missing my mother
sometimes i go to moms favorite place when i need a break from home- the kids and i will go to oklahoma rent a motel room then off to the casino and usually before i play i say a prayer and remind her(remember all the times i won for u) could u plz pass some of your good luck on me. i just like to win big once to know what it feels like. and before i start playing i rub and kiss the machine and say come on mama. moms favorite saying was "im looking for a friend-im looking for you" i said mom where did you get that saying from and she said from aroha's cartoon- science the kid. mom i know that we had problems in the past and it took us a very long time to mend our relationship, im so glad we did cuz i always needed you and loved you very very much. watching you process to the end of life was the hardest thing for us to watch and help you through when we were clueless the steps of processing to the end of life. your wish was to come home and have the girls and i take care of you but your doctors and hospice care put up so many brick walls and we fought so hard to knock them down-and we did. they kept pushing for the nursing home and we kept fighting upon your wish and the doctor said if you come back to the hospital again that he was calling adult protective services, i told him to call them then cuz we are only defending your wish to come home and that we are taking good care of you. you went to all of your appts, the only one we had changed was dyalisis's upon your request cuz it was to early and dark outside you couldnt walk. like i told the social worker my mom took care of me all these and now comes a time for me to take care of my mother and i was very happy doing it. thank you mom for everything you taught in life. I LOVE YOU AND CANT WAIT TO BE WITH YOU AGAIN. im going to the casino this weekend and i know you'll be with me so get a goodnite rest so you can bring me the greatest luck ever- mwa mwa