TOM DULEY
MAY YOU REST IN PEACE AND SERENITY FOREVER
Thursday, November 30, 2012
From his daughter, Nicole Carnegie:
I want to express how appreciative I am of wanting to remember my father's life. It has been overwhelming to hear so many stories of how he touched and influenced so many.
We would be so grateful if you would join us, Tom's family, for a memorial service on Sunday, December 16, 2012 at 2:00 p.m. at Central Church, 975 William Hilton Parkway, Hilton Head Isle, SC, and for the reception to follow at the YANA club, 107 Mathews Dr. Hilton Head Island, SC. He will be buried on December 17 at 10:00 am, at Beaufort National Cemetery.
Below follows a bio by Carmen D., a friend of Tom’s who knew him during his later years on Hilton Head.
Bio of Tom Duley, an Awesome Power of Example
An amazing life lived by an awesome spirit. Tom Duley put the “M” in MC before anyone, anywhere, knew what showmanship meant. And that is not overstating Tom Duley’s aura and presence while he walked this earth. He was a consummate motivator with a generosity of heart and spirit, unsurpassed. Tom lived big. He had to. One has to live big if one is going to save all the alcoholics in the world. A feat, Tom would have risen to, if laws of physics and physiology would allow. He felt a special responsibility to every individual that walked through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), looking for salvation, forgiveness, comfort… a cure, for the disease of alcoholism. It was a responsibility he took to his heart, which in turn, won the hearts of hundreds of recovering alcoholics across the nation during his almost sixty years of solid, unwavering sobriety, while traveling for speaking engagements and a successful sales career.
During his illustrious and robust lifetime, Tom served as the president of Educational Systems International of Pittsburgh, a memory development company that was featured on a television news show, and which sent Tom around the country on speaking engagements. He also taught this program at the University of Pittsburg for nine years and was the subject of many news articles.
Born John William Hawkshaw, Jr., on October 17, 1928, in Washington, DC, Tom Duley graduated from Charlotte Hall Military Academy and went on to attend the University of Maryland. Later, as a paratrooper in the 505th Parachute Infantry Regiment (505th PIR, part of the famed 82nd Airborne Division), he was awarded for his sharpshooting ability. Ever the optimist, he twice enlisted in the army, and twice, broke his back jumping from an airplane. There was not much that could get him down, not then, and not in later years. At a very young age, twenty-four years, Tom Duley decided to find recovery in the rooms of a relatively new organization at the time, Alcoholics Anonymous. It didn’t matter that he was the youngest kid in the room, because he knew there was a better life, and he had already suffered a great loss at the hands of the disease, besides his own pain – his beloved step-mother, Angela, had been killed by a drunk driver. He took on alcohol, like the boxer that he was, in the fight of his life. And Tom reigned the champion until his death. We can look to his example, if we ever wonder to ourselves, “do AA meetings really matter to my sobriety?”
Tom Duley was a force of life, a competitor… a force to be reckoned with as a young, champion boxer in the military, yet always a loveable marshmallow to his closest friends. Nobody had a better sense of humor. Really. Nobody. And if you thought you did, he’d tell you to try to come up with a funnier joke than he had, and judge it with a laughing contest, just so he could laugh with you all day long coming up with jokes. And his anecdotes and jokes came from everywhere; lounges, farmyards, airport bars, Vegas conventions, courtrooms, AA rooms. And they were about the most interesting array of people – you wouldn’t believe that one man could have had access to all of these places and experiences and stories, yet he did, and pretty much embodied the saying, “been there, done that.” Because Tom Duley had been everywhere, and done just about everything there was to do in life; a lot of good, a lot of bad… probably more bad than good, he would say. But, truly he lived. And, that should always be the measure of a man’s life. One that was lived fully and with gusto.
And that’s what is important to remember about Tom Duley. Because he wasn’t selfish with his large life, either. He wanted to share everything he did with everyone, and he wanted all of us to feel as large and joyful and sober and happy as he did. And if you didn’t share his zest for life, darn it, he’d get really mad at you for being an ungrateful lout. “Why do you want to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory?” he’d ask, and then tell you to stop taking yourself so seriously.
If he had a fault, it would be trying to share too much joy with too many suffering people, his way. And food. That would have been his other fault. Tom loved to eat. And, heaven forbid, if you tried to explain your own “concept” of recovery, he’d listen patiently with a look on his face that could wither an alligator, and then say, “that’s the biggest bunch of baloney I’ve ever heard. Where’d you learn that, from the AA Special Olympics handbook? This is for real people who have real problems with alcohol. Here’s a quarter, go call your mother and tell her you love her, then get to a meeting and quit whining.”
Tom was devoted to his AA work, and is credited by countless recovering alcoholics for saving their lives in all different ways. Calling newcomers daily and getting them to meetings, introducing oldtimers to people just getting sober, sharing his experience, strength, and hope, was second-nature living to Tom. And while the rest of us had to write it down, go to special 12-Step meetings, and remind ourselves to help another alcoholic, Tom Duley helped people out of gut-instinct. He sincerely carried Bill Wilson’s torch and passed it on every single day of his sobriety. One story of recovery is depicted in the book, Courage to Surrender, by Dr. Harry Haroutunian. However, I would venture to say, like Tom’s countless anecdotes from around the country, there are probably thousands of more stories of recovery that include Tom Duley, in their early days. I know mine does. Go in peace, Tom Duley.
Thomas William Duley, 84, passed away on Nov. 1, 2012 in Estill, SC. He resided in Hilton Head and Bluffton, SC, prior to moving to Estill. He is preceded in death by his parents, John W. Hawkshaw & Emily Truitt Duley, and by his adoptive father, Thomas Cleveland Duley. He is survived by first wife, Audrey Casey Gregg, second wife, Carol Duley, two daughters, Paula B. of Maryland, and Nicole Carnegie of Alabama and two sons, Joe Duley formerly of Washington DC, and John Duley of Annapolis, MD, and six grandchildren. His siblings are Barbara Truitt Shanklin, Merry Point, VA, Jean Hawkshaw Tresselt, Myrtle Beach, SC, Dr. Mary Hawkshaw Fox, NY, and Tom F. Duley, of Maryland. Those who so desire may make memorial donations in memory of Tom to the YANA Club Inc., PO Box 7691 Hilton Head Island, SC 29938.
From Joe Perri, board member of SportsWorld.org, a friend of Tom's since 1964:
I had the privilege of introducing Tom to his Savior, Jesus Christ. Tom humbly prayed to receive forgiveness for his sins and realized that Jesus can forgive anything. I am blessed that I witnessed his confession of faith and now proclaim that Tom Duley is a King’s kid, a true winner because he accepted Jesus Christ the Messiah and soon coming King!
Romans 10:9 “If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.”
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