Handsome!
David Michael Benning
  • 42 years old
  • Date of birth: Aug 14, 1973
  • Place of birth:
    Parma, Ohio, United States
  • Date of passing: Mar 4, 2016
  • Place of passing:
    Cleveland, Ohio, United States
Dave loved the song playing, "I Did It My Way" and he played it often. Let the memory of Dave be with us forever. God, please take care of my man.

This memorial website was created in memory of my beloved, eternal soulmate, David Benning, 42, born on August 14, 1973 and passed away on March 4, 2016. I will remember him forever.

Memorial Tributes
This tribute was added by Tammy Benson on 3rd March 2017

"Time has not changed the pain, but it has changed me. I am more like you were Dave. It's like you placed your shadow upon me, and you are still living through me. Most of MY traits and interests are gone. I am you. It's very confusing and I am adjusting my life to the new me. So basically, I died when you died. I am no longer who you knew me as. I am exhausted.

March 4, 2017 is just another excruciating day without you.

I love you Dave!"

This tribute was added by Tammy Benson on 26th December 2016

"••••This is how Dave explained his life to me. Heartbreaking.

Shame & Shaming

Shaming - The difference between blaming and shaming is that in blaming someone tells you that you did something bad, in shaming someone tells you that you are something bad.

Shaming is a technique used by abusive people to divert attention away from their own behavior and issues by putting pressure on a victim so they can maintain control. The victim is put into an impossible situation, where they feel they are inherently flawed and so can never measure up to the standards being imposed on them, and therefore must dedicate themselves to attempting to make up for their ‘badness’.

As a tactic, shaming is often used by Personality Disordered parents who misdirect their anger at their children. Unchosen children and adult children of Personality-Disordered parents are often made to feel worthless, useless, unloved and unappreciated.

How it Feels

If you have been subjected to Shaming or Emotional Blackmail then it is likely that you have been living in a FOG of Fear, Obligation and Guilt

Fear – that if you don’t do what this person wants there will be hell to pay.

Obligation - you are somehow made to feel indebted to this person - you believe you owe them something even though you have taken nothing from them.

Guilt - you are unworthy - you have broken some unwritten rules - rules which you never agreed to and which were never fully justified or explained to you.

••••Characteristics of Adults Shamed In Childhood

The following is quoted from Shame & Guilt: Masters of Disguise by Jane Middelton-Moz, Ph.D.

1. Adults shamed as children are afraid of vulnerability and fear exposure of self.

2. Adults shamed as children may suffer extreme shyness, embarrassment and feelings of being inferior to others. They don't believe they make mistakes. Instead they believe they are mistakes.

3. Adults shamed as children fear intimacy and tend to avoid real commitment in relationships. These adults frequently express the feeling that one foot is out of the door, prepared to run.

4. Adults shamed as children may appear either grandiose and self-centered or seem selfless.

5. Adults shamed as children feel that, “No matter what I do, it won't make a difference; I am and always will be worthless and unlovable.”

6. Adults shamed as children frequently feel defensive when even minor negative feedback is given. They suffer feelings of severe humiliation if forced to look at mistakes or imperfections.

7. Adults shamed as children frequently blame others before they can be blamed.

8. Adults shamed as children may suffer from debilitating guilt. These individuals apologize constantly. They assume responsibility for the behavior of those around them.

9. Adults shamed as children feel like outsiders. They feel a pervasive sense of loneliness throughout their lives, even when surrounded with those who love and care.

10. Adults shamed as children project their beliefs about themselves onto others. They engage in mind-reading that is not in their favor, consistently feeling judged by others.

11. Adults shamed as children often feel angry and judgmental towards the qualities in others that they feel ashamed of in themselves. This can lead to shaming others.

12. Adults shamed as children often feel ugly, flawed and imperfect. These feelings regarding self may lead to focus on clothing and makeup in an attempt to hide flaws in personal appearance and self.

13. Adults shamed as children often feel controlled from the outside as well as from within. Normal spontaneous expression is blocked.

14. Adults shamed as children feel they must do things perfectly or not at all. This internalized belief frequently leads to performance anxiety and procrastination.

15. Adults shamed as children experience depression.

16. Adults shamed as children lie to themselves and others.

17. Adults shamed as children block their feelings of shame through compulsive behaviors like workaholism, eating disorders, shopping, substance-abuse, list-making or gambling.

18. Adults shamed as children often have caseloads rather than friendships.

19. Adults shamed as children often involve themselves in compulsive processing of past interactions and events and intellectualization as a defense against pain.

20. Adults shamed as children are stuck in dependency or counter-dependency.

21. Adults shamed as children have little sense of emotional boundaries. They feel constantly violated by others. They frequently build false boundaries through walls, rage, pleasing or isolation.

••••Characteristics of Shame-Based Adults in Relationships:

1. We lose ourselves in love.

2. When we argue, we fight for our lives.

3. We expend a great deal of energy in mind-reading. We frequently talk to ourselves about what our partners are feeling and needing more than to our partners.

4. We pay a high price for those few good times.

5. We often sign two contracts upon commitment, one conscious and another which is unconscious.

6. We blame and are blamed.

7. We want them gone, then fight to get them back.

8. We know it will be different but expect it to be the same.

9. We often feel that our partners are controlling our behavior.

10. We are frequently attracted to the emotional qualities in another that we have disowned in ourselves.

11. We often create triangles in relationships.

12. We seek the unconditional love from our partners that we didn't receive adequately in a shaming childhood.

Source: Shame & Guilt: Masters of Disguise by Jane Middelton-Moz, Ph.D.

••••Don’t believe what a Shamer tells you. Nobody who truly loves you will want you to feel bad about yourself.

If you find yourself questioning the shame another person is dumping onto you then it is quite likely that the problem is with them - not with you. Healthy people don’t go around dumping shame on others.

http://outofthefog.website/top-100-trait-blog/2015/11/4/shame-shaming

The Shamer should be ashamed of himself!!!!

I love you Dave."

This tribute was added by Tammy Benson on 25th December 2016

"It's Christmas. Another day and long night without you.

I love you Dave."

This tribute was added by Tammy Benson on 6th December 2016

"25 days until this miserable year is over. I've been through 7 deaths in 2016, and I pray to God they are finished for the year and 2017 will bring some peace.

I love you Dave."

This tribute was added by Tammy Benson on 26th November 2016

"Thanksgiving was a sad day. I missed our Thanksgiving Eve routine and having you at dinner. I drove around in the evening, alone and completely lost. I am not recovering from any of this.

I love you Dave."

This tribute was added by Tammy Benson on 4th September 2016

"Six months. Still painful. Still suffering.

I will stop missing you, Dave, when I am with you.

I love you Dave."

This tribute was added by Tammy Benson on 19th August 2016

"http://erinjanus.com/6-psychologically-damaging-things-adults-say-to-children-all-the-time/

1.  You're too sensitive!
2.  That's life!
3.  Stop crying!
4.  Because I said so!
5.  Why can't you be more like...(sibling, cousin, etc)

What you will notice all of these phrases have in common is they all disregard, attack or work to shut down the emotional center of a child, thus suppressing and passively discouraging the child from developing healthy pathways and connections from the logical part of their brain/being to the emotional part of their brain/being.  Anything less than a healthy connection mentally and emotionally (which is exactly what ‘psychological’ is: mental + emotional state of a person) is indeed a recipe for damage, or at the least an imbalance within the growing individual.

Human beings are not meant to be robots!  So why, to the most innocent, dynamic, sensitive creatures: children— do we repetitively program them with psychologically limiting and damaging demands and statements in their times of rebellion, distress or grief?  Children need patience, wisdom and opportunity for growth from the adults in their life, and whether or not they have that will depend solely on how adults choose to treat them and teach them to relate to their ever-changing psychological states.

Dave never had a chance.

I love you Dave."

This tribute was added by Tammy Benson on 14th August 2016

"Happy Birthday My Love.

I love you Dave."


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Tammy Benson

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