On this day 30 Jan.....
Hello sweetheart
You would have been 79 today if you were still alive. I wonder if birthdays are celebrated in heaven. Guess not. Don't think such mortal activity is done in heaven. The bible reveals that all in heaven have only one thing to do that is praising the Lamb that is worthy to receive honour and praise.
Depression sets in again last Sep which led to a gradual increase of my anti-depressant. I was proactive this time and alerted my psychiatrist. It made me wonder if it's cyclical but the psychiatrist said it's not. The loss is greatly felt - losing someone who loves you so much.
Thank God I'm feeling better lately although you are still very much missed. I started to have dreams of you this past week but they are not sweet ones. How I'm not able to be with you in my dreams makes me sad.
I've asked the psychiatrist last Dec how I could recover from grief and she said I should do something that you would be proud of. So I've resolved to trust the Lord and asked the church to pray for me. Deliberately missed my next appointment on 2 Jan, discontinued my anti-depressant when it ran out on 17 Jan as I found that it didn't stop the tears anymore even on double dose. Resumed my 5 km run mid Jan, making it a daily affair instead of 5 times a week - thanks to AIA Vitality 10k challenge which runs from 15 Jan to 25 Mar. 10k steps daily for a chance to win an Apple smart watch each week. Lame right? But I need some incentive to move my butt.
Exercising daily does lift my mood somewhat as endorphins are released in the body. Whenever thoughts of you in distress due to heart failure bring on tears, I consciously thank God that you are not suffering any more. That it's foolish to be sad over something that is in the past.
I've found that trusting the Lord daily and depending on Him to undertake all things for me is such a joy and blessing. This is what which will make you proud I'm sure.
Love you always sweetheart.