Thought about you all day with a cold slowing me down. Just sitting at the dining  room table in PA missing you, Christine, and the bird talking away. Still have the feeling that your in the next room doing something. Life is more complicated than ever and tough without your smile. Moving along with our dreams, miss you. More family members, peak in once in awhile.

 One year today and I'm as lost as I've ever been. Always felt like I could do anything including handling the pain that I new would come when you were gone. It was easy helping you and now I don't know how to help myself. Your love touched me deeply, miss your comforting voice, and supporting smile.  Hope I showed how much I loved you and treated you well enough. Here I sit wondering why we grieve and miss loved ones when their not around.  I have a hard time watching our pets looking for you to come home and I guess they have a hard time watching me. They're trying to take up the slack and seems to know when there are tears in my eyes. My dreams have floated away and I'm trying to gain the strength to continue on. Yesterday I was walking on the beach missing you by my side. Mason went up a path into the mangroves and I followed. He was hunting for something in a small patch of weeds and steered up hundreds of white butterflies. They surrounded me in a cloud. I went to call you to share the moment. Crazy me. Hope you were watching. I still went and got the camera to take some pictures. I never really felt alone before and don't know how to live with this. i looked at some old phone bill and didn't realize how much we talked to each other. Never thought of myself as a gabber but now I miss having conversations over nothing. We all miss your love.