Daddy was with you Mariyah!

Well this all I have left. 

A website........

I think I just have to make some changes 

Money is tight and I don't understand why 

I don't buy but beans and rice and a little chicken sometimes 

I am just making ends 

I have never been so unhappy.

I can not even talk.

I know I have nobody. 

Life is different and horrible for me!!!!!!!

Another day! not just year...

Well my only baby brother text hurtful comments. He was sick and sad. We all sad, we all Express it differently 

NEVER A DULL MOMENT 

HURTFUL IT WAS

Why!

"If Loving you was wrong, I will never be Right"

Dear mama,

I miss you and my only son and my sister, Charletta.

Susan miss her sister Judy

May 5, 1944 Jennifer and I are talking briefly now.

We trying.

The thirteenth year ... Judy, I can not believe this happened ... I wonder if you would be ok if it were me dead?  And then when your "mother" died, you would find out what she'd done to you.  How she made a complete ... I won't say a fool out of you, because you are not a fool.  She is something else.  Remember how many times you'd suddenly tell me, "I'm starting to see what you mean about mother."  But I don't even remember what all I was telling you about her, other than maybe not to trust her?

But you forgot to take her name off your IRA like you & I discussed, and I know you'd be ... I don't know how you'd be.  Either so mad or so hurt.  I know you like your money.  And for it to go to the person who was just fucking you to your face ... to this day that shit she did (and still does) against your wishes, that seems to shock me more than the fact that she would not allow you to even stay with her for a while after you got out of that hospital that you didn't need to be in.  That hospital is part of how come you lost it so bad(ly) that you tried to run across a highway.

She hasn't allowed me to speak to her since 2005, about right after this happened.  She sits there on her high horse, hanging around with that bitch in Santa Rosa, took them to our old house in New Jersey (I found out on the computer, there is this thing called Facebook.  You would never understand if I tried to tell you what that is, just saying I found out from a computer, not from our "family")

I don't talk to anyone, Sis.  I quit using the phone after you.  You knew we both hated the phone.  And after that day I had all the calls from those assholes (abe and sally), who wouldn't even follow the Rules and talk to the answering machine and say "Pick Up", just calling calling calling and hanging up.  THEN SENDING THE COPS!

I wish you knew the whole story of abe getting me 5150'd.  Only you would get the humor in that little incident.  He is a sick mutherfucker, Sis.  Fucked me out of selling the condo for half a million bucks, knowing a $50K assessment was coming down the pike.  JUST TO FUCK ME!  And yes.  Just what you said.  "That woman."  "He wouldn't have done it if it weren't for that woman."

So much more I want to talk to you about.  I can't believe you actually left the safety of your big house, with the lemon tree in the backyard ... heavy-laden with fruit ... and when you planted it, 'twas just a twig" ... oh, Sissy ... and were literally blown apart.

JUDY!!!  NO!!!  NO!!!  NO!!!!!!!

Remember that seder we went to & I got drunk and ripped the windshield wiper off that girl's van?

You're the only person I ever loved, Judy.  I didn't really get it until the moment you were getting killed.  10:04 p.m.  I felt it.  And went inside and snuffed all these candles I had lit the place up so it'd be pretty when you got here.

So here's our seder plates.  That bitch in Santa Rosa threw all your Jewish stuff in a pile for Susan, as she and That Woman looted the rest of your two-story house.  I don't do the Jewish stuff anymore, but like you'd say, "It is what it is ..."

All our accents we talked in, all our secret codes, our one-word means an entire story, reading the Journal aloud to old age ... the C.R.A.P. Handbook  ... JUDY!  THIS IS HORRIBLE!  You knew about death.  You told me when someone you knew died, and your voice would quaver.  But you never broke.  You told me it was bad, but god, I never thought I'd have to live to see this.

Every Second I'm Awake,
Itz 

mama sick....later....results

Hello T.J.
It is Halloween today. I know you would take off work to take Mariyah trick or treating. Well if Mary put some pictures on facebook  I will send them to you.
I  cry everyday T.J., however, sometimes there not no physical tears running down my face. My life has taken a turn for the worst!


But, I will tell you again that I think of you everyday, just like my friend Susan thinks of her sister Judy.
I do know you would  say I don't know "no Judy". I did not know her either. T.J. I know Judy through Susan words. We try to write to each other, but sometimes my job is so physically draining that I am to tired to write.

Your sister Tim'mesha has been living in the house you all grew up in. She has been a terrible daughther sometimes. I hope she will support me more, but she talks to her daddy Tim more than me. It hurts me but it doesn't stop my mind from thinking of you. 

I wish you were here so I would not feel alone every day of the rest of my life.

Thank you Susan for the song!
Luvs
Just Me!

Hopinigood 

I NEED MY SPACE

IF YOU WERE HERE I KNOW YOU AND MARY WOULD HAVE MARIYAH.

MARY LOSS custody of all 3 children 

Mad T.J..

You need to be here 

This is a sad universe without my son.
Tim wants me to try to have another child.
With lifitng and working with paraprofessional/aides that don't want to work in my room, not because they don't like me. It is they work all day and only get 30 minute lunch break.
Tired

Today T.J. you are 24! Why! I can not sing "Happy Birthday".
I am so sad. Your Daddy said "I can see him now and rubbing his chin, I got a goat TEE now!
Only if I could write how much I need you  now and miss you everyday!

You wouldn't believe this s***, Sis.  You thought W was a joke - if only you were here to see the country voting for Donald Trump!


and there's a Jew running ... who knows what to think about them now that we see how they treated us, in our own family.  but he's running against f'n Hillary Clinton, Judy ... geez, you've missed so much.  We have a black president, Judy...you never got to know that.  I hate that.  you wouldn't believe his name, either.  An African name, middle name HUSSEIN!  can you believe it?! 


Why did it have to be you, Judy?  You know I can't make it without you ... why didn't you think of that before trying to run across a f'n highway????  I AM STILL WAITING FOR YOU.


Goin' to "do some research" ...


Your Only Sis

FOREVER           

We recieved you phone text messages!

I just can not nor your Daddy Tim will not accept you shooting yourself over stuip text messages from Mary. Our next step is the Attorney General.
 They believe a dope head Charley K and her brother. Just because they are white and Right............The old saying.  

Keep busy but always thinking of you T.J.

Just a different World!

If this is my blessing, i don't want anymore.    

I hate this world without my only son!.
I miss you so much, if you only knew how I struggle with day to day events. 

SEPTEMPER 21

Mariyah T.J's Childcare Center..Earn permit and money now cutting grass and driving the red lawn mower

She is pregnant with a daughter. She is due July 2018

Nephew..you missing T.J.

i WROTE ON MY TEE SHIRT WITH A BLACK MARKER.

i WILL NEVER BE HAPPY AGAIN WITH MY ONLY SON 

I hate this world!

T.J.

Why?   

I wished you were here T.J. The pears are ready and tomatoes.

We always shared the first vine ripped tomatoe together. I always had to hassle you to pick the pears.

I guess what I am saying...I miss talking to you!

Someone eles in the cottage T.J. I just wished it was you. Mary is 35 weeks now and her new friends just beat her again while Mariyah watched the event. I am powerless. Mary will not press charges, Mariyah is a nervous little girl now. I will continue to help Mary to support Mariyah. Ozell is her new baby daddy and was arrested June 23, 2015 after he beat Mary, he beat someone else and they arrested him. I will do everything I can T.J. to keep Mariyah safe, but I can not control where Mary goes and loves. Oh! here I am 7:24am talking to a computer...May..May..May!

This new me is not the nice Mama you left here. I hate this life. I hate this world. I shake my head and sometimes I let the tears flow and sometimes I just look like I am stupid.

How could you leave me T.J.

I asked you not to go over to Charly's house.             

I been thinking about you....May...May,,,,,May

I want just want you to know I am tired of being alone!.

Help me T.J.

This world is lonely!

The tears through these years have taken a toll!

I wonder if you love me like you said you did, why did you  not listen and come home Sunday, when I asked your daddy to call you and tell you the weather was getting bad, you told your daddy, that you were just riding around with some friends. T.J. what happen? That was 4pm and 10pm we were being told you were going to die!

Why my son!
Why Mariyah's Daddy?

Why with tears on my face as I try to think of something else,

Four new kids are coming over to you business: "Mariyah's Tender Junior Childcare Center bettter known as Mariyah T.J.'s Childcare Center"

I am preparing now at 4:25am. I just had to come here and fuss at you.....Why my beloved son?
Mama......               

Keeping busy T.J. and!  Judy

One moment,

One second,

 One hour,

Why?


Keeping busy is not working...but I will hope for a change "Al Green" A change is going to come!

I am scared the change will be not positive.

I don't believe like I used too!                

Pain!

We missed you T.J. traveling with us.

I melt down last night.

Keeping busy..don't work when I am alone!

Home Again, Missed Sweety, Cat, Little Milton, and the Chickens.

The garden has so many vegetables, I will be working a long time to gather the harvest!
Red Truck should be out tomorrow and we have your newphew Brandon

Could not write because not internet!
 
Tim'mesha is having another baby for "Lance"---3 kids/3 daddies...
Bet you would have had 4 or 5 by now! lol....3 0r 4 different daddies....lol
Look at what you missing T.J.

I cry      EVERYDAY   watching Life go on!

Love you my young Man!      

Still in Birmingham

Heading to Auburn

Brandy dropped Brandon off and we off T.J. today after my last conference!   

At the Alabama(AETC) Educational Technolgy Conference again. I miss you traveling with us T.J.

June 9-11 2015.

I am presenting again for my teaching job.

Friday, June 12-14 we will be in Auburn Alabma for the Daycare conference   

   (FCCP)

Join us for our annual Focus on Family Child Care Conference June 12-13, 2015 at the Auburn University Hotel and Conference Center!  This year’s theme is “Hats Off to Family Child Care!” and we are excited to be celebrating our program’s 15th Anniversary!.

Leadership Symposium will be held at the Auburn Alumni Center June 9-12.

Tim'mesha finally called us while here in Birmingham Alabama, that she is pregant again for Lance ?

That explains why she has been yelling at me and your daddy if we asked her to do simple stuff.

3 babies, 3 different daddies....same as Mary Ha....     
I booked a cruise for next year and invited them, but they have to pay their way and own room. We invited Brandy and will invite your sister..maybe Mary...if she has money... 

I wished T.J. you were her to tease Tim'mesha about her situation and watch her get mad...Now! Tim'mesha wants us to met Lance? lol

Brandy said, we never met her babies daddies until she is knocked up! you would have a ball teasing her. lol   

Brandy's son coming back with us, since I got my Daycare licence. That will help Brandy. BEcause Bennett is just 1 month old.

T.J. how could you miss your new niece or newphew?

Wow,

may..may..may...

point blank period...i really need you T.J.

Shantanna will be here on the grayhound bus on the 15th.

She will work with me.

Up again at 3am thinking about you T.J.

The house is going to be rented out...Jennifer/your Aunt is paying $800.00 per month and did not pay me $502.00. I don't understand, a woman of the age  40 wanting to stay somewhere free. That includes Babro,where didi I go wrong?

Today, I wished I had lift a 6 year old brother and a 8 year old with the evil woman 30 years ago.

I can breath now.

They were causing drama in my life. I have drama

Tired and feet swollen...MRI on last Friday...I will know something when return next week.   

Love you T.J. just like my BFF friend loves her sister Judy   
T. J.Judy middle name is "Ann"

We are both surviving....            
          

WELL, I AM your sister friend.

I WILL NOT SAY TO MUCH TONIGHT

THE REASON FOR THIS MESSAGE JUDY:

AS MY YOUNGEST DAUGTHER SAY: TIM'MESHA
POINT ...BLANK...PERIOD...

SUSAN LOVES YOU!            

Getting ready my school technolgoy coference (Alabama Educationa Technology Conference). teaching other teacher how to encorporate techchnolgoy with their phone and computer lab.
JUNE 8-15

  PUTTING THE NEW RED TRUCK TIM'MESHA RAN INTO THE YELLOW CONCRET WALKS GOING THROUGH THE DRIVE UP TO GET MEDECINE


lOVE YA

MAMA   
 

TThis is the look of a mother when a child has been hurt. Davon is Tan's oldest son.

He is having knee surgery.

TIM her beloved daddy, we rented a car and he surprised them. I had to take a daycare class. I could not leave.

I am not a evil step mother 

Well T.J. Davon is alright 

T.J the look on my face and your Daddy face was 100% overwhelming. 

We love you T.J.

Well T. J.,

Here I am again up at 2:23 talking to you. I am watching MY FAVORITE SHOW, SURVIVOR".

Remember, I would get mad if you keep asking me questions during the show, now T.J. I can tape the show and watch it later.


I just want you to know "I AM SURVIVORING".

I keep busy, but as I go about my day, I look at other young men about your age and wish it was you.

One student came up to me and told me T.J. he remembered me. He stated, "Mrs. Milton, you were mean, but you did not let them pick on me:". I replied why did he think I was MEAN? He said, No one made fun of me while in your room. 

I could not do math nor read well. I was in the 8th grade. They put Special Education Teachers/STUDENTS in portables/trailers then (2008). He told me T.J. that he is 24 years old now and no children and works at IHOP. He hugged me and thanked me that I did not allow the other students to (Jake/Tease) him while in my classroom. He always was on time and ran in the room first. I never knew wHy Kendrick was always in the room first as I stood on the step on duty.

Kendrick said, they janked/teased him ALL DAY IN THE OTHER Teachers classes. (INCLUSTION--NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND ACT) YEA, RIGHT!
 President Clinton's Bill for Education......--

   BUT, NO ONE SAID A WORD IN MRS. MILTON'S CLASS. I HUG HIM BACK., AND SHOOK HIS HANDS. I NEVER MENTIONED I LOST MY ONLY SON. I JUST LISTEN TO HIS STORY.
A STORY OF A THEN 8TH GRADER THAT READ ON A 4TH GRADE LEVEL, now WORKING, AT IHOP, MAKING A DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD. NOT SHAME THAT HE WORK AS A DISHWASHER. Proud but sad I was thinking!)

Kendrick you continue to DO GOOD. HE SHARED WITH ME THAT HIS MOTHER AND SISTER AND BROTHERS DRINK EVERYDAY AND HE WANTED TO MOVE OUT BUT, HE WAS HELPING HIS MOTHER PAY BILLS.
T.J. I listened to Kendrick story, but, I still wished you were here. I don't regret Kendrick here. I just wished my child had made it even if he (T.J.) was a dishwasher....


Oh well!  

I LISTEN T.J.

STILL HOPING MY SON WAS HERE TO TO TELL HIS STORY.

WELL, T.J., REMEMBER EVERY YEAR YOU GOT OUT OF SCHOOL AND YOUR DADDY DROPPED YOU OFF AT MY JOB after school, "T.J. YOU SAID TO ME, "MAMA I AM TIRED OF COMING OVER TO YOUR JOB AND ALL OF YOUR STUDENTS TALK ABOUT &  HOW MEAN YOUR WERE. I EXPlained TO YOU (T.J.) THEN, AND NOW. I WAS DEALING WITH CHILDREN THAT DID NOT HAVE THE THINGS T.J. HAD AND THEY LIVED AN ADULT LIFE IN THOSE "PROJECTS". 

I SHEILD YOU T.J.

BUT, I DID NOT SHEILD YOU ON 9/30/2012. I DROPPED THE BALL. I SURVIVED AND YOU DID NOT. I AM SORRY T.J. I LET YOU DOWN. I LIVE WITH THAT GUILT EVERYDAY, REGARLESS OF HOW BUSY I TRY TO KEEP MYSELF.

LOVE YOU,

T.J.

                         

I promise Judy, to love you big sister.

I promise Judy to love her with all my heart.

Judy, I have a baby sister and I still love her even when she cut my heart to bleed inside.


I promise you Judy to love Susan until I leave this horrible world. Judy, it is hard for Susan withOut you.

Judy, do you realize how hard everyday is?

T.J, do you realize how hard everyday is?    A smile on a photo is fake .

But I will accept the new me. 

Twins...

Where did I go wrong. Going to school to earn degrees, working 3 job, sending them both to catholic private shool. I worked some many hours, i had the dry cleaner to starch their clothes becuse i did not have time to iron/   
Nevered ask for a deposit or required Jennifer to pay late fees.

This is 

Instead, Jennifrer text back and state "email her".

T.J. the problem was corrected at 9pm on May 13, 2014
She stated she would " (jennifer would put me where my son is)" 

Little does Jennifer  know I am already where my son is. Dead but I am breathing.

Trust is broken.

T.J. this is not your problem i just wish I could talk to you. One day as Jennifer said, I will lay besides or near you my T.J.

LOVE YOU

T.J.                   

T.J.Nothing  I do is right since you left this world. I hate this whole situation. I raised my sister and brother, I started my own family of 3 children, plus a step-child. That is a total of 6 chldren.

Now, I don't plan. I just survive T.J. 

Hi Judy & Susan,

I want ya'll to know I am glad to be a part of your lives I know ya'll still have ya'll mother here on earth. My mother birthday is May 5. She left me at the age of 20 years old. i am glad that ya'll got a chance to enjoy the good side longer than 20 years. Judy, I hate the way things are today May 5, 2015. You would not like it.

Please Judy, continue to give your BIG SISTER,  the desire to continue on and share who Judy was WITH US. A strong successful bussiness woman. I am just waiting to hear more.  
Judy, I am just an online friend from Alabama that enjoy talking to your BIG SISTER SUSAN. I HATE I DID NOT GET A CHANCE TO MEET YOU.
Berna  

We purchased your Headston yesterday 4.29.15 Prichard Moments on Springhill Ave.

Timohty Anthony Milton Jr.
September 21, 1992
Septemberr 30. 2012

We Love you T.J.

A picture of you on the top!

It was hard, Tim and I both dropped our head. My eyes got watery, but I did not drop a tear. Tim, did not drop a tear. T.J. i cried driving home. This is so not fair           

I AM THE T.
MY SONG VOICE...THIS IS ALL I HAVE LEFT..DURING HIS RAPPING SESSION.
O, HE WANT THAT FAST RAPPER MONEY TOO.

LOVE YOU T.J.

CURSSING HIS BUTT OFF....WHEN AT 20, IF I CAN REMEMBER 19 OR 20.  LOL