This is a story that I never told Bill while he was still with us, but I wish I had. I think he would have enjoyed it.
Many, many moons ago, Bill came to me in a dream. This was before I ever met him in real life.
I was attending local college up in Washington state. And even then, I knew I was naturally inclined towards older men.
I had a yearning to love, and to be loved, by someone special, in a way that no other love could be experienced.
And so one night, standing outside, in the front of my childhood home, a shooting star blazed across the sky. That night I wished that there would be someone I could love, and who would love me in return.
Sometime thereafter, I don’t recall exactly when, but one early morning, around 6 AM, during deep REM sleep, Bill came to me in a dream.
It sounds crazy, I know.
But in the dream, he was wearing his baby blue robe. And he wore those big, round, nerdy glasses - the same glasses, he used to wear when I first met him.
I could see his face vividly in the dream, even though I had never met him before.
And then a feeling of love, and high-vibrational energy, washed over me, and I woke up that morning, I went to school that day, and I felt my that something would manifest, and change my life forever...
It was not until a season or two later that I would come to know and meet Bill in real life.
Since his passing over a year ago, Bill has come to me in my dreams a few more times.
The first time was on his birthday last year. As if flying down from the heavens, he simply came and he kissed me. It was brief, but it just felt so real. It warmed my heart, and it gave me strength to carry on that day.
The second time was a summer ago. Dreams are often garbled, and its meaning unclear, but in this dream, I could hear his voice clearly, and he spoke to me. He said something to the effect, “when you have someone special in your life, you just know.”
Then abruptly I awoke, but I wished I could have kept on dreaming - that I could have stayed asleep and hear his voice again. I think he was trying to remind me that we shared something very special. A love uncommon, and to never forget.
And the last time, was just in this past week – always early in the morning before awaking – I dreamt of his warm embrace. The moments in my life, when I was the happiest.
Especially during trying times like these, I just wish I could hug and hold him again.
I used to say to him, “how come every time I hold my honey, everything just feels right in the world?”
And he would respond to me, in a loving and playful manner, “oh, you just a connee.”
But, of course, I was always sincere. Because it really did. That’s exactly how I felt whenever I hugged him. And it made him feel good in that moment, too.
I’ve dreamt about Bill many more times than that, but it was always in passing. Meaning, I had projections of him in my mind, but he never interacted with me in those dreams. His energy never manifested into something tangible I could sense and feel deep within my heart.
A long story short – Bill was meant to be. He was meant to be a special part of my life.
He brought me so much joy and happiness, I could never thank him enough. His energy, and his love remains with me always.
Happy 20th Anniversary, honey. I love you, and I miss you so much. And I remember, always, the countless times, when you would respond to me, “Boochie, I love you, too”
Thank you, my booch. You are everything that I ever could have wanted.