Let the memory of William H. (Billy) be with us forever
  • 44 years old
  • Born on July 24, 1965 .
  • Passed away on February 16, 2010 .
This memorial website was created in memory of our loved one, William H. (Billy) Lockwood 44 years old, born on July 24, 1965 and passed away on February 16, 2010. We will remember him forever.
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 16th February 2018
8 yrs today Billy. Hard to fathom . I still recall saying my goodbyes to you over the phone!
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 31st December 2016
Happy new year Bro!!! I know how you loved this night!!! Calling random numbers at midnight saying " happy new year!" I just left a rather emotional post on hubbys page. It's time I move forward with life as is. I gotta be happy again or spend the rest of my days in misery. I really don't want that and I believe Paul loves me too much to see me that way. It hurts to let go of what was suppose to be ; but I have to now. No options. I love and miss you to!! Know this always!! Happy new year Billy-Bob!!!
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 26th December 2016
Merry Christmas Billy!! Jeff gave an awesome gift !! Pics of you and all the fun you had at Christmas!! You SOONloved this holiday I know !! I'm just sitting here in pain again! I miss you ; miss my husband ... miss everyone!! I'm just soo lost Billy! I gotta find myself again and be a better mom to my girls and take care of myself. But the lose and pain is unbearable now and I can't helped it. Take care of everyone . Please make sure paul is ok and he knows everyday that the girls and I miss him terribly! I love you to, big bro!!❤❤
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 27th August 2016
Hey bro!!! Just on the hubs site and realized I never left a message on your birthday last month!! And here it is almost September!!:( I knew you'd be celebrating up there with mom though. I'm just hopping all is good and I miss you and everyone else omensley as always. I'm Lonley for Paul and still hurt so much. My heartache will be a part off me forever!:( too much lose and heartbreak, Billy! It's what I have e now; but the girls are my stability and my rock. Jeffrey is ok and got great news about no cancer ; and STILL SOBBER!!! I'm proud of him; as I KNOW you are!! He did it for you as well... His sobriety is yours in my mind's eye!! Love and miss you Billy .... And HAPPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!! ❤️❤️❤️
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 11th June 2016
Hey Billy. Haven't been in yours or the hubb's site often as late but I wanted to drop in and say I love and miss ya. I'm just lonely and struggling . I actually told my co worker April; last night at work; " I'm not happy." I love my girls and I know I have those who DO love me and I have friends who care; bro in law Jeffrey; but in just lonely and unhappy with the direction life went for me And my girls!! And I lost so much and many who I care for and love!! I'm trying to stay strong but; shit; I fee that a big part of my heart died that morning also ; when Paul's stopped. Look after us Billy; and take care of Paul; mom; ( and even dad) up there!! Always!! Love you bro!!!
Posted by Jeffrey Williams on 19th May 2016
HI!!!!!! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BABY!!! I am so sorry that you have not heard from me sooner. Not that I have not tried, OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER again. I have sent you quite a few nice heartfelt long messages to you, Christmas, a couple times after, Valentines day and once after. The website shows them sent. I go back later, and only a couple sentences are there, nothing more. Of course I get pissed off each time. Scooter and I are thinking maybe because I sent them from my mobile phone it has fucked them up. So here goes one more time.... WOW, May 18th, 1884. St Mount Helen's Eruption's anniversary from 3 years earlier, right? LOL.. Of COURSE our anniversary is on St. Mount Helens Day. Life has been quite a challenge these past 16 months. I DID celebrate my 1 year SOBER anniversary March 24th. I went back to Eugene for the Celebration as that is where it all began. It was good to see everybody. I have been doing EXCELLENT with my sobriety. It has been such a piece of cake for me. I attended AA for the 1st year, but I just go for inspiration. In the beginning it was for support, not for sobriety, but for gaining everything back that I ever believed in myself. Other than you being gone, I have never been happier in my life. I feel GTREAT, I have been told by most that I look Great. I weight 148 POUNDS, thinner than even you have seen me. I had ballooned up to 242 before that. Probably about 40 pounds larger than you have seen me. California is going great, right back where we started. I wish we would have returned earlier. I will always love Eugene, but those chapters of my life have changed. I am a new person. my life has changed. As a matter of fact, on my 1 year sobriety anniversary, I started going by Jeffrey. The old Jeff just moved to a better level in life. It did take me about 5 months to actually adjust to California, which shocked me. Terrible issues with Trudy and Missy. But I was equally responsible and all is good. Trudy and I are probably stronger, and things are improving with Missy. But California is my home and feels like my home. My mobile home is great, has so many possibilities that I am doing to make it just perfect, Jeffrey's way, you know. LOL The Greatest Greatest news of all is that Gayle and I are back in each others life, also closer than ever. We will see each other 2 weeks from today and neither of us can hardly wait. That in itself is my greatest reward for all my hard work getting where I am today. I am great! I am doing great health wise. I am currently having anger issues, not sure what is causing them, but am trying to get a grip on them. Yes ONLY over meaningless little dumb things like ALWAYS, but it seems like a couple times a day, or sometimes the whole day. Will be starting Anger Management classed soon. I also have very very high sensitivity issues. I am in therapy working on these and trying to understand why I am having these issues. Other than those 2 things, I am excellent. I think of you always, as a piece of you will always live in my heart. I have a lot of "What If I"s", "What If's" "wishes" but am trying to stop those. I never will completely stop blaming myself for things like leaving you homeless when I went to prison, enabling you, not supporting your sobriety, but I am starting to come to terms with them and reconciling with it. I really do know there is not anything more I could have done, but....You know , as my new sobriety saying goes, It Is What It Is. Well Billy Bear, Happy 36th anniversary. I will always love you with all my heart ,and I miss you more than ever. You, Paul and the Girls continue to watch over Me Scooter and our Nieces and give us the Guidance we need. Talk to you soon Baby!
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 9th April 2016
Hi Billy! Guess Jeff is having a hard time getting on here for Some reason. But he's ok. I know your looking after him and All of us. Hope you and Paul are getting along up there. I miss him! I hurt everyday!!! I miss you!! Wish I could talk to you. Look after Paul up there and all of us here! Keep your powder dry bro!! Lol I love and miss you Billy!❤️
Posted by Jeffrey Williams on 4th April 2016
Hello there Billy Bear! This website is driving me fucking Crazy! It messed up my messages on Christmas and the anniversary of when you left us! Needless to say I was totally PISSED! I just typed another and lost it
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 12th March 2016
Missing you bro! Was on hubbies site and wanted to stop by. I'm on break at work and I'm having a rough day. I miss Paul!!!! I miss you!!!! I miss everyone!!!!!!!!!! Damn it Billy I feel abandoned here!! Why did God take so many I love !!! My husband?????!!!!!! Father of my children???!!!!!! Why?????!!!!! I'm left a young widow and my girls don't have their daddy!!!!! Not right or fair!!! I know in not the only one; but this pain is unbearable!!!!!!!! Miss you Billy And please keep watching over paul and the girls and I! I know your keeping him company. I love you!!!
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 28th February 2016
Hi big bro!! Thinking about you last few days. I drop in at hubbys site and need to drop on yours more!! Miss you! Just really wish you were around to talk to. Jeff has been a rock for me and I'm so proud of him and how far he's come!! I know he's there for me to. Sometimes I just don't think ill ever fully recover from losing Paul. I just am Diving into work now and the adjustment has been hard. Hate evening shifts but I need to work and support the girls and I. I'm just lonely and feel weak when I show I'm strong in front of everyone. It's exhausting!!! I miss you and mom and dad and I miss my husband and it just sucks!!! But as usual I'm me and I'm a survivor but why must I suffer so! Love you Billy!
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 17th February 2016
Can't hardly believe 6 yrs yesterday. Sorry I'm a day late here. Worked yesterday. But you were on my mind. I've suffered so much lose now.... Think I'm numbing to it all . Today I thought of you; but honestly; I was so busy I really didn't have much reflection!! All I know is I miss you and I am just done with all the hurt and pain ( and quilt) I felt over he years since you; mom; dad; and now, my Paul; left me here. I just want to cherish memories; come to SOMETHING that resembles acceptance of it all.... And move forward into Happiness in this life again. But I just don't know How yet. Maybe one day..... Maybe! I love you, big bro !! And just look after everyone up there. Let paul know you have his back up there also!! Miss you Billy!!!!❤️❤️❤️
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 31st December 2015
Happy new year Billy! It's almost six year now since you left us. I'm lonely without Paul! I'm sitting here in Alabama missing dad to. Drove by the house today,thinking of him. Too much lose and heartache. Done; just done. Going home Saturday. I love and miss you Billy ! Hey, call up random phone numbers up there at midnight, k!? Lol
Posted by Jeffrey Williams on 26th December 2015
MERRY CHRISTMAS BILLY! I cannot believe I am spending another Christmas without you!
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 25th December 2015
Merry Christmas Billy!! Just dropping by after I was on hubby's site. This season is tough. I miss Paul this morning. Yesterday to. Always. The girls were happy if course this morning; and they gave me a beautiful braclet from K jewelers. Charm braclet. And Estae' Lauter perfume. Mom's favorite! She always smelt SOO good with it and I live that stuff. Well; heard it said Christmas is the best time up there so... Enjoy the trumpets sounding up there. May all of you be celebrating in joy today and know we love and miss you!! Merry Christmas bro; I love you!!
Posted by Jeffrey Williams on 11th December 2015
Hi Billy Bear! Well it is here, YOUR & MY FAVORITE TIME OF THE YEAR - the Christmas Season. OH MY GOD, so many great memories! like you pretending to sleep when I got up, almost EVERY YEAR, making me wait as you KNEW how excited I WAS, Opening all the presents, whith mine to you disguiesd, put into odd shaped boxes, some with Rocks or towels to make them heavier, LOL. The best was our 1st Christmas together when you opened all your presents, the Ghetto Box which you thought was your main present, I then asked you to get a big bag out of the closet, for all the wrapping paper, and there was your NEW Bike with a bow on it. I have that pic of you proudly holding it. and of course the Huge Christmas dinner if it even was only the two of us. My fondest memory was you on the roof. stringingthe big lightds arourn the entitle frame and apex of the roof. make sury they were standing straight ip. I would say "now don't forget Billy. tha strings arein sequence as ALL the lights must be in sequence, that is red, green, yellow, blue., remember red, green, yellow blue, make sure you connect new strings in that order".Well, the very first string ended in a red light, and you started the next string in blue, LOL. I am yelling up to you "NO NO NO BILLY, that string is support in GREENstarting in blue. REMEMBER RED GREEN YELLOW BLUE!" I came out a little later and saw a string 2 back from you in the wrong order, and said, "BILLY,that string is wrong, so youhave to take the 3 strings diwn abd redo them RIGHTPLEASE!!!! That was Sally's very favorite of you snd she shared it at your Celebration of Life. Damn, I miss you so much, hear I sit, writing this with all the memories, listening to your memorial music, whth tears of joy and tears of sadness running down my cheeks, It has taken me some time to get into the Christmas in 32 years that I have woken up all alone, which has been on my mind as Christmas approaches. BUT Kathy's son Ted, Missy and the family ivited us to come to Riverside Christmas Eve,spend the night with them, their kids and their grandbabies. So that has made me REALLY REALLY HAPPY! I am moving into my new home and hopefully have everything put away tonight, So I can Decorate over the week end. No, the place isnot finished, was not able to get the drywall uo, so got to deal with that nast painted wood panelling with the grooves. But with All the decorations I have, nobody will notice the walls, well EXCEPT ME! LOL! Hey, I just thought, I still have ALL those Christmas cards we used to tape al overthe open wall space, I have over 500 now, so I just might do it. Of course, will spend an hour a day picking up the ones that fell and retaping them, LOL. ANYWAY,you will be EVEN MORESO, in my Heart, Thoughts, Dreams and Sentiment. Remember, your urn and ashes will be in with the Angels in the Curio, I MISS AND LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH!
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 3rd December 2015
So you got more company up in there last night Billy!! Aunt Renee' joined our crowd i guess. So guess what my request is for you!!! To keep a SUPERVISORY EYE ON HER AND MOM!! You WELL KNOW the shenanigans those two can get into; and seeing mom you know aunt Doris may want to Make up lost time!!
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 26th November 2015
Hey big bro!! HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! I know how much you lived he holidays!! You always made it fun for me as we grew up! You and Jeff always went all-out to!!! Well; it's tough this year. I'm feeling the full weight of it all and I miss paul SOO much!! I've missed you to through the years. Our phone calls and cards and gifts. You left us too Soon also Billy. But I know your at peace so I need to be at peace myself with that knowledge. I've spent a long time in grief over you mom; dad; and now I lost my paul!!:( but I need to learn to refocuse on what I DO still have. My health and my girls as well as Jeff; who checks in on me ; as well as my in laws to and new found friends. I'll eventually be ok. But for now I gotta get through it all. Be my guiding lite, big brother. I need you! Love and miss you!!
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 22nd October 2015
Hey Billy!! Just in my mood again! I will be out of my work come end of next month. Wish paul was here to help me through! It's emotionally tough now!! All I do is carry on! Dammit !!! 17 yrs for what??? Makes no goddamn sense!! Really miss you too bro!!!
Posted by Jeffrey Williams on 9th October 2015
Hey Hey Billy Boy! Just wanted to say hi and let you know you are in my thoughts, more than EVER right now, as I have been reminiscing about our 3 years her! Such GREAT times! Sometimes I think we should have never left! I love Eugene and will always cherish our memories there! I am taking pics of all the places we lived here, oh AND Golden Burger, LOL, sending them to Scooter and will post on your Memorial Wall! I want to start a Scrapbook of our 24 plus years together! I miss you so much! I feel so bad for Scooter, as Connie has really shit on her! She said TERRIBLE things and when Scooter mentioned Paul, Connie told her to get off her pith Potty!!!! How disrespectful and uncaring is that. Now she has unfriended Scooter AND the girls. Have no idea why she is hurting the girls with her vengeance! But I know how she feels, after Gayle turned on me and has said the terrible things about and to me. All O can say is out of sight, out of mind BITCH! I do plan on visiting Scooter and finally meeting the girls for both of us, maybe this winter! Of course, Uncle Jeff is going to spoil the Hell out of them. I want to fly in when it is freezing and snowing, wearing Cargo Shorts, Polo Shirt, Sandals and Sunglasses, LOL! Then take them out to dinner dressed that way! You KNOW I will do it, LOL! Can't wait to move into my trailer and renovate it and deck it all out! I have given the Motorhome some TLC and giving it life, charm and colo!nd scared that I will h Trying to get to the bottom of these fainting spells I am having! I get REAL Dizzy, my eyes roll and my speech is slurred and if I do not sit down immediately upon getting dizzy, out I go. My blood pressure gets to dangerously low levels, like 84 over 57! I do not let on to anybody, but I am REALLY concerned, worried and scared that I might have a stroke! You better take care of that, LOL WELL MY LOVE, I better get going. Great just talking at you! Much Much Much LOVE!❤️❤️❤️❤️
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 8th October 2015
Hey Billy-Bob!!:) just sitting and thinking again!! It's a BIG disappointment...how this side of our clan got!! ( not all ). I'm just really hurt now. You really find out who love you... And who says they did but really turned out self serving ---for them self only!! You know who I'm referring to here! But... My counselor said to not deAl now because I'm in no shape to deal. He's rite! But ; YOU... I know you'd have moved mountains to be with me in my time of need! You'd have begged: borrowed; ect! There are others who are and have been here for me even in distance! Jeff and I message a lot And he's healing his life! I hope to see him one day soon! Maybe he'll come here?? I'll return to Cali?? Who knows! But ; damn it!?! I feel cheated!! I love and Miss paul and we were cheated out of our life!! Our girls won't have their daddy... I fall asleep every night without my husband! NOT fair!!! I miss you to bro!!! You were also my rock and protector... You never wanted this for me!! I love and miss you Billy!
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 23rd September 2015
Hey bro! Just sitting here thinking again! Dangerous places!! I really miss you Billy!! You were always my big bro and my rock!! Jeff would often talk of how you needed family! Why didn't you see it in me?? I know you loved me and I love you.... But that love wasn't enough? I Know you had your addiction and no amount of love from me or anyone could Change that!! But dammit Billy!! If you didn't drink... You'd be alive!! If you were alive ; you'd be here to help Me!! I'm alone here in New York! My foundations are gone! Paul Is gone! Your gone!!:( But I'm being strong, I am!! Girls need me. Just wish you were alive! Jeff , I can always talk to; I do! He's just has to take care of his life and get better! He's among the few here walking on Mother Earth with a voice who I can turn to. Take care of us bro!!
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 5th September 2015
Hey Billy!!! I'm just sitting here and is getting late! Having a rough night. Heard sirens going down our street and began to cry and shake like A leaf!! It hasn't happened before!! Dammit ; wish you were here; alive and well, I'd called you to talk!! But I'm Sitting alone and calming down. I'm numb now. Whine helps. I'm calling a counselor first thing Tuesday after the holiday . I'm Traumatized!!! I just need help; but I know I'll get there! Love and miss you Billy!!!
Posted by Jeffrey Williams on 31st August 2015
Hey There Billy Joe Jim Bob Boy! Yes one of my names for you, like Poopsie, which I used most, and Billy Bear! Just read Scooter's post, you need to get yourself, Paul, your Mom, even my Mom and, yes, Billy Gene too, to do a heavenly intervention on her. She is REALLY having a HARD TIME dealing with Paul. My heart aches for her! She is so strong for Drea and Hannah! She needs to give herself credit for that strength! She has been my biggest supporter these 5+ months when I lost everything in my heart and soul, and I have tried to be there for the past 8+ months for her. The bond we have created over the past 5 years, but ESPECIALLY the past 8 months means the WORLD to me! I LOVE my Sister In Law and Nieces as I love my bloodline family. Yes, I am back in California, where we began. I most likely will be living in one of Kathy's trailer parks! A dumpy little place, but she will buy a fixer up mobile home for me and I will totally renovate inside and out to make it look like a manufactured home! I plan to lavishly landscape what little yard I have, and have a cute funny sign saying "Trailer Park Trash!" LMAO! I just had to leave Eugene, which I loved for 28 years, and will have so many fond memories of our life together and so much more! Yes there are sad memories, your dying, my deserting you when I went to Prison for the DUII. That is when your liver was beginning to fail. I will ALWAYS feel responsible. better sign off for now! AGAIN, all of you get together, do an intervention on Scooters heart and help ease the pain, and sprinkle you guys Angel Dust all over her and the girls! So, in closing, I love miss you so much!
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 27th August 2015
Hey bro! Haven't been here much as I've been blowing up hubbs page but just wanted to say I love and miss ya too! I'm in a lot of pain and grief billy!! I don't know we're im going or what in doing now! I miss paul and all of what we had!! I still can't believe I'm in this at 42 yra old!!! It's not fair!!! We were suppose to grow old and shriveled together!!! And you.... Far too young at 44 also bub!!!!! Jeff must know what I'm feeling now . He lost you!!! He's moving back to Cali as you may know. I just hope it all goes smooth sailing for him!!! Please watch over us all now billy ! I know you would be here for me now if you could !! I love and miss you always too big bro!!! And if mom cried for me tell her I'm trying to be strong and take care of my girls !!!! I love you and miss you bro!!!!
Posted by Jeffrey Williams on 19th August 2015
I just heard this oldie on the radio and thought about you!!!!! There'll never be anyone else But you for me Never ever be Just couldn't be Anyone else but you If I could take my pick Of all the guys I've ever known Then I'd come and pick you Out to be my very own There'll never be anyone else But you for me Never ever be Just couldn't be Anyone else but you A heart that's true and longs for you Is all I have to give All my love belongs to you As long as I may live There'll never be anyone else But you for me Never ever be Just couldn't be Anyone else but you I never will forget the way you love me And when we're not together I wonder if you've missed me 'Cause I hope and pray The day will come When you belong to me Then I'm gonna prove to you How true my love can be There'll never be anyone else But you for me Never ever be Just couldn't be Anyone else but you Mm, mm, mm, mm Mm, mm, mm Mm, mm, mm
Posted by Jeffrey Williams on 15th August 2015
Hey, Hey Billy! On my way to Whidbey Island to visit Priscilla, Rachael and Roxy, maybe even Aaron too! Remember when we drove that little sports car up there for that car transport company? That was our 1st trip together! I am doing good, well better, I guess. Last week when I went to Aberdeen, West of Olympia, I went through Shelton, WA where I dropped you off at your Grandparents, brought back more thoughts of you! This whole Gayle dilemma has taken its toll on me. I thought after almost 5 months sober and in therapy and treatment, she might be willing to at least meet me for lunch and just talk while I am here, as she lives with Nancy in Port Orchard. But she very curtly told me that she does not want to have anything to do with me, talk to me or deal with all the drama associated with a face to face meeting, she wants to just move on without me in her life! Oh, y then she wished me well! You know, I have tried and tried and tried. I have cried so much over this and been so depressed, that I realized I just have to let go. Am I bitter? Sure I am, but it is what it is! Yep time for me to let go and move on. I need your help and guiding me through the letting go and moving on Process. So, get out your golden angel dust, and put those wings to work for me, LOL! Hey, we are going home to California in 13 days! I just HAVE to do this! Time to just close this chapter of my life. After all, California is where we met! I will also be surrounded by family who loves and supports me unconditionally, something I REALLY need. I love and miss you so damned much, even more so at times like this. Also, like I always say, watch out over your Beautiful Sister (my Sister in law) and our beautiful Nieces! Thank God Scooter and I have had each other!❤️ Well I am going to go, MUCH MUCH MUCH LOVE TO YOU!
Posted by Jeffrey Williams on 24th July 2015
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BILLY!!!! Yes, here I AM, Of course, I am!!!!!!! OMG, THE big 5-0! God, if you were here, I would throw you the BEST PRTY EVER!!!!!! It would definitely tbe the "Over The Hill Theme", LOL! Of course, I naturally have your Birthday Candle lit, next to my favorite picture of you, the one on your Memorial Page. The music on your Memorial Page is playing, but makes me cry, but today, I cannot turn it off. I have cried more in the past 4 months than I have in my life, but at least these tears, mean something to me, as they are for you, instead of about me. Today is a VERY bittersweet day for me, Missing you so desparately much on your Birthday, and I am 4 months Sober TODAY!!!! CAN YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT??????? Yes, I am proud of my accomplishments, the progress I have made these past 4 months and my 103 AA meetings in 90 days, but don't have my pride back. I can see a flicker of light at the end of the tunnel, but I am empty inside, have lost my ego and EVERYTHING I have ever believed in myself. I am working so fucking hard to be whole again, to love myself again, and to laugh again..... I know, it is going to take time. I feel I have lost so much - everything. I am very hard on myself, my Counselors, Therapist, Scooter and everybody tells me that. Scooter says I need to forgive myself, which is difficult to do. As my new saying goes, "It is what it is", but Iknow you are watching over me and keeping me safe! Well I am off to my AA meeting to get my 4 Month Coin and "share" today, so will finish later. Hi! I am back! They were out of 4 Month CoinsI The person who led the meeting was an old timer, and he chose people to share, rather than opening the meeting up, so I didn't share or get my coin!!!! I am kind of upset over that, as I like that meeting because it is always an open meeting, except for today. I will get my coin at my home group meeting Sunday and share then. My sharing was sayint this is a special day for me and the coin has special significance, as not nly is am I 4 months sober, but it is your Birthday, and was going to hold my coin in my fist in the air and say "This one's for you Billy, I love you". anyway, I will have to do that Sunday. I am volunteering at the AA 38th Annual Summerfest Convention this week-end at the Hilton. So, rght after my AA meeting, I got a haircut, then went to the Hilton, for a while. I came back to my office, where I am staying 3 nights every week end, to get away from Sponsors and heated up a Cheeseburger patty I made this morning before leaving Sponsors, and put together a BIG juicy Cheeseburger, LOL. Well, I could go on and on and on and on, but guess I better go for now. Happy Birthday Baby, you live in my heart, I miss you so much, need you so much and love you with all my heart. Keep an extra eys out on Scooter, she also is on an emotional roller coaster. I am so glad we have each other to talk with, laugh with and grieve with. She is the BEST!
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 24th July 2015
Oh yea...... Jeff getting his 4 mo sobriety coin today to!!!! On your birthday!!!! Proud of him!! He's trying to make positive changes and I know your hand is app him in his journey as your hand is apon me!! I know if you were Alive, you'd have been crushed for me and have been at my side!! I complain how no one in the family was with me in my hour of need but I know you'd have been if you could!! Be good today billy!! And as you always said " keep your powder dry!" Lmao
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 24th July 2015
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRO!!!!!! Once again celebrating with mom I'm sure!!!! You'd be the big 5-0 today !! How I wish you were here for me To call and tease you about being an 'old-fart' now!!! Lmao I'm still in omence pain over paul but it's been 7 mo so it's going to be a lot longer!! I've lost soo many I love; you, mom, dad.. Now paul and losing him has brought me to my knees!! I just pray for a day I find peace and happiness again but until then, this is my life of loneliness and pain!! But the girls keep me grounded and give me the reason to get up in the mornings and not be off in a corner somewhere, sucking my thumb !! ( lol, ok, I wouldn't really suck my thumb but you know what I mean!) I love and miss you billy!!! Give mom a birthday hug and kiss for me up there too, k??
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 7th June 2015
Hey bro!! Hannah is 12 today!!! These days without paul here make me sad but she's smiling so that is something! I'm the one who carries the pain. But that's how it should be. Perhaps I'll come to happiness again in this life one day but it's not now!! I just have my time to hurt. I keep having these dreams Paul wants to come home!! I'm sure he does!! We were EVERYTHING to him!! I just want him to be proud of the kids and I! I love and miss you always billy!!!
Posted by Jeffrey Williams on 3rd June 2015
Just saw there was a new Tribute on your Memorial page, from Scooter of course. I too have never come to terms or had closure to your or My Mom's death, one of the many things I must deal with in my psychiatric treatment. Another issue I must deal with is my feelings of guilt over not completely supporting your attempts at getting sober, enabling your disease, and saying that YOU were the alcoholic, not me. I keep remembering the promise I made to you when we first got together, that I would take care of you forever, and I failed at that and you are gone. I really need you, Scooter and the girls really need you too. Yes we all know you are watching over us, but sometimes, it is not enough. As you know, "we" are going back home to California. My life in Eugene is my past, and I REALLY need to close this Chapter of my life. We will be back where it all began for us over 31 years ago! I so desperately want to smile again, laugh again, love life again and love myself again. I hate this feeling of emptiness, despair and loss of my ego, pride and self esteem. I am doing great with my sobriety, but have so far to go emotionally and with my own inner personal well being. So many times, I wish I could just quit join you up there. Anyway, I am tired, and am going to bed, so just keep pushing me to survive! I love and miss you and just wish I could hear your voice, see you and hold you again! Much Love sweetheart!
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 29th May 2015
Hey big bro!!! Just stopping in as I was at Paul's site. I'm just lost and lonely without him! It occurred to me yesterday that I really have not come to complete terms with you; mom; or dad passing with me being so young! And you.... You drinking and knowing if you didn't you'd be alive today and could be here to help me through this hell!! I need my big brother...my family... And all of you are GONE!!! MY GIRLS NEED IT TOO!!!!! I know you didn't ask for what you got , eather, billy ; you didn't wake one day and say " yea... Think I'm going to be an alcoholic and die at 44 yrs old.." I just e Really wish you'd got help!! I wish I could have helped. But... Nothing can be done now. What's happened has happened and can't be changed. I just want you to know I still think of you a lot to and just wish you had a different path!! Jeff needs you too. I know your there in spirit for him though. I love ya bro!!!
Posted by Jeffrey Williams on 19th May 2015
Happy Anniversary Baby! OMG, it is 31 years! I lit a candle at the Townhouse for you yesterday! You were in my thoughts all day, and wishing I could be with you. I am all moved out of Gayle and My townhouse and finishing the cleaning for a couple hours today! I am Kinda sad As I really loved it there, even though you were not living there, of course our house on Peppertree is still our favorite there. Just thinking, She lived with us for sometime on Marvin Dr,, Peppertree, and Josh! Our friendship ended very bitterly, on her part solely. I did EVERYTHING I could to keep it civil and easy but you know Gayle........ Anyway it is what it is. I am almost 2 months sober and know how proud you are for me. You've been heavy in my thoughts and heart lately, packing all your pics, Earnhardt hats, paperwork, your Urn, bible, Angels, curio rock collection and just you! Shit I am getting sadder, and haven't even been to the townhouse to leave it for the last time! Should have brought extra mess for today. But I know you will help me through the day!
Posted by Jeffrey Williams on 10th May 2015
Billy Bear! Well here I am AGAIN. I woke up dreaming about you, something about you being homeless and I could not find you. God, I wish I didn't have these dreams of sadness which turns into my guilt for not doing more about being an enabler. Scooter keeps telling me it was your choice, but I still can't help my feelings, one MORE major issue I will need to talk to my therapist about. Just wish I had dreams about ALL THE GREAT TIMES we shared together! As you know, I am doing GREAT with my sobriety! Still struggling with how I feel about myself, trying to get my ego and feelings of self esteem, respect and worthlessness. I know it will take time, once I start with my therapist. The Gayle issue has taken its toll on me, and I am just DONE WITH it and her. She is so obsessed with hatred and refuses to work with me or cooperate at all in making the transition easy for either of us. As you well know, she can be s VERY HARD judge mental person. I should have supported you, instead of not getting involved when she was behind getting you fired from the Pizza Plsnt, after YOU are the one who got her the job there! Still remember when I was in Salem and you were homeless and asked if you could stay with them and she turned her down. But being the caring person you were, and knowing she was my best friend, you never held it against her. Anyway, now the end of our friendship is COMPLETELY BITTER and filled with hatred, on her behalf. I AM DONE! It is what it is! Just goes to show she NEVER was a TRUE friend. Damn, I wish you were here at my side, but I know you are watching over me and I feel it. Of course you are watching over Scooter, and the Gurls, who need it more than I do. Life is not fair, they were a great happy family and cannot understand Gid's decision in taking Paul. If I had the power, I would trade places with Paul, their family would be whole again, and I would be at peace, with you, my Mon, John and even get to know your Mom. But guess Gid has a mission for me and is testing me. I love and miss you so much!
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 8th May 2015
Hello..... Hello again!!! ( lol ; that was the lyrics to a CARS song!!) lol ANYWHO... Just on hubby's site and wanted to stop in ! I'm struggling daily still and will for some time I'm sure! Thought nice weather would help.. But can't deside if it's helping or making it worse! Maybe I'm just thawed now to the point were everything hurts!!! I got my mortgage pay-off/lien release papers the other day and burst into tears seeing the copy of our signatures on the loan papers 10 It's ago on a happy night, closing on the purchase of our first home!! Remembering how happy paul and I were!! I didn't expect those papers in mail to hit me like that the other day!! Oh billy; how I wish you , mom, dad were here to help me through this!! I really miss you all!!
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 29th April 2015
Hey there!!... Just noticed Jeffs posting and I was just on hubbs site a bit ago.. Thought I'd drop by bro!! Yes; Jeffs struggling. Watch over him!! But I know he'll get through as long as he keeps his powder dry and keeps his eye on his prize... Sobriety!!! It's a tough year for both him and I!! ( as if you didn't know!) I was justboverwhelmed and angry the other day. It's normal and will happen time to time! I'm not sure if I'll ever be rite or happy again Billy and fear I'm going to be damaged goods from the trauma of finding my husband dead next to our couch! I just don't know. I feel as though I'm just existing!! Taking care of the kids; working, that's it!! Just wish you were here to talk to as well! I always felt I could talk to you and tell you ANYTHING!! I know you'd move mountains to help me through this!! I love and miss you big brother!!
Posted by Jeffrey Williams on 29th April 2015
Good Morning Honey! I woke feeling sad up this morning, thinking about you, and our almost 25 year relationship, and ALL it's pro's and cons, our, mostly my infidelities, my guilts for such and for your alcoholism, but the companionship, support and total undying love we shared throughout it all was tremendous and unbreakable. I have a lot of guilt and personal reconciliation to do with that with my therapist and is a huge part of my Recovery. I just wish you were here with me so we could have done it together. I really miss and love you tremendously, and will share my thoughts as I reconcile through our many issues during my psychological treatment. But you know I ALWAYS loved you, with my heart and soul, as I know you did me. As you know, Today is Dake Earnhardt's Birthday, may he RIP. Much love Baby. I will make it through this. Much Love Billy Joe Jim Bob Boy, LOL
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 26th April 2015
Having a bad morning billy! I go from sad to angry today... It's unfair!! Good thing I'm not at home or I'd ether trash the garage or set fire to it and watch the M-fkr burn!! ( no I wouldn't really do that!) just too much to handle!!
Posted by Jeffrey Williams on 25th April 2015
Hey Billy Boy! Thinking of you again, apparently you are watching over me closely, as I feel your presence. I need not explain my yesterday, as I know you saw it all. Really just felt like saying screw it all and jumping off this Merry go round and joining you. I just feel lost at times. But I kept remembering you telling me you would never commit suicide, saying it was the cardinal sin, or something like that, meaning I'd be going elsewhere if I ended my life rather than joining you. I know you will guide me through this, just wish somebody would have guided you through alcoholism, so you were still here and I could just see you, hold you and talk to you. I really need that and miss your so much. I can't even look at your urn, bible, rose, angel or pics, as they are still at the townhouse. I hate this roller coaster effect, feeling great some days, and feeling totally defeated other days. I have so much support, but am so alone. I did have a GREAT talk with Scooter today, which was a Godsend, ironically she knew EVERYTHING and was just waiting for me to bring it up, but I did tell her early on that I needed to talk to her, when the time was right.. She is so awesome and I love her as if she was my own Sister. With ALL she has on her plate, she was there for me, very understanding and supportive and with great words of wisdom. Well baby, I am exhausted, both physically and emotionally, probably still overflow from yesterday and even some from today, as Even though it was a good day, I find myself crying like I am doing right now, so, with that, I will say good night and much love sweetheart, may you be in my dreams tonight!
Posted by Jeffrey Williams on 22nd April 2015
Hi Billy Bear! Thinking about a lot these days, your drinking problem, mine, and how it affected our lives. My main regret is that I did not realize and accept I had a drinking probelem many years ago, and support you more by being sober when you attempted to get sober. Had I, we would both be here today. Instead, I enabled you , contributed to your disease and even to your death. I am so, so, so sorry. I wish you were here at my side, through the most difficult time of my life. Gayle abandoned me completely, which was the hardest part, especially since you are not here, I am not used to being alone with nobody here at my side. Some days I wish I wish I cou;ld get off this Merry Go Round and join you up there. But, it is all good, I am slowly putting closure to her friendship and want to put the final nail into that friendship coffin. Damnit, I am in tears again, it sucks. I am lucky though, because I have tons of support, and I know you are watchthing over me. Hey, look at the bright side, damnit Jeff, Man up! I have 30 days sober, going to AA Meetings daily, starting my Recovery Program tomorrow, living in a safe sober house, and even am voulnteering a half a day a week at EVI, the local AA Chapter. Just got to get a sponsor and work through that 4th Step which will free me of the Gayle issue. I am going to go! I miss you and MUCH MUCH MUCH Love. Please be there for Scooter, as I can see she is having a VERY ifficult time, and feel terrible, cuz I am so wrapped up in my own issuses, that I feel like I am failing her.
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 21st April 2015
Hey bro!! Dropping by again!! Of course I was on hubby's site! My life is just days and nights of sorrow and loneliness without him! I miss him!! I miss you and everyone else too!!
Posted by Jeffrey Williams on 17th April 2015
Hi! I know, I know, it is about time that I checked in with you. Of ourse you know about my being sober and in recovery and my legal issue. I am totally humiliated, and know what rock bottom really is. I realioze that I lose complete control of my actions when I geet so drunk and have blackouts. I never thought I had blaackouts, just thought I was too drunk and did not remember. This has cost me my friendship with Gayle, whch is VERY difficult for me, and is my biggest barrier to overcome. I am starting an EXCELLENT program through the VA, alcoholism, sobriety, staying sober, psychiatric help, group sessions and one on one sessions. REALLY looking forward to it. I know you thought I would NEVER go into treatment and stop drinking, just goes to show, Never say Never. I know you are watching over me and will give me the strength and guide me through this. I miss you so much and just wish you were here just to talk to. Hey, I GTG, going to an AA Meeting, so I will chat at you later. Much LOVE!
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 17th April 2015
So I checked on Jeff other day and he seemed ok!! Just worried for him but know he's making a good choice for himself and getting help he needs! I confess.. I'm drinking a LIL BIT more than norm! Don't worry I'm ok... Just I need to 'medicate' myself at times. I'm not well without paul and far too much lose in this life . It's been very cruel and unfair to me !! Maybe one day I'll be whole and well again... But for now I just accept myself as is... A broken shell. Love and miss you bro and wish you were here to help me through this!! Don't Let mom cry up there for me if she is and take care of paul for me too ok??
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 17th April 2015
Hey hey hey!! Lol ( as you'd always say!!) just thought I'd stop by! Been on hubby's site!! Lol Hannah's post on her dads site yesterday I came across and prompted a phone call to school!! We're was she yesterday morning?? In school!! Lol didn't think my almost 12 yr old would skip but... Kids today! Smh
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 11th April 2015
So I hear it's siblings day!!!! Happy day bro!! I was glad to hear from Jeff and I'm praying all works out for him! He's needing some help now and I just know you'll have his back too!! I love ya and miss you and I just wanted to say HAPPY SIBS DAY to ya!! From your loving sister always!
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 5th April 2015
Happy Easter Bro!! Just posted on hubb's site. It's all still surreal to me at times I can't wrap my mind around him being gone!! Everything just hurts like hell now!! I don't know how I'm going to recover from this billy!! Never dreamed I'd be were I am today! Well, you just keep everyone up there happy and laughing and tell paul the girls and I are ok... Comfort him too, k? Give mom a kiss for me. And dad??... Well... You know....you two just please don't fight. Love and miss Ya too billy!!!
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 30th March 2015
Hey bro... Just stopped by after visiting hubby's site!! God I miss him! I'm lost!! I cry every day still and I'm just in pain!! The kids give me the reason to go on!! Why did I get left behind here by SOO many of you I love!!! Now the father of my children and love of my life too!!!! WHY???!! Maybe one day ill get my answer!! We will all be together again one day for eternity!!' I pray!!! Love you billy!!!!
Posted by Jeffrey Williams on 16th February 2015
WOW, 5 years, it does not seem that long, but I can still see your smile and hear you laugh and I know you are there watching over me. Even though Inam happy and content, I will ALWAYS miss and love you, as I know you miss and love me! Today is ESPECIAAL hard for Scooter, remembering and coping with you, and tomorrow will be 2 months since Paul passed away. My heart breaks for her, but she will be strong for the girls, just as they are being so brave and strong for her! I love and think the world of Scooter! In time, she will find closure with Paul's passing and find peace. We call each other Sister in Law and Brother in Law, LOL, should make you proud! AND, I am going to meet Scooter and the girls at Disneyland in July! I am going to Hawaii Friday for 10 days, the top thing on my bucket list, followed by a trip to Buffalo, followed by a trip to Alabama to see your Dad and Merrie! Don't raise your eyebrow at "bucket List", LOL, I am not planning on joining you yet, LOL! I have just come to the realization, that we never know what tomorrow Will bring or have in store for us, so just want to enjoy life to the max, and do things on my bucket list while I can still enjoy them, at my "YOUNG" old ripe age, LOL! I lit your candle today, as did Scooter, double candles for you and Paul! Continue watching over her Billy, she needs you! Well, I am going for now, just remember that I love and miss you very much!
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 16th February 2015
I know you, mom, dad, even Dave, are keeping a loving hand on me now in your spirit and have seen my tears, and wanted to comfort me best you can. I know you would in a heartbeat!! I love and miss you bro!!! Just continue to be good up there and " keep your powder dry " as you'd always say!!
Posted by Annmarie Przybysz on 16th February 2015
Can't fathom five years today you passed Billy!!!! It shattered my heart!! I still struggle with not getting to you before... But I'm more at peace now with the knowledge YOU are at peace! I'm not good these days and my heart is broken after losing Paul. But I'm only trying to carry on the best I can.

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