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​片片忆友心,滴滴断肠泪

June 9, 2018
by 漫 李

空气纯净清新,静谧得可以听见风的声音。每一颗草每一朵花每一片叶子,在晨光中尽情舒展怒放。清风徐来,轻柔拂面,怎么能忍心在这么一个充满生机的春日里把你送走……

喜子哥,你还好吗?没有想到当我再一次这么称呼你的时候,已经天人两隔。没有想到几天前你给我微信帖子的点赞,是你与我的最后一次交流。没有想到从此再没有机会和你斗嘴搞笑。没有想到上次的聚会居然就是永别。
人生如此无常。你的音容笑貌还是那么的清晰、生动,笑眯眯的双眼里溢满了幸福的亮点,嘴角上扬,满足得意的笑容里带有那么一点点惯有的诙谐。由衷的呵呵呵的笑声,让人感觉真切、踏实,很有感染力,由不得地跟着你一起欢笑。可不是嘛,那次聚会是庆祝朵朵录取到布朗大学,你和高雅呕心沥血,培养出这么优秀的女儿,多值得开心和狂欢啊。两个女儿击剑、滑冰,数学,辩论,公益、领导才能,空中飞人到处比赛……而且是数年的坚持,我们经常在惊叹你们旺盛的精力,高远的前瞻性,全职工作,百忙之中仍然游刃有余地处理安排好如此繁多的活动,还不耽误交一堆挚友。此生无悔!你和高雅真的是完美搭档,完美父母。
喜子有一个最大的特点就是夸起人来毫不吝啬,尤其是美女。所以他拥有众多美女粉丝,让很多男生羡慕嫉妒。也因此他总是派对的开心果。
前一阵想到我们几家约好的六月聚会,心里有点小兴奋、小激动。大家平日里忙前忙后,时光如流水匆匆逝去,好期盼这难得的相聚。殊不知这转瞬成了一个奢望。
得到消息的那一刹那,时空就已凝固。从前的一幕幕在眼前飘过,恍如隔世。总以为朋友、家人永远都会在那里,想见就见得到。总以为来日方长,随时可以呼朋引伴。现实却是如此的残酷,在这忙忙碌碌中,人已到中年,上有老下有小,负荷一天天的加重,我们勇敢而坚强地硬挺着。倔强如你,鞠躬尽瘁。
泪眼朦胧中仿佛又看到你,明媚春光下一如既往的沉稳、大度和宽容。带我回到刚刚认识你和高雅的那些时光。
我和卫东都青涩懵懂,完全不愔世事。一到美国不久就认识了你们两位热心聪明,慷慨勤劳的夫妇。我的第一份工作offer就是你开车带着我。从波士顿一路开到cape cod去高雅的公司面试拿到offer。那时我们还不会开车,完全没有任何距离长短的概念,吃住都在你们家,回想起来,给你们添了不少麻烦。还记得你做的拿手家乡好菜猪肉炖粉条,心里那份暖意一辈子都感受得到。能交到你们这样的毕生挚交,我们真是三生有幸!
家庭音乐会,一起旅游,一起聚会,让我们走得更近。记忆最深的一次亲密接触是有一年冰风暴,好几个town 断电。我们家里断断续续接收了好几家难民,包括喜子家。有一天喜子在家上班,顺便帮着照看四个孩子。还给她们做饭。四个孩子最后为了争论谁的爸爸最好争吵了起来,小孩子们很较真,差点为此反目为仇。现在回想起来,都已一笑了之。可见喜子在他孩子的心目中是多么的重如泰山。我想这是每一个当爸爸的都想做到的最佳境界吧。
喜子干过一次让我们都大跌眼镜,完全跟平时形象相悖的事儿。是在去Bahamas的游轮上。为了两个女儿开心,喜子也真是拼了,使出浑身解数,在舞池各种舞步各种扭动,极尽其能。我们真是看呆了,到现在我的脑海里都是喜子抢佔了所有人的风头,大家围观鼓掌。他人来疯,更来劲儿了,跳得满头大汗,衣服都跳湿了。朵朵和果果在边上兴奋极了,不停地拍手叫好,让这个完美爸爸扭动得更厉害了。我们笑得眼泪都出来了,肚子也笑痛了。最后的结果喜子毫无悬念的地拿了第一名!两个孩子自豪得意极了。最后一个神捕刀是:DJ采访他的时候,问了一句,你是在哭还是在笑,我们全笑滚地上了。这一次的爸爸大比拼卫东心服口服地输了。
等孩子们更大了一些,学业越来越重,事情越来越多,我们见面的机会就越来越少了。内心深处会时时惦念他们,默默地祝福关注他们,从未停止。
得知喜子捐出了他的眼角膜,心里一热。他在最后也仍然在奉献,给了别人光明的希望。这种境界让人肃然起敬。
昨晚,我们专门为喜子跳了一首Beautiful life。活着的时候,他永远在无私地夸奖赞美和奉献。他美丽的生命,值得我们庆祝。他的此去带给我的震撼无法以言语来表达,也许是时候,换一种活法,更好地更有意义地活下去。
谢谢喜子哥,你用你灿烂的生命再一次带给我深刻的人生感悟:世界美好,情谊无价。
一路走好,我们会永远念着你!

怀念喜子

May 31, 2018

喜子走了,2018年5月22日,周二凌晨兩點多。到現在我也不知為什麼那天凌晨會手机上有五個電話都沒聽到,其中三個是喜子的太太在他出現危急狀況時叫完911後打過來的。七點鐘醒來,看見床頭手機顯示有誤聽的電話,打開手機看到來電話的三個人名,我幾乎是蹦下床的,回頭和太太說,喜子可能出事了!... … 后来我专门让朋友给我打电话进来试,的確是因为電話曾經在開會時响过,我把铃声弄小了,的確是剛換了個電話,我對新电话的鈴聲和振動都還不熟悉,但我想真正的原因是我太放松了,根本没想到喜子会在这时候出紧急状况,因为上周我们还有一次长聊,多次短聊,他的肺癌免疫疗程的效果不错,脑部肿瘤缩小了,医生很高兴,把复查的时间延长了。因为他最近的状态很好,每天都来上班,和大家一起吃饭,一起散步,最后一次就是在周一,5月21号。打通一位留言的朋友的电话,他说,“喜子走了”。怎么会呢?!?!我不敢相信,也不愿意接受。

和喜子的缘分起于他的太太高雅,我大学时院广播台的同届台友。1989年我结婚时听说她也结婚了,但我在北京,她在长沙,很长时间没有见过她的先生。直到1994年高雅出国留学赴京签证,他们俩到我当时工作的港澳中心办公室去托我办件小事,我才第一次见到喜子。他们匆匆把东西放下,连饭都没一起吃,记得喜子除了寒暄没说几句话。再后来同年夏天去上海送高雅出国,他们杂事正多,也是匆匆见了一面。喜子,还只是那个我大学一位好朋友的先生而已。

真正和喜子接触是从1995年的9月开始的。我9月18号出国到波士顿读书,他早我一个月出国陪当时在UNH读研的高雅。我到学校报到后因需要转身份,学校建议等1996年春季再开始读。他们两口子听说我要赋闲三个月,住的地方也不好安排,我到的那个周六就一定要到波士顿把我接到他们那里去住一段时间。他们刚刚买了辆旧车,喜子还没驾照,高雅也不敢开长途到波士顿来,他们还得请一位朋友帮忙开车到波士顿接我过去。他们在自己宿舍的厅里门边摆了张小床把我安顿了下来。就这么快,他们热情周到的安排让漂到美国的我有了回家的感觉。

到的当天吃完晚饭聊天,喜子和我说,反正你呆着也没事,我在一个玫瑰园里打工,那里还缺人,你跟我去打工吧。出国前一位做外贸的朋友早就提醒过我,无论你在国内发展得怎么样,到美国后没人认识你,你的名片簿一天之内就变成一堆废纸,你得所有都从零做起。如果你能承受这种心理落差,你就出去,否则你会很痛苦。我是有备而来,听喜子一说有事做打发时间还能挣钱,就满口答应了。就这样,到UNH的第二天我就和喜子一起去玫瑰园里打工。

喜子与我和玫瑰园老板理查德及他的夫人。这是一年后去和他们照的。

玫瑰只有到恋人那里才浪漫,暖房里满目各色的玫瑰驱不走夏日的湿热,玫瑰的刺也不因为我们是为人做美而变软。好在喜子已经学会了剪玫瑰窍门,经他一教我很快就上手了。在那段剪玫瑰和拔草的日子里,除了一起干活儿一起流汗,我和喜子还有了很多一起聊天的时间。喜子为人随和自然,和他在一起没任何生疏感。也许是经历类似,都是在国内工作过,社会上混过一段时间,我们有许多的话题聊起来很投机。

一般人可能觉得玫瑰都是用剪刀剪下的,其实是一只手拿刀子用拇指将玫瑰杆压到刀刃上切下,放在另一胳膊上。这把刀子就是我们二十多年前用的,我一直留做纪念。

这段时间早上带着高雅给我们装得满满的饭盒去,干活吃饭,回来到留学生们的宿舍里串门,喝酒,聊天,周末跟他们一起去朋友家聚会郊游,认识了很多新的朋友,喜子和我同是第一次看到了新英格兰如画的秋天,我也是第一次看到喜子在朋友面前极富感染力的表达能力和他的真挚的影响力,那是一段美丽难忘的日子。因为不愁吃不愁住,又有一个幽默轻松的朋友相伴,我一个月长了八磅。1996年我开始回波士顿上学后,UNH还是我常回去放松,改善生活的地方。学习压力大时找喜子和那里的朋友们聊聊天。

1995年秋一起去缅因赏秋。

1995年秋在朋友家打牙祭。

没过多久,喜子也来东北大学读计算机,在我们租房的同一个公寓里找了间房住下。我们又一起去学校,一起听室友讲天南海北的故事。喜子在自己的系里也结交了一大帮新的朋友。有一阵子我常埋怨美国的黑板质量太差,坐稍后一点就看不清了,结果有次偶然拿起边上同学的眼镜往黑板上瞄一眼,才发现原来是自己的眼镜近视了。和喜子说了没多久,他拿了张纸跟我说,这里有一个配一送一的折扣券,我的眼睛也近视了,咱们一起去,每人配一付吧。就这么我们两个跑到South Shore Plaza配了两付眼镜,一起变成了四眼。1998年,我们又一起从东北大学毕业。

1996年底一起在朋友家过圣诞节。

1997年,终于敢开长途了,两家一起开着他们的大旧车南下DC。

1998年,一起从东北大学毕业。

毕业后我父母把我们的孩子从国内送来,我们开始了忙孩子,陪父母的日子。喜子他们也很快有了老大朵朵,见面的日子少了,但牵挂总在。有一阵子喜子他们因工作关系把家安在鳕鱼角,他们的家就成了大家的度假屋。轮番接待各处来的朋友,从没见喜子他们烦过,还和大家说趁他们在那里住,赶紧来玩。回头想想我们到波士顿二十多年,去鳕鱼角几乎都是到他们家里,他们搬走后我们也就很少去了。

2001年,去他们鳕鱼角的家里时喜子和孩子们一起玩。

2001年我到Verizon工作,不久后喜子也来到Verizon,我们又成了同事。我们工作生活的轨迹就这么交叠着。周末各自忙自己的孩子,上班时就抽空聊聊各自家里的事。他和我说说带女儿去击剑的事,我和他聊聊带儿子去游泳的事。

喜子的父母从没来过美国,但他对我们的父母就像自己的父母一样。我父母第二次来时我们已经买了房,国内常和邻里聊天的父母很不习惯独居的环境。喜子知道我父亲爱聊天,我又不爱扯闲篇,他常常下班后就到家里坐一会,陪我父亲聊两句再回家。再忙,他们也会抽出时间要么在家里,要么在外面请老人们一起吃几顿饭,大人孩子一起热闹热闹。

2005年秋,喜子他们请我父母到他们家吃饭后的合影。

后来等孩子们都长大了,能一起玩的时候,我们在波士顿的三位广播台的台友又把感恩节这个美国的”春节“留出作为我们三家团聚的日子,一起吃点火鸡,大人们喝个小酒,孩子们嬉戏玩耍成了传统。友谊就这么传承着。

2010年感恩节三家台友的孩子们在一起玩。

2013年,喜子(右)在我儿子高中毕业典礼后的聚会上。

喜子为人善良,从没见他当众说过谁,但也正直睿智,每每将哲理喻于谈笑自嘲之中送与有悟性之人,对朋友做得不对的地方更是忠言正敛。前些年人近五十,也许是更年,脾气还算不错的我忽然多了很多焦躁,但我自己没有意识到。他旁观者清,几次提醒我在家要对太太好些,也让太太给我带话,让我在公司里不要对同事发脾气。

2017年,波士顿三位台友的全家福,没想到这成了绝版。

我怎么也没想到,就是这么个好人,一个总是把朋友的事情当自己的事做的人去年年底竟然查出患了肺癌。他那天去看医生我是知道的,医生看片后马上让他去MGH做详细检查,他也很快告诉了我(去年底初检医生说至少是肺癌3B,今年一月确诊为四期)。那时他嗓子不好说话不方便,我们总是简简单单几句话交流一下情况。今年初医生对他的气管问题做了处理,说话方便了,那个周末也是马上给我打电话,说他嗓子好啦,好好和我说说,听到他恢复正常的声音我也很高兴。他这才一五一十地把整个检查过程和医生的意见给我说了说。这个病除了开始对他的嗓子说话有影响,别的没有什么明显症状,他和我的交流也一直还像我们平常聊天一样。他一直坚持上班,也只和很少的几个朋友讲了,因为他不想大家把他当成一个病人照顾,也不想因为他影响大家的情绪。

上班时我一般不去主动找他,他有空有心情时就到我这里转转,我们一起走走,找个地方小聊一会儿。我没有太多地安慰他,大多时候只是作为一个忠实的听众,听他讲和医生的谈话,听他讲那些从来没想到这么亲近的朋友会接受的治疗。听他讲靶向放疗是具体是怎么做的,听他讲化疗后食欲还好,反应不大,只是每天傍晚有些困,听他讲心爱的女儿们对他的关心。除了这些和治疗有关的事情,我们还是像以前一样,聊聊孩子,聊聊朋友,聊聊家里的琐事。我们的话题里也开始谈到人的生死。记得有次喜子和我说,“现在人正常的话活个八九十岁吧,我是不能指望活那么久啦,就享受每天的日子吧。我现在上下班,走路时也不那么着急了,多看看路边的花啊草啊的,体会一下周围漂亮的环境”。我一时不知怎么接话,就和他聊起周围听说过的肺癌患者的情况,有的十几年了还健在啊,有的确诊后四五年才去世。他知道,我想说的是可以享受的日子还长着呢。

喜子去世前的那一个多星期是喜子确诊癌症后心情最好的一段时间。在去世一周前的周五,他到我的座位后和我说,走去坐一会儿,今天有好消息告诉你。我们和往常一样找一个小会议室,他告诉了我那周的脑部肿瘤复查结果很好,肿瘤缩小了。医生很高兴,说看来免疫治疗对脑部肿瘤有疗效,建议他把复查延长为三个月一次。去世前的那一周他天天都来上班,精神也明显好很多。那个周一我们还单独出去吃了顿饭,饭后还走了路,和以前一样,聊了很多无关紧要,却只是我们之间聊的事情。他和我说,再过两三周就能知道免疫治疗对肺部肿瘤有没有效果了。

喜子去世前的一天,5月21号,星期一,喜子也去上班了,和平常一样和同事们一起在食堂吃饭聊天,饭后一起去散步。就这样,我怎么会想到凌晨三点会有人给我打电话,我怎么会相信他们是要和我说喜子走了?上周忙着安排喜子后事的空闲,总是忍不住想着喜子的各种好,想着就这么着再回到办公室就不能等到他来找我的身影了,眼泪就止不住。上帝把人造得这么精细,为什么却又把生命做得这么脆弱,让人为之唏嘘?整整一周,每天我都确确实实地感觉到心疼。喜子,你走得太早了,我们说过的要一起做的好多事都还没有做啊。

喜子走了,他的生命就像这片洁白的羽毛,轻轻划过我的心湖,在涟漪里留下静美。平和的他从没给我留下任何沉重,连谈及生死都是淡淡然然。这么些年里头他在我这里的身份从好朋友的丈夫成为好朋友,曾经同谈一起看孩子长大,曾经同谈等老了一起把酒看夕阳,而今他却随风化仙西行而去,只留给我缕缕静影沉浮心中。谢谢喜子挑了这个春花烂漫的季节离去,让我们在美丽的鲜花里为他送行,在来年的春天里纪念他。

喜子,好兄弟,安息。

​怀念任喜

May 27, 2018
by Wei Lin

=== 怀念任喜 ===</span>

- 林巍(同学、同事、朋友)

四年前夏天的一个下午,那天天空飘着濛濛的小雨。我坐在轮椅上,头上缠着纱布。护士推着轮椅走出术后观察室,走出医院。在麻省眼科医院的外面,任喜坐在车上等着我,要开车送我回家。那天,任喜请了假来专门帮我。

那两年是我人生的一个低谷,先后遭遇了几次疾病。那个手术过后,心中既有憧憬,又惶惶不安。在我最需要朋友帮助的时候,任喜在我的身边,陪着我走过了那段不容易的路。

我和任喜是1997年认识的。那时候我们都刚到美国,在波士顿东北大学一起攻读计算机专业的硕士。虽然学习很辛苦,语言方面也面临着很多挑战,但是我们心里都充满了对未来的希望,生活非常快乐。

任喜和高雅在Cape cod的家成了我们一帮同学聚会的老窝。打牌、做生煎包、在海滩晒太阳、出海钓鱼、让狗追着慌乱逃跑、等等,这些往事,都是那段年轻时光的美好记忆。记得任喜第一次向我们介绍高雅的时候,他说:这是我的太太,名叫“牙膏"(Ya Gao)。听得我们先是一怔,然后哄堂大笑。知道自己冒犯了太太,任喜后来主动申请去跪搓衣板。可是家里只有洗衣机没有搓衣板,于是大家建议他去把计算机上的电路板拆下来跪。

任喜就是这样风趣幽默,会自嘲,他愿意永远做大家的开心果。

可是他也有非常认真的时候。比如他就经常给我说,同学里面我非常看好你,相信你以后一定会不同寻常。感谢他的这种鼓励和认可,后来我一直没有停止继续学习、继续努力。他后来也经常提到这个话题,夸耀自己眼光很准,让我觉得诚惶诚恐,受之有愧。

1998年毕业之后,我们幸运地赶上了互联网带来的第一次经济繁荣。我们一拔同学用差不多同样的节奏找工作、办绿卡、买房、生儿育女。在这个远离故乡的地方,安下了家,逐渐有了自己的社区。我们也因此不仅仅是同学和朋友,更像一个大家庭的亲戚。

2001年,经我介绍,任喜来到汤普森路透社(Thomson Reuters) 工作,我们在那里同事了将近两年。那个时候互联网泡沫刚刚破灭,经济和就业市场都前景黯淡。对于任喜来讲,那个工作更像是躲避风雨的暂时落脚地。

后来,任喜去了Verizon,找到了自己喜欢的工作,一干就是十几年,直到现在。他给我分享过:工作中别发牢骚,那没什么用,只要好好干,该你有的总会有的。能够从工作中找到快乐,任喜是幸运的幸福的。

任喜谈起两个女儿时,经常压抑不住自己的喜悦,细细讲述她们在击剑和学业方面的故事和成就。朵朵和果果是他的心肝、是他的骄傲,他愿意为她们付出一切。

最后一次和任喜联系是上个月中。那时候我刚从中国看望父母回来。他主动联系我,关心了我父母的身体情况,也分享了他照看父母的体会。我想那个时候,他可能也正准备给我分享他自己的健康状况。可惜我们还没有来得及细谈,我也没来得及陪他去多享受一些人世间的快乐。

任喜是真诚的朋友,慈爱的父亲,负责的丈夫。愿他一路走好,在天堂安息!愿高雅、朵朵、果果节哀顺变,你们的快乐和幸福是任喜的最大心愿。

任喜,有你的地方就会有快乐和欢笑。你永远活在我的心中。

You will forever inspire me to work hard, be kind to others, and never take life too seriously...

May 27, 2018

二零一八年五月二十二号这一天,松涛呜咽,苍天落泪。我们亲爱的任喜同学在黎明前轻轻地离开了大家。我多么希望能挽留住他那匆匆的脚步,因为有太多太多的理由我们需要他留下。

去年四月我见到任喜,他盼望着2018年的到来。他感叹说:时间过得真快,到明年我们从东北大学毕业就整整二十年了,到时候我们应该把同学们找在一起聚一聚,庆祝毕业二十年。没想到我们还没来得及团聚,从此就天人永隔了。

回想起我们在东北大学同窗共读的一年多里,任喜给予我和同学们的是实实在在的帮助,和开开心心的笑声。 他来美国比很多同学早一些,又会开车,平时热心助人无数。 1997年暑假,他帮我练车,并且陪我去考驾照。那天我们提前到了考试的地方练习,先后几乎花了一整天时间。考过了之后,他说:“我坐在后面真替你捏了一把汗!” 看他那认真劲儿,考官都以为他是我的亲戚。

在异国他乡,我们不是亲人胜似亲人。任喜和他的夫人高雅都热情好客,敞开他们的心扉和家门欢迎朋友。我们同时毕业的几家同学先后都有了孩子。大家节假日里或是聚餐,或是带着全家结伴出游,一起做饭、带孩子,一起把孩子养育成人,我们共度了许多快乐的时光,留下了无数珍贵的记忆。

任喜,我们永远怀念你。祝愿你一路走好。天堂里没有病痛,希望你在那里一切安好……你在这边的老朋友老同学们会关爱和支持高雅和孩子们。朵朵和果果已经成长为非常优秀的青少年,你一定为她们而骄傲!任喜,安息吧。

任喜同学永垂千古!

Reflections from a daughter

May 27, 2018

These are the words I prepared for the memorial service on May 26, 2016.

大家好。我代表我的妈妈和妹妹感谢各位爷爷奶奶,叔叔阿姨,哥哥姐姐,
弟弟妹妹 来为我爸爸送行。 我本来想今天用中文来讲我爸爸因为我跟爸爸都是讲中文,但是我还是自己感觉我中文不够好,表达不了我所有想说的话,还有我中文读的也不好,所以我今天还是会用英文来讲。

When my mom asked me if I wanted to speak here today, I agreed right away; however, I had no idea what I wanted to say. There are a lot of questions for me to think about- who was my father? What kind of tone should I use to write this? Do I speak in English or Mandarin? Thinking about it more, I suppose all these questions are really just extensions of the first one. After all, the purpose in me speaking today is to express my understanding of my father.

So who was my father? When I think of him, I think of many things, and until now I’ve never actually had to cohesively organize my thoughts about it. In first grade, I described him as “really smart” in a book I wrote in class about my family. As I got older, “smart” stopped being something I associated with my dad. When you’re a kid, you think your parents are like gods, but as I grew older, the way I saw him started to change. I began to see him less like a superhuman being and more just as another person with all the flaws that a normal person should have. I saw him as ordinary- which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it meant that his achievements that I once considered so great shone less brightly in my eyes. When he’d boast about being first place in his high school, I would playfully retort, “Yeah, but you were from a farming village.” When he’d mention how I had him to thank for my one and only legacy at Northeastern, I’d come back with, “But back then, Northeastern wasn’t even close to being as prominent and highly ranked as it is now.”

But the thing is, my dad really was smart. I remember when I was home for Winter Break this year, we had dinner with a couple family friends out at a restaurant. One of them had a daughter who was taking a computer science course in high school, and she had a bug in her project that she couldn’t figure out, so her parents advised her to bring her laptop to ask my dad for help. “Xi,” I remember them asking, “Would you mind taking a look at my daughter’s computer science project? We’ve all taken a look but haven’t been able to figure out where the bug is.” Keep in mind, pretty much all of these family friends are also software engineers like my dad, and they were all familiar with Java, the language in which the project was written. “Of course,” my dad responded, and he got up right away to come over and take a look- right in the middle of dinner, at a restaurant, no less. He listened carefully to what the project was about and what the issue was with the code, and minutes later, they were putting the laptop away. “We’re done,” he said, moving back to his seat. The others at the table seemed surprised. “Done with looking at the code? Any ideas on how to fix it?” “No, I meant that we’re done. The code works now.”

I’m almost ashamed to say that this was the first time I realized my dad was smart since I was young when really, it’s pretty apparent even from what I already knew. My dad grew up in a farming village in China’s Heilongjiang Province. He told me about how when he was younger, he did his homework by candlelight and sharpened his pencils with knives. Very few people from his middle school went on to high school, and even fewer went on to college. Yet look at my dad. Not only did he go to college, but he went to grad school, in China and in the States. When he came to America, he only had a couple hundred dollars, and he and my mother worked tirelessly to pay for his tuition at Northeastern, yet he graduated and ended up at a pretty good position at Verizon. Everything I’ve learned about him these last couple days only confirms it. Looking through old photographs, I found out that in China he worked on building a supercomputer, and that at the company where he worked, he was the vice president, managing around a hundred people. He graduated earlier than expected from Northeastern, completing his Master’s degree in only fifteen months when it usually took twenty-four. At work, he stayed late to finish others’ requests, sometimes, or maybe often, without asking for help for fear of inconveniencing them, yet he’d always manage to accomplish whatever was asked of him. I think about how many times he’s come home late or that I’ve seen him on his work laptop at home late at night. I wonder how many times it’s been to finish his own work, and how many times it’s been to finish something he volunteered to help someone else with.

That’s the other thing. When I think about him, it feels cliche to say but my dad was so kind, so thoughtful, and so funny. Just like his name, 喜, he sought to bring happiness to the lives of everyone around him, going above and beyond of what’s expected.  I remember the times he slaved away in front of the hot stove even in the middle of summer, sometimes when our air conditioning wasn’t working, just to see our family enjoy whatever delicious dish he was making-翠花排骨, 牛肉汤, 烤鸭, 疙瘩汤, 饺子, 韭菜盒子, all that good stuff. I think about how this past winter, despite his diagnosis and his physical condition, he would still insist on shoveling the driveway because he couldn’t bare to see me or my mother out in the cold. I think about Summer 2013, when he drove over 14 hours to Columbus, Ohio to take me and my sister to Summer Nationals for fencing, taking few breaks in an effort to get us there sooner. You’ll likely hear many similar stories along these lines later, which is why I’m not going to go much farther into depth, even though it’s probably the kind of stuff I should be saying. In that sense, I suppose this speech, if you can even call it that, is a little selfish in that the things I’m saying are really for me.

Just Sunday night, I had dinner out with my dad, just the two of us. On the way to the restaurant, he started telling me about his life when he first came to America, of which I knew very little. He told me about how to support my mom and himself, he worked at a greenhouse near UNH, where my mom was studying. He told me in the car, “You should start learning about your family history now,” and I agreed. All my life, I’ve been told that I resemble my father. For the longest time, I thought it was only with regards to appearance- after all, my facial structure does resemble his more than it does my mother’s, and like him, I don’t have double eyelids while my mom and sister both do. However, the more I think-and learn- about my father, about who he was as a person, I’m realizing that it may be true personality-wise too, or at least I want it to be.

My Chinese name, 颖凡- it means “smart yet ordinary,” 聪颖的颖, 平凡的凡. My parents’ intention when naming me this was for me to be intelligent yet live a normal life, a life of humility and a life where I’d use any skills or advantages I have to help others. I’m realizing now that this is the kind of life my father led. He brought so many people happiness. If I can touch a fraction of the people he did, I’ll consider my life a life well-led.

谢谢大家。

From the dancing finger family

May 27, 2018

My wife and I met Xi and Grace on the Cape in 1997. At the time, there was a company called Excel Switching. Grace and I were colleagues there. A year later, both of our families moved to the town of Bridgewater, where they had their first daughter, Sylvia.

Life kept on moving, after a year in Bridgewater, we moved to Norton, and soon after, moved to Connecticut. As fate would have it, after 5 years in Connecticut, we found ourselves moving back to Massachusetts, and settled down in Westford, only a short drive from their place. Life feels like a circle.

Shortly after moving back, several families with kids close in age started a family concert series. It has a beautiful name given by Sylvia, dancing fingers. Grace and Xi hosted the first dancing finger concert at their home. We watched the little ones climbing on to the piano bench, and cheered as they finished their little pieces of performance.

As years went by, the family concert has become a tradition and part of life. Together, we celebrated the growth of our kids and the achievements they made along the way.

Of course, the best part of the concerts are the parties thereafter. We will eat, drink, play cards, and sing karaoke. Often times, the house will be full of laughter as Xi teases people around the table with his jokes and everybody tries to fight back to him. In those merry evenings, life is good.

One by one, the little kids have grown into teenagers and young adults. At some point, dancing finger concerts morphed into dancing finger parties with no more music performance. However, what hasn’t changed is the joy and laughter at each gathering. As the plan goes, the next one is coming soon.

This time, it will be different. We will miss the teasing and jokes. We will miss the laughter. We will miss you. Without you, life has a void.

Ren Xi, may you find peace and happiness in heaven. WE LOVE YOU!

The Eulogy I Prepared

May 26, 2018

This is the full eulogy I prepared but not used during the memorial service on 5/26/2018.

Dear Grace, Sylvia, Olivia, college classmates, colleagues, distinguished guests from local schools and communities, today we say goodbye to our beloved Ren Xi. To his family, he is the loving husband of Grace Gao (高雅), caring father of Sylvia (任穎凡/朵朵) and Olivia (任燁凡/果果), proud son of Shouxin  (父:任守信) and Shuqin (predeceased, 母:张淑琴,已故),  and the supportive brother of three sisters, Guilan (任桂兰), Guiling(任桂玲), and Guilian(任桂莲). Among friends, Xi is known as Big Brother Ren, Uncle Ren, and most commonly,  Xi Zi (喜子), which in Chinese means A Happy Fellow, because he is always smiling and can bring laughter to everyone around.

Ren Xi was born on February 1st, 1964 in Kedong (克东县), Heilongjian Province(黑龙江), a small city in northeastern China. He received his bachelor’s degree from Yanshan University in 1985 and then his master’s degree from Huanghe University in 1987. After graduation, Xi worked as the Vice General Manager at China’s cutting-edge computer company Galaxy Computer Corp from 1987 to 1995. That facility is a renowned birthplace for modern computing research in China and currently still produces some of the world’s fastest super computers.

Ren Xi came to United States in 1995 and graduated from Northeastern University with a master’s degree in Computer Science in 1998. He worked at several companies before settling down at Verizon as a Principle Software Engineer for the last 13 years. Ren Xi contributed to many software systems in Verizon to support America’s best telecommunication network.

Still, for those of us who loved him and are deeply saddened by his passing, we know that he was, above all else, a husband and a father. Ren Xi and his wife, Grace Gao, met each other during their graduate study and got married in 1989. They have two lovely daughters, Sylvia and Olivia, and they’d been living happily in the town of Harvard for more than a decade.  Sylvia graduated as a top student from high school and just finished her freshman year at Brown University. Olivia is an eight-grader and is passionate about fencing.

Many speakers today will talk about how Ren Xi impacted our lives with his humor, kindness, and resourcefulness. Instead, I want to share what he showed us during his cancer treatment this year. That is hope. No matter what the prognosis was, how disappointing some lab results were,  or how tiring he could be after chemotherapy, Ren Xi was always hopeful for the better things to come – let it be a new drug to try, being able to walk further without rest, or proving he still had a good appetite. He used to say to me – you can either live a day with hope and happiness, or with pain and despair. It is the same day. And it is your choice. Things didn’t work out as we wanted. But I truly believe and find comfort in that Ren Xi was always full of hope during his last days. Those are the days that he chose to live positively and joyfully with his family and friends.

For the family, I can’t image what you are going through. There might be some tough time ahead but there will always be hope for better moments in life - the time for continued professional success; the time for college graduations; the time for future generation of families; the time for a comfortable retirement and many more.  You are not alone in your pursuit. Your friends will always be there when you need them.

Finally, we give thanks for the life of a great man who we were lucky to know and cherish. Ren Xi has gone home now. May he rest in eternal peace.

It's like yesterday

May 24, 2018

Still can't believe what happened , We had lunch together on Monday . We talked about our daughters together . We even took a walk together in our beautiful office backyard as we always do in a  warm New England spring day . It has been like this  for a decade. 

It was just another day !

Next morning , while I was on my way to office , I got message from my wife . You passed away early morning . 

I couldn't hold my tears and I start to have memory flashback . 

I  remembered the very first afternoon I met you  , I interviewed you in my office. That is a gloomy day and got to know you had to drive almost a hundred mile one way to work . It's tough , but I knew you were doing  it for your family.

I remembered the early morning when I came to office and shocked to know you stayed up for the whole night just because someone gave you ridiculous request before you  leave last night  and demand  you to finish the task by morning .You did it .  You were tired , but you were not angry .

I remembered the days were in war room .You were assigned to help me on some IOBI backend APIs . We had brief Knowledge transfer  and I told you come to me whenever you have question . You never came , several days passed . I was a little worried  .

Then all of sudden. You came to me with all the smiles on you face . 

"I did it , and I fixed  two other  bugs on the way ! "  you exclaimed . 

I  was so surprised . That was a bunch of code I had headache each time I made any change   and he did it without asking me single question . 

"Dude,  why didn't  you come to me . It could have been easier if I  explained you some logic "  I said 

"No, I know you are busy , I didn't want to bother you "

You had taken too much to yourself .  Maybe life would be easier if you don't care that much for the others .

I am really confused , we are not close friends . I even don't have any picture has both you and me. You are supposed to be just another normal colleague ! </span>

But for the days we walked  together on the Cat Rock Park hiking trail . For the joy and the frustration we shared in the Sylvan road  building 6  War room  . You became my memory , you became part of my life. 

For that reason , it hurts , really hurts ! and for that reason , I MISS YOU . 


We will miss you, Xi!

May 23, 2018

Xi and I were fellow fencing parents because we both have children who used to go to the same fencing club for many years. Xi was always a very friendly and warm person; he always spoke gently and was always ready to offer help to the fencing children or other fellow parents. Sometimes during  out-of-town competitions, Xi would offer to make multiple trips between the airport and hotels or competition venues to pickup / dropoff other fencing children who needed transportation. He was a gentleman with such a kind heart. We will miss you, Xi!

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