Remembering Terry Blog
August 31, 2013
Please visit my blog - Remembering Terry ~ http://joyofdogs.wordpress.com/
Your ashes are home!
October 28, 2012
I belong to an online support group call Parents of Suicide (PoS). There is a PoS tradition on Sundays of writing letters if we want to. I don't often write one but I did this week.
Dearest Terry
Your ashes came on Friday. We came home from aquafit and there were 2
brown parcels sitting on the front door mat. We knew instantly that in one
parcel was you wedding photo album and in the other your earthly remains.
I can hear you, Mom, they are just ashes, what's the big deal? I know.
But I have felt so uneasy, so sad that I did not know where they were. It
pains me to tell you (you already know) but Keira has moved on. She is with a new guy, they are engaged and their baby is due any day now. She was the love of your life and yet you could not find happiness in your illness. And it was driving her away. She told me she had tried so hard but needed to save herself - I believe her. She is a good woman at heart. She did not want to hurt you either.
She had your ashes and I felt they were a burden to her. She wanted to
respect them yet did not know what to DO with them. So I wanted to bring
them home to your dad and I where you are so loved and wanted. I know you held us at arms length, you shut us out, as you wrote in your note. And I get that you also wished you could overcome that but did not know how. Was that part of your sense of worthlessness and shame? We always loved you just as you are, were.
I did not know how I would react when they finally arrived. I am sad, it
has brought back fresh memories and yet I am not in a grief pit. I am also
content, more at peace. You are home.
We will find the right container and keep you in a place of love and honour for a while at least.
I love you, Terry. I am glad you are home. Okay crying now!
With love, peace and cwtches*
Barbara, Moderator
Terry's mum
Aug 28/80 - Aug 21/10
Your light went out too soon!
'Material things can't make the soul whole;
only love, kindness, and a community of friends can do that.' ~ moi
*cwtches (coot-ches) ~ a cwtch
is a heartfelt Welsh hug that creates
a private safe place in two people's hearts.
It's a boy!
October 14, 2012
1980 was a hot summer in Montreal. I had a toddler and was pregnant with our second child. I had a false alarm around August 25. I guess most expectant moms would have wanted to be induced at that point but it was a hot day and I wanted to go home, so I did. Then around midnight on August 28 I thought this was it. Terry was born at 8 a.m. on 28/08/80. We had just seen the last of the Star Wars films and, really, he looked just like Yoda. However we decided Terence was a more conventional choice (he never really liked his name so maybe Yoda would have been a better choice.) He was a lovely baby. He grew and thrived.
Before I knew it he was walking, talking, attending Miss Weeks Jardin d'enfants creatif. Then it was elementary school. Although he tested with an IQ over 130 he also had some learning disabilities and he found school a struggle.
I look back on Terry as a young boy and I see a smiling, shining face, full of enthusiasm, humour and eagerness to please and be accepted. We used to walk along holding hands and he would wiggle his hand, smile up at me and say 'it's a nice hand to hold.' And it was such a very nice hand to hold.