Dear Granny Vita,
Today is the fifth anniversary of your death and yet I have never written a wall post. I have added pictures, but I have never written any words. At first, it was too painful and later it felt too insincere. I have always believed that you know what is in my heart and what I feel, but cannot always put into words. Words that sound too forced, too formal, too inadequate or too flowery when spoken aloud. But just in case you cannot read minds, just in case you cannot magically hear my heart, I want to say these forced, inadequate, formal and flowery words to you that have built up for the last 5 years:
I love you with all my heart and I miss you dearly. I think about you daily! I think of you for sentimental things like I wish you could have seen this new crop of great grandchildren. I think of you for lucky things like when I barely catch the train in the morning and I wonder if that is you looking out for me. I think of you for embarrassing things like “I hope Granny Vita isn’t looking down on me in this messy room right now.” I think of you for pretty little things like how Vita and Johanna were wonderful names. I also think of you when correcting my petty, angry thoughts (for which no examples are needed). Sometimes, I think of you for no reason at all and I habitually fiddle with the ring you gave me. Overall, I just feel so thankful for the love you have given me and for which you have never asked for any reward.
To be honest, if there is an afterlife, I hope you are not spending your days worrying about us, but resting blissfully in your own private paradise with Jolyon, George O’Brien and all the other loved ones you lost, but can now see again. But it might be too much to ask you not to worry about the living because your family was always so important to you. In fact, outside of your faith, it was the biggest influence you had. Your influence in me was remarkable because I cherish my family tremendously. My aunts, uncles, cousins, brother and father (whom you accepted like your own) bring me joy and comfort. But, most of all, I am thankful for my mother. Thank you for giving birth to her, nurturing her and looking out for her, so that she could grow up to be my mother. I have never had the most easy going personality (that is an understatement, I know, haha!), but my mother has always shown me unconditional love and has given me strength. I hope I have shown the same to her. If I haven't, then I will strive to do better because she is a gift you gave me for which I am endlessly grateful.
Now that I have finally decided to write something, the words are just flooding out. I can’t remember you with anything other than fondness. Even your casual remarks now suddenly have more profound meaning and any harsh words you have ever spoken now bring humor and understanding. So I hope you are not spending your days worrying about your family because I know that we will be just fine with you in our memories. Rest In Peace Granny Vita. Love always, Kerene.
