Joanie came and stayed with us while helping our son Tyler survive school.  Without her I don't believe he would have survived it.
She championed his cause with her vast knowledge of programs and protocol we had no idea existed.  
She did this for the same reason she did everything.  Because it was right and fair.
The fact that she loved us was icing on the cake.
She was kind by choice not by default or weakness and beyond generous to everyone. A love comet.
Sorry, if you knew her you already knew that.
We all miss her.

I just returned from a trip to New York with my Family yesterday.

This was my first trip back to the US, since the wonderful trip I had with Joan in Easter 2010. Even though my daughter was getting ill at that time, I just had this feeling that I HAD TO visit Joan and her family at that time. I am so glad that I followed my intuition, because I will always treasure all the great memories of that trip - and the last time I got to spend time with Joan. Going to the US will never be the same without the possibility to see her. 

Joan, I love you and miss you!!  You were so very special to me !!
I look at a photo of your lovely smile every day and will always remember you and your big heart this way.

This is from both Kristin and Mick Founts.....

Joan was my best friend in college; she was my bridesmaid in our wedding; our children were born at the same time and we vacationed together....I miss her.  I really miss her.  I would not see her for months ...and then we were back together like we had missed only a day.  Now it has been two years.

Our memories will not fade, nor will our saddness...but, as usual, there is a lesson.
Enjoy each day....enjoy our kids as if it is our last day....embrace life with love, and in this case with the best of memories.

We love you.

 

     It is almost a year since my friend Joan was killed in an automobile accident.  As I read different comments about this month that now contains not only the horrible day that she died but also her birthday, I am torn between two feelings. I do not mind so much that on one day I feel one thing, and on another day I feel another, because if there is anything that I have learned about being a human being it is that our feelings change. We want constancy, as if it defines us, but it is never really achieved. 

     The bad feeling is that it has been a year. That horrible day will arrive, and it will be my memory of that day that torments me.  Memory is the constant tormenter, and the time of year marks that memory.  Time also puts distance between what was, and what is.  To move ahead is to move away, as if preserving everything will keep her closer to me.  Anyone who knew Joan would know that she would be very sad to know that I had not made any progress in a whole year, and I think about that often.

     The good feeling is remembering how much we both liked Autumn.  We would be sharing how much we loved the weather and smell of Autumn. We would be shopping at the Dollar Store for decorations.  Joan and I often combined our visits with our shopping, traveling the aisles in conversation with each other. The good feeling is also that I got to spend the afternoon with her and her family only a day before she was gone. Everybody was piling up on the couch, and I was securely in a spot next to Joan in that dog pile of love. Joan made sure that I sat next to her because she knew that all the commotion could make me nervous.  At parties when things got real loud and fast, she would catch my eye and mouth the words “Are you ok?”

I am grateful to the universe because I was allowed a last day with Joan.  We got to party, and we got to spend time alone upstairs while we were going through clothes and talking about redecorating her office. I still have the chair that I had picked out for her, a vintage rocking chair. I was planning on recovering it and surprising her the next week. Since she was such an ever present person in my life, I feel so lucky to have a clear memory of our last time together. 

     After the first time that I went to the Brown house, which was during Morgan and Kenzie’s freshman year at high school, as I was walking out to the car, Joan told me that I was part of her family now and I was stuck with them…because they never would let go.  So, Joan gave me the the wonderful gift of having a family experience.  I learned that it was ok to have a difference of opinion, and that one small argument did not end a relationship. I also got to share Morgan and Kenzie on a daily basis, as their teacher and as their locker. (They did not like their locker location at the high school so they used my classroom as one.) Every day for most of their high school life, I got to be a Brown in small and sometimes big ways. (Of course one of the bigger events was my introducing Lauren and Nick, and yes is was a magical, if not really funny, moment.) Talking almost daily with Joan about daily life with the Browns is something that I treasure beyond belief.

     I remember standing in front of the house when Kenzie and Morgan started making their solo driving experiences, and crying with Joan over how fast they were growing up. I can still see, from my position sitting in the faculty row directly across from Lauren during graduation, the young Lauren. That night she shared with me one of her “daddy” moments. She told me that he drove her to graduation and when they came to a stop she said to him, “Well this is weird”.  I would eventually come to understand those Richard moments and how funny they are.

     One of my favorite memories is about what I came to view as the Brown family corporation.  We were camping, and I had gone to bed.  Outside I could hear Richard, Joan and the girls pretty much hashing out the next few months of their life.  They were all talking about what they needed to do, where they needed to be, and somehow Joan could and would pull it all together. It was her favorite job, the blending of all their lives.

     There are so many memories, and I can never thank them enough for including me in the Brown family.  I have heard it said that every family needs at least one crazy person, and I do not mean crazy in a good way.  The last memory to share is how, when in the middle of my bad craziness and I was getting to be so sick, Joan descending on me in my home, with Richard and the gurls, (yes gurls), in tow.  I just had to bust out laughing because there I was, in my five days running not removed pajamas, a mess all around me, cats everywhere, and there were the Browns right in the middle of it...bringing life and love to me and somehow it felt normal. They were like a home delivery of normalcy, but in a crazy way.

     Maybe that is the summation of my love for Joan, and the Brown family. They make sense out of crazy.

Six months ago today.  I have decided to post a memory on the 21st day of each month and tell you what I did today to remember Joan.  Irony in that I will never forget Joan, but I suppose this is my way of really keeping her alive. 
Today I went through year book pictures.  Joan and I did this together once in awhile....and we had such a good time doing it.  Neither of us had any real negative feelings about high school, and it was so nice to remember fondly the people who were "just there". 
Still unrelenting disconnect in my mind when I think that she is gone. I feel like someone took away one of the best things that ever happened to me.   

I met Joan in 2009 when I attended a training she hosted a the San Joaquin County Office of Education. BICM training was difficult, but Joan made it fun. She had a natural abiity to put people at ease and make us believe in ourselves. During the course of the 8 day workshop, my own mother passed away tragically and suddenly. Joan was so compassionate towards me during this difficult time. She and I had an instant bond. Although I had to drop out of the training to be with my family in Los Angeles, I attended the same training in the fall of 2011. I was happy to be back under Joan's guidance and ambition. When I walked into the conference room, the first words she said to me were, "I know it's not easy for you to be here because of the memory of losing your mother." I couldn't believe she remembered me, much less the passing of my mom. This is evidence of the type of person Joan was. I was in my classroom this morning when I was told she had passed away last fall. I felt like someone kicked me in the stomach. I am so sad at the loss of a family's mother and wife, and friend, and professional. As a Special Education teacher, my hope is to touch lives the same way Joan did. My thoughts and prayers are with your family. xoxo

To my dear friend Joan,
Did you ever wonder if we would have become best friends if not for our lockers being switched? We might have but it probably would not have happened the first day of our Freshman year at THS. Everything was done alphabetically in the good old days and you were assigned a locker with Arliss Jensen and I was assigned a locker with her best friend (?? started with a "W" I think) and they asked to trade lockers. We nicely said "yes" and you became my best friend and locker partner for the next 4 years.

I wish you were here to help me remember more of the details of our high school years and beyond (I agree with your concept of collective memory) but these are some of my wonderful memories; laughing and lunching together, being involved in after school clubs, making decorations for parties and painting posters, hanging out at your house and making freshly ground coffee and homemade hashed brown potatoes, driving to Santa Cruz and going to the beach and the boardwalk together. I also remember skinny dipping together in my parents pool (yeah we did!!) and cruising main street in your parents blue Ford Fairlane.
One of the weirdest experiences was going to a baptist church camp with you on the northern California coast; the crazy revelations scare tactics were unforgettable and not something I would recommend (you took it all in stride) but I did get baptised on that trip in the Pacific Ocean with you by my side!

As time went on it was natural to remain close friends, to be in your wedding (you two were hippies), attend baby showers for the girls, go to the Oakland Zoo together, meet in Santa Cruz a few times and get together for the occasional brunch. There was never enough time and too many scheduling conflicts - which makes our time together last July all the more poignant. I am so grateful that we had that day together, to catch up on the lives of you, Richard and the girls. 
I have spent the last two months grieving, feeling deeply sad for your entire family and very sorry for myself that we not be meeting for dinner in Oakland and enjoying empty nester time with you and Richard. Richard, it will be you, Steve and I!

I have also reflected a lot on the strength of our friendship and the closeness I felt with you over the years (even with gaps in time) and a sense of kindred spirit. Maybe it was because we went skinny dipping together and laughed so much when we were young, maybe it was because I always believed that you were just like me; deeply conservative yet wildly liberated, in love with our families yet not bound by convention; ourselves through and through. It will take me a long time to let go of the sadness I now feel, but you give me reason to believe that there is a lot of laughter in heaven.  
xoxo Dara 

This is the letter I wrote to my mom the night of her accident. I also read it at her memorial:


Mommy, 

I miss you so much. I'm home now, and it feels like a dream. I see you everywhere-- I see you in your bathroom, with your straightener and all your makeup spread out all over the counter. I see you in the kitchen, knowing that its spotless because you liked it that way. I see you in our living room with all of your comfy pillows and blankets, ready to cuddle with. With each and every thing I look at, I see you in how hard you worked to make this house a home. I still imagine that I'll wake up tomorrow morning to you coming into my room, telling me good morning, and handing me a cup of hot black coffee, and telling me that you have eggs and bacon for me downstairs. Somehow you always knew that'd work.

I can't believe you're gone. Two days ago I was wrapping my arms around you, and yours around me. I always feel safe when I'm hugging and cuddling you like that. You're always so warm and so comfortable, and I would give anything to do that with you now. You're the most amazing mom in the world. I know I told you that a million times, but I don't know if you truly believed me, but its true. The way you love people. The way you love kids. The way you fight for what is right. The way you care for us, mom. You truly are the best. You smile and the way you light up any room is contagious. The way you are totally ok with being silly (you are the master at it) and not taking yourself too seriously has encouraged me to laugh things off and keep going. But don't feel like doing that anymore, not without you.

I got the call from dad at 1:55 pm. When I heard the news, I wondered why the world hadn't stopped spinning. Mine has. And I don't know how to make it spin again. Not without you. 

I wanted to call you today. I wanted to call you to tell you that the mug we made together at color me mine broke. I wanted to tell you that we could plan a time to make another one. But now that won't happen. Not without you.

I know you would like me to keep going, mommy. But my heart is just so broken. It's as broken as the pieces of glass from your car window.

Mommy, I don't want to end this letter. I feel like if I keep writing, telling you how much I love you,a you will come back to me. I feel like if I end this letter, then I'm accepting that you're gone. But I will never be okay with this. It's not true, you can't be gone. And I can't keep going.

There is that silly song that you like. You know the one we always sing and dance to in the kitchen when all five of us are home together? The one that says"home is wherever I'm with you?" We'll, now you're with me always in my heart, so I guess I'm always home...with you. So since we will be together always, I will keep going. I'll keep going for you. Because I know that you'd want me to.

I'll love you forever
I'll love you always
As long as I'm living 
My mommy you'll be 

 I love you mom. You're my role model and my best friend, forever and always.

Love,

Morgabob

Joan,

Depuis ces quelques jours passés,

Je n'arrive pas à t'oublier

Tes paroles, tes gestes, ta sincérité,

Tu commences déjà à me manquer.

Quand j'ai appris cette nouvelle, j'ai été dévastée.

Mais, je tiens encore à te l'avouer,

que, et ça je te le promets,

je t'aimais, je t'aime et je t'aimerai.

Je pleure encore souvent,

même quasiment tout le temps,

quand je lève les yeux, j'ai l'impression de revoir ton visage rayonnant

Qui me paraît encore si vivant...

Par pitié, reviens à mes côtés,

une dernière fois, pour que je puisse t'embrasser

et dans mes bras,  te serrer

Aussi fort que je le pourrais. 

I MISS U AND I LOVE U

Joan was the Education Specialist who was in charge of programming for my son, Alexander, from kindergarten through 8th grade. She designed all of the programs that helped Alexander learn the things that he needed to know.  She took charge of all of his IEP's. She trained every single 1:1 aide that he had during this time frame, and that was not easy, because he needed to learn certain concepts in a different way than other children. She did systematic quality control to ensure that he was getting all of the services that he needed at the very highest level.


She taught my son to read, when others had failed over and over again. What a beautiful gift to give to a child who loves books!


I can rest easy, knowing that Alexander had every single thing that he needed to reach his highest potential.  I cannot even begin to tell you what that means to a parent of a Special Needs child. And it was all because of Joan.  She never gave up, she went to bat for him over and over again, even when it was sometimes not politically correct in the venue that she worked in. Alexander was all that mattered to her, and doing everything possible that she could do to help him reach his highest learning level.


I guess there are angels walking amongst us, and Joan was one of them.          

I met Joan nearly 7 years ago when I started working with her. We dind't work together for long as she needed to "slow down", as she put it. :-) We remained friends, & had some fun times meeting for curry, taking a quick trip to the cabin, & many fun filled "coffee meetings". You, my friend, epitomzied professional & you were the most caring person I've ever met in my life.

Joan, you were truly an angel who walked among us. Your sudden departure from our lives has left a void that nothing will replace until we meet again, my friend.The next time we have a curry, it will be for you!

Love & miss you,

Pru

I remember her coming into the office of the counselor at Dent (I think his name was Michael?) I had been benched at lunch time ONE too many times I think :). I was playing with those little warm fuzzy things. I remember that he left and Joan sat down with me and she was the first person in my life to ever tell me it was not my fault I was in a foster home. She had such a sweet and gentle heart. I can remember that day like it was yesterday. She is at the throne of the Lord, in the presence of her Lord and King. But what an incredible legacy she left that changed generations to come.

Joan was a friend of my mom's through school. When my twin brothers were born, Joan sympathized with my mother and came to babysit us to give my mother a break. During that short meeting, she gave me a book that was a spin-off of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Not only was the book itself funny, but it became hilarious when she began to narrate with colorful voices.

When I heard of her passing and started to tell my friends, it turned out most of their parents knew Joan in some way. Whether it was they had met her once and remembered her personality or had been taught by her, they all said that she was a kind soul and very angel-like.

We're really going to miss you, Joan. Thanks for everything. 

Once upon a time, in 1997, my family moved from a Sacramento suburb to Escalon. There were more cows than people. Really. Many days, it did not smell very good and we wondered what we had done. It was hard to get to know people in this tiny little dot of a place. It's not that they weren't friendly, they were just used to their routines. A few people were willing to break from their routines, though, and help our family get to know the lay of the land. Joan was one of them. I can't remember one particular event, just her being really nice and telling me how things worked in this new place. It's been many years and we live in the Midwest now, but I still remember that. Still remember her going out of her way to make us feel at home. What a gift it is to be able to do that for people.

A month ago I spent a weekend in Disneyland with Joan, her delightful daughter, Lauren, goddaughter, Susan, and good friend, Phyllis.  It was one of the best Disneyland experiences I have ever had.  We laughed, were tricked in to going on the Pluto ride by Lauren, had faces painted, acted like pirates and had group hugs. This short amount of time with Joan and Lauren revealed the great love they have for each other, for life, and for others.  Joan and Lauren accepted me so completely, sharing their silliness and smiles.  As Joan has done for so many, she made me feel special. She even offered to research something to help my husband. She found a place in my heart that will remain forever. Thank You, Lord, for placing her in my life.

I am still amazed and so thankful for the decision Joan made, together with Richard, to be the host parents for an AFS student. I was the lucky girl from Norway that was chosen to live with them during the school year 1984/1985. That year changed my life and is one of the best years of my life. I still have a hard time understanding how they could take a total stranger into their lives, even a lazy self-centered teenager, and give me so much love and so many great experiences. Joan had such a big heart and was such a loving and caring person.  I have so many great memories from that year, so it is hard to mention just one.
After I left California in 1985, we have only seen each other 4 times in those 27 years that has passed, and even though she had 3 wonderful daughters in those years, she still was able to give me that feeling of beeing special and loved. She included me in their life and I felt that I knew the girls from photos she sent. Last time we met, was Easter 2010, when I suddenly got that feeling that I had to go and visit, because it had been too long. I had the best 2 weeks with Joan and her lovely family, and I tried to tell her how grateful I am to everything she has ever done for me. I don't think I was able to express that when I was a teenager, but I think Joan knew anyway. It was just important for me to tell her.
I will look through my scrap book from that year and try to chose between all the good memories, and share them here. I just felt like telling this first.

My wife Karen and I were speaking this morning of what a loss Joan will be to our community and especially her family. Karen was at work on the ambulance yesterday and ran into an old friend who now works at Memorial Medical Center. Our friend Paul brought up the subject of Joan's traggic accident and asked if Karen knew her. Karen said yes and Paul related that his wife actually took a pottery class with Joan in Escalon and that she became quite upset at the news. He then looked at the picture in the paper and thought why does she look so familiar. He went to his old Tulock High School year book and found Joan's picture. She was a ahead of him in high school. He related that he realized who she was. Karen said Paul told her that he was a skinny, five foot something  when he met Joan. He remembered how how difficult that year was for him and how Joan was nice him and to everyone. He said his wife Betty was very emotional over Joan's passing and  that after he had realized who Joan Justice Brown was he too.. felt great her loss.. 
Is it not a wonderful thing to think that nearly 40 years ago the brief moments you had with a couple of people could bring them to tears at the word of you passing? I think it says much about the life of this beautiful soul.  

A couple of years ago Joan and Richard purchased a little convertible car, and Joan would pick me up at work on a Friday afternoon, with the top down and we would drive out into the country. We listened to a lot of our old favorites, but this is one she liked best. When days were difficult, she would message or call me just to say "feel free".  I knew that she was referring to this song. (I had purchased the CD for her birthday this year.....)


     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NdXTEucUJ4