Happy Christmas beautiful Tinks. Love you and miss you x

Merry Christmas princess!! It doesnt feel like christmas without you here, i miss waking up to my soulmate especially on days like today!! I would give anything to be shut away with you for 6months i honestly wouldnt want anything else as long as i had you!! I never liked being on my own before but i think about you most when im on my own which i guess is why i spend days like today mostly on my own because it almost makes it feel like your some how part of it!! I know its selfish but i have tryed to be happy since you was taken from me but i just dont know how to be without knowing your ok, i dont know how to be ok without you!! I miss you so much angel and im jelouse your in a better place without me but i hope more than anything your happy and at peace!! Merry christmas my perfect little girl i would give up every christmas and birthday to just spend one more hour with you!! Love you angel mummy misses you and misses you being a part of me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Happy birthday beautiful Tinkerbell I miss you and I love you! I hope your having a party with all your doggy friends in doggy heaven and they are spoiling you rotten.

My little angel it was your birthday today and from the end of july it hasnt left my mind, i get so scared il forget it which is strange because its all iv thought about for the last month but i still catch myself triple checking the date every day which is silly because its not like we can celebrate it, i didnt know what to do, i ordered you a card but i dont know what to do with it, i was going to go for a long walk but to be honest all i wanted to do is sleep the day away and not talk to anyone. Its all still so fresh in my mind like it happend yesterday and i still feel so guilty every day and i dont think their will ever be a point where i dont feel guilty or where i feel like i deserve to be a mummy again and for that i am so so so sorry princess i let you down and i will always be sorry i couldn't protect you and i hope and wish more than anything else you are somewhere better and wherever you are i wish i was there too!! I know i always say this but just to be able to feel your heart beat on my chest again or to feel your weight on my feet in the middle of the night or to even step in a puddle of wee in the bathroom would mean more to me than anything, i just want to cuddle you again infact it never felt like a cuddle the way you kind of melted into me always made me feel like you was part of me. Im sorry this isnt much of a happy birthday but i really really hope your happier wherever you are from the bottom of my heart i hope your happier without me than with me because that would mean your ok but i am jelouse i dont get to be with you especially on your birthday, i would even be happy with one day a year or even one more time to just know your ok my little angel. Mummy loves you more than anything princess literally anything and i think about you every day and i hope one day i will get to be with you again i just wish it didnt have to be like this. Selfishly i wish i could find a way to be happy without you but i know i dont deserve that because i should of protected you like a mummy does but i do sometimes think i dont want to feel like this forever but i just dont know how to move on, i dont know how much time it takes but it should at least be getting a little easier shouldnt it?? Im just so scared your alone somewhere and dont know whats going on and that is my worst fear, i just want to know your ok and happy and i think it would be a little easier. Please dont ever forget how much i love and miss you every second of every day and how i will never forget anything about you and it doesnt matter how much time passes i still remember everything and always will, love you angel wish i could of been with you today especially beautiful girl xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I heard this song today and its as if i wrote the words myself to you princess, for a different reason he wrote the song xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


https://youtu.be/2kt8WO4rSe0


I'm jealous of the rain
That falls upon your skin
It's closer than my hands have been
I'm jealous of the rain
I'm jealous of the wind
That ripples through your clothes
It's closer than your shadow
Oh, I'm jealous of the wind

'Cause I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me

I'm jealous of the nights
That I don't spend with you
I'm wondering who you lay next to
Oh, I'm jealous of the nights
I'm jealous of the love
Love that was in here
Gone for someone else to share
Oh, I'm jealous of the love

'Cause I wished you the best of
All this world could…

I miss you so much princess!! I do sometimes wonder if there will be a day i wake up and your not the first thing on my mind because it hurts so much, i always try to remember the good times but it still doesn't stop how much it hurts that i have to carry on each day without you, i love you and miss you my perfect little angel every second of every day, i would give anything to just feel your heartbeat again on me!! If this is the price i have to pay to have a soulmate then thats ok i just wish it didnt hurt this much being without you when it was always our world together xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx