i felt you in the wind today,
whispering my name
i heard you say my name
as i drove towards the mountain that day
your hugs and love were so strong
i could and would never forget
i heard you say no matter where i g in the world you wud always be there
i heard you whisper... remember where your from for those that walked before me, will always be there beside me
i felt you in the wind today... i love you 

i have being going thru some stuff dad about forgiveness ... that i have to forgive god for taking you away from me, i have found that hard as i have never been able to understand why he had to do that, why did he have to let so much harm come to me as a child it changed the path of my life and a life i haven't been very happy with but the joy i have had with my children.
i heard someone say that there are many religions and ones that dont have God in that religion, like dedication to things that matter the most to people, something they make a commitment to which has been hard for me as i haven't made a commitment to anything really only family and ive been rejected by family. they haven't cared that i was dedicated to them even with all my failings others become dedicated to things that make their lives better and more richer (financially) i know i didnt have to suffer all those years and i did make some great decisions but i also made some very bad ones that have helped for me to suffer ...she didnt have to spend all that money on others she could have helped me but chose not to, i have come to the realization God cant help us all he cant be there for us all and i certainly am one of those that fall far from being one of his favorites ( he reminds me of her and her treatment towards me) i have faith in Jesus but he also is limited yet never failing, but the holy spirit people talk about is always trying to hold me up an never let me down i dont feel 
so now i dont want to dwell on all i have lost and need to move forward to make my life and in hopes others lives better as well 
so i have tried to find a way to make my life more purposeful, so i am going to try and dedicate my life to something so that what remaining years i have left will mean something for me...
but i will always remember you, my Dad who loved me unconditionally a love that i have never been able to find again in this life and thats is something i have missed so very much 
i love you dad and will never forget you 

it may seem that's its only at this time I remember you, but its not... yet it is around about now that I put a tribute up for you i wrote something in reflection of my thoughts towards people who use to say I need to stop thinking of you and move forward... that came from a place in their hearts that they have never felt the lost of someone they truly loved 
some people didn't care that you had died, it was a shock, but then they quickly wanted to see what they could scavenge from the left overs. they didn't care about your only child. all i wanted was you to come home
every day and night I searched for you in hopes you'd come home. now i watch them only feeling a slight ping of pain i felt because they have finally lost someone close to them that they loved...
I lost my nan I lost korkor but the one that rocked me the most and nearly toppled me over was losing you at such a young age and nobody there to help they all had their own selfish thoughts nan and korkor didn't they did their best against her ....I've held that candle for you to come home, I lost moments in my own life determined I wasn't losing sight looking for you ... I still miss you DAD i still need you some days to help me understand what is happening in the world and Dad most of all nobody has come close to taking your spot in my heart. i have my Boys and they are doing well for themselves, you have 5 great grandchildren now and i know you'd love each and every one of them truly and not to spite me, I know you'd tell me off for saying this.... but many of a time I have wished it was her that had died and not you, she has given nothing to the world but has taken, taken and taken. I finally realized that you had loved her but she never loved you, you were a marriage of convenience for her  to save her own face and I was just a child of that convenience and as far as she was concerned I could be done away with. she took the house the money and splashed it around in her way buying peoples affection like a starving dog. giving what should have been mine to others and watching me and mine struggle, nobody really knows that she was collecting your pay for all those years while living in her relationship with him and him living off you for free... if only ACC knew the truth ... but never mind nobody cared to listen, they just all thought I was a spoilt brat that needed to be sexually abused and beaten because you weren't there to save me anymore... narrow mind people... dad i don't want to go to heaven if those people are going to be there because honestly its their spirit that will be and they weren't nice people on earth so why would I want to sit in heaven with them. yet if we could chose our own heaven id like to think that all my animals You and korkor are waiting at the gate for me cause that's all Id need around me and Id happily wait for each of my children then each of their children ... I can only pray that the girls will never have to go thru what I have and I pray that my boys will never feel that kind of pain and I pray that none would ever be like her, I know its not funny but the 3 of them live in the same house the sexual predator's ...birds of a feather flock together...  

well Dad for now I've said more than I think I should have ... I love and miss you dearly say hi to korkor and nan don't forget parp not to uncle nip you were always right about him he was an idiot and disloyal horrible selfish man so hello to him aunt tain say hello to korkor will sort her out lol and aunty Dinah

love and miss you Dad    

even tho i don't come onto this page much it doesn't mean i have forgotten about you ... you are on my mind all the time even tho i may travel the world or only get so far you travel with me ...