Words of Remembrance, from the Mass of Christian Burial, March 1st, 2021, delivered by Paul Robert Carreo, and co-written with Julie Ann Carreo and Jennie Carreo Young
[Introduction] We stand together to celebrate the life of William Robert Carreo. Since Dad’s passing, my mother, sisters, and I have been overwhelmed with gratitude for the beautiful tributes for our Carreo strong, family leader. I’d like to take a few mindful moments to share some of his life and values so that we may all feel more connected to his spirit and one another.
My Dad’s idiosyncrasies could inspire a Dickens novel and his passion for reason, responsibility & justice belong in a philosophy text. His exuberance, charisma and energy would fill any room, and you’d always hear his arrival because he’d carry a buzzy humming about him, like a lightning rod, ready to charge us all up.
[Part I: Coming of Age]: Bill burst to life in December 1939, finding his first steps in the 19th Ward of Rochester, loved and adored by his parents Agnes & Brevio. He was a prince of princes growing up in upstate NY in the 40’s, muddied overalls, fishing with his cousins in the Genesee river and firing his Red Ryder beebee gun in the woods. You can imagine the impish rebellion beaming in his eyes as a boy, as he pillaged turkey pot pies from his neighbor’s storehouse. Sometimes he’d get in trouble for plucking the eyes out of his sister Kathy’s dolls… but he loved his baby sister very much and they became lifelong friends.
In Dad’s coming of age story, through the rock and roll decade of the ‘50’s, there seemed to be a lot of stories shared about joyrides in his Corvette and smuggling pizzas into his dormroom of St. Andrew’s and St. Bernard’s seminary. Yet, despite the temptations and his rebellious streak, he continued his studies in divinity & morality, shaping his interests to the humanities, particularly helping the disenfranchised. After his time at St. Bernard’s, he would forego taking his vows of ordination in order to pursue a Masters in Social Work, feeling a personal calling and duty to eliminate poverty and inequality in the world. He said that was his reason, but I think we all know the truth was to pursue the love of his life, his wife of 53 years, Carol, and to start a family.
[Part II: His Adult Life, Vocation & Family] Through his adulthood, Dad showed a true zeal for life, and his interests reflected so much about his values. As a champion golfer, he racked up countless local tournament trophies alongside his mentor and uncle, Dean Carreo; he was always the warrior in pursuit of grace through the perfect swing. This was a lesson he’d go on to teach each of his children and grandchildren, and I often felt the driving range was his church for teaching harmony.
Bill was most at peace with family, spending his happiest gatherings with the Tobins, Woods, Foleys, & Monacells - family reunions, grand adventures with Uncle Mike and Aunt Kathy, Christmas dinners at Uncle Tom’s and Aunt Dolores’, and camping on 4th Lake in the Adirondacks with Uncle Bob and Aunt Janet. I have images of Dad charging through deep snow drifts with his Old English sheepdog, Nanny, and later his Bordercollie mix, Bear - playing around like he was a dog himself. And many-a-cousin have told tales of his scary campside ghost stories, channeling his inner Stephen King, and inspiring creative future story tellers.
Dad often told me that when he was at a crossroads deciding what to do after his time at St. Bernard’s Seminary, he took a career aptitude test that advised he would be a fantastic Librarian due to his vast interests in intellectualism, literature, and knowledge. When receiving feedback about his test results, my father, self-aware at an early age, threw his head back with a loud roar, and immediately explained that being quiet all day long would be his idea of hell on earth. Dad was a true renaissance man of the humanities… literature, philosophy, music, and art. And instead of library science, he continued his critical thinking as a high official for social services, and rose to become the deputy director in Monroe County.
[Part III: His Later Life & Legacy] At his core, Dad was a proud and loyal family man, Julie has said he grew more sentimental in his later years. As a photographer, he catalogued all our childhood memories, and often said that his family was his most treasured accomplishment. He was happiest when he was surrounded by the love of his family… Christmases in Florida, bonfires in the backyard, trips to Seabreeze for a ride on the Jack Rabbit, a carousel ride at Charlotte Beach, and so many beautiful shared sunsets. What mom and my sisters remember most are the little things. Dad delighted in small treasures, like taking car rides around Webster, with brief stops to gaze at Lake Ontario, drive a golf ball in an open field, get an Abbott’s ice cream cone, or buy some scratch-off lottery tickets.
Mom always believed that at his core, Dad was a warm, sweet, and generous man; this is the foundation on which she built her everlasting love for him.Dad loved to create special moments. Pushing little notes under our bedroom doors with suggestions for the day, bringing our Mom a bouquet of flowers unexpectedly, and slipping a $20 bill in our hands after a family visit, to be used for a treat later. Dad was an outstanding curious listener and in his quieter moments, he’d really take the time to learn about others’ careers and others’ passions, asking questions and recapping in a way that showed he really understood. He was always interested in gaining new perspectives... from books… from film… from nature… from conversations.
Dad was authentically and unabashedly himself, unlike any other, and the values he carried were diverse and profound. Chief among them were: 1. Pursuing Justice 2. Dedication to Self-Betterment, and 3. Sharing Joy & Love for All the World
1. In pursuing justice, Bill’s dedication to a vocation for public service has given many people hope for a better tomorrow, from his long career driving forward a personal mission to eliminate poverty and social inequality. My dad’s superpower was that when he sensed an injustice in the world, it became his compulsion, his insistence, his faith... that humans can do better.
2. Regarding self-betterment, Dad was a deep and critical thinker, and challenged others to spirited debates across politics, philosophy, & current affairs. He would rarely tell you how to think or what to do, but he would often challenge you on ‘why it should matter.’ His children, Julie, Jennie and myself, would say our work ethic comes from Dad’s insistence that you take pride in everything you do, big and small. Dad’s the one who first made me believe that any career, service, homemaking, or mission - can become your vocation when done with the right intrinsic purpose and conscientious dedication.
3. Sharing Joy & Love, Jennie had said once that everyone thinks of flowers when they think of Dad. But many don’t know that he really hit his stride after retirement as a gardening zen grandmaster! It was as if he was focusing his passion for humanity into the fragile and awesome beauty of nature, tending, caring and sharing it with others - painting small rocks, laying down topsoil, building beauty one little flower at a time. With small steps, ingenuity and the perseverance of endless hours - Dad built his yard into a magnificent monument for joy. He poured his whole self into it, and as it bloomed into his masterpiece, he began bringing his beloved grandsons, Matthew and Patrick, into his magical world, imprinting on them his approach, igniting their creativity, and laughing together as they played around in the mud.
We saw a grace and rhythm in many things, from his perfect golf swing to his snowman snoopy sculptures, but it was through his time outdoors we are left to ask, “did you pour your whole being into this garden to show your character of strong will and love for us?”
[Part IV: Closing Sentiments] In closing, we come together to celebrate a great man’s legacy, a larger than life character, unapologetically, authentically himself. For all of us the light of his candle burned out too soon. We cherish the fact that he left this world knowing how much he was loved and that we knew he loved all of us.
We are believers in his legacy and all that we learned in imitation of his example, and I hope you will do the same:
We learned the importance of giving aid and comfort to the poor; staying well informed about the inequities and injustices that surround us, valuing self-betterment and education; treating the Earth and its creatures big and small with respect; putting your family first with pride; taking time to marvel at the little wonders of the world; laughing with your whole body and soul; standing up for yourself and your values; never forgetting where you came from, never losing sight of who you want to be - Love and laugh and give and share... until your last breath.
One of Dad’s most simple discovered truths was that “God is Love”, he proclaimed this one day like he had solved the Rosetta Stone - he said this Love is central to all the good in the world... without it we are nothing, with it we can never be lost. I find myself often repeating “God is Love”, and I invite you to do the same. Bill… Dad… Papa… we love you to the moon and back, forever and always.
