Stop wasting your time pining. Think about it- its not a "loss" to cut yourself off a worthless conceited dud. Fsce it- and she doesnt even have looks or charm personality to make up for it. U can do much better- come n rejoin ur friends and live LIFE without her corpse around. Trust me you'll be better. AC

Death is final, death cannot be reversed. A person taken away cannot be brought back to life. If they were to come back, they would only be able to manage as zombies- rotting, empty flesh. Birth and re-birth may occur but death cannot be undone.They may live on as a memory which is figment of the mind that sentient beings cling to.

Please note: this is a loss/grief management project. You are welcome to post constructive messages.
Thank you for sending me snippets of thoughts and ideas- some of it has resulted in further thoughts and postings about approaches to loss.
All writings are personal except where others/other websites are acknowledged.

Words to ponder:
http://griefwords.com/index.cgi?action=page&page=articles%2Fhelping3.html&site_id=2

"Grief is a process, not an event"
1. Allow yourself to mourn
2. Recognize that your grief is unique
3. Express your thoughts and feelings
4. Be tolerant of physical and emotional limits
5. Be compassionate with yourself

More words to share from the griefwords site- "The passing of someone so central to your life is certain to leave a tremendous emotional, physical, and practical void. Your grief may be so profound that you feel like your hope for the future died with your spouse."

Words from thelightbeyond.com- When a life partner dies, a part of your identity also dies. Instead of being a partner you are now a widow. These words are just labels that communicate a harsh reality, but they also represent a truth.Adjusting to your new identity will take time, and the journey may seem unbearably sad. In time, however, you will emerge from your mourning a changed person.

Thinking about the quote that grief is not an event but a process. You are unlikely to wake up one day to find that the passing has not occurred, it is final and irrevocable. It's unlikely that the Loss will ever leave you. However you hope one day it would be only a shadow of something gone, and your loss is not emptiness but peace.

It's hard to get your head around death and what it means, even when someone is physically dead. You will never see the person again, but even then they dwell in your consciousness. It's even more difficult to conceptualise death, though there are common attributes involving irrevocable loss. That's probably why people create edifices and memorials- to externalise and give form to loss

When a person departs from you suddenly, your mind struggles with all the conversations you were meant to have; all kinds of thoughts crowd your head, fleetingly, or less fleetingly. Some are memories, some are imagined memories, some are thoughts of things you should have done or not done which linger like shadows.

Death is never easy, sudden death a greater trauma. When someone has left suddenly, you never had the opportunity to say goodbye, to prepare yourself for the time when the person is no longer in your world. The cruelest departure involves anticipation. Imagine yourself, waiting at the airport for someone who's plane never made it, calling the phone of a loved one who never answered.

The Canon of grief counselling exhorts you to believe in your memories. Cosy Christmasses shared together, rolling out the pizza dough in a warm kitchen on a winters evening, hanging out on mismatching old furniture in your old apartment at a time when did it really matter that it wasnt a designer replica or even the real McCoy. You want to, need to feel that living those times meant something,

Death levels all; sudden death crops the heads so we are left with nothing but straws to clutch at. You want to believe in your memories, which are nothing more than a handful of iphone snaps. Atop a mountain in New Zealand, atop a mountain in Bhutan, atop a mountain in Tibet. Only the peaks matter, never the troughs- clinging to the snapshots of a sepia tinged past.

We must mourn fully without the inhibitions of memories that we are exhorted to cling to. The past is nothing but the future it makes. Where the future is nothing so must the past be. Let us mourn the emptiness, the loss and destruction that sudden death has vested upon us. You took away and neither past nor future can change it. In time neither grief not joy hold sway only loneliness.

With sudden bereavement, sometimes you catch yourself planning, or making lists in your head. These thoughts are plans for a future that will never be, lists of things to do for some point in future that will never come to pass. Memories fade quickly and leave behind at best a sense of something wasted, or at worst the overwhelming sensation of lost hope.