I knew Tom was coming close to the end, but I decided that I would call him anyway to see if he might still be able to talk about the Crews book on Freud. If he'd been able, I knew he would have read it followed by conversations with friends from around the world. I always enjoyed his perspective, which was open, curious, and informed by his own lived history and his extensive reading in the field.
Jean picked up and told me that Tom had passed away early in the morning.
Not being able to have that seemingly unimportant conversation has affected me deeply, a small thing that connects me to the memory of a man who was a large presence in the Jungian community and a friend and mentor in my own life from the years I joined his consultation group in Palo Alto through my analytic training and years as an analyst in the Bay Area. He was generous with me in sharing the landscape of the field, introducing me to people of interest, and when I asked for it, giving me excellent personal and professional advice.
Tom had many gifts and important positions, yet he was never arrogant. He appreciated people from all walks of life and from many cultures and even hostile viewpoints. I used to kid him that he was only three degrees of separation from anyone in the world: he helped to connect so many people with one another. His friends included medical and psychoanalytic colleagues (both Freudian and Jungian), authors, artists, and musicians, and people from many walks of life. He went frequently to concerts and listened to music in his home.
Tom was a very loyal friend, especially to a group of male physicians who became Jungian analysts around the same time he did. This group dominated the Jung Institute for many decades. Tom was also deeply attached and loyal to his wife Jean, their daughter Susannah, and his son David--not just in feeling but in time spent together at home, traveling, attending concerts and ball games. He really thought about them, worried about them, and mainly took joy in them.
It is going to take some time for me to absorb that Tom will no longer tell a story about someone he met just by accident who turned out to be...
or pass along a bit of news about a small drama in the analytic world or recommend a new recording--or just be there to greet me, open to engaging about whatever might be going on at the moment!
Fare Well, Tom!