
Dear Papa I just talked with Jerri. She says it is not the same without you; the room is not the same without you. You are missed very much by many; by me. I am coming to Madison soon and for the first time you won't be there at all! You used to be in different places most times I came but I always could find you. Not any more... Love you Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 29th January 2018
Always in my heart... Forever in my memories... Why didn't you sit down with me and helped me to learn how to go on without you? Help me, papa... Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 28th January 2018
Dear Papa Days have turned into 'a month' today... It has been 4 years, 4 months and 21 days since I last sat with Mummy! How does a heart go on after so much loss? Give me a sign that you are with Mummy now somewhere, taking a happy walk... Miss you so much that its hard to breathe some times. Love you Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 27th January 2018
God called your name so gently that only you could hear, No one heard the footsteps of the Angel drawing near. Softly from the shadows there came a gentle call You closed your eyes and went to sleep and quietly left us all. - Unknown
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 27th January 2018
Dear Papa It is one day short of the month when we last texted. I miss you so very much. Thinking of you. Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 25th January 2018
Dear Papa I am sorry that I lost the picture I took of your last card to Mummy. You took the original with you. "September for Happy Birthday September for Missing you Forever" -- This is what you wrote. I didn't know you were a poet too! But it will be on your (for it is now yours and Mummy's together) bench soon. Love you Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 25th January 2018
Dear Papa One month today since Christmas and your Anniversary. You didn't get to send her a balloon and I am so sorry that I didn't help you and forgot that you would want that. I am sorry that you were alone on that important day. But now I hope you sit and talk to her and take walks with her. There is probably no laptop or iPad there :-) If only you didn't have the stroke... If only... It took away all that was left from both you and Mummy. Mummy lost her shield; her room; her will to live. There was such sadness in her after your stroke that I hadn't seen before. She did perk up after she came home with IV for her heart because it made her heart work much better and she felt hungry after a very long time. I will never forget all that food she ordered after she was moved from ICU to regular room. "we can have pancake, toast, egg and juice and tea" - she said and cafeteria refused to send all that food for her until Dr. Swietzer told them to! That was one of the best day I had in a long time with her and it was a gift to me I will always treasure. She came home and wrote a long note for the nurse on the card and wanted to go to UW to deliver it. She was happy that week and I am glad that she got that time - glad for her and for me. I always thought that you would be okay after she was gone - because she was expected to be gone first. I knew you would travel a lot and enjoy yourself because you were a happy kind of person. But Stroke took all that away. Still you did a lot even in your condition and now that I look back, you were fairly active until the end. But in last couple of weeks of your life - too much happened that made you feel defeated; and you felt that I didn't need you anymore. How could you feel that? After all I said and did for last 5 years! I miss you so very much. And as with Mummy, there is lot left unsaid between us. I hope now that you live in my heart, you know how I miss you. Love you Your daughter
Posted by Chhavi & Maitrie Bansal on 23rd January 2018
Respected baba, We really miss you!!
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 23rd January 2018
Dear Papa Last month on this date, December 23rd, was a Saturday. Not sure what you were doing at this time but neither you nor any of us knew then that that was your last Saturday on earth! I was planning to take you to that Botanical Garden again when I came when weather warmed up in March. Glad that we were able to go in October and that it was a nice day and you said you had a nice time. It feels so empty and quiet around 5-6 in the evenings because that is when we mostly texted or called one-another. Now that phone never rings or beeps. Yesterday we were sitting down to dinner and the home phone rang and even though I know it wasn't possible, I looked and almost expected it to be from your number! It wasn't. Miss you, miss your calls; miss your texts. Miss you. Love Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 21st January 2018
Dear Papa I saw you in my dream last night. We were somewhere in a Rehab and you were being released to go home. Jerri was there but I called her 'Cindy'. She said they were sending you home with a home exercise program and I felt so relieved that you would have help at home! I hope you are okay now; with Mummy. Can you see now how loved you were. I tried to tell you many times - mostly in my long letters. Papa, I wish I had more happy memories of recent past in my head than the ones of fighting so hard with you, Belmont, Doctors and everyone else. I wish that after so many years of so much efforts on all our parts, we ended on a happier note. I wish you just didn't go away all alone. Wish I came for Christmas/your anniversary - your and mummy's last on earth - 59th! I am convinced that Mummy came for you and took you by your tired arms and you walked away with her smiling. This picture of you two gives me peace. Always stay in my heart - you will always be there. Know that I loved you, love you very much. Wish I had a place to go... Missing you Your daughter who lectured all the time.
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 19th January 2018
Dear Papa Wish I knew what you were thinking in the end. We were with Mummy when she went but you were all alone! It hurts me so much to think of that that I cannot bear it. Did you want to call for help and couldn't? Or did you just fall asleep and Mummy came for you and took you by the hand? I would like to think the latter. But I don't know. Wish I called you... Wish you called me... How you missed Mummy... Now I know. I am sorry that I lost the picture of your card you made for Mummy. I sent the original with you. Did you give it to her? Remember me in your walks together. Just come in my dream once or give me a sign that you knew how much I loved you and needed you. I wanted for you to be able to walk again more than I have ever wanted anything and I am sorry that I could not let go of that wish during the whole last almost 5 years! Wish you talked to me... Wish you told Chris to tell me what you wanted me to do. Now it is too late. Help me to forgive myself. Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 14th January 2018
Dear Papa 17 Days! 17 days since I knew where to find you. I didn't even know for 4 hours that you were gone that day! Gone forever... I will have your last note to Mummy that you wrote on her birthday engraved and put on the bench that now belongs to both of you. I hope you gave the original to her - I sent it with you... And my letter to her and Babaji Ammaji.... Remember what I said... This time when I go to Madison, neither of you will be there. No place to go; no-one to fight with! But I will visit the places where you were; see people who were close to you. Wish you were there! I will go to the class on your behalf on the 1st. Its Chris's birthday on 30th - so... Will you wish him Happy Birthday? Send him one of your paintings? You or Mummy never told me about the visit he made to you long ago - when he came to talk to you in my absence to see how you felt about him... He liked you and Mummy very much. I am in good hands. Still I miss you very much. Very much... I am sorry that I never went to that cruise to Alaska that you so badly wanted. Papa, you never denied me anything; but I denied you one thing that you and mummy asked of me. How do I live with that? How do I live with so much regret? How do I live with the fact that I failed you even though I tried. I am sorry that I would get so frustrated but I hope you know now that I was just angry with myself for not being able to fix things; also for having been selfish; very selfish indeed. Wish I had another chance. Always be with me. I need you; please stay with me always... Love you Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 12th January 2018
Dear Papa After having the kind of last five years we have had, how could you just go on such a journey without saying Goodbye to me? Were you angry with me? Disappointed in me? Felt I didn't need you? I don't know what happened... I need an answer to what happened that night but how will I find it? Now even you are gone! Miss you. Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 10th January 2018
From Kim (January 3, 2018) I am very sorry to hear of your father’s passing. He was a very kind man and I will miss him greatly. I am very privileged to have been involved in his and your mother’s care all of these years. Please accept my deepest condolences during this time of grief. Kim
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 10th January 2018
Dear Papa Papa, what happened that night? Why did you go away without calling or texting any of us? You had the cell phone in your hand? I really thought you would be around for at least another couple of years. Why did you leave me? How does someone who is so important just leave without saying GoodBye. On the night of October 21st when I left you sitting in Belmont lounge, I told you 'see you next time'. I didn't know next time will be after I am gone! I hope I will see you then. You better be prepared to answer this question then... I miss you so very much. How can it be your 'theravi' today? Where have all the years gone? Where have all four of you gone? May be I will see you in my dream. Miss you. Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 9th January 2018
Dear Papa Coming to work this morning in the bus I closed my eyes and envisioned Mummy coming to you that early morning hour of December 29th and asking you to come with her. May be she said "Bahut ho gaya, ab aa jao. Shailu ka apna pariwar hai; Gudiya ko Chris dekh lega; Ab chalo". May be you took her hand and told her how much you missed her. May be Babaji, Ammaji were there too. May be you got up, strong on your legs and floated above. Hope you thought of me then... hope you knew how much I still needed you. I know you were tired; very tired and yet still has so many things that you planned to do. I will go to your class on the second day; will try to finish your Sr. Center project this year. Papa, I am sorry that I yelled at you on the 25th when you said you didn't have the balloon. I wasn't angry with you; just with myself for failing you. You said that I kept you alive with my efforts. I don't think that its true. You lived these last 4 years without mummy because of your own strong will and may be because I needed you but my effort was to make you stronger again so you could walk well enough; so you could stay home. But I failed miserably. By now I could see zero result for all that I tried and watching you suffer like this made me very sad and angry with myself. I didn't know what to do and one day when things were miserably bad three weeks of so ago, I asked Mummy what to do. I think she was watching me and gave me a sign that she knew how all of us were suffering in our own ways. May be she came down on 29th to help you; to help us; to help us move on. But now what? How do I go on and wake up and feel like doing anything? Will you help me? Come in my dream one day soon and tell me that you are okay. Show me that you and Mummy are going on your walks again. May be three of us can walk together again in my dream the way we used to; the way Mummy and I did in one of my dreams long ago! Love you and miss you Your daughter
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 8th January 2018
From Jan and Dick -- Even though we knew your dad only a short time, he was so memorable. He was always so gentle and kind. He also had a sense of humor and it was nice to see. You could tell he loved your mom, just the way he acted. We were so lucky to have been a part of his life even for a short time. Jan and Dick
Posted by Sandhia McLeod on 8th January 2018
Dear Papa I miss you so much. Come back... Love you Your daughter
Posted by Katie Wedig on 5th January 2018
Dear Sushil and family, My deepest sympathies to the family during this difficult time. Sushil was such a pleasure to work with, and I very much looked forward to our time together at Belmont. He was such an intelligent, hard working, and genuinely kind man who introduced me to Bridge and his Indian culture that he adored so much. One of my favorite days spent with him was when he showed me a couple of his favorite Indian songs, including “Mera Joota Hai Japani” by Raj Kapoor. Below are the lyrics of the main chorus: “My shoes are Japanese, These pants are English, The red hat on my heat is Russian, But still, my heart is Indian.” Memories, like this one, will be with us forever. He will be greatly missed. -Katie Wedig, Speech Language Pathologist at Belmont Nursing and Rehab
Posted by Katie Berberet on 3rd January 2018
Bansal Family, My deepest sympathy to you during this difficult time. Your dad was a pleasure to work with and will be missed by many. Continued Prayers, Katie Berberet, Social Worker Belmont Nursing and Rehab.
Posted by James Hammen on 3rd January 2018
I'm sorry to here of your father's passing . He was a good man , I only new him from adaptive fitness classes but was always happy. He will be missed.
Posted by Betty Merten on 2nd January 2018
To Sushil's family I met him at the Adapted classes he was a wonderful man. I learned so much from him, he was always ready to work hard. Sushil always had a smile for everyone. He will live in our memories forever.

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