So unreal ! R i paradise ..Nephew ( Gone To Soon )

Gone but never forgotten. ... Rest in Paradise

I keep waiting for this to get easier........ its not

I miss you....

First of all, how dare you leave me?? You know we had some unfinished business. You would always say we would look back at these first few years and laugh. I was looking forward to that.

After all this happened, for some reason I couldn't remember our last conversation. Finally, it came to me. We were talking about you coming down here for a visit & I was saying I would have a list ready for you. If you didn't want to put up all those shelves, you could've just said something ;)

I couldn't get myself together enough to write in your obit, I struggled. Every day, this is still a struggle. This is the hardest task I ever had in my life. How do I sum up what you meant to me, what you meant to Ayla in a few sentences. I couldn't. I still can't. I did a cute poem though ;)

I want our daughter to know her Dad, so I decided to come here. Something Ayla and I will have forever.

In my heart, I know you were tired. You were frustrated and overwhelmed, every single day. I keep trying to understand the reason God called for you, maybe he was tired of seeing you hurt and wanted you with Him. Sometimes I think we forget that we belong to God first, so before being a son, father, nephew, cousin - you are His child. I know how many times I tried to cover you and I know my love falls short of the love God has for us and if I tried to keep you and shield you, of course He would.

Just know, whatever life's circumstances were for you, you were and are loved. Beyond this life. Beyond the distance we had - none of that matters to me. You know that. 

I am thankful you are showing up for Ayla, she see's you. She laughs, smiles and points at you - she says your name. I can hear you calling her "Heyyyy Princess". 

I will make sure she knows the man you were to me and knows your heart. I am blessed to be one of the few you shared your heart with. I've heard all the stories, the ones you've told me and now the stories from your family. ;) 
You may not have been careful with who you spent your time with, (inside joke) but you definitely were careful with who you shared your heart with. I was going to leave that up to you to explain to Ayla - how to tell the difference. 

At a certain time in a girl's life, the only person that can make sense to her is her Daddy. So you not being here scares me in so many ways, that of course is one of them. How do we protect her heart from this world? 

I am going to share with her your words and your actions towards me, so she can understand what it feels like to be considered in someone else's thoughts and actions.

I miss you, i love you & i love the little miracle lady we created together.

Forever in my thoughts, Christina "Cutiful" xoxoxoxo