Mom,
We just arrived on the Oregon coast. I am lying here now after sunset feeling the Pacific winds and listening to the lullabies of its tides. Thoughts of you roll in with each wave, memories of our time swells inside me and the longing to have you here with us is so strong that all I can do is shed the same salt the ocean is now bringing in. I can feel your presence and your loss so strongly here. As we traveled today I caught many glimpses of you through the periphery of my unconscious stares, only to awaken my focus to another's Nana. So many times I caught myself as I instinctually turned to share a moment through the window with you. I have never known such a closeness and distance in the same moments. Layla, Boompa, Anita, Maya, and I are taking this trip to honor, remember, and celebrate you. We chose "your lighthouse" to spread some of your ashes because I cannot recall a place that would light you up the way it did when you spoke of it. Whatever you found in this place by the ocean years ago with your daughter I will never know, but I will always carry the beauty and joy you exuded when you recalled those times. It is surreal to be here, heading to that little place in the postcards and pictures that adorned your refrigerator for so long without you by our side. We know that this trip, this gathering and sharing of ourselves would have made you so happy to be a part of, so I hope that this in your honor will make you so proud. As we venture through these days and memories of you, toward your lighthouse, I will carry the words I shared with the others that are so fitting for you and how you lived your life: "A lighthouse is not interested in who gets its light! It gives it without thinking! Giving light is its nature!" - Mehmet Murat Ildan
Thank you dear Mother for a lifetime of your light,
Your loving son