Thank you for visiting the memorial page of an outstanding man. I hope that you will take the time to read and share awesome memories about my brother. 

Most people focus on a person’s passing, the circumstances of the death (which I will address), but forget to celebrate the very precious nature of life. I do realize that as shocking as his passing was, understanding the man may share some light on some questions and hopefully make you reflect on your own life. 

Unlike my brother, I am more of an introvert but this page is obviously very necessary . 

 To all of those who loved and honored him, I trust that this snippet of his life will encourage you to live a life of purpose. My brother lived life BOLDLY and I am so proud of him! 

TJ’s (Tidiane for my people) obituary is readily available online for additional details. 

TJ was a typical oldest child: caring, disciplined, protective, and very driven. He took on that responsibility very seriously. He used to always tease me that I would wait for our dad to come home to start crying and “tell on him” about something that happened 3 hours ago. Hey what can I say? My tear ducts had a delayed timer ! We were inseparable growing up, I absolutely adored him! 

His favorite sport was basketball (surprisingly, he did not care for soccer ⚽️ AT ALL). We watched countless videos on the Chicago Bulls and Michael Jordan... yes,that was before Kobe Bryant took over. He got my younger brother and I into Nintendo games and a love for Superman. We loved plane rides to Senegal to visit our family. His favorite song as a kid was “I like to move it” .

Parallel to all of these happy memories, TJ also suffered severe verbal and emotional trauma as a child. He forged a strong personality, vowed to always work hard, and developed a unique gift for encouraging others... the very quality that drew people to him. The little boy learned to cope and self-encourage to push through life, void of essential unconditional love. Unfortunately, that little boy never stopped grieving that loss, which created a emotional hemorrhage that manifested through spells of depression. 

Oh yes, that D-word no one wants to talk about, especially in the african diaspora. That dangerous gloom that ruins individuals and relationships, yet talking about it makes you “weak”, simply “oversensitive” or in French “c’est pour les blancs ça!” 

Any functioning adult goes through “down times” of deep sadness, doubt, and despair. However, most of us do not have a traumatized child on the inside while fully facing the challenges of adulthood. Trauma counselors have determined that “children who experience emotional losses have huge difficulties developing coping mechanisms that allow adults to overcome tragic events.” Adults who experienced some form of  trauma as children create over sensitive responses as adults if faced with the same experience. Although I could understand TJ best, I cannot even imagine the despair of such torment. 

Why am I taking the time to highlight this specific struggle? Well-meaning people have posted cliché quotes like “love yourself, “know your value,” and wrote comments such as “how selfish” or “unnecessary dramatic exit.”  That is exactly why mental health is such a stigma... misunderstood. TJ was the STRONGEST man I knew. He was loyal, intelligent, charismatic, and hardworking. He was loved and VERY successful, but emotionally traumatized. So what happened? 

The best example would be to compare this tragedy to the phantom pain of an amputee. Phantom pain are sensations described as perceptions that an individual experiences relating to a limb or an organ that is not physically part of the body. In other words, one may have lost a leg, but his foot still hurts (way worse they say). Others may mock the person: “but you don’t even have a foot! how can you hurt?!” So what does the amputee do? “Hush...don’t even talk about it”. The individual wears a prosthetic leg and continues on achieving things independent of their handicap. But let’s say that later in life the amputee goes through a SIMILAR trauma and loses the other leg? Now what? People will indeed recognize the new injury but not realize that that person was already dealing with the terrible phantom pain. The amputee will then go the even worse despair and create that “oversensitive response” aforementioned. 

Did your love matter? Yes.

 Did they love you? Absolutely. 

Did they not care? Of course, they did. 

Why didn’t they reach out? Remember the mockery of the phantom pain? Where is the leg? 

The legacy of my brother’s LIFE is that of an amazing person that lived life to the fullest of HIS abilities! He graduated with his Master’s, bought a home, got married, opened his own gym! He didn’t have children but there is an amazing little boy named after him. 

He was REAL, he loved! He managed his phantom pain with work, giving and serving. His second leg just got cut off and he felt ambushed. As you mourn, and even judge my brother’s life and decisions ask yourself:

- how are you silencing your phantom pain? Is it weed? Sex? Pornography? Gambling? Gossip? Unforgiveness? Bitterness? Food?Alcohol? Fake life on social-media? 

- you inherited great looks,what did you inherit spiritually? Have you inherited phantom pains? 

There is ONLY ONE that can fill your emptiness and heal you: his name is Jesus Christ* (John 3:16). My brother found the truth, the way and the light on November 4th 2018.  The devil is not a small adversary, he comes to “kill steal and destroy” (John 10:10). 

Salvation is really the beginning of the real battle (2 Timothy 4:4-6). Death is only “real” to Man and it is a path that we will ALL take. There is no “honorable” death to God only an honorable life (Matthew 25:23). My brother has transitioned (Psalm 103:10-12) but you ,my dear,are still here. Hold fast and make the best of it! 

With Love, 

 *To family member and friends of the muslim faith that may get in their feelings about this, please feel free to contact me to have an INTELLIGENT conversation (Matthew 10:33).