Seven years seems impossible. But you are still such a presence in our lives.

Scarlett loves to draw and paint, just like you. And she’s always helping others something else she obviously got from you ❤️

Juliet has your boundless curiosity...plus her willfulness (aka stubbornness) is obviously payback for what I put you through

And Graham is just love and sweetness personified. You would love his hugs and cuddles. he asks about you often. 

I miss you everyday, but seeing you in the eyes of my children makes my heart so happy. 

Love you Mom 

We celebrated you as usual at the beach this week. Three out of four of these girls are named after you. Oh how we love and miss you so. Pictured:Juliet Alise, Scarlett Grace, Sloan Elise and Alice Anne. 

Best friends forever.

Today commemorates a year since my mom's passing.  A year that has been marked by many "firsts" in my life.  First Birthday's without mom, the first Thanksgiving and Christmas, and hardest yet, the first Mother's day without her.  These days and honestly, each and every other day of the year marked a first that I had never imagined or could have prepared myself for.  But as each of these days have passed, I think not so much of the sorrow of these days without her, but more so, of the firsts I had with her.  I prefer now to think beyond the days without her and instead remember the days with her.  The first time she took me to the bus stop, the first time she took me driving, the first time she came to one of many recitals, or watched me graduate.  And then more recently, the first time she danced with me at my wedding or met each of her grandchildren.  And maybe what I'll remember, and long for most of all, is the first of many times I finally realized how much she had taught me about being a mother myself.  Because, it is in the smallest of moments, while teaching, encouraging and guiding my own children that I feel her with me the most.  And as I mourn and remember her on this anniversary, I am comforted and reminded that she is with me each and every day.

Lois Rubin, in her short story about Alice, mentioned that she had played golf with Alice.

Some years ago when David and Alice were taking up the the game, Claire and I played 18 holes with them at Beaver Creek Golf Course here in Colorado...beautiful beyond description like the great lady we honor on this site. 

When a golfer putts the ball close to the hole on a green, it is pretty common for a playing partner to say "That's good," or "Pick it up," or That's a gimme."  That means that the golfer can pick the ball up without putting, charge himself a stroke and move onto the next hole.  David, however, believed that a "gimme" should not count as a stroke...after all, it's a "gimme."  In those early days of David and Alice's golf exploits, I suppose it didn't much matter.  After all, David's score for 18 holes was typically 150-175.  But who's counting?!

I have often wondered whether David taught Alice about the "Lassiter gimme."  For as Alice "approached the cup" on June 24th, had I been there, I would have said, "That's good."  And for the record, I would have insisted that it be the "Lassiter gimme."

Happy Birthday, kid!

Dave and Claire  

For Heaven and Future’s Sake

(Note:  These are the comments that I attempted to give at the Memorial Service but was simply too choked up to deliver.)

It is especially hard to accept Alice’s death for this simple reason:  she had so much life in her and gave so much to living. 

It is also difficult because her death brings to a close a sense of unlimited possibility and youthfulness.  Alice always had this openness about her, about the hopeful, good future for herself, family and friends.  To be in her presence was always refreshing, and reminded us of something better to come.  Yes, she had this wistful quality, a curiosity about a more hopeful future.

I first met David when we were all so young, fresh back from the Peace Corps, working together at the Office of Staging and Orientation.  We were all in our mid- twenties, at that point where serious adulthood and the search for a partner was in full bloom.  We dated and partied but it took David just one glance, actually one bus ride, and we all knew that the “deed had been done.”  He was hooked and the future was before him and Alice.

Finding the right partner is no easy feat, full of risk and we are reminded that it is the biggest and most important decision one can make.  David ‘hit the first pitch right out of the park” with Alice.  I wasn’t so fortunate.  After a painful divorce I lost confidence in my ability to make sense out of who to trust and who to choose as a partner in life.  I asked Alice for her advice and in that quick yet wise way, she looked at me with deep conviction and said, “just watch the way the someone makes other people feel about themselves.  You can’t make others feel good unless you accept yourself first and are capable of loving another.”  This seemed like such good advice and it also affirmed what I already sensed about Alice:  she was fully accepting of herself and others.  This is why we could all love her so easily.

So many of us look for the long-term and meaningful partnership, the one that endures and generates goodness and health, enjoyment in life.  Taking Alice’s advice to heart I continued to try and understand why so many fail in love and marriage but why she and David succeeded, how their love grew to the point where they produced two loving and well educated daughters.  I accidentally ran across a Robert Frost poem, entitled Two Tramps in Mud Time which provided me with additional clues in the final lines.  To paraphrase,  it  goes something like this: 

Only when love and need are one

Is the deed ever done

For Heaven  and Futures  Sake…

My wife Teresa and I were  in the early years of child rearing so the title reminded us of this reality:  we were like “Two Tramps in Mud Time” slogging through life’s many challenges.  But it was the idea that when you get love and need in the correct alignment, then the possibility that a purposeful life can be achieved, good deeds done, and quite possibly for “Heaven and Futures  sake.”  We had observed so many that were in love but did not need to be, and so many that needed to be in love but could not find it.  This was not David and Alice’s problem.

As I watch Christine and Celeste, I see Alice’s spirit, even her mannerisms,  at work.  While we will all sorely miss Alice, I find great satisfaction in watching her daughters at work, consoling others, raising their children and facing the future with the same strength and resolve that Alice did.  She would be as proud of their strength during this difficult time as we always were of her.

  The realization that she  and David “got it done” in the right way, for “Heaven and Future’s Sake” also brings a sense of satisfaction and a nod of “well done.”

My heart remains heavy but a little lighter….

Steve Vetter

July 10, 2012

Sailing with Alice

We have so many terrific memories with David and Alice revolving around sailing, camping, travel, cooking, and of course sharing good food and wine.  Our boat period beginning in 1993 was truly an adventure.  It grew from a casual suggestion made by David on a wet camping weekend that a friend of theirs was looking for a buyer for his boat.   Wouldn’t it be great to buy it together?  

None of us knew much about sailing so we took sailing safety courses and hired a sailing instructor to take us out on our boat for a weekend.  After feeling we were not taking an active role or contributing much to the cause, Alice and I decided to enroll in a sailing school called “Womanship” – motto “Where Nobody Yells!”  This is a hands-on sailing course taught by women just for women.  She and I had a positive weekend experience and then boldly decided to test our new skills and go out sailing together WITHOUT the men.  We were impressed by our guts and determination – and had well deserved trepidation.  At the end of the day, Alice and I were proud of ourselves – only one minor mishap to report to the “boys.” Our day started off on a positive note - we prepared and cast off without any trouble and motored “Impromptu” from our slip out to the South River heading toward the bay (I don’t think our “courage” actually included going INTO the bay itself).  The day was slightly overcast but our spirits were high – we were doing it by ourselves.  Who knew where we would stop now!  Oh, and the slight mishap gave us lots of laughs – we hooked and raised the jib sail upside down.  This may seem minor but sails simply don’t work in the upside down position!  My memory says that with some chagrin we took the sail down, reconnected it correctly and hoisted it successfully.  And we amazed ourselves by actually maneuvering Impromptu back into the slip with some degree of ease.  At the end of the day we felt we had accomplished something significant.  We just didn’t try it alone again.

Everyone knows how creative Alice could be.  She put her advanced creativity degree to work to give us a swimming option we never imagined.  Nettles in the bay are unpleasant and after a long day of sailing (or sitting in the doldrums) a dip in the Chesapeake was highly desirable.  Unfortunately, getting stung wasn't an experience any of us wanted.  So Alice had a solution...late into one night she sewed a "bowl” of netting for us to swim in with Styrofoam noodles attached to keep it afloat.  We were the envy of other boaters who saw and admired our nettle proof pool.  Its charm was enhanced by the fact that the only fabric Alice could find was camouflage print netting.  It was a show stopper – just like Alice!

Our partnership was enjoyed by all of us and co-boat ownership added to our spring, summer and fall days through two boats and many years.

I first met Alice in a men's dormitory at Boston College in the summer of 1968.  We were about to start BC's MAT program, but since BC was not coed at the time, any female students on campus were housed in a men's dorm.  Before Alice arrived, I was feeling lonely, in spite of my friendly dorm-mates, probably homesick for Brooklyn which I was leaving for the first time.  But then Alice arrived. She had that familiar New York sense of humor, that ironic way of seeing humor in the absurdity. She reminded me of Audrey Hepburn but with her feet planted firmly on the ground. I loved her instantly.  Now Boston felt like home.  A few days later we met Lucile and the deal was sealed.  Our friendship got us through that difficult first year of teaching, and became the foundation for the wonderful "Girls Weekend" group (along with Mary, Cathy, Jean and Bobbi) that has supported us in countless ways throughout our adult lives. Alice was a steadfast friend - loyal, concerned, generous.
When Alice, Mary and I lived together in Georgetown, Alice's warmth and hostess abilities made our house a gathering spot for so many interesting young people in DC.  One such young man, David Lassiter, was a frequent guest. Even then, Alice was a great cook (how many dishes did we serve "flambe"?) but it was the conversations we had, the new friends we made, and the laughs we shared that are most memorable.  No wonder she and David fell in love. She continued all her life to have that gift of drawing people together over food, wine, and fun.
Alice achieved what so many of us strive for - a loving relationship, beautiful children, a happy family, even grandchildren, many good friends.  It seemed to me that these last five years - since her diagnosis - were some of the happiest in her life.  The delight she took in her family was palpable.  Having Christine and Celeste and their wonderful Evans living close by brought her such joy.  And then the grandchildren - Juliette, Jack, Scarlet and Graham - a dream come true! She often said she felt blessed.  And she was.
Ansd so, good-bye, dear friend.  I am so grateful for our friendship.  I will miss you forever. 
Love, Susan 

I am one of the seven (now six) lucky women who shared at least one weekend a year dedicated to our friendship.  "Girl's Weekend" is a gathering of women dedicated to sharing stories, solving problems, eating outragious meals, drinking a little wine, giving and receiving advice but most of all laughing, laughing and laughing.

Alice was an important part of our group. She was the one who led the way in discussions on changing careers, organizing and planning weddings, dealing with elderly parents, and welcoming grandchildren into our lives.  In 28 years of these weekends, Alice never spoke a negative word about David, never.  She adored her daughters and her Evans and was so proud of her grandchildren.  

When I sat with David at the hospital last week, he brought up they song:  "Thank you for Being a Friend".   Alice was a friend to so many people.  She was genuine and unique.  She will be missed by many.  She was a source of inspiration for me and I will never forget her.  I love her and I will miss her but I will always picture her laughing.

There was an essential warmth and comfort, a sweetness, about Alice Rao Lassiter that is difficult to capture in words.  She was always easy to engage, always interested in others and I always had the feeling that I was dealing with family more than just a friend.  She was lovely and loved by all.  I also felt that you can’t understand Alice without understanding her bond with David.  I knew both of them before and  then after their marriage and it was one of those striking affirmations about partnership and the power of love to transform us that became so readily apparent after their “Big Italian Wedding” on Long Island.  The wedding was also a reminder of the power of ritual and celebration and a reminder to all of their friends that there are “classy ways” to do a wedding and I have yet to attend another that equaled theirs.  And I can’t think about Alice without first seeing her as a young bride with that wonderful, deep and satisfying smile that she carried on that day.  The celebration and joy of that day carried over into the years raising their family.  Her positive, affirming approach  to her friends and to life in general will always be appreciated.  She will be sorely missed but her life’s lesson to all of us is a gift that we treasure:  love fully and deeply and find the joy in life and share it with those you care for. 

Steve Vetter

For Alice,

My Love is like a red, red rose

That’s newly sprung in June;

My Love is like the melody

That’s sweetly played in tune.

 So fair art thou, my bonnie lass,

So deep in love am I;

And I will love thee still, my dear,

‘Til all the seas go dry.

‘Til all the seas go dry, my dear,

And the rocks melt with the sun;

I will love thee still, my dear,

While the sands of life shall run.

And fare thee well, my only love!

And fare thee well awhile!

And I will come again, my love,

Though it were ten thousand mile.
Robert Burns

With everlasting love,
David

Alice was truly like a second mother to me. What a blessing for my mother to have reunited with Alice 31 years ago, in Olney, of all the places in the world. She brought me such a gift- two of the best friends a girl could ever ask for and a another family to feel like my own. We shared so many amazing memories together...Weddings, anniverseries, birthdays, and holidays... all not complete without the "I'm a Girl" and "Side by Side" theatrical performanes- quite a site to see. Her truly infectious smile will live forever in all of us. She is one of those special people that come into your life and change it forever. I'm forever grateful that she came into mine...

I met Alice in graduate school at Boston College in 1968.  We have been friends ever since, despite geographical distances. in 1976, in a rental house on Cape Cod with other friends of Alice, we celebrated the birth in Korea of Alice and David's first daughter.  Once a year since 1984, Alice and six of her women friends gathered from various locations along the East Coast.  We walked and talked and laughed and cried, ate and drank and had a fine time.  We celebrated together life's big moments and small ones.  We talked about how to raise children, how to teach difficult students, how to keep love alive, how to care for aging parents, how to keep a balance in life, how to find time for what we love, how to lose weight, how to live in retirement, how to grow old gracefully, and in these last years, how to live with cancer.  Alice was the practical one of the group and we relied on her sage advice to keep us focused.  And Alice was fun.  Just look at the pictures here and you can see how she lived with joy.   In between our annual weekends together, we visited each other, talked on the phone, emailed, went to the weddings of the children and the funerals of the parents.  Some friends you meet and keep for a while until your paths diverge.  For me, Alice was the kind of friend who stayed, and I am grateful for forty-four years of our friendship and for all the ways she supported me through thick and thin.  Now, I am carrying the spirit and voice of Alice with me, still counting on her for the practical answers and the attention to the joyful gifts of life, large and small.

In the gallery on this website, I added the song "Deep Peace" performed by Libana.  Deep peace is what I wish now for Alice and for all of us who love her and miss her. 

I will never forget how wonderful she was to me during a time in my life when I was struggling from home sickness and panic attacks.  I had moved to DE from NC and although I didn't feel homesick, the move to a new place where I had no family or friends took a toll on me and I started having panic attacks. I didn't understand why it was happening to me and it made me feel so scared and alone.  Christine called and told me to come visit her in Olney for the weekend, that it might make me feel better, so I did.  I was nervous and scared the whole ride to her house because I was afraid I might have an attack at her house and what would I do?  But once I got there, Mrs. Lassiter made me feel so at ease and so much at home.  Like a home away from home, which I really needed at that time.  She didn't judge me when I had the attacks and she told me it was ok, normal, and to just be who I was and not worry about what anybody thinks.  I couldn't have been more thankful for her kindness during that weekend and I will never forget how she helped me....it will stick with me forever!  Thank you Mrs. Lassiter!