Mom had beautiful elegant hands and fingernails, which most of us remember as always being painted and long.

Her hands were always warm to the touch and in the last few years of her life, she grew very touchy feely, always touching the faces of those who visited her in her flat, even the gas man(!) and holding on to them and not letting them go; crying if they said goodbye!  It was endearing to watch her get so attached to those looking after her.  

I was glad to be one of those who looked after her towards the end as I did not like how she was treated for the two years she stayed in the nursing home.  I tried my hardest to make her life there happy but constantly fought with the nursing home management which kept changing and promises were not kept.  We all know what nursing homes are like and I do not appreciate being invalidated and told that mom was in a good place and well looked after as she was not.  She was not happy there.  She looked a mess and ten years older than she was, haggard and unhappy and was constantly falling out of her wheelchair or chair and cutting her head open etc, amongst other things.  

She always looked unhappy when I went to visit her and I grew to hate going to the nursing home as I did not like how they looked after it.  It was a horrible reminder that as hard as I tried to ensure mom was being looked after well, the management would make promises, do as Sue and I asked for a few days and then would forget, and revert back to old routines.  It never lasted.  There were too many staff, lack of handovers; same happened in the hospital - poor service and lack of handover notes and no one cared.  

 

Each time I ask mom why I'm crying in this photo, her response is that I was afraid of my father and that I would burst into tears and cry each time I saw him.  

it is an absolute delight and treasured memory for me to see her smile as towards the last year or so prior to her transition, Violet could no longer smile using facial muscles.  

Nonetheless you could tell she was happy as she'd smile with her voice (by humming when she was happy with her food and/or company) and with her eyes.

This photo was taken approx 2012 when she was still living on her own in her studio flat in London.  She was very strong and we tried to keep her at home for as long as possible as she was very independent and wanted to remain that way. She accepted carers visiting 3 times a day to help her; until the time came when she fell too much while living alone; and had to move into sheltered housing in April 2013, aged 78.   

It may seem trivial to share a video of mom eating though this video was taken during a time when Violet had refused to eat for days.  The way I could encourage and motivate her to eat was to take her to a Chinese Restaurant to eat spring rolls and Singapore Fried Rice!  

Then she was motivated to start eating again.  Thankfully!  You can see how much she is enjoying herself.

For those of us who fed her through the last few months of her life when she could no longer feed herself, this video is very poignant as she's able bodied and relishing her spring rolls.   

Towards the end when she was living home with her daughter Chrissie, Violet was given any and all of her favourite foods pureed and thickened and she enjoyed eating and would humm whenever she was enjoying it, be it pork congee, brocolli and cheese soup, mango juice, strawberry milkshake, tapioca, coffee, horlicks etc, it was very rewarding to hear her humm happily when she was eating.  

To see her open her mouth before we even got the spoon back to the cup was also very rewarding to know she was happy, thirsty and hungry and wanting more.   

Remembered my lovely auntie