Nowadays, its common to hear all sorts of cute grandma names: Mimi, Gigi, Grammie, Nan, Geema, Nonnie, etc. But for us, from a young age it was Grandmother. Never mind that it is a hard word for a little toddler to say, she wanted to be Grandmother, so that was that! Of course cute little derivatives such as Gran-muhner, and simply ‘Muhner arose from little kids trying to say big words, and then eventually when we were much older and were clearly capable of pronouncing “Grandmother” she started to allow and embrace the moniker Grandma, or Grandma Bettie. But for me she was always Grandmother.
Prior to becoming my Grandmother, she had a full life ahead of me. She grew up during the Depression, went to school to become a nurse towards the end of World War 2, but had to leave to care for her grandmother. She fell in love with a handsome preacher-man, William Calvin McDaniel, who everyone just called Mac. Soon, the newlyweds had a baby boy (my dad), and when he was around 2 years old, they had a baby girl (Aunt Jo). But while still juggling the transition of life from one child to two, learning to manage a toddler and a baby, unexpected tragedy struck. My Grandmother, as a young mother lost her partner in life unexpectedly one night. For the rest of her life she would be a “newlywed.” She never married again. She used to tell me stories about Mac, and when she talked she would get a twinkle in her eye. She said because their marriage was so short lived, before too many trials of life, it always maintained that “honeymoon” stage in her mind. It was like a whirlwind romance, and you could still see the butterflies as she talked about him. I honestly can’t imagine what that would really be like though. She was on her own, with two small children. I don’t know all the details of how she managed and what she did, but I know she raised two amazing people. Anyone who knows my dad and my Aunt Jo can attest to that. I like to imagine Mac greeting her in the afterlife and telling her how proud he is of how he raised their two kids.
To me, my Grandmother embodied everything a grandmother should be. She was sweet and friendly, joyful; sometimes a bit sassy and oftentimes funny. She loved pretty things: flowers, birds, teapots, dolls, and cute little miniatures. When I was a little girl I would walk to her house after school, where she would spoil me with snacks, toys and tv; it was a happy and safe place to be. When I was older we would watch QVC together. She would invite me for sleepovers on nights when they would be showcasing collector porcelain dolls and we would ooh and aah over them together. Because she didn’t have fancy things growing up, she loved looking at dainty pretty things, especially little toys or trinkets.
She loved so well, no one who knew her ever doubted their love for her. Perhaps because we share the same love language (gifts) I especially felt that love over and over again. She was amazing at remembering birthday cards, and always thought of others when out shopping. She was the first one to give me a gift for my “one to come” when we announced we would be adopting. When she found out I planned to homeschool she would send me school supplies, post its, pens, mugs that say “#1 Teacher,” and so much more. And oh how she LOVED to spoil my kids. Once a week she would take the bus from Brookdale Assisted Living over to Walgreens and headed straight for the toy aisle. My kids received elaborate Halloween, Valentines, Easter, you-name-it packages as well as "just because." Every time we visited her it was like Christmas for them. She was always thinking of others, ways she could help, ways she could bring a smile to their faces. Everywhere I turn in my house I see my Grandmother… from pencils, to toys, to heirlooms, to the framed puzzle (one of hundreds/thousands) that she completed.
One of the last times I saw her was last summer. It was a tumultuous time for me as we were wrestling with my sweet mother-in-law Cathy’s dementia and decline… making hard decisions to move her and Phil out of their home and into an assisted living near us. My grandmother, sensing a way she could help… spent an hour giving me tips and tricks to share with Cathy about living in an assisted living facility. She asked me to video her getting in and out of bed to show Cathy how to get out of the wheelchair and into bed by herself. She wanted to help anyway she could, and seized the opportunity.
A few months later for Halloween, like clock work my kids received a huge box in the mail FULL of Halloween goodies. The kinds of things moms would never buy for their kids but tantalize children’s eyes in the check out line. Flashing cups, and holiday socks, plush spiders and cute little cats jumping out of pumpkins… It was our last care package, a few days later she had a massive stroke.
When I went to go see her, it was incredibly hard to see her so changed. But she looked into my eyes and said as best she could that she loved me. During that trip, we were going through her things and I saw one of her many little miniatures, a red cardinal. I don’t know who gave her this cardinal or where it came from. Grandmother loved birds, and cardinals were her favorite, so she had a lot of them. The cardinal’s tail was broken, but it bore an expression on it’s face that reminded me so much of my Grandmother’s joyful spirit, with a little twinkle in her eye. I took the cardinal home and glued its tail back on… and now my Grandmother is free of her broken body as well. I am so thankful for her life, for her love, and her memory that will always be imprinted on me. I am honored to share part of her name, and to be a part of her legacy.
The day she died also happened to be the day we moved Cathy and Phil in to live with us. Now I am caring for my mother in law… the way my Grandmother cared for her grandmother… the way my mom cared for her mother in law… the way my dad and aunt cared for their mom… and I am reminded of Grandmother all the more. I think about how she showed me to get Cathy in bed, of things to buy to help in the bathroom, and most of all how to keep spirits up and eyes lifted. I think about how important it is to always let the people you love KNOW that you love them, the way she did. And most of all I think about the day I’ll be with her again.
Grandmother, you were and are so loved, and we always knew how much you loved us. We ALWAYS knew it. I pray I can love others the way you loved. Yours was a life well lived, because of love. Though I can’t celebrate the way I would like, I still celebrate you. I always will.
