4 years dad. The pain is still raw and feels like just yesterday yet it feels like forever since we last saw you. I wish I could have made it right. I wish I could have helped you, held your hand, told you how much I love you and thank God for you once more. We carry you with us, daily. Some days it’s heavier than others. Today is one of those. Forever your Reina.

Happy Birthday Daddy,

You would have been 71 today. I wish that there were 71 ways that I can shower you with love in person today. Instead I will try to count the many beautiful ways you were a gift to all of us. I miss you. So much. Everyday, more and more. I never knew it was humanly possible to carry such heartache daily without breaking. But I know that God is holding us together, broken but together. Just as He holds you now. I love you.

Forever your little girl.

Daddy,

What I would give to call you that in person. To see your face light up as we sang you Happy Birthday on what would have been your 71st bday. 71. I had so many plans and so many visions on what your elder years would have looked like by our side. We miss you more and more as the days and years go by. I guess it is only a testament to the immense love we have for you still. That will never die. I know you did not. You only transitioned into the arms of your Lord and Savior. My heart smiles thinking about the beauty and splendor of His face shining on yours and answering all of the questions you had here on earth. I also pray that He has shown you the truth about what you often wondered about. Yes, you were more than enough dad. You still are.

Happy Birthday daddy. I love you - Forever your girl, Your reina, your prieta.

Dear Uncle Saul,
Happy 71st birthday to you up there in the beautiful sky by our dear lord. As I sit hear thinking why life is like a flower when it blossoms. Eternal life isn't forever. Forever life is with the lord. May you continue enjoying life high up in the sky and continue protecting your wife, children, grandchildren, and the rest of us. We miss you uncle.

2 years today dad. It feels surreal. And I’m realizing more and more that the feeling is truth. That though you are absent from us you are still present. You’ve moved from History, our history, into eternity with the one whose held you all your life and continues to hold us till we are together again. So much has happened and is happening and I know you’ve had a hand in it all. Our forever advocate. Our papa. We miss you so much.

Uncle Saul,
As I sit down as we speak watching the Yankees on television I can't believe how much they suck this year. And yes you would say it's early so give it time. By the way, Happy 70th birthday !!! ⚾️ Up there. Keep watching in God's name over your family and us. Miss you dearly uncle.

May the angel choir sing you a Happy Birthday daddy. Happy Birthday in Heaven. Today we eat a snickers bar for you. I love you.

Dad, tomorrow will be one year from the date we buried your body. I won’t say where we buried you because you are not there. I know where you are. I know you are with Jesus and there is no better place for you to be, as selfish as I want to be and have you here. April 1st was the one year mark of your passing onto glory and it was hard. Every day is hard really. They say time heals all wounds but not this kind. Not one this deep. We won’t be fully healed until we are with you in eternity. I am learning to be ok with that as hard as it is somedays. Somedays it hurts to even breath and feel the sun on my face. Other days I am filled with so much gratitude to God for blessing me with such an amazing dad. I am so happy that our relationship the last 25 years was a beautiful one. That I got to witness you surrender your life to Christ. Wow how it changed you. Not many know the difference but I praise God that I do. What a testimony! Your church memorialized you on the 28th and we got to honor you. Dad you would have been so humbled and prob a bit embarrassed to hear all of the amazing ways you have impacted so many lives. Did you even have a clue how much you meant to others?! It made us so proud. They sang your favorite songs and honored your wife too. I know you worried so much for her all the time. Right now she is going through so much and we are trying to be there for her as much as we can. But I trust that God is working something new in her through this very difficult season of her life without you. I understand now that sometimes if not most I have to get out of God’s way and let him come to her rescue. I can’t fix it all as much as I would like to and that hurts but God’s way is always better. Always! I miss you so much daddy. Elisa and Emma miss you immensely. Petee is hurting so much and misses you too. You were his dad and he feels so blessed to have had the best father in law in the world. Elisa got accepted into all of the colleges she applied to and even received many scholarship offers from them. Can you believe your mamas is going away for college?! Im terrified but I know that God is always looking out for her and now you are too, as you always did here on earth. Emma is so creative and is thriving in her small business. You would be so proud. She is so tall and beautiful! Seriously?! I can’t believe it has been a year without you. There are days everything feels so messy and I just want to give up. Days I don’t even want to get out of bed. I push through, barely, but I do because I know its what you would tell me to do. I miss your voice and your smile and your laughter and our worship sessions. I heard the last song I shared with you the other day, “Nothing Else” by Cody Asbury, and I lost it. I remember two months before you passed is when I shared it with you and you told me that week that you loved it so much and were listening to it on your headphones all night and cried like you never cried before because you felt the Holy Spirit so strongly and you were thinking about Elisa’s open heart surgery. Dad she is doing great. Her heart is healed and so is her scar. Emotionally she is going through it but im sure you are aware. Its hard for her to even talk about you. She said if she can tell you anything that she hadn’t already is that you were her first best friend. God I hope you heard that. This all still feels so surreal. I look for you when Im out for a walk or running an errand. Isn’t that silly? I can continue on typing forever but I will stop here. I miss you daddy. See you in my dreams. Good night, God Bless you, I love you.

Tu reina

It’s New Year’s Eve. I can’t begin to comprehend how we got here. But I know you would tell me we don’t have to understand, but believe in Him and hold onto Hope. I’m trying. I really am. Last year at this time we were at my church. You and mom helped me decorate. You looked so handsome in your suit as you always did. I’d give anything to speak to you again. I feel so robbed. I didn’t get To say goodbye and now we are going into a new year without you. I promise not to move on but to move forward with the love you poured out and showered us with. I miss you. I’ll never be the same. Maybe that’s ok. It’s part of this story because you dad, changed and in turn changed me. I’m forever grateful and blessed to have been your daughter. I love you.

Daddy,

Yesterday was our first fathers day without you. There are not enough words in the world to describe the desolation that was felt, the emptiness, the void, is too vast to explain. I was proud to be Daddy's girl. I still am. I'll never be the same. For so many reasons. For starters, you have taught me so much! And not just with mere words, but mostly, in how you lived. In how you loved and gave to others selflessly. Never looking for the spotlight or validation. I'm changed because of that but Ill never be the same because you are no longer here with us. I never knew it was possible to carry both Hurt and Hope. Hurt because you are not physically here, Hope because I know where you are, with who you are, and that I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN and on that day we will never again be separated. You always came to me to fix things for you. Your phone, your paper work, make a phone call, etc. I became your health proxy while you were admitted. In viewing your records, I saw time and time again how I was your emergency contact. This one time, I could not fix this for you. And I will live with that pain forever. I am sorry. I carry that with me daily and it often feels like I am lugging along a suit case filled with boulders. I promise I am trying to hand over that burden to God. I know its not mine to carry. I will continue to try. I'll never stop trusting God. But I miss you. I miss you so much and I look for you in every face, in every flower that blooms. In every sun raise that caresses my face I close my eyes and imagine they are your hands. I miss singing with you and praising God together. I know you had many regrets and felt like you could not give us much but you gave me Jesus. You gave me the blessing to witness His transformation in your life. What a gift! What a gift to witness you as a Papa to your 5 grandchildren who you adored! There is no one like you! There will never be. I'm trying my very best to take care of Mom. I know how much that was your desire. She is broken without you but God is providing for her as always. I know that one day I will look back at this wilderness and see that God was here all along. I cant see it now but I promise I am looking, leaning, and believing still. Te Amo daddy.

I remember too many great times we spend together. The day I told u that Cano will be under my wing and u trusted me with your son. We have always had love for each other and I will always cherish those moments. I love your family as they were my own. I am blessed to have had u in my life. I know you are watching over your family and I will always be there for them as well. Saul May you rest in paradise and until we meet again my friend , brother, father figure and angel.

Saul, friend and neighbor, all of us, will forever miss your kindness, your generosity, your optimism, your love for Maggie, and your unconditional willingness to help out. When I was sick, you took me to the hospital early in the morning, waited there all morning, and took me home again in the afternoon without even a thought of not doing such a kind deed. Your religion was strong, your wife will find her strength in her belief. It’s hard to believe we can’t run into you in front of the building and you greet us with a smile and kind word. You have enriched our lives immensely. May you Rest In Peace.

Daniel, Dora, Emi, Kailo and Shay Kalmann

He was one of the sweetest and kindest men I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing! I’m sure anyone who knew him, loved him! Took me in and always made me feel welcomed. When I think of you, you are always smiling we had so many good laughs I will always remember. My kids were all so fond of you as well! You had such a presence on this earth! You’re truly missed, taken away too soon!

He was like my second Dad , I miss him so much I wish we had more time with him I never got to say thank you for always being there for me , may you rest my uncle

Dear Uncle Saul ,

As I sit down visualizing in my mind all the good times we had together starting from when I was a little 5 yr old. We played baseball , basketball in the parks. You were the one who guided me to play the right way. We went to Yankee stadium and  your face lit up when I took u for a meet and greet with yankee greats Jorge Posada and Andy Pettite. I still feel it wasn't your time to leave us especially your kids, grandchildren and wife. But only God has you in the right place right now and please protect all of our family who we all love and miss you dearly. Que Dios te quide siempre. Love always , nephew Frankie

I feel such a closeness to you, I always have. I guess it’s because from the beginning you have been there for me, encouraging me and listening to my troubles. I never got to thank you and tell you how much you meant to me. I love you dearly and I feel so fortunate to have had you in my life. You will forever be a part of me......

Love your niece,
Mildred