ForeverMissed
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Her Life

My Trooper Mom, My Hero, My Best Friend

January 17, 2014

I always referred to my Mother as 'My Trooper Mom', because She was. All of Her life, She seemed to be working at something; whether it be a job or raising kids... Despite Her multiple health issues. She was much MORE than my Mother; She was my Hero and my Best Friend. 

She started out Her life by assisting Her own Mother with raising Her siblings; two sisters and three brothers, one of which was older than Her. My Grandfather served in the War, so my Grandmother did her best to support the family by opening her own seamstress company. She depended greatly on my Mother for household responsibilities, as well as taking care of the other children. The other two sisters actually called my Mother "Mom" at times.  

In school, my Mother was younger than the rest of the other children, so She felt 'intimidated' and struggled quite hard but did quite well; She graduated at the age of 17. Her senior picture was the only one in the entire class that didn't have to be 'touched up' by the photography studio; they left it as is and informed the school accordingly. She never wore make-up except lipstick; She was a natural beauty that just illuminated. 

At the age of 18, She married my Father and eventually, bought a house in Plaistow, NH. Over the course of time, four children were the result of this union; myself and three older brothers. When I was three years of age, my parents separated. At that time, my Mother had to stop being an 'at home Mom' and obtain employment, of which She worked three concomitant jobs to support us. Times were tough, but She never stumbled. She ensured we had food, clothes, any and all necessities; to include the love and support of our Mother... Because THAT'S what Mothers do. This never changed; She was ALWAYS there for us, regardless of what was going on with Her. 

When She was in Her early 40's, She was one of the first 50 cases in the United States to be diagnosed with Mesothelioma Cancer. She was told to, "Get Her house in order" and "Not to expect to live even 5 years." She lived another 35 years, because THAT'S my 'Trooper Mom'. She had four kids to raise and take care of and I was Her most challenging child. She always said that I "marched to the beat of a different drum"; She was very right. My brothers were far from perfect, but I'M the one that gave my Mother the biggest test of Motherhood; She passed. She and I turned out to be not only Mother and Daughter, but the Best of Friends. 

As time went on, Her health took a toll. She continued to stand by all of us; be active for as long as She could, and was always involved with the grandchildren and great grandchildren... My Mother was a Family Oriented Woman. She was the 'Hub of the Wheel'; the glue that held it all together. For me and my two boys, She was the fourth in our family because I divorced while pregnant with my youngest son. It was always, She and I against the world... Then it was She and I and my boys against the world. They love Her as much as I do; if that's possible. 

She spent a lot of time, in and out of the hospital; CHF (Congestive Heart Failure), Pneumonia, Hip Replacement surgery, 4 Pace Maker surgeries, etc... The list goes on. Whenever She was in overnight, I'd stay with Her because I didn't 'trust' other people to take care of Her and believe me... It was, in reality, a necessity that I did so. Even when She was intubated and unconscious, She 'sensed' my presence; it always put Her more at ease to know I was there. Once She was conscious, She would tell me things She remembered I had done while She wasn't 'well'; such as wash Her, or rub cream on Her arms, legs and feet. She'd say I had "a gentle touch" and She knew it was me.  

The last two years of Her life, Her health had taken such a toll, that traveling to tend to Her wasn't sensible; so I moved in with Her to be Her full time care taker. My brothers, especially my oldest brother since he lived in the area, helped out a LOT with my Mother. I could call him anytime with any concerns, regardless of how busy he was; he'd make time.  

She had issues with recurring kidney stones and had a kidney stone surgically removed, which in turn, caused 'complications'; this resulted in Renal Failure. My Mother then started Hemo-Dialysis. She was allergic to the Heparin they're supposed to use in the process, which is normally 4 hours. Therefore, with my Mother, we were usually there around 6-7 hours. It also made Her Anemic. After many months of this, we pursued what's called Peritoneal Dialysis, which we did at home; it was going very well. I was trained by a VERY efficient nurse, then continued to learn more on my own. The more I did my Mother's dialysis at home, the healthier She got. I cooked Her meals from scratch, I read labels before buying anything, and ALL Her tests came back GREAT. They said at Her Nutritional appointments while reviewing Her levels,  "Keep doing what you're doing."  

Then the day came when my world fell apart... August 31, 2010... I had brought my Blessed Mother to the hospital for tests; that WASN'T always a good thing in MY Mother's case. While She was in there, She contracted what's called Peritonitis. It's an infection in the abdominal area due to carelessness at the site where the dialysis is executed. It's extremely painful. Our nurse was on leave, so when I called, the nurse on duty told me to call 911; which I did. My Mother went to the hospital and never came home... 

My oldest brother and I worked side by side for 5 months trying to get my Mother well and home. To this day, it breaks my heart and I feel like I betrayed Her. I promised Her She'd NEVER have to worry in Her 'old age'; that I would take care of Her... I failed. I carry that with me every day. The times I walked in Her room and She was screaming in pain because someone wasn't 'washing Her properly'… I'd step in immediately, but it didn't change what had already occurred. ALL the times I had seen that Her Dialysis wasn't executed properly and correctly... I'd fight it. But in the end, it's what 'killed' Her. Why? Because there are people that don't listen and think they're smarter than you. But the REAL killer was when I cleaned out Her 'medical closet' of supplies and found EXACTLY what I would have needed that GOD FORSAKEN day so that I could have treated Her at home for the Peritonitis. If ONLY our regular nurse had been on duty and NOT on medical leave... She would have told me to treat Her instead of call 911. My heart just broke ALL over again, as I sat in tears. 

But at least, in the end, I was where I belonged... Right by Her side. My brother, sister-in-law and I went down to see Her; I think we all knew the situation at hand wasn't good. My Mother wasn't conscious at all and there was a lot of discoloration in Her limbs. They left, and I stayed; I knew I had to. Once they were gone, I sat by Mom's side and began to talk to Her. She and I always had a 'connection', and I could 'feel' She was communicating with me. I said to Her that I could 'hear' Her... "[She] didn't need my permission to go. When you love someone, you set them free, right?" That's when She turned Her head and looked over at me one last time... She died around 2:00 a.m. that morning, January 23, 2011.  

I'll never forget that moment. I'll never forget that look in Her eyes... Especially during the course of the last 2 years of Her life, She asked me numerous times to "Just let [Her] die". Needless to say, my answer was always, "No. I can't do that." She wasn't ready to die. Even the nurses said to Her that She had SO MUCH LIFE left in Her eyes; and She did. I told Her time and again, that I would know when She was ready; I'd see it in Her eyes. Well... THAT moment, I did; I saw the life gone in Her eyes; She was ready.  

Not a day goes by that I don't miss Her, think about Her, or even talk to Her like She's right here in the room with me. She was the MOST PHENOMENAL Mother anyone could have or ask for. I wouldn't be who or what I am today if it weren't for Her; She never gave up on me or mine. She was an 'Earth Angel', and now I believe She's sitting on Her thrown where She belongs, right next to the other Blessed Mother. She's our Angel In The Sky... Love and miss you, Mom, EVERY DAY... NOTHING is the same without you. Always, forever and a day, hugging you with my heart. Until we meet again... <3