Half Empty

His ashes rest
She walks towards the lake

water laps the edges of cement
soft eyelids surrender under a sun’s exhale

bare skin baking,
a pie crust sin filling

sailboats yearn to escape
the dock’s familiar embrace

a mother duck makes known
her presence

her cohort of fluffy pompoms
manifest like buds of daffodils
in early March

sporadic motion entranced
by a mother’s melody

She lingers at the dock,
observes the scene
a spy keen
on justifying his occupation

the captain drops into the water
the troops follow   

except the odd ball

identical in every way
yet stuck at the edge

he unwittingly lingers
in a state of dry deliberation

the leader fails to notice
the break in infantry

unwaveringly moves forward
no doubt her pack will follow

She steps closer
to convince the duckling
he is better with his own
than in her growing shadow

it does not work

She lifts the softest stage of creation
it will pass
like the extinguishing of light
as one dives deeper into the basin

She releases him into
blue vastness

the lost duckling moves

in the opposite direction

the price of letting children
swim on their own

while his mother is a boat
away
   
     way ahead

            resolute

her dutiful progeny
propel forward

a not-so-straight line
yet fulfill expectations

and the lonely,
and the forgotten,
just out of sight

She watches the futile situation,

and embraces the overwhelming sun until it too
becomes unbearable

then starts the trek home to a partly filled house.

You taught me what it meant to be a kid. Thank you for being my friend and helping me that all I can be is me.

We continue to remember Timo in our daily prayers. Love, Mashi and CB

Inside a Stranger’s Stride

Anticipation

A long-haired boy of later teens
kickflip-holed shirt
un-fitted jeans--
held up by wishful thinking,

Creates an accidental shift
on my Chicago evening stroll

A glowing girdle
Wrapped up
inside his walk

His sun-kissed arms don’t move to
OldSkool Vans lazy melody
Mismatching puzzle pieces
Of an imposter’s anatomy

My brother’s gait inside
this stranger’s stride
I stop myself from reaching out

He turns the corner--
And I follow

I try to smell your sweat, my brother,
the after-skating scent
sweet
as post-rain air
Our father has it on occasion
Transporting me to high school summers
Virginia heat and double showers

Stranger stops,
so does this scene
I flip through images unseen

distance from all you loved,
shallow breathing–
no hope’s support,
days when silence falls heavy 
yet weighs less inside our talks
unconditional love, does it exist?

Where are you, brother?
You before retreat
when luxury was time
unaccounted for
all wrapped up within your echo
the shadow of this creature’s crawl.


If I could choose what leaks
through baskets full of moments
It would be this--
the thought of you already gone,

I missed my chance when you were you

So I remain transfixed by
this demon at the front.

Now your (g)host senses
a sixth dimension--

it looks me in the eye

Absence.

Mashi and I remember Timo not only on this date, but daily throughout the year in our prayers. He will always be part of us. 

An I for an I


they used to say
we look alike

the color of your eyes
fails to escape
the sand hole of my mind

your face fragmented
more with time
though never the eyes
shades of green clear
as pain’s sour reminder

how is it
I received unvaried blue
yet yours transform
through countless colors

murky dew melting on
spring’s new beginnings
Monet’s lily-pad greens
the gem of grandma’s dinner ring
passed on to me at graduation

you skipped your own
a day for us an ordinary other,
i’ll never know
the color of your gift

they said we look alike
naivete’s credence
alive in strangers
really
we stood by each other
the sun and a sunflower
now the latter
another
unnamed plant
the rough and crusting ugliness
just ordinary
with nothing
to compare it to

we saw things
in parallels
memories matched
reactions differed
crafting fuel for
cloaked chaos

your eyes saw with clarity
the essence of us all

me in particular

your greenish gray
diluted with raised eyebrows
my eyes pretend to miss
that subtle wit
those hidden hints
I saw with
a closed heart

that night we searched alike
for futures
your torso folded at your end
paths parting
in mother’s sobs
and my body too
bent to folded knees

you were alone
now so am I
our likeness
seems to fade with time
my face still moving
yours catching dust

I searched the world
to find a note
putting substance into
missing shadows
your perfected presence
no wanted present

how can we be alike
share blood, secrets
dreams and lack thereof
the hateful parts of love
and part the crossroad
without direction

if we were more
or less
the same
you would have left
the note for me
some solid proof
that we were closer
than most’s perception

but I know better
than to see myself
in you
who looks so much
like me.

Mary and I celebrated by phone with Timo's parents and sister, and remembered him with love and joy.

Timo, you are always with us. Love, Mashi and CB

Missing you always, Timo. I think of you often, especially when I see graffiti art, skateboarders or skateboard parks, and even the ocean. Brad, Greg, Tommy, and I reminisce about all our great adventures with you. Much love, buddy. - Uncle Pete

Timo, your are always with us. Love, Mashi and CB

Timo, we will always miss you and your smile. Love, Mashi and CB

Never stop thinking about you Timo, still trying to learn impossibles for you but I know I’ll never get them like you. We all miss you a lot, I’m sorry I never really asked you how you were doing it was always “what are you doing timo?” Never “how are you doing timo?” I’m sorry I really am. I just wanted to say I love you man and keep shredding in peace <3

I remember you as a sweet adorable little boy. You were clearly a light for so many. It will will always reflect in people's hearts. Xx

We miss you, Timo, all the time.

Love,

Mashi and CB

Timo, you are always in our thoughts.

Love, CB

Timo, I miss your warm hug and hearing you say, "Mashi, I love you."

Love, Mashi.

Timo, we know you are at peace. Love from Mashi and CB

Timo, you are burning bright today in our hearts. And you'll do so forever. On your birthday and any day. Skate on, buddy. We love you.

Dear Vika,

I'm so sorry to hear this new about Timo. My prayers are with you and your family. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. 

God bless you
Tina Vance

I want to send my heartfelt sympathy for your loss. Although I didn't know Timo, my son, Dan, was a skater and suffered with severe OCD as well so my heart goes out to all family and friends. We lost our son to this disease last summer. It is great to see a donation page for research as a way to remember Timo. We will be making a contribution.

r.i.p timo <3

So sorry to hear that you have lost a precious one to the greatest enemy death. I read an encouraging quote today that I would like to share with you: "Hold on to the love, not the loss". Also, the Bible promises that someday "death will be no more" Rev 21:3, 4.

Dear Timo,

I don't think I've run into anyone as kind and true hearted as yourself. You created every session we had together and were one of the most creative skateboarders I have every met and I am truly grateful to have had you in my life. I cannot express my condolences enough, you will live on in my memory forever as someone who not only loved the action of skateboarding but also loved the friends that came with it.

Wishing Timo’s spirit can find peace and hoping that Andy, Vika, Sasha and everyone else his life touched can do the same.

."Come On Up To The House" by Tom Waits

Well the moon is broken
And the sky is cracked
Come on up to the house
The only things that you can see
Is all that you lack
Come on up to the house

All your cryin don't do no good
Come on up to the house
Come down off the cross
We can use the wood
Come on up to the house

Come on up to the house
Come on up to the house
The world is not my home
I'm just a passin thru
Come on up to the house

There's no light in the tunnel
No irons in the fire
Come on up to the house
And your singin lead soprano
In a junkman's choir
You gotta come on up to the house

Does life seem nasty, brutish and short
Come on up to the house
The seas are stormy
And you can't find no port
Come on up to the house
There's nothin in the world

[Chorus]

There's nothin in the world
that you can do
you gotta come on up to the house
and you been whipped by the forces
that are inside you
come on up to the house
well you're high on top
of your mountain of woe
come on up to the house
well you know you should surrender
but you can't let go
you gotta come on up to the house

[Chorus]

Dear Vika, Andy and Sasha,
I feel devastated for your loss. I taught Timo in seventh grade. I want to be at the funeral with you now, but I have strep throat so I will be with you in spirit. I wish I had the right words to say, but there are none. You are in my prayers, and the time I knew Timo is in my heart. May God comfort you in this difficult time.

My sincere condolences go out to the parents and family of this lovely young man who was a good friend to my son.

Vika and family,
I am deeply saddened to hear about Timo. I cannot begin to express how sorry I am for your loss. I will be praying for you all.

Take care,
Shelley Gouvisis

Sadness and condolences on behalf of the JEB Stuart Crew families. Thank you Timo for rounding-out the novice men's eight in the 2015 rowing season. You are remembered as a friendly, smiling teammate. Follow that "Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning."

I dont even know what to say, besides i miss you, I miss our days at the park, no matter how I was feeling you would always get me to burst out laughing. the skate park wont be same without you dude. I will never forget how impossibles were your favorite trick, and honestly its because in my eyes when you were on the board you could do the impossible.
I love you dude you just keep on skating your heart up there we'll see you there in no time

Dear Wilson family:

We at Kroger are so so so saddened to hear of your loss. Timo sounds like an incredlbe person and we are incredibly sorry he suffered and lost the battle to his pain. We will be thinking of you all and admire your bravery and openness is talking about his struggle. Through your courage, you can help others to see, share and perhaps help ease the way. With our deepest sympathy, Jessica Adelman and the whole Kroger team

Rest in Paradise, Timo. Keeping you and your family uplifted in prayer at this time.

Gina

Dear Andy, Vika and Sasha,
You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you healing thoughts at such a difficult time. I did not know Timo, but I this celebration of his life and love will heal your hearts.
With deepest sympathy,
Katie Moore

Dear Andy, Vika, and Sasha,
I am so sorry for your loss. I loved teasing Timo about wearing elbow and knee pads to skateboard. He was always a delight and handled the every-Sunday lecture so kindly. You and all of his family and friends are in my prayers. I pray that Timo is now at peace in heaven teaching Jesus and others how to skateboard.
You have my deepest sympathy.

Дорогой Тимо, пусть будет спокойно и легко твоей душе! Мы будем помнить и любить тебя всегда!

Rest in peace dawg real character

Dear Timo,

I’m glad to have met such a warm and kind-hearted person like you were, and still are, in our hearts and thoughts. You will never be forgotten. Shall your halo shine till the day the light extinguishes from this world. You truly were the best skateboarder I knew.

With Love, Tommi.

Dear Timo,
    
     You was, and for ever will be the mans. I had a lot of nicknames for you bimo dubs, timbo, Timo dubs, the dubster, we have a lot of skate memory’s and you always had me laughing crazy and every time I saw you m, you where smiling.


   You loves nollie flips so I will get mine better then I do now and nollie flips on for you bro. Teach God and Jesus how to nollie flip for all of us man we’ll see you soon, and we’ll all be able to skate again.

-omar

Dear Timo

We will alway remember your beautiful soul In our hearts.❣️ You were loved by so many and you will be missed dearly.

Forever in Our Hearts
Fill not your heart with pain and sorrow,
but remember me in every tomorrow.
Remember the joy, the laughter, the smiles,
I've only gone to rest a little while.

Although my leaving causes pain and grief,
my going has eased my hurt and given me relief.

So dry your eyes and remember me
not as I am now, but as I use to be.

Because I will remember you all and look on with a smile,
Understand, in your hearts, I've only gone to rest a little while.
As long as I have the love of each of you,
I can live my life in the hearts of all of you.
Joey Beighley

Dear Timo,

I hope you are free where you are
I wish you to have all the spray paint and lots of empty walls
So you can color these walls
The way you colored so many of our lives
With your sweet existence

Know that we will take care of the once that loved you the most


Noëlle


“I moved a stone
In a river on earth
Now I know I will never be forgotten
I gave proof of my existence
Because, by moving that one stone
The current will never flow the same way again”