MISSING YOU T.J.

2012 and now 2023 is here.
We miss you.

Happy new year I can only hope that you and my son have a great time.
Kari

Life not the same

Hello Berna, I'm thinking of you today (and every day). So sorry about Little Milton ... I feel like I know your pets as well as your family. I feel you today (and all days), Natasha still gets her chin rub from Auntie Berna. Luv always, Susan

No matter where I am, I can not lay enough flowers or receive enough flowers to keep my mind off you daily.
I am still upset.
I don't know how to move with thinking of you. I will continue to work and help other students to fill the void. Maybe, as you said to me....I miss you!

Home I am.
Cleaned out family burial area last Saturday.
Where would I be if you were here.
Mama

I can not go one day without thinking About you T. J.
It hurts.
It is a deep pain that I only share with other love one's here.
No one understand.
I fake how I feel in person with others.
Your mother,
Your pictures come up on my phone/computer as memories. That is all I have left. I am looking for a job to go back home. I am glad for a job, but I miss being at home where I last saw you last and we were happy.

Tj your mother has such a big heart. Have never meet her but yet when she goes on my sons page and leaves a tribute it helps me so much knowing he is not forgotten. She loves you more than words can express everyday is a struggle but we keep going until one day when we are with you 2 again. We love you 2 and will see you soon

This maybe early but I want you to know I’m thinking about you. Another year gone. I’m sure your mother feels the same as the pain is always there and everyday ask ourselves why? That is one thing I will never know. I know you and my son Justin are together. Watch over us and know we love you and miss you more than life itself and not a day goes by that we don’t think about you
Kari

Mariyah is your daughter T.J. DNA Testing completed.
Court is November 10th.
You made the biggest mistake leaving home. Not I have to live with the guilt of never knowing what really happened.
I love you Timothy.
Broken mind and heart!
Mama

You are on my mind. I know I should not say this. But, I wished you were in prison. I know you couldn't handle prison. But I prison everyday for the rest of my life.

Tho she bears what no daughter should bear, and what no mother should bear, she does it with grace and with purpose. 
From Susan to Judy

Why T.J?

Susan, I understand.

Susan,
Yes another day and another day of emptiness.
July loves you as you love her infinity. Sometimes it hard to express myself these days. I should have said something yesterday.
Maybe, it is overwhelming as you are well aware of.
Berna

T.J.
28 years old today.
LOST OF WORDS

Remembering a special boy, who should be a young man today but is frozen in time as the youth he was when he was murdered. Tears falling from my eyes tho I never met you T.J. because I know how your momma feels every second of every minute of every long day. If you are in Heaven ... then you already know. Words ... there are none that help really. You and my sister belong with us. Not in a place called heaven. A tribute to the woman Berna who shares this spot with us. Love to the End, Susan and Judith Ann

Times are not good.
Mask has to be on when everyone is in the public.
Some people refuse to wear a mask.
They don't want to go back to school and work.
They get more money with the unemployment and government food stamps.
All states are giving free food and can goods to everyone.
What would you do if you were here?
Your dad has had another eye July 24th.
He will retire this year after 35 years.
I need your help T.J.
I can not do all the work around the house outside alone. I am getting older and tired.
You make me angry because you could not make September 30th 2012.
I am so tired.
Momma

I miss you T.J.

What do I suppose to do when I want to just talk to you?
I am so alone.
I don't have all the money for the attorney to fight for Mariyah and Jaden. I am trying T.J. I promise I beg for work a part time job. I am just at a loss.

T.J. I file for custody of Mariyah and Jaden. We will have a court hearing coming up with Strickland Youth Center. We will get the blood test done for Jaden than. Regardless, we will be there for Jaden if Mary don't mind. Mariyah's great-grand mother Barbara has to have treatment and she is getting older. So, I want to raise your daughter and son. I know you would want that too!

TJ
You will forever be in our broken hearts. We will always love you.

Berna, I hope you get Mariyah back ... so very much. It was so good to see you did file this, & it is what TJ wants, I know. Luvs, Susan (& Judy)

Well as another day with a different problem.
Be grateful right!

No one prepared me for this miserable life I have to live. I thought I was doing what my mother Ethelstine Toodle James would want me to do. I was told to pray and The Lord would bless me for raising my sister and brother. I was told to read the scriptures and it would be better.
I was told to trust in the higher power and life would provide our family with the fruits of my grandparents hardworking.
Well, now I am here. Thinking about what happened to our family.
I don't love anyone because I don't even love myself or life T.J.
THIS FIGHT IS REAL AND I FEAR THAT I AM GOING TO LOSS MY MIND.. WELL I HAVE LOSS MY WILL TO FIGHT.
I AM JUST A BODY THAT HAS TO WORK EVERY DAY TO KEEP A ROOF OVER MY HEAD. I DON'T ENJOY BEING HERE ANYMORE. I HAVE NO FAMILY TO CALL ON. I AM SO ALONE T.J. I have took care of my family as long as I can remember. I miss my sister Charletta (Babylet) Johnson. Now I am older, and look at me now. Sad, depressed and financially broke and broken hearted. I MISS YOU T.J. YOU KEPT ME GROUNDED!
Just another day.....Just another day!!!!!

Precious in the sight of YAHWEH is the death of one of HIS children.
PS. 116:15
Praise YAHWEH for He is good,His steadfast love is forever eternal.
Let those who fear the Lord (YAHWEH) declare,His steadfast love is forever eternal.Love you " TJ "

to our "mother", written before this happened, titled "SHITHEADS"
Both of us grew up in fear
Oh, those dreadful words we'd hear
Each Saturday Mom let us know
We were the lowest of the low.
"Filthy shitheads!" Mother screeched
at tiny girls whose eyes beseeched,
"Please love us, Ma, and don't be mad."
"Do you love us? Are we bad?"
"Go outside!" that Thing would bark.
"I'll let you in when it gets dark."
"Pick some fruit if food you want.
This is not a restaurant."
"I'll knock your face into tomorrow"
Sweet curly top with eyes of sorrow
Wonders why, and what is wrong.
Nights have monsters. Days are long.
We changed our names so we'd forget -
Patty, Donna, and Patty Bernette
We were rich when we played Patty
Didn't need no mom or daddy.
Mother dearest, rot and dry
Let your bones return to dust.
Blow away, don't say goodbye
While your daughters learn to trust.
Hateful woman, phony bitch.
Lying in a roadside ditch.
Piss on you and slap your face.
RETURN TO HELL - YOUR TRUE HOME BASE.

Well Thank you Susan for your support.
I think of you, Judy and Natasha daily.
Another day! Now 55 on July 5th.
T.J., Brandy, Brianna, Brandon and Bennett came down last night. Timmesha, Kealyn, and Delance left for New Orleans for the fireworks. We talked to Timmesha today too as a family.

And: What did THEY do to deserve their awful fate? It is too much to bear.

As you birthday comes up and every day, I think of you dear Berna, and ask "What did we do to deserve this suffering?" I know you know.

Susan, what a suprise!
I started not to log on because of my depression.
But looking at the picture that is on the side of my bed made me take a second look.
Thank you Judy, because if it was not for you, I may not have met your beloved sister.
She miss you Judy..trust and believe.
Yes, I am talking like you are on the phone with me.
T.J.
That is all I can say.....you are missed

No words known to express how hard life is without T.J..

I just fade into my room.
If I don't have to go to work, I don't leave the house

Well Brandy and her 3 kids came down before Christmas.
Brianna, Brandon and Bennett. T.J. you didn't get to meet Bennett. You only meet your other nephew Timothy Zachary Robinson. Remember, he didn't make it. Hope you found him, if that is possible.
Well talking crazy now, life after death.
Depression will take you there. We took that cruise that I paid for before you left us. Remember, I told you that I had paid the deposit for the entire family, but that was 5 years ago. So, they would not refund me any money, but they credit it to a shorter cruise to the Bahamas.
I cried the entire trip.
The island reminded me of a low income project area.
I am sure they are not low income with all the tourist that go there.
I was properly the poorest person there. I had to go or lose the entire deposit. We took it July 2017. Horrible beginning and horrible ending.
At that time your Daddy had not had all those eye and sinus infection surgery.
His snoring was horrible and I could not sleep for the entire week. Guessing you would think that was funny. Trust me, not funny or fun.
Well your oldest auntie passed. You daddy oldest sister Milterior and her oldest son died weeks before her. His name was Billy or least that what they called him.
You don't remember him. He was in prison when you were growing up.
Tan oldest daughter is having a baby now. She works at walmart in Huntsville. Davon., is married now..Tan oldest son and move to Atmore, Alabama with his wife and she is having a child too, but it is not Davon.
Brandy and Tommie still together. His birthday is today. I don't say happy birthday anymore, I just text them to have a peaceful day.
Tommie bought me wireless camera for my birthday but I can not get them all working.
You dad can not see well and he not suppose to hold his head back for long. They put a glass behind his eyeball.
It is the last step before the prostectic eye like your granddaddy Rev. Milton.
Well, got to go.
I have all 3 children today, while Tim'mesha work.

Another year, here I am babysitting Tim'mesha 2 boys.
Londyn and Kealyn.
I will never believe you shot yourself.
Mary is having her 4th child.
We don't get to see Mariyah as much.
Her great grandmother Barbara and 2nd husband has taken our rights.
We will seek legal representation T.J.
Tim'mesha is very aggressive and disgusting disrespectful toward me daily. She loss her apartment and asked to move in here.
T.J. the house is full of black bags of clothes and toys.
She doesn't put them away and extremely un-organization.
Then yelling at us that we don't help her.
Well, I miss you.
You daddy had about 6th eye surgery and he probably will never log in because of his eye sight is really gone.
Just you and me T.J.
I cry everyday of my life and don't want to be here without you T.J.
Mama

HERE I AN
ACCEL CHARTER SCHOOL
It didn't work out.
Now I have to find a job. I hope I don't have to drive to far.

I hate this new life
Every day

Happy Birthday you and Justin are forever missed.

Kari

T. J . Life is horrible, I don't want no one to tell me again they are sorry about your death.
Dam I am the sorry!

Only Twenty Years

Miss Ethelstine ... you only had this much time to mother your girl, after burying your Charletta (may her name not be forgotten), and your wisdom and guidance carried her through, somehow ...

Thinking of you today, another birthday that you don't know your beautiful grandson, T.J., and his precious baby girl Mariyah, and T.J. never knew his Grandmother Ethelstine ...

Side by side under slabs of stone, gunned down and taken from dear Berna, how can it be?

Only Twenty Years ...

So wrong. So cruel. We are bitter, but we honor you today and all days, and say your name Ethelstine (Of Blessed Memory).

In the name of my sister Judith Ann Feinberg (Of Blessed Memory), and Susan Beth Feinberg

This situation is sad! I live everyday to die for tomorrow! My life ended September 20, 2012.
You mama,
T.J.

JUDY.....SUSAN YOUR SISTER LOVE YOU....GIVE HER HOPE PLEASE JUDY

MISS YOU T.J.

I asked God to give you T.J. To give you one more chance.
I get No answer!
Mama

To Our niece and nephew GOD gave you all a young king on earth that was needed more in heaven than on earth. Receive GOD Goodness we to love TJ and miss him. Yet GOD left a witness in his place love and protect the witness. Love always and forever

On your head stone
You died today
You died in our mind September 30th 2012.

2015 will NEVER BE THE SAME