It seems like just yesterday I saw your smile, heard you say I love you, and felt the warmth of your skin on mine ... and yet it feels like an eternity I've been longing for you.
On this anniversary of your death, I embark on a journey through my mind of memories sweet with tenderness and ripe with laughter. I gaze at your face, frozen in time and captured by the lens of a camera to feel close to you.
I listen to the sound of your voice singing sweetly and telling me stories of a youth I long to have been a part of.
I try to imagine what it must've been like, knowing you as a child, as a young woman filled with the promise of a future. Scraped up knees joyfully riding your bike or swimming in the pool; first formal dress on your way to the dance; precious moments of children being born; and glamorous days of singing on stage with a room filled with boisterous fans.
Maybe I can't know you then, before I was even born, but I can know the joy those moments brought to you because you shared them with me. I can understand the depth of your love for your children because you showered me with it. I do know the sound of your voice because I had a lifetime of hearing you sing your way around the house.
These are the seconds of time that capture my heart each and every day. Our laughter and our love and our grand adventures that brought such joy to my life.
The lessons you taught me burned into my soul, molding the very core of who I am. Treat others as you want to be treated. Don't judge. Accept. Love. Be kind. Give of yourself. Your word is your bond. Honor. Integrity. Respect. Compassion. Work ethic. To fight for those who can't fight for themselves. To stand up for what I believe in no matter what the consequence. Gifts from you that make me rich beyond any earthly measure. Thank you.
You were always there for me and that's not a cliche. You truly were. When I was sick, you sat by my bedside. When I was angry, you accepted my ire with unconditional love. When I was joyous you took more pleasure in my joy than in your own. When I was down you pointed out everything I did right. When I lost hope you had enough for the both of us.
I don't know how to go on with life without you but I do know that it's what you'd want me to do. I do know that all you ever wanted in your life was for your children to eat life up with both hands, filled with joy and wonder and gratitude and adventure and above all else, love.
So today, on the anniversary of the day I lost you, my best friend, I will take one step at a time into my future, trying to honor you by living the best life I can.
I love you Mom - yesterday, today, tomorrow .... forever