Heaven Really Couldn’t Wait to Have You….
It was your birthday on the 11th and you would have been 29. So young, full of life and determined to make your mark in this world but alas; “Heaven couldn’t wait for you”. It still pierces my heart and the truth is every time I remember you, I heave a deep sigh!
It’s been a full month plus since I received that horrible call from Philip telling me about your passing away. To be honest, that was the hardest day of my entire life. It was the weirdest call I had ever received and I was utterly in shock. This past month has moved by in a blur and at just very random times I catch myself thinking about you and all that could have been. I have thought through this over and over again and it still doesn’t make sense to me. I have only held on to my faith in God and pressed on in the place of prayer so as not to give room for bitterness. In my head I believe that this shouldn’t have happened….We shouldn’t be mourning you Bee. This was not the plan but alas, here we are…Wrapped up in our thoughts of what should or could have been. For a minute, I didn’t want life to move on…I wanted the world to be still and mourn you for as long as possible…You shouldn’t be just a fleeting or passing memory. You are real and always alive to me Bee. I still hear your laughter and your voice quietly in my head…Oh I wanted to see you in my dreams and hear from you and yes I did. Everyone who knew you misses you badly. For every-time I think of you, I imagine the pain your family and Tammy feels. And whatever pain I feel pales in comparison….It is very hard Bee.
But in all of this, I have a learned a lesson that; it’s not by how long a person lived but by how much impact they made. I mean, I had the privilege of knowing you for about 10 years and experiencing the awesomeness of you and to see people pour out their heart lovingly for you has been the most heartfelt experience ever. The words are the same….There isn’t any doubt that you were an amazing human being Bee. You were a friend and more and today I am reminded of the scripture that says; “Teach us to number our days so that we may apply our hearts to wisdom”. Oh you showed so much wisdom and grace in your short time on earth. These are memories that will live on in the hearts of everyone who knew you. In this past month I have asked myself, what kind of memory/impression I am leaving on the hearts of the ones who I interact with daily. Who do people say I am? What will my testimony here on earth be like the day I move on to eternal rest? These are the most important aspects of our humanity. Not the wealth or riches we amassed, the clothes we wore, the vacations we took or our social media status but the lives we touched here on earth. How have we been a blessing to the ones around us? Are we constantly extending grace to even the weakest among us? Are our expectations of people wrapped up in our selfish desires? It’s in times like this that I self-evaluate and think introspectively. In this past month I have prayed more, studied the word more and have generally thought less about my own needs and more of the needs of the ones around me who are mourning.
Your legacy will always live on Bee…You are loved eternally dear friend! Have a blast in Heaven, till we meet to part no more.
Love,
S
