Hwangap Speech
July 16th 2017
by Most Ven. Dr. Wonji Dharma
to say my life
is a great mistake,
What is life and what is death? What is young and what is old? An Ancient Master once said, “I was never born, so I will never die!” What is the meaning of this?
HIT the Zen Stick!
HÈ!
to think this is mine
is pure delusion,
We come into this world empty-handed, we go out of this world empty-handed. We delude ourselves into thinking that the things of this world are permanent, we want so much to keep our stuff. What is the source of our desire?
HÈ!
to want something
is only a thought,
Our thinking is non-stop, it bounces around like monkeys playing in the trees. We believe something, and then we stop believing it and replace it with another inadequate thought. What is thinking then?
HIT the Zen Stick!
Shouting into a gale-force wind!
to believe in an ideology
is a human’s folly,
We join a group and change our opinions, then we jump on Facebook to expound the way to all our friends. After this, we rigidly argue with those who even slightly oppose us. Why do we do this?
HIT the Zen Stick!
We are like amoebas dreaming we are Gods.
to make something
is what we do for entertainment,
Face it, we aren’t content with who and what we are; so we attempt to change ourselves or the world to adapt to our views. What would we do if we just stayed to ourselves?
HIT the Zen Stick!
Start on the path towards realizing ourselves.
So, Hwangap means roughly, Beginning Again or Returning to the Source. It is traditionally our opportunity to set the slate clean or go off in a new direction if we like. I have found from my 32 years of attempting to discover the source of my dissatisfaction, that it always ended up coming from me, even when I so much wanted it to come from others.
During these 60 years, here on this planet, the one constant throughout my time has been change. Nothing remains static for very long, one door closes and others open, always seemingly at the right time. Also, I have noticed there have been seemingly strange interconnections between the people who have entered and exited my life.
Mostly what I have learned over the years, is what not to do. This may sound too simplistic, yet our lives are one continuous mistake. We make mistake, after mistake, after mistake. We take the Bodhisattva Vows to always correct any wrong that we may do in life, this vow is continuous, just like our mistakes. So, instead of rambling on about my life, which is now just a vague memory, I thought I’d talk about what it means to be alive. In my ongoing research, I came across an article on the regrets of dying people which I’d like to share with you now.
1. We wish we hadn’t made decisions based on what other people think
When we make our decisions based on other people’s opinions, two things tend to happen. We make unexamined choices. There are many of us out there who studied for a degree we regret or even spend our lives pursuing a career we regret. Whether we are seeking parental approval or pursuing pay and prestige over passion, making poor life choices are decisions that will live with us until we wake up.
We also may fail to uphold our mores. When we get too caught up in what our boss thinks of us, how much money we think our spouse needs to be happy, or how inept we will look if we fail, we are at risk of violating our own mores. Our intense desire to make ourselves look good compromises our ability to stay true to our aspirations and, ultimately, to realize equanimity.
Lǎozi said, “If we seek for the approval of others, we become their prisoner.” The best way to avoid falling victim to the opinions of others is to realize that other people’s opinions are just that — opinions, and also that our own opinions are just that — opinions. Regardless of how great or terrible we think we are, that is only our opinion. Our true self-worth comes from realizing our true selves.
2. We wish we hadn’t worked so rigidly
Working rigidly maybe is a prodigious way to impact the world, to learn, to grow, to feel accomplished, and sometimes even to find happiness, yet this becomes a problem when we do so at the expense of the people closest to us. Ironically, we often work hard to make money for the people we care about without realizing that they value our company more than money.
The key is to find a balance between doing what we love and being with the people we love. Otherwise, we will look back one day and wish we had focused more on the latter.
3. We wish we had expressed their feelings openly
We are taught as children that emotions are dangerous and that they must be bottled up and controlled. This usually works at first, and boxing up our feelings causes them to grow until they erupt. The best thing we can do is to put our feelings directly on the table. Though it’s painful to initiate, this forces us to be honest and transparent with ourselves and others.
4. We wish we had stayed in touch with our friends
When we get caught up in our weekly routine, it is easy to lose sight of how important people are to us, especially those we have to make time for. Relationships with old friends are among the first things to fall off the table when we’re busy. This is unfortunate because spending time with friends is a major stress buster. Close friends bring us energy, fresh perspectives, and a sense of belonging, in a way that no one else can.
5. We wish we had allowed ourselves to be content
When our life is about to end, all the difficulties we have faced will suddenly become trivial compared to the good times. This is because we realize that, more often than not, dissatisfaction is a choice. Unfortunately, most of us realize this far too late.
Although we all inevitably experience pain, how we react to our pain is completely under our control, as is our ability to experience joy. Learning to laugh, smile, and be content (especially when stressed) is a challenge at times, but it’s one that’s worth every ounce of effort.
Bringing it all together
Some decisions have repercussions that can last a lifetime. Most of these decisions are made daily, and they require focus and perspective to keep them from haunting us. So, how do we address our lives in this moment? What can we do, starting right this very moment to change our direction? Years ago, when my mother was diagnosed with spinal cancer, I began to look into this, so that I might share it with my family as well as transform the way I experience the world. They are essentially five precepts for living.
The first precept is: Welcome everything, push away nothing.
My first Zen teacher Seung Sahn Dae Jong Sa was quite fond of saying, “Put it all down,” which was his way of saying “welcome everything, push away nothing.” In Zen, we also say things like; “live in the moment” or “be mindful.” Pema Chödron, who is a teaching lineage holder of Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, says it from the opposite perspective, “Abandon all hope.” This means to give up our ideas that things will change other than what they are. Abandon the idea that the outcome of a given situation is other than what it is, right now. Face this life with full awareness. Suzuki Rōshi once said something to the effect of: “it’s like going to a restaurant for lunch, and when your lunch is served you say to yourself, ‘I shouldn't have come to this restaurant, I should have gone to some other restaurant. This restaurant is not so good.’ The truth of this situation is that we can only be here now. I still have a little card my first psychology professor gave me from a class on “transactional analysis” I took in 1980 which says, “Even if you don’t like the way it is, it still is the way it is.”
Bring your whole self to the experience.
This means to live our lives with our whole bodies and souls. To be completely present and to pay attention to ourselves as much as we pay attention to others. We have to feel ourselves in each situation, feel our own tension, our own fear, our own apprehension. We need to love ourselves in each moment, especially in times of stress and anxiety. If we pay attention to our inner self we can relax into the moment and it will be easier to be present.
Don’t wait.
Waiting implies something is going to happen by itself. It also implies that perhaps it can be done in the future. The reality that Buddha taught was that the only moment we have is now. Krishnamurti, who was one of the greatest sages of the twentieth century, talked a lot about this point. He said, “We delude ourselves in thinking that we can change some behavior in the future. It is through our discursive thinking that change can happen in the future. The only moment we have to change anything is now.”
Find the place of rest, in the middle of things.
This means that we must find that place of calm in the middle of the storm. The storm of our lives, the storm of work, the storm of getting our kids ready for school, the storm of someone who is close to us that is dying. It means that within each activity we can find a place of peace and then we can see the truth for what it is.
Cultivate don’t know mind.
Suzuki Roshi called this beginner's mind. In the mind of the beginner, possibilities are endless, in the mind of the expert, possibilities are few. An ancient once said, “Not knowing is most intimate.” This is being here without expectation or idea. This is our essential practice.
to be present
is what the Buddha taught,
So, what is being present this very moment?
HIT the Zen Stick!
I am speaking in a room with many friends and associates.
to have everyday mind
is what Nánquán expressed,
So, what is everyday mind?
HIT the Zen Stick!
My speech is almost done.
to only not know
is the way of Dahui,
So, what is not knowing?
HIT the Zen Stick!
Before the big bang, what existed?
so what is your way
of seeing clearly in this moment?
HIT the Zen Stick!
My speech is done, and thank you for coming to my Hwangap Ceremony.
