Hello sweetheart

You would have been 79 today if you were still alive. I wonder if birthdays are celebrated in heaven. Guess not. Don't think such mortal activity is done in heaven. The bible reveals that all in heaven have only one thing to do that is praising the Lamb that is worthy to receive honour and praise.

Depression sets in again last Sep which led to a gradual increase of my anti-depressant. I was proactive this time and alerted my psychiatrist. It made me wonder if it's cyclical but the psychiatrist said it's not. The loss is greatly felt - losing someone who loves you so much.

Thank God I'm feeling better lately although you are still very much missed. I started to have dreams of you this past week but they are not sweet ones. How I'm not able to be with you in my dreams makes me sad.

I've asked the psychiatrist last Dec how I could recover from grief and she said I should do something that you would be proud of. So I've resolved to trust the Lord and asked the church to pray for me. Deliberately missed my next appointment on 2 Jan, discontinued my anti-depressant when it ran out on 17 Jan as I found that it didn't stop the tears anymore even on double dose. Resumed my 5 km run mid Jan, making it a daily affair instead of 5 times a week - thanks to AIA Vitality 10k challenge which runs from 15 Jan to 25 Mar. 10k steps daily for a chance to win an Apple smart watch each week. Lame right? But I need some incentive to move my butt.

Exercising daily does lift my mood somewhat as endorphins are released in the body. Whenever thoughts of you in distress due to heart failure bring on tears, I consciously thank God that you are not suffering any more. That it's foolish to be sad over something that is in the past.

I've found that trusting the Lord daily and depending on Him to undertake all things for me is such a joy and blessing. This is what which will make you proud I'm sure.

Love you always sweetheart.

Dear Sweetheart

I still cannot stop crying.  I’m typing this as tears stream continuously down my cheeks.  My heart is breaking from having to experience the pain of losing you.  I thought I was better but such episodes still hit me and I just don’t know how to overcome them.

I sometimes wonder if things would have been different if the cardiologist had put you on warfarin or a stronger blood-thinning medicine when you developed atrial fibrillation.  Then you would not have suffered the massive stroke.  Or the cardiologist should have known that you had acute heart failure when you were struggling to breathe for 2.5 hrs after your angiogram, then 22% of your heart muscles wouldn’t have died.  Then your quality of life would have been better as you were able to live so well serving the Lord although you were born with a congenital enlarged heart.  But all these are of no use now that you are gone.  Anyway, as Christians we know that God is in control of all that happen to us.  He could have prevented you from having that stroke or that acute heart failure if these were not His will.  I have nothing to say and I submit to His sovereign will.  I only pray that God would be merciful to help me overcome the grief of losing you.  You who are so precious to me, you who understand me and make me laugh.  You who love me so much.  Losing you is like losing a big part of me and it hurts so much.  Or maybe I’m just being inpatient.  It’s been a year & 4 months and I’m still grieving.  I wonder how long this grieving process will last and I don’t wish it to extend for too long.  It’s not going to do me any good.</span>

I thought I had it but I still cry. Lord, You have to give me something more lasting. Telling myself that sweetheart can breathe easier in heaven doesn't seem good enough.

I don't know how not to break your heart. Tears-gate is unstoppable when I think of you.   Some say "don't think so much".  How not to when you have become so much a part of me?

It's already more than a year since you closed your eyes on earth and open them in heaven. They say time will heal. I'm still broken-hearted. But thank God I'm no longer depressed. Embracing life and keeping fit with regular morning jog. Still trying to settle into doing insurance full time and taking care of mummy and pa who have moved in to stay with me since my discharge from hospital. I sometimes wonder how you juggle between so many roles and still have time for me. I can only think of this verse in Philippians 4:13 (KJV) "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

Love you always sweetheart.

Dear Amy,

I am terribly sorry to hear about the passing of Mr William Seah and I express my sincere sympathy to you and family.

I recalled fondly serving both of you at the now defunct Pinetree Town and Country Club in the 90's. Mr Seah and you were especially friendly, always very understanding and considerate to the staff. 

Both of you wrote me this very encouraging letter when I went on to open the now defunct Fort Canning Country Club which I appreciated it very much.  

Amy, although Mr Seah may not be there physically, but he will always be right there with you in soul. Remember, love never dies. Take care of yourself and keep your heads up.

Mr Seah will be missed and he will never be forgotten, may his soul rest in peace.

Best regards,
Andrew Mah 

To my dearest sweetheart, my one and only boyfriend and husband

How time flies! It has been a year since you closed your eyes on earth and opened them in heaven. It was really tough coping with grief. I walked the path of the inevitable. Depression caught up with me towards the last quarter of 2016. Felt so lost without you which was understandable as we were almost 24/7 together for almost 20 years. Thank God I've recovered by the beginning of this year after receiving treatment end of last year.

Happy and embracing life although I still tear whenever I think of your great love for me. You held on despite all the discomforts just to be alive for me. When you were in CCU a week before your passing, I cried after telling you what the doctors said to me, you consoled me by saying that you will not die so soon. I asked how you know and you said God has some more work for you.

Life without you is no fun and I can only live on memories. Glad I recorded some of the things you did or said which were amusing which never fail to make me laugh.

The only thought that comforts now is that you can breathe easily in heaven with no constant shortness of breath. Nausea, unwellness and headache no longer plague you.

I used to consult you for everything. Now I've learnt to commit everything to God and wait for His answer. I've also tried to think before doing or saying anything as you have always taught me.

Your passion for cooking has somehow rubbed on me. I now understand why you said cooking is therapeutic. I cook for my parents who have moved in to stay with me since my discharge from Mt E whenever possible.

I wanted to quit insurance when I was depressed but the Lord has assured me that He will be my help. You had the passion for insurance and you were a born salesman with the gift of the gap, knowing how to counteract objections and not take things personally. This I've to develop. I'm beginning to like being an insurance agent and believe with God on my side I'll be able to succeed in this career.

Since my last update I found myself crying every day and some days were really bad.  Tears flowed so uncontrollably when I'm in the shower, when I'm alone driving, after a run, when I think of you, when I miss your cuddle, when I encounter a problem and you are not there to advise.  I feel so sorry for myself.  I sometimes feel so alone.  While you have no fear of death and are all ready to go in God's appointed time, you only worry for me that I can't let go.  It's true that I didn't want to let you go.  It was hard to let you go.  How I was calm and filled with peace when you finally left on 24 Apr still amazed me.  It was all God's grace.  When everything was over, I struggled with this great loss, that you are not ever going to be part of my life pains me deeply.  I remembered what you had always said, that we should accept what God gives.  I've finally come to terms with your passing, believing that all things work together for good in the life of a christian (Romans 8:28)  That God in His infinite wisdom has taken you home and His will is best for us.

While I'm taking care of my health, getting enough sleep and not going hungry, keeping myself fit, I fear going into depression.  Besides asking God to help me overcome my grief, I want to know why I'm like this.  So I turned to the internet and googled "how a christian overcome grief of losing a spouse". 

Understanding the grieving process, the different stages of grief, that it is a part of the healing process, that not everyone goes through the same, that my grief is unique as no one else had the same relationship I had with you, that there is no fixed time to overcome grief help.  That this emotional pain like a deep cut will heal with time and I must not rush.  I guess with the loss setting in, it's good to know that crying is the body's way of coping.  That it's okay to cry.  Thank God that there is hope for a christian that we will see our departed loved ones again.  

However, I don't wish to grief for long.  Being in a state of low energy, sorrow and sadness suck.  I pray and wait upon the Lord for deliverance, for Him to send people into my life who will help me walk through this journey of grief.  God is good and He understands what I'm going through and I can always go to Him to "obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need". 

Hebrews 4:15-16 (KJV) "For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.  Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need."

I miss you so so much sweetheart and if there is one wish that God will grant me, I’ll ask for the impossible, that is to have you resurrected, restored and return to be my husband.   Do you know that I’ve been crying since returning from JB last Sunday and I can’t stop??  Can’t really work and feeling stressed that clients are waiting for me to get back to them?  Last week was our wedding anniversary week and I thought I’ll line the week with activities Monday to Sunday with only 2 days of insurance work.  Grandson Luke slept over at our home after extended Seah family dinner at Tua Pek’s.  Spent the whole of Monday with him at Sentosa and he had a fabulous time riding the luge 5 times and trying to win the fight with a virtual fat guy that is 3 times his size at the Art Fighter in the Trick Eye museum.  Visited Lilytopia at Gardens by the Bay with Sherri on Wednesday, the actual day of our wedding anniversary.  Had a good time of sharing and capturing the floral & fauna in both domes.  Spent Friday to Sunday with the family (Allister, Bena, Benedict, Luke, Joy & Colin) at our home away from home at Le Grandeur Palm Resort Johor and bringing them to the eating places we frequented.  Discovered a new restaurant and fruit stall selling durians as the zi char eatery closed on Saturday.  Thank God there was no jam at both Malaysia and Tuas checkpoints and I was glad to make it for church worship at 2 pm.  But I feel worse since returning.  All these didn’t help me get over you, in fact they made me feel worse as I’ll rather be going to all these places with you, only you as you have become so much a part of me.  When I have you, I feel complete and there is no need for anyone else, not even close girlfriends whom I have none.  Many people have said to me “call me when you need help”.  But you & I know that we never liked to bother anybody and will never impose as everyone has his/her life to live.  I know what I need, GOD’S GRACE and lots & lots of prayers from the family of God.  I am confident I’ll get over crying soon and just have to be patient with myself as it has been only 2 months since you were gone.  The wound is still very raw and my heart is still broken.

Hello sweetheart

Life without you is no joy, no fun. I'm just going through the motion every day by God's grace. Missing you very very much, can't get over this. Not a day passed without tears.

Cried so badly upon reaching home after a week of church camp in JB last Saturday evening. In this respect I'm glad to have the whole house to myself so I can cry unreservedly. Told God I want you back in my life, asking for the impossible.

I miss the emotional support we give to each other, your wit, your funny expressions, the amusing things you say that made me laugh. Your physical presence gave me strength and joy each day no matter how difficult the circumstances. You gave me godly counsel and taught me discernment. I miss telling you I love you and hear you say the same. When asked for the extent of your love for me, you stretched out your hands wide. I've always told you that there is no one like you in this world any more, once gone it's extinct. You were an endangered species.

I was talking to a few ladies in church last Sunday and two of them testified that it was you who made them feel so welcome when they first came to church many years ago. One remarked that God must send another Elder Seah to our midst. Will He?

I know you deserve to go home and have your well earned rest for we all agreed that you have done so much for the Lord. It must be so glorious an experience to see Jesus face to face. I must be patient, waiting my turn. I know the Lord will take me home too when I've done what He wants me to do. I've been praying for the Lord to prepare me for the day of Christ and I know He is answering that prayer. I know the Lord loves me very much and He has been my constant help. Hence there is no reason not to be courageous to live on for Him. Praying He will deliver me from tears soon.

Today is our 20th wedding anniversary if you were still alive. Blessed anniversary sweetheart. (:

TEARS - saw them in your eyes on the eve of your death and my heart broke. Interpreted those tears as you telling me "darling cing kang kor, I cannot take it any more". I had to let you go. So when the mobile rang at 4.15 am on 24 Apr: "Mrs Seah, Mr Seah's BP is trending downwards", there was calmness and peace which I'm amazed myself.

Now tears flow so freely whenever you are missed especially when I am alone. There's not a single day without tears.

Tears kept rolling down my cheeks on the 2nd day of church camp as your absence was acutely felt. Concerned church mates thought I was down with a bad cold or I had sinus and offered medicine. No one knew those were tears of sadness. I wonder if your heart is breaking too if you can see me in that state. I hate to cry as my eyes will be so tired by evening that I can hardly keep them open. The only good that came out of this crying episode was that I slept through the 5 hours of power failure that happened in the entire resort. Was told power was restored only at 6 am yesterday.

Someone said tears are a part of healing. How can that be?

I asked the Lord: "how can I stop crying?"

The only time when there will be no more tears is when we are with Jesus in heaven for Revelation 21:4 says "And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away."

Am I crying due to a great sense of loss? Maybe. Or self-pity? That I've lost such a precious gift for you are God's gift to me and God sent? I think so. Then the only way is to DIE to self for a dead person cannot feel any more.

Hello sweetheart

I like it that your grave is only a 5-minute drive from church and you have 15 neighbours as of today!   Someone visited and left a bunch of yellow flowers which I hope will be cleared when they wither.  

It has been slightly more than a month, 5 Sundays ago to be exact, since you left me for heaven.  Do I miss you?  You bet,  every single moment.   Do I still cry?   Not so much now but tears always well up whenever I feel sorry that you had to go through so much especially the week leading to your death when less and less blood get pumped out from your failing heart causing your vital organs to fail.   How have I been?  I'm doing ok, ALONE but NOT lonely for Jesus is ever present with me.  Keeping myself busy with insurance, church and updating this website.  Many things to be done, asking the Lord to undertake all things for me, trusting Him, depending on Him for wisdom, grace and strength each day.

Today is exactly 7 months since our daughter-in-law, Adeline Loh left us for heaven but both of you are deeply missed and fondly cherished in my heart.  I can imagine her joy and she calling you 'pa' the moment your heart stopped beating. Below is a poem you penned after her passing (29/10/2015) which I have just proof read.

About Adeline Loh, pa wrote thus on 22 Nov 2015:

A life touched by the love of Jesus, 
A life always caring for others, be it family or friends
Indeed a life well lived and well spent
A life of blessing to so many, faithfully dedicated to her Saviour even to journey's end
A life of self sacrifice and service
For only her Lord she sought to please.
Now in the presence of Jesus, in perfection of joy and peace
Always pointing others to her Saviour, their love for Him to increase
Until they arrive in their home in heaven
Their sins cleansed by His blood, forgiven.
For all our sins Jesus suffered and died
Willingly went He to Calvary, and Him they crucified.
Some day soon we shall meet in heaven, 
And with Jesus we shall be glorified.
There shall no more be parting
For by His resurrection we are justified
And through His Word we are sanctified
Pressing on let our old man be crucified
With all their deeds truly mortified

Now free from all worldly care and labour
Safe in the arms of Jesus with nothing to ever bother
O what a wonderful comfort to know that in heaven we shall meet
Crowning Him the King of kings, falling prostrate at His feet.
No more parting forever in God's Word we have been told
And we shall walk the streets which are paved with gold
Jesus has gone before us, mansions He has gone to prepare
In God's eternal Kingdom and in Christ His glory we shall share.

Her life was filled with cheer and gladness, looking to Jesus alone
Now in the presence of her dear Saviour, 
And worshipping Him before the throne.
In the presence of her Saviour, rested from all worldly care
Gone forever all her struggles, now rejoicing in her mansion, bright and fair.
And all of us who love Jesus will one day meet her over there.
Never more to be separated, and gone also all our burden and care
And with Jesus His glory to share, in our home over there.

Bena, perceived to be most loved by William among his 3 children shared her eulogy of her beloved father on the last night of Vigil Service (28 Apr 2016).  Whenever William went on his business trips, he would send her poems written on cards/post cards for his little princess and bought her lots of clothes from overseas.

Bena's eulogy: 
https://youtu.be/zKsyUj4xf-8

Thank God for sister Keng Seong, a wonderful sister-in-Christ who has ministered to me since William's massive stroke more than 3 years ago.  She would visit bringing food which always suited my taste buds and she was the one who loan us the use of the wheelchair without which William would not have been able to go places.

Her eulogy shared on the 3rd night of Vigil Service (27 Apr 2016):
https://youtu.be/62mUk8Tkyf0

Howard, a brother-in-Christ, had referred a few clients to us after he became our client.  His four children especially the 2 older ones enjoyed the many bible questions which so effortlessly came out of William whenever we visited.

Howard's eulogy shared during the 3rd night of vigil service (27 Apr 2016):
https://youtu.be/OFSoJCy1rdY

TRIBUTE TO ELDER WILLIAM SEAH

In 1984, Mount Carmel Bible-Presbyterian Church was preparing to move into the Clementi Bible Centre at West Coast Road. My family and I were then living in a rented flat at Prince Charles Crescent in Alexander. As pastor of the church, I wanted our family to live near the church, and so went to look at flats in that area.

We saw one at Pandan Gardens we really liked. Not only was it close to the church, it was close to nature, overlooking the Pandan Reservoir. But it was a resale flat and the downpayment required was beyond what we could afford. We began looking at new flats in Jurong West and Bukit Batok, but none of them was suitable.

One day, we received a phone call from Elder William Seah. He had heard about our interest in the resale flat. At that time, he was also living in Pandan Gardens where Calvary Pandan BP Church was located. My wife Jenny had worked in the church kindergarten and knew his wife who was the principal. They lived in the church.

He asked us how much we needed, and offered to raise an interest-free loan for us. But it had been a month since the Pandan flat was put up for sale and we did not think it was still available. Praise God, it was! Elder Seah rounded up a few individuals and deposited the amount we needed into our account. We paid the deposit, secured the flat, and have lived in it for the last 32 years!

The flat had served us well. Being near the church and near where many church members live, we have hosted hundreds of people in our home. Our children have grown up in it. Amidst the rigours of the pastoral ministry, the flat with its soothing view of the reservoir has been a refuge.

A thoughtful and generous act on the part of Elder William Seah has blessed us all these years. To him, we will always be grateful. More so, we are grateful to God for him. “The memory of the just is blessed….” (Proverbs 10.7).

Pastor David & Jenny Wong

28 April 2016

Hello Sweetheart

Thank God for a blessed Ministries Retreat this morning in church.  While waiting for lunch to arrive, Elder Lan suggested we sing "Lead Me to some Soul Today", a prayer you uttered before your gospel sharing during your RI days.  And he asked me to lead in the singing.  Aiyo, this song is new to me as you had never sung it.  You only recited the prayer.  But you know, we all loved the lyrics and the tune and you can be sure we will be singing this in our hearts as we remember you fondly.


Lead me to some soul today,
O teach me, Lord, just what to say;
Friends of mine are lost in sin,
And cannot find their way.
Few there are who seem to care,
And few there are who pray;
Melt my heart, and fill my life,
Give me one soul today.


Music:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjT3C8qs1zc



P.S. Poh Lian recorded me singing for the first time this song.   

Hello Sweetheart

Look what I've found yesterday afternoon as I was taking out more piano books from the cupboard. Your doodle! Probably done some weeks or months before our wedding day? Awwwwww so nice to see you declaring your love for me like that...."Sweet Heart Amy I love u" can almost hear you say it.  Love your "A&W" and how you wrote my name in that "A" and yours in "W".  The part that brought such warm feeling to my heart was when I looked at the end when you wrote "My Dream....Jun 1996 and onwards".  You know, looking at this transported me to cloud 9, knowing that our union was your dream come true???? I'm your dream girl??? Wow.....Nice.   I drove to family worship with smiles and a happy heart.

Hello Sweetheart

Why am I still teary whenever I think of you?  Especially so when I drive home, knowing that you are not home any more.  Well home in a spiritual sense in heaven but not physically present with me.  How I wish you don't have to die for I don't even want death to separate us although one of our marriage vows was "till death do us part", vowed almost 20 years ago;  how I wish the Lord would answer my prayer that He come in our lifetime, that we will be caught up to meet Him in the air.  But I know the Lord is merciful, "not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance." (2 Peter 3:9b) which is why He tarries.

You know, God has really been good to take care of me since you left, preserving me from a near accident on my way to prayer meeting last Tuesday; helped me get to client's place safely this evening to reinstate a lapsed policy; bringing to mind what things needed to be done and how to go about doing them.  In short, He has proven that my fear about not being able to live without you is unfounded although I wish I don't have to go through this.

God has also enabled me to keep fit, at the same time enjoying the beauty of sunrise (photo attached); every sunrise is so different and exciting.

When I look at the sky, I wonder if you are looking down and watching over me.  I can still hear you say whenever I have to run errands "go safe, praying for you".   I know Jesus does, all the time, as the bible says in Psalm 34:15 "The eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous, and his ears are open unto their cry."

My consolation is that you are really happy with Jesus in heaven.  I'm happy as long as you are happy as you had always ended your poems with "Until Thy dear face at last I shall see. For that will be glory for me, yes, glory for me".  And I will be there too when my time is up.  While I have life, may the Lord enable me to live each day for Him and be a blessing.  Our separation is only temporary and I can't wait to be reunited with you, never to part any more.

Hello Sweetheart

Concerned friends & loved ones have been asking how I am coping.  My answer to them is "generally ok occasionally teary".  Teary as I miss you terribly.  Looking at photos of you for the past few months which showed how you had physically deterioriated only pains my heart and wet my eyes.  I can choose to mourn over your death or move on with God's help.  I chose the latter this morning as I know this is what you want me to do.  Hence I changed my facebook profile picture.

You know, AIA has sent letters to all your clients with a standard template which got some clients very concern as they would not want their policies serviced by someone they don't know.  I've posted on facebook (made public) to address this concern.

You had always put clients' interest before self, in fact you didn't even know what commission you were getting. You didn't sell to meet conventions qualifications but the Lord enabled you to qualify year after year nor meet sales requirements for contests but the Lord enabled you to have free iPads when iPads became a needful tool since AIA launched iPoS, an interactive point of sales software.  You simply trust the Lord to lay upon your heart who to see and what to do.  I witnessed how the Lord blessed you when you put Him first, family next and work last.  You won't discuss insurance on Sundays as you want to keep the Sabbath holy nor meet clients on Tuesday night as you won't want to miss prayer meeting.  As you honoured the Lord, I saw how the Lord honoured you.  In 2006, you achieved the highest accolade by being in the Hall of Fame and you were a life member of the Million Dollar Round Table.  Attached is the MDRT certificate which I recently collected from your locker.  Insurance has also enabled you to pay off your late wife's five and a half years' of hospital expenses and provided funds for your 3 children's higher education.  Thank God for leading you into insurance in Nov 1985 when you asked the Lord what He would have you do since you were giving him left-over time for service as you had to travel so often in your position as the managing director covering the Asia Pacific region.  Having consulted pastors regarding the profession, you never turned back although there were uncertainities and adjustments.  You were once telling people what to do and then, you had people tell you what to do.  You had guaranteed take-home pay plus all the perks that came with the job as a managing director and then, you were faced with "no case, no commission" situation.  As you were unable to work after your massive stroke and your heart was failing, your renewal commission sustained our livelihood but you didn't cut back on your offering, in fact you gave more although your income was shrinking as you believed we can never out-give God and it is so true that all that we have belongs to the Lord.

I knew you were not doing well as your heart was deterioriating fast.  I asked you what your last words for me were if the Lord took you home.  By God's grace, I shall "lay hold on the Lord".

Mark Ang (elder son of daughter Bena) gave a wonderful eulogy of his grandfather on the last night of vigil service (28 Apr 2016).  Like his grandfather, he's a thinker and is eloquent in his speech.

Click on link below for his Eulogy.
https://youtu.be/FSTAJEUq7Kw

We were in Hong Kong in Apr 2008 to visit with Dr Peggy Tan and her husband, Dr Tay Keng Wee.  William soon won their daughter, Grace over with his magic tricks, jokes and riddles. Grace was initially shy and aloof but soon became so attached to him that she wanted to be with him all the time.  He just had a special way with people all because of a heart full of love.  This did not come naturally, in fact, he prayed for a heart constrained by the love of Christ.

Click on link to watch William's demonstration of how he did the rope trick.
https://youtu.be/1niyVQs1aqY

Hello sweetheart,

I miss your voice and what better way to listen to you again and be encouraged.


"Witnesses Unto Me" Sunday Message on 23 Jan 2011 at Calvary Tengah Bible Presbyterian Church, Acts 1:1-14 (62:16 min)

http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=3281113145

Nice to hear how the Lord gave you wisdom in your hospital ministry, how you persevered despite the fear of rejection and won souls for His kingdom.



"The Great Gospel Enterprise" opening message preached at Calvary Tengah church camp on 13 Jun 2011 (34:16 min)

http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=72411924250


I like how you gave us pointers that start with the same letter for ease of remembrance. 
Here are the pointers regarding God's word that you shared in above message "The Great Gospel Enterprise":
1) Saturate God's word in your mind
2) Store God's word in your heart
3) Show God's word in your life
4) Share God's word with the world

Hello sweetheart

Spotted a young couple holding hands while the train neared Jurong East station.  Tears welled up in my eyes as I missed holding your hand, something I love to do as it made me feel so loved by you.  I guess I've to get used to just having memories of how smooth your hand was. I tried to console myself that Jesus holds my hand but I don't feel it.  I don't wish to indulge in self-pity and gave thanks to God for the priceless experience of a husband who loved me more than he loved himself.

I'm happy that you are in heaven, no more having those "cing kang kor" feeling of Nausea, Unwellness, Headache, Shortness of breath, enjoying the very presence of Jesus.  In fact I envy you. 

Please click on the link to view the photo collage. Have your tissues on hand.

https://youtu.be/EueK7o8Db2Q

While still in Mt E, recuperating from his major open heart bypass in Sep 2009, William was so happy to get all 3 balls up in the spirometer without feeling breathless. Recorded this for his first cardiologist Dr Susan Quek to see.

Correction: Video was taken 2 days before his heart bypass (CABG Off-Pump on 7 Sep 2009).  My apologies for getting the fact wrong initially.

William was such a joy to be with.  This was something he concocted which I find so amusing.

William had the Calvary Pandan kindergarten teachers over to our home in Nov 2007, served them one of his speciality - fried hokkien mee and shared with them why he kept up with the morning devotions every Wednesday amidst his busy schedule.

Something which he concocted that rhythmed with "stan", a mixture of English and Malay I guess.

William was always fun loving and he made me laugh every day, sometimes several times a day.  Many of us will miss his jokes.  Telling jokes with a straight face and always with a punchline is a gift.  I've heard of the same jokes umpteen times but still laugh each time they were told.  Recorded how he told the "Air India" joke to the front office staff at Le Grandeur Palm Resort, our home away from home in Sep 2010.

William's passion for cooking got him to experiment with many things and one of them was doing the teh tarik when we had our very supportive clients Karen & Edmund over for a home-cooked meal in Jun 2008.

I'm so blessed to know that many sisters and brothers in Christ are upholding me in prayers. To know that I'm remembered and loved is a special feeling. Glad to report that I survived the day without any crying. I'm working towards crying less and smiling more whenever I think of him. Crying is such a tiring affair haha.

Being able to talk about his death in a cheerful way to neighbours and insurance clients is only by His grace.

Being able to resume my more than 5 km run before sunrise is refreshing. Stopped for a month due to his hospitalization.

There're many things to do and I'm asking the Lord to undertake all things for me as I commit them to Him.

First thing to clear is his medicine (some are really expensive and I don't wish to throw) and nutritious milk (balance of 18 bottles). So thankful that the Lord has brought someone to mind regarding the nutritious milk. I'll be delivering them to a client whose father is currently taking it in a nursing home. I'm going to collect his medicine and also bringing something nice for the CCU nurses as a token of my appreciation for all their excellent care of William tomorrow.

Thankful for words of encouragement and practical advice received from fellow widows.

"The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him." Nahum 1:7

Calvary Tengah Bible Presbyterian Church is and will always remains the church that he loves and serves in.  One of his desires was to return to serve the Lord in Tengah again, co-labouring with his fellow elders when the Lord restored him.  In fact he wanted to be well.  When the doctors could no longer treat him in his end stage heart failure, he knew only God can make him well and this he daily pleaded.  When the palliative care doctors asked what they could do for him in CCU 18 days before his death, he said without hesitation "make me well".

I'm so thankful that I don't have to put on a brave front when I'm with him.  I can cry so freely.  When the doctors told me to prepare for the worst twice, I cried in front of him and said I didn't want him to go.  He raised his right hand, pointed up, gesturing me to trust the Lord.  When he could muster enough strength to talk, he said he wouldn't die so soon.  God has some more work for him to do.  I knew it was his way of consoling me.  He even shared a dream that he had one morning.  He said the Lord asked him what he wanted and he said "100,000 souls before the Lord returns".  His heart has always been to win more souls for Christ.  He was so excited about Tengah new town with its 55000 homes.

The last was to visit the brethren in Bethel BPC, Melbourne whom we have grown to love during our ad-hoc ministry there for a few years.  Since his acute heart failure more than 6 years ago, we had not flown, the furthest destination was Senai in Johor Baru, Malaysia by car.  God willing, I shall make the trip on his behalf.

I woke crying. Crying at the wheels too after sending a sister home from church last night. Cried a bit during yesterday's ACM. Cried on Friday night when I felt so sorry having to put him through so much sufferings asking him to fight on for me.

I thought I could be strong with the grace and strength that the Lord gave. I was amazed at how I 'performed' on the day of his death, at the wake, vigil services and at the burial site. I thought I could deal with the pain. BUT. ...when I'm alone and I think of him, tears just roll so uncontrollably. I miss him so so much. I asked the Lord "why?".  It's so hard to be strong in my own strength.  I just cannot do it.

Then I looked at my phone and was glad to receive this whatsapp message from Gek (I made her the President of the widows club) "Gd morning, Amy, be comforted by the Lord of all comfort. I will be taking off to the airport after church. Please have rest n rise up to serve the Lord again. We must stay focus on Him! Hear fr you when u are ready. Blessed Lord's Day."

Think I must keep myself busy and stay my mind on the Lord. It's time to saturate my mind with His word like what elder Seah would do.  Please continue to pray for me.  I 'performed' because I was upheld by your prayers.

Attached is another letter that Elder Seah wrote to me in April 1999.

I still keep his letters because I was touched that a Church Elder in his position would take the trouble to write to me.

Calvary Tengah BP Church was the first Church whereby my family and I had grown in the Word and the love of God. Many thanks to the well-structured ministries of sound Biblical teachings in Calvary Tengah that the Church Session had instituted.

My knowledge of the Bible was very rudimentary at that time and it was at that time that Elder Seah wrote to me the attached to “expound unto (me) the way of God more perfectly” (Acts 18:26).

Elder Seah had reached out on a very personal one-to-one basis to each and every member of Calvary Tengah and even to new comers like my family; that was why he was and still is such a beloved Elder to many of us who are grateful.

He was constantly encouraging us to read the Bible, to memorize Bible verses, to serve, to do daily devotion etc.

It was Elder Seah who kept ‘nagging’ at me to attend Prayer Meeting and who kept encouraging me saying that he had been praying for me and my family that I finally succumbed and attended the prayer meetings at Calvary Tengah.

Again, his life verse Phil 3:10 is highlighted in his letter.
I do not want to grieve his family but I cannot help but wonder if Christ had allowed Elder Seah to suffer so much in his last days because he had wanted to be “made conformable unto His death” (Phil 3:10).

Elder Seah had many times told us that he was not afraid of physical death. In fact, he had often expressed his wish that the LORD would take him home suddenly, hence his quoting Phil 1:21 in his letter.

I discovered during his vigil service that he had fought his illness because his wife made him promised about 6 years ago when he first had heart failure that he would fight and live for her sake, as testified by his wife during his vigil service.

Attached is the first letter of encouragement i got from our beloved Elder William Seah not long after my family attended Calvary Tengah BP Church, in his own handwriting!
As evident from his letter, Phil 3:10 was already his life-verse back then.

Eld Seah was very good with acronmys: he asked the names of my children and i introduced my children to him as Janice, Agnes, Clarence and Beatrice in descending order of ther age; immediately Eld Seah said "JACOB without an O". I was pleasantly surprised as i didn't realised that my children's names were in JACoB until that day! Till today, i remember that and i refer my children as JACoB in their WhatsApp group and in email address!

Other acronyms that Eld Seah had invented are "WAIT" upon the LORD:
Watch unto prayer
Acknowledge God's sovereignty (in our own lives, acknowledge the Lordship of Christ)
Instructed in God's word
Take God at His promises
 

I also like the A-Z acronym he created on Sunday, 2/12/2012 - My Reflections

As we can see from Eld Seah's writings, even when he was very sick in Dec 2012, he longed to serve the LORD and reach out to the unsaved!

Eld Seah was indeed an encouragement to us both in his health and sickness.