Della Mae Suckins Nchami, or Mama, as she was known to one and all, lived such a fantastic and rich life that we can only marvel at it. She demonstrated strength and courage, the equivalent of which most of us can only aspire. She conquered the adversity of segregation to become a highly educated black woman in the 1950s in the US. When she met one Vincent C. Nchami from Cameroon, she fell in love with and married him, determined to be with him despite knowing that he would be returning to what was considered darkest Africa at the time (It remains unclear how much that has changed in the last seven decades). In any case, Mama braved the wilds of Africa, and in fact, thrived. Her children often teased her that she had become more Cameroonian than they.
As most people know, Mama had a huge heart. She took care of everyone, and provided them with a home if needed. Once, when Gina was in graduate school, Mama happened to be visiting her in Pittsburgh just when a friend of hers had undergone surgery, and was staying with her while she recuperated. After Mama arrived, Gi didn’t do much to care for her friend because Mama took over completely. This was someone Mama had never met before. Yet, that did not stop her. And who can forget Cam's months in 5th grade when her teacher would pull her to the side, ask what she brought for lunch and devour it in its entirety. Several months later when mama found out, her solution was to prepare two separate food packages so that the teacher would get one free and clear. She was never confronted nor was she the wiser that Cam still had food to eat. It was precisely because of this deep caring for everyone she encountered and so many others she had never met that Della Nchami was known as Mama. And if she did this for strangers, imagine how much more she did for friends and family members. We are truly blessed and with her passing we are reminded how very lucky, honored and cherished we are to have her {yes we still do} in our lives.
During her life, Mama rubbed shoulders with diplomats and heads of state. After all, her husband was a Senior District Officer (a sort of governor) in two provinces. She became quite adept at entertaining and hosting dignitaries from all over the world. Everyone knows what a fantastic cook, baker and seamstress Mama was. We, her children, count ourselves very fortunate to have learned from such an accomplished woman. Yet, what we know is but a tiny fraction of the knowledge and skills she possessed.
Over the years, Mama raised many children, and while not all of them were biologically hers, she loved them all without reservation. All of them, including Mbibong, Camerica, Alaatum, Tizah, Laura, Mary Judith, Gina, Nehlah, Jenny, Florence, Irene, Josephine, Anjuma, Pius, John, Regina, Grace, Sylvia, Rose, Assumpta, Julie T., and so many others, are joining forces to pay tribute to her. Mama was equally devoted to her grandchildren - - Germaine, Nia, Ian, Sachi, Durrell, Della Anjeh, Myles, Vicki, Taylor-Whitley, Jordy, Jaden, Alaatum Victor Jr, Della Nchami, Kosi, Vincent, Emerica, Arissa, Zina, Danielle, Ike, Solange, Emmanuel, Nicci, Claire, Tyla, Jennifer, Neri, Dzanishui - - some of whom will be traveling to Bambui to say their final goodbyes. It comes as no surprise that her heart of gold welcomed her daughters and sons in-law - TJ, Victor, Emeka, Georgia, Larry, Patrick and our extended family of inlaws and friends - all of whom became her children the moment she met them. She loved us all so deeply, so completely, so dearly. Unfortunately, Mama lost a few of those children along the way, including Theresa, Eucharia, Amungwa, Jude, Julie B. and Judith. Daddy also passed away in 1991. That is a loss we will feel forever, just as we will with Mama. But at least, they are resting in peace together now.
Mama was always a tower of strength, and we who are left behind can only hope to be as strong as she was. When people talked about a tough cookie, they were referring to her. It is hard to imagine the strength it took for Mama to leave everything that was familiar, and venture into the unknown. Yet, she did so with amazing courage. When Mama had a large tumor removed in 1991, she handled the surgery with courage. Daddy died just a few days later, while Mama was still in serious condition in the hospital. Her doctors warned that she should not be told about Daddy’s passing, because the shock could kill her. But, there was no choice, since some of the children had to leave for Cameroon to organize Daddy’s funeral. When she finally got the news, her reaction was priceless and as classy as she always was. Mama’s first thought was not for herself and what she had lost, but for her children. She cried for them, because they had been forced to carry the burden for several days without telling her. That was how incomparable Mama was. And, when a few years later, Mama had to deal with breast cancer, once again, she handled the situation with great courage, which did not waver when she had to have knee replacement surgery later. This is not meant to be a litany of Mama’s medical conditions, but rather, examples of how she faced adversity with remarkable grace, strength, dignity and courage. We can all take lessons from her about how to triumph over challenges.
During the final years of her life, Mama became a jetsetter. She traveled between the US and Cameroon whenever she was in the mood. When she became tired of one place, she would set out for the other. Wherever she was, Mama did her best to take care of everyone. She would lend a hand whenever it was needed, and provided whatever type of support was necessary. All her children thought she worked too hard and needed to relax, but she never stopped working. When she was in Cameroon, Mama was always growing, cooking, building, designing, decorating, or sewing something. When she was in the US, she helped with the care of care her grandkids, and continued to cook, sew and bake. We often joked that she didn’t know how to be idle, and even though Gi threatened to teach her, she never learned.
In late 2012, Laura suggested that we do something to show Mama how much we appreciated her for everything she had done for us. While we argued about how to go about this, we all believed this would be a marvelous way to show Mama what she meant to us. We had the celebration in July 2013, and what a wonderful event it was! Mama enjoyed herself thoroughly, given that she was the Queen of the ball, and squarely in her element. As we look back, we are all so thrilled and grateful that we were able to hold the event before Mama left us.
In the last few weeks of her life, Mama’s children kept pushing her to return to the US for medical treatment since she had not been well, however, she kept putting off the trip. It is clear now that Mama knew the end was near, and was not interested in taking her final breath in the US. She was determined to be in Cameroon when she went to her final rest, and it was her fervent hope to be laid to rest in her adopted country, close to and near her husband. Although we will love and miss her always, we wish her eternal peace and salvation. Bon voyage, Della Mae Nchami! You will live in our hearts forever!