Hey babe....I miss you! And I need you, bad! I'm not doing so good, pretty sick, and you always were prettty good lining out my doctors, and I'm afraid by the time they figure out I probably have cancer, it'll be too late to win over it. You'd think when about five other family members have died by age 45 and you're 49, begging for 3 yrs. to test whatever it takes to find out, but they rather not so maybe you die before they have to give you any of that social security you've paid all your working life, which they refuse me any of yours too. When me and our boys all know that's why we stayed married, and the fact that we always came together when one of us really needed the other. Remember when I rescued little Jeremy from the barmaid mom and stripper daughter you left him with when you were in the hospital with pneumonia, and you when they released you. Had the pharmacy tech job at walmart in midwest city, and subway too. I took care of us for at least 6 mos.till you got strong enough to work again. I can't work. Hell I cant even carry a basket of laundry to the laundryroom without sitting in a chair to rest before can even start it. I haven't seen little Daniel or Jena still, been three years Jeremy, I can't stand it, I never should've transferred to mcalester and moved back here, I'm so trapped, and lost without you little Jeremy and my grandkids. Only got Christian and Bentley spring break this year, hating these holidays all alone. Fucking tina is so afraid im gonna get some money somehow I fucking hate her selfish fucking ass. She damn sure wasn't giving a red cent from your wallet at funeral home either when I missed work twice for that signing of that piece of paper. Funeral people were assholes too considering, oh yeah you were there, you already know that. But you werent there for tinas daughters pity poor bitch about blaming me for coming betwween ya'll and tina thanked me for just letting her get that off her chest, yeah you'd have been proud of me, I kept my mouth shut and just let her believe it. Like I gave a shit after what I had lost....forever, well my ever. I missed you thanksgiving , cooked and ate all by myself, just not the same anymore, I'm missing you now and Christmas will. I am coming to visit still. I am exited to finally meet your family, just be a little scared not you by my side, hoping little Jeremy will tho. Unless I die before I get any financial help, which is greatly possible. I sleep 18 hours at a time alot too, COPD or heart one kicking my ass. So some nights can't sleep, like tonight, watching P.S. I Love You....imagine that, huh. Makes me love it in a different way tho now, way close to home now! I try everthing to fill this void....it ain't happening. Gotta go cant breathe! Much Love (you more)! PEACE OUT!
