- 61 years old
- Date of birth: Jan 22, 1948
- Place of birth:
Alabama, United States
- Date of passing: Nov 4, 2009
- Place of passing:
Montevallo, Alabama, United States
|To Be Absent From The Body Is To Be In The Presence Of The Lord!|
"Your birthday was a couple of weeks ago and I didn't forget--I just, well just mad and empty. I thank God for Jayme, Chris and Seth and I hope God doesn't think of me as ungrateful for wanting what I can't have--you. Mom, I hope you know that I have truly forgiven you of the things that happened when I was younger. When I was little, I would get so upset and as a little girl, I was totally unable to understand your pain. I grew, life happened and I realized--No Wonder!! You went through so much and I don't know that I could have or would have handled it any differently. The main thing is you did change and for that I am grateful. I still have lots of good memories of you when I was young--you trying to teach me how to swim. You didn't put fear in me, you encouraged me. I often don't know how you put up with me--I was and some claim still am The Brat--as Brian would say!! I still wonder what happened that night or that morning and suppose I always will. I hate the unknown. I wish I could have done something Mom. I had so many opportunities to help you and I didn't. I failed you, I let you down. I am sorry I moved the boys away. You were so close to them and they adored you. I am so sad--you need to be here. Christopher just graduated the University of Alabama and has plans to move to Jacksonville. Seth is set to graduate this fall and is considering joining the Air Force. Mom, who knows where we will all be this time next year. In a way, I am excited to watch their story being written in front of my eyes and in another way, I am sad and dreadful--mostly the fear of loss. I don't want to hold them hostage because I believe with every part of my being that God has plans for them, plans bigger than I can dream but I don't want to lose anyone else. I don't express this to them because I don't want them to feel guilt--I guess that's why you didn't give me grief when I moved us to Destin. I am sorry Mom. Not a very great "Happy Birthday" note and I am glad you can't see this sorrow that hangs over me and in Heaven, I am sure everyday is a happy celebration. I love you and I miss you and I truly regret not doing something to make your life better. Too bad, I have no more opportunities to help you. Sorry ;("
"In ways it seems so much has changed in the past 6 years and in other ways, most seem the same. The fact I still need you and miss you terribly remains the same. The fact I think that you are no longer is here is just stupid, remains the same--sorry that was a bit bratty but you know me. I often see or hear of silly things that I'd like to call and share with you but I can't. After 6 years the void remains strong the pain heavy. I hope I never lose the memories of you jumping up and down cheering the boys on during their basketball and baseball games--"that's my grandson, that's my grandson". The memories of you dancing with them to the Beatles in the kitchen that Christmas morning. You laughing at me when I'd call you fussing about their naughty behavior, telling me they "come by it naturally". The boys asking Grandma to "put Mommy in time out". I am so glad you were there for me and for them. I wish you were still here for all of us. Quite selfish, I know but we really need you and oh how much I miss you Mother. URGH-6 years??!!!! It makes me mad Mom, it breaks me. I love you."
"My pain is selfish as in my pain I want you back! It's been too long and the bad news is it's going to be even longer. It's not like you're just away on a trip or you've moved--you're gone, just gone! At times, I am at perfect peace knowing you are in perfect peace but others I endure an agonizing, perpetual gnawing in my soul that utterly wrecks me--like today, your birthday! I miss you and I wish I would have made an attempt to make your birthdays more special in celebrating you! I love you and miss you immensely."
"5 YEARS???!! :/ It's good to know that you are at peace--especially after the pain and heartache you suffered here. My heart is in conflict because I want you to be in the perfect place you are--I want to be happy you are in Heaven but I just wish I still had you here. I miss you so badly, I miss talking to you on the phone every day. I miss laughing with you. I just really wish I could hear your voice. I wish we could take the boys and go shopping, have lunch, play ball and hang out. I wish I at least had a voice mail where I could hear your voice--something. Many things have changed, so much I'd love to share with you. Forever I guess I will have this void. The boys and I talk about you all of the time. You're suppose to be here with us."
"There are simply no words to adequately describe how much I miss you. Nearly two years have passed and the void is still strong. The tears have subsided but the heart still hurts. I miss your voice, your song, your dance, your love, your kind words. I miss you, the boys miss you!"
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