May 11, 2019
May 11, 2019
God... I keep thinking about this dream I had the day after you died... you were so calm. You were at peace with yourself for the first time in your life. You told me to I deserve good, and to just wait, that I'll see.... and it's happening. My pieces are together again. I feel like I used to. I feel good. I'm calm. I just want to call you and tell you, I want to call and cry.. I'm emotional because I'm realizing so much good. I'm changing my broken pieces, so that I dont struggle my whole life hating me, like you did you. I want to be happy again... and I'm getting there Dad. I'm going to be okay. I lost my Daddy, my best friend... but I gained strength. Some days it's harder to get out of bed knowing life is still going, without you. I never told you how proud of you I was... I am. I never told you how much you kept me going. I didn't tell you how scared I was to lose you. I told you in mean ways.. I told you with anger in my heart. My anger is lifted. I'm never going to be the same. I'm never going to not have this hole... I'm never going to not need my Daddy. Not everyone understood us, but we did. Not everyone understood you, but I do. I love you Daddy, and I'm going to make you proud.