When I found out that my long-time friend Stephanie Hilker had passed away, my mind was shrieking, “No! No! No!”. This couldn’t be real. There must be some mistake. I am misunderstanding something. People Stephanie’s age don’t pass away suddenly in their sleep. It doesn’t happen and it surely doesn’t happen to friends of mine, especially not this friend. Not this crazy, full of life friend that I had known for over 20 years of my life. No way. No how.
Stephanie and I were kind of yin and yang. I was the mellow, cautious, quieter, indecisive reserved one. She was the hyper, outspoken, strong-willed decisive one. I was usually around 15-20 minutes late when meeting her at her house to go shopping or to lunch. She had a running joke with my husband. About 10 minutes after I was supposed to meet her, she’d call and my husband Leo would answer. She’d say (kind of laughingly sing it actually), “Where. Is. She?” I frequently hadn’t even left yet and Leo would give some long-winded fake story about why I was late. She’d give him crap for delaying me and making me late. They both enjoyed it.
When I went shopping at Christmas time, I would have a tough time parking as the lots at the mall were always packed and I was never aggressive enough. Not when I was driving with Steph in the car. She was in attack mode and would point out people walking to their car, “There’s one! Go after them!” It was great to shop with Steph as she would help me make decisions on purchases way quicker than I would on my own.
I met Stephanie when our sons, Adam and Nathan, began going to pre-school at Holy Cross Preschool in Clairemont. Along with our boys, we were together all the time. We went to the Family Fun Center, the Wild Animal Park, the Zoo, and everywhere in between.
I have a picture of Adam and Nathan in front of Disneyland when they were 4 years old. Leo and I had taken them to Disneyland that day and we had a great time. The only problem was when we went to our car at the end of the day. Our brand new Saab wouldn’t start even when we got AutoClub to try to jump it (the Saabs had a bit of a reputation for electrical problems). We couldn’t get it fixed until the next day so we had to stay overnight in a motel. It was the first time Adam had stayed overnight away from home and no amount of consoling that Stephanie could give Adam over the phone kept him from quietly crying half the night, the poor little guy. He missed his mom.
A much scarier story is when Nathan stayed over at Stephanie’s house when Leo and I went out. I’m not sure exactly how old Nathan was at the time but I’m thinking he was 8-10 years old. Stephanie’s house had a wooden fort in their backyard that was right up against the bottom of a very steep hill. It had been raining for a couple of days but the boys could still spend time outside because they could keep dry in the fort. Adam, Michael and Nathan came inside the house now and then for bathroom breaks or to get food, drinks, and sometimes something new to play with and went right back to the fort. They had only been back inside Stephanie’s house for 10 minutes or so when half the hillside came sliding down and completely buried most of Stephanie’s backyard in mud, including the fort! If the boys had still been in that fort… We thanked God a lot that day.
After the boys got older, much of the time I spent with Stephanie involved going to concerts or just having a beer or three and catching up on stuff. We went to one of her brother Stephen’s concerts once that was a Halloween celebration. We did wear costumes but nothing like, or as little, as what many of the other concert attendees were wearing. Like the character Fred Bailey said in the movie, Valley Girl, “You will see things you only read about in books.” We had a great time that night. We always did.
I usually get giggly and silly when I have some alcohol in me. Stephanie, on the other hand, got crazy and grew a pair of brass balls on her every time she had a few in her. One of the craziest, and boldest things, we ever did was after we had spent an afternoon drinking a few beers at a sports bar named “Yogi’s” in Carlsbad. As I like to watch sports, I probably had talked her into watching a Padres game with me and so we went to a sports bar. It was a warm summer day. After having a few and watching the game, we left and got into the car. It was hot and I wanted to sit somewhere, relax and maybe get something to eat. Stephanie wanted none of it. She wanted to go have a swim. I’m like, ‘we don’t have anything to swim in’, and she said, ‘So?’ So we went swimming. After pulling in to park at a Carlsbad beach, we near forty-ish females jump out of my red Saab (yes, yet another Saab), strip down to our tank tops and underwear and make a mad dash toward the water while laughing hysterically. Luckily I had on black undies with no lace so they “could” be mistaken for a bathing suit. Stephanie, on the other hand, had your basic white-with-flowers underwear which could have fooled no one.
It did feel good in the water and we swam around for awhile. Eventually, we did have to get out and we realized we had no towels (of course). Stephanie, being the bold one, went up to a couple guys (who had kids) near our car and asked to borrow a towel. They, of course, had seen the whole thing and were willing to lend us towels, drinks, or anything else we needed.
That happened about 10 years ago and we haven’t done anything crazy like that again. When we have gotten together for beers recently, all we talk about are family stuff. I remember when Stephanie told me that Adam’s wife Christina was pregnant with their first child, Stephanie said, “I’m not old enough to be a grandma!” She wasn’t sure about the whole grandma thing but boy, when Adam and Christina’s daughter was born she was hooked. She LOVED that little girl. She felt a bond that only grew stronger as their little girl, also named Stephanie, got older.
I feel so sad that little Stephanie will no longer get to spend time with her grandma. I also feel sad that Adam, Michael, and Sean will no longer have their mother there for them. Stephanie was born under the zodiac sign of Cancer and in her case, what they say about Cancers was so true---they are all about family. Her and her family were so close. But, when memories of the things her and I have done and all the long talks we had run through my mind, I have to feel saddest for myself. I don’t have my oldest and closest friend. I don’t have my crazy drinking buddy. I don’t have my BFF. She was way too young when she left us. I am glad that she is back with her mom and with God but I will miss her so much.
Love, Renée
