Hi Charlie
A little bit stressful these days as we are moving.....again. Smaller house with no boating water........but still have backyard fishing on a big pond. Wish you were here to fish with. Michael goes a lot but he takes it real serious! Leaves at 4:30 in the morning or goes out in the middle of the night. I like your relaxed style. Maybe you catch something maybe not (but you always caught).
Another disastrous year for Patriots football. Finished 3rd worst in the league and Belichick got fired. Now he can't find a job, oh well not too worried about that and let see what next season brings.

Haven't spoke to Ellie (I forget her new name) but Mom showed me a photo and she is pregnant!! This summer she and her partner will be invited to a service at the Sterling cemetery. Jason Fortier too and maybe others. Want to hear about their trip to the Carolinas.

Looking forward to getting home as soon as the snow melts and we get settled in the new Florida home.....wishing you were here with us. Working remotely a lot and keep missing out on all the winter storms. In the last four years I have been mostly barefoot. I am spoiled rotten. Next winter I won't be so lucky.

Always missing you!
A fine Son and a Best Friend you are

Love dad

Dear Charlie,
It's been ten (10) years and seventy-one (71) days since you were taken from us. Yesterday was the first time on your birthday that I did not post. I was just too sad and missing you I had a long day running unnecessary errands to keep my mind busy, but had a lot of tears in the car. My two hiding places are the car and the shower when I want to have a serious cry that you are not here with us. I had a lot of time yesterday to think about you and us and I found one comforting thought. Three days before you passed we had a conversation about death, burial and the higher powers. 

You told us that you believed in heaven and a better place, BUT you weren't sure if it was Jesus and God, the Dali Lama or some other higher power. I found comfort in that yesterday. I believe that if we believe, then it will be for all of us. At least those of us who love, do kind deeds, believe and have our faith. That was YOU! We will see each other again!  how happy I will be when we we meet again in the next world of spirit. You were my first born and I can't tell you how much I loved you from the moment our eyes met. 

Now, as I sit here I can smell your hair, feel your skin, hear your voice in my mind. I see your rosebud mouth and that beautiful smile and I MISS YOU SO MUCH. Dad watched the super bowl without you and it just isn't the same for him. We both enjoyed every weekend because you came to visit and he had a sports buddy. I had a cooking buddy. Wish we could tell you in person how much that time meant to us. I'm feeling that deep inner sadness now and am thinking it best to log off.

I love you Charlie and you will NEVER be forgotten. Who knew that love could run so deep? 

Love You More,
Mom

P.S. Yes, we know that it was Kristopher (Kris) Santerre that killed you. We all know the truth. He still resides in Fitchburg in the apartment you would have moved into had he not taken your life. There is no statute of limitations on murder and they are watching him. 

Charlie, my dearly missed and loved son. Another year, another day, a decade without you. You are thought of daily and I cherish the time we had together. If only I had known what was really to come that day I asked you to stay in Florida. My motherly instincts told me something was going wrong, but I just didn't realize how wrong it would be. 

I think you would like to know that I now cut my sandwiches the way you always did for your sandwiches. However, you always cut mine my special way. Now I do it your way, ONLY your way. I have become a fan of red pepper flakes and spicy foods and goodness I miss your awesome cooking. Dad keeps trying to make the sauce, but don't let him know he isn't very good at making Charlie sauces or burgers or sandwiches for that matter. You had a talent for cooking!

The holidays are just not the same without you. We will meet again and when my time comes I hope that you are there to greet me. I love you Charlie and you can't imagine how very much. We will be having your service next summer 2024. Just a small gathering. It took me this long, ten years to be able to even order an urn or stone. Your absence is felt more than you could ever have imagined. 

Sadly, I have learned the hard way that no parent ever realizes how deep LOVE runs for their children until one is gone. We think we do, but we don't. That is one big heart full of love for you, in me. I hope you are with all those gone too soon like Joe, Justin, Erin, Uncle Brian and gramma. Alright, I take back Gramma, but I know you loved her and she loved you. Missing you so very much. 

P.S. Don't forget to spend some time with Jesus. 

Love Mom 12/4/2023

Hi Charlie
Ten years now.....always missing you but never want you to feel like your are the source of grief.....I am much better than ten years ago as I learn to cope. Most important is that you know you are NOT forgotten.

An old friend of yours formerly know as Ellie stopped by to pick up some of your ashes. You went on a road trip with her to the Carolinas where she spread your ashes in a decidedly pleasant location......do not know exactly where yet but will find out next summer when we invite her to your service. Mom bought a columbarium and had it placed next to Nick and Joe in Sterling. This is basically a family headstone that is used to inter the families ashes in separate niches.

Patriots football is not what it was years ago.....since Brady left the team went straight down the crapper. Since watching bad football is not very entertaining I often turn to watching Tarentino movies and always wish we could watch together some of his later works, like The Hateful Eight or Django (my favorites excluding Pulp Fiction)

Michael lives in Florida now and has really gotten good at fishing. He got the bug bad and works hard at it.....and it shows....and the fish are so much bigger there !


Love You and talk soon


dad

Dear Charlie,

I posted a long post yesterday on your 41st birthday, but realized today it never posted. So today I’m wishing you a happy heavenly birthday and sending love to heaven. We sent up balloons with special notes and I like to think your spirit was right here with us. Dad missed you terribly and the day was filled with sadness. We miss you every minute of every day. Please come home.

Love you more
Mom

P.S. We will meet again and oh what a happy reunion it will be. I remember our talks about Buddha and God. I’m so glad you were a believer. That is the one thing that keeps me going. OUR reunion in the afterlife. 

Hello Charlie
Your birthday fell on a super bowl. Not a real surprise, but a nice coincidence. Have your candle lit and trying to feel like you are with us. We watched many super bowl runs with Patriots often in the mix...........I know you weren't really that interested in football but you always played along and I love you for that. Cant tell you how much I enjoyed those times! We released balloons from the dock to celebrate your birthday (the heck with the turtles). They went away fast with strong winds, not the way I wished for. Prefer they drifted away soft and slowly. Wanted to cast a line but wind didn't allow for that. PROMISE to get some casts out for you as soon as weather allows. NO ONE has caught a fish here! We need you man !!! but will have to settle for your spirit. Michael has really taken to fishing and I am driven to figure out how to transfer your Kharma......keeps me up at night how you always managed to catch fish. One of my favorite memories, you with a six inch rainbow trout from the weeky peeky, still on the line at top of the driveway on North Row Road. Feeling of joy for you and pride in my son is is unforgettable. Michael doing really well and not so much for Kelly and our relationship but suspect you have a way of knowing that.........miss you so much but feels better when we talk

loving you forever

dad

Another year, another day, another lifetime without you. 

We set off some balloons today from the dock with messages on them from us to you. I like to think that your spirit was out there watching us as we hugged in tears and that you felt how very much you are loved and missed. The pain is unbearable and the loss we can't even put into words. 

We want you to know that Jason named his baby boy after YOU! He misses you as much as we do. Little Charlie is ADORABLE! We had lunch with Jason and Charlie in September, and it was a bittersweet luncheon for sure. You would have been impressed, Little Charlie eats Indian food! HE WAS BORN ON DADS BIRTHDAY AND WHAT A GREAT BIRTHDAY GIFT THAT WAS FOR BOTH OF US. 

Imagine, he eats Indian food! We all know how much you loved all kinds of food. We miss your cooking a LOT! The holidays are approaching, and we don't enjoy them like we did when you were with us. We actually dread them. I feel bad that I don't celebrate anymore, not even a tree. Just doesn't interest me with you here asking what's cooking and are we going to Uncle Brians? You always enjoyed the family and good times. I don't go there often anymore either. It's too painful. Losing you and Brian was just too much for Dad and me. 

Send me a sign please that you are happy, and I hope that you and Brian are together. I bet he has you going to church every day.

Love you Charlie and words can never express how much you are missed and loved. If only I could hold you one more time.......until we meet again......love you more......miss you every day. You once said when your good friend Justin passed away "gone, soon to be forgotten" as the tears rolled down your cheeks. Well, I have to tell you that is NOT TRUE. Losing one we love so much leaves a mark that cannot be forgotten. You are bigger than life to us. We see you here and there and not a day goes by that we don't think of you OFTEN each day. I have one recording of your voice that I listen to. I'm thankful for that recording. You end it by saying "I love you Mom". Well, I'll end here by saying what I always said back "I LOVE YOU MORE CHARLIE". 

Hugs and kisses, until me meet again at Heavens door. I know you are there because you were a good old soul always helping others. LOVE YOU, LOVE YOU, LOVE YOU.........ask God to forgive my sins because I'm in purgatory now paying penance without you. SEND ME A SIGN!

All my love, Mom
2022

No lies here for Dec 4th.......losing you was the worst day of our lives and wish it was a day I could forget. Unfortunately, that is not the way life works. Rest assured you are not forgotten and will talk later

miss you so much

dad

Nine years and you are missed as much as the day you passed. That will never change until the beautiful heavenly reunion brings you together with your loved ones. Pray for us Charlie.

So difficult to believe that it's your 40th birthday and you aren't here in person to share it with us. Have you really been gone nine years? Seems like just yesterday I received the painful news that you were gone. The pain is still here, the only thing not here is you.

However, we are celebrating your birthday today with a balloon release and an Italian dinner. I will order chicken parmesan which was one of your favorite foods. Imagine, Mom ordering chicken parm! Also, I no longer cut my sandwiches that way I always did, I cut them them the same way you do......right down the middle. Every time I cut a sandwich I say either to myself in my head or out loud "I'm cutting this like Charlie would do". I remember you always made it a point to remember how I liked my food. Now It's my turn to remember you. Love you Charlie and miss you so much.

Please send me a sign.....I keep looking and praying and hoping. I never knew that love could hurt so much or that the heart could miss someone more than life itself. LOVE YOU MORE EACH DAY.......good lord my heart is so full of love for you. 

P.S. Charlie Fortier is growing day by day.  Named after you and he is the cutest little guy. Jason made our day when he let us know that the named his first born child after you. I know you would be honored and be spoiling him if you were here. Jason loved you as we do. Missing you everywhere, everyday.

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY CHARLIE! We love you.......and love you more as I always said as you went out the door. 

Love
Mom

Another year gone by, and another house in Florida. This one on a boatable canal. Fish in the canal too but I haven't tried to hard to catch anything. We have a boat too. I am not so good a driving but Michael is (no surprise there). He gives fishing a shot but no real luck. We miss you ! No not just for fishing expertise. Like Michael loves boating you love fishing off docks and nothing makes parents happier than see their children enjoying life. I get sad with these thoughts...........Miss you Charlie and people who love never forget you. In case you didn't know Jason Fortier used Charlie in his first born son's name. He is a good man for that thoughtful act.

Later Charles

love

dad

February 12th, 2021.....missing you my angel. We think of you every day, all day and wish you were here with us. As dad said the fishing dock reminds us of you and how you loved to throw the line and fish. Although the pain and loss never go away, we always remember you in many ways each and every day. Until we meet again AND WE WILL please pray for all of here on earth and ask Jesus to bring some light to all the parents left behind without their beloved children. Love you son, always did and always will. I remember your little rosebud mouth that Aunt Helen often spoke of. She loved you so very much. One day she threw me out of the house with her keys and said "go do something and don't come back for a few hours, this baby is mine today". She would show up every day and feed, bath and cuddle with you. You were so loveable all your life (well maybe not when we had a disagreement or two(. 

Love you and feeling your presence in many places. Missing you today and wishing you a happy heavenly birthday. Hope you are with Nick, Joe, Justin and Erin. Kisses and hugs to you my angel.

Love Mom
2021

Happy Birthday Charlie....
Hurts so much you aren't here with us....another new house in FL and this one has a dock ! Just cant look at it without seeing you camped out getting tanned and catching catfish. Maybe eating them too ??

Love you Charlie, always did, always will and always missed....never forgotten


dad

Here we are a little over 7 years that you have been gone from this earth and it still feels like yesterday that we lost you. Love for a child is a strange thing. We know we love you, but when we lose you, we feel that depth of that love and the pain of loss over and over. I have one recording of your voice that I play often to hear you say "I love you mom". So glad I kept it. Had I known your life would be taken abruptly I would have saved each and every voice mail. Our last day together is one that I cherish and I know from that day and that trip that you really know how much we loved you. It was a nice trip for all of us. If I had it to do all over again I would have kept you in Vero Beach with me and away from that killer Kris Santerre. It's Christmas, but not the Christmas we always enjoyed with you. We'd be planning the feast now and you would be completing decorating the tree for me. LOVE YOU CHARLIE! Never forget that and we will meet again. Kisses and hugs for you my child and love. 

Missing you so much Charlie. Michael is visiting in Leominster and we shared old stories. Like when you caught a tiny rainbow trout in the weeky peeky....you were about 8 years old and couldn't have been prouder.....me either for that matter. Or how I used to feed you guys spam......I would get it all doctored up and called it a baby ham. But you couldn't be sold and I always ended up making you mac & cheese. There are no shortage of memories and I enjoy them all. You are not forgotten by your family and friends Charlie.
Love you always

dad

Another year, another tear, another day without you. Its unbelievable to Dad and I that you have been absent from our sight for a little over six years. Even though we can't see you with our eyes, we know you are with us in spirit. We think of you every day of every year and you will never be forgotten to us. We shall meet again in a place where there is no pain, just love and I hope that you greet me with a huge smile on your face for our eternal life together. Say a prayer for all our family as we share this day your birthday in sadness that we can't see, hear, hug and love you in person. May you have a heavenly spiritual birthday in god's special world. We love you Charlie! We started our day today with a hug and tears. Missing you and keep sending us signs......your killer Kris Santerre walks free. His day of reckoning will come one day. I can never forgive him. Kisses and hugs and more kisses and hugs to you on your 37th birthday. LOVE YOU MORE! 

Here I am at your memorial site again. Thinking of you today (as always) and wanted to share that we missed you this past Saturday evening at Aunt Charlene's 70th birthday party. You would NEVER have missed a family event. Every time we leave a family gathering Dad and I can't help but join hands and think how much we miss you and that you should have been there with us. Dad and I split an egg roll in your honor.....you loved egg rolls! Remember, you always tried to entice me to eat an egg roll, but to no avail. No, we always order one or share one together. Dads sauce is still not as delicious as your designer Charlie sauce! My nose would run for 24 hours, but we couldn't get enough of it. You were a great cook and always prepping the ingredients to the perfect size. We have a little Maverick now and he is 7 weeks old. I call him "CJ" after you. He will know his Uncle Charlie for sure from tales, stories and photos. 
I'm thinking that you know that Miss Erin has left this world too. I took her passing hard. It brought me back to that awful day when you passed and I remember her speaking at your memorial. My only hope is that you are both now without pain, in a beautiful place and sharing love with all the angels there. Even with that I'd prefer you were here with me. I love you son and each day I love you more and more and more and even more. 
Your murderer Kris Santerre walks free due to negligence on the part of the state police and Officer Prescott most assuredly. Can you imagine sitting in a meeting with 7-9 state troopers and Joe Early the DA and hearing "we are sorry, we don't usually make mistakes, but we may have this time, but he would most likely get off anyway with a good attorney and his history of mental illness and more". Can you imagine how I felt hearing that? Fortunately for us we had a full autopsy and we learned the truth the hard way. 
Give our love to Justin, Joe, Nick, Aunt Gloria, Uncle Dick and my beloved brother Uncle Brian. Help Erin transition to the beautiful spirit she was meant to be. I know you are leading the path to goodness and the holy light and love. Love you Charlie. 
Love forever and always
Mom
P.S. I may not be able to wrap my arms around you, but I do so in my heart and mind everyday, all day and forever.

Hi Charlie.....beloved son and friend
Time goes on, while pain of your loss softens, this empty part of my life never goes away. Cant watch Big Bang, Modern Family or Patriots football without feeling a a piece is missing........and I watch these a lot, you are always with me in heart. You were constantly showing me new movies.....some were hits like Shutter Island, American Beauty, Pulp Fiction. Then there were all the Japanese gangster movies. How many times did you say "dad wake up and go to bed".....just couldn't get into the genre !! But hey, they cant all be hits. Speaking of gangsters , I am reading the book you picked up about whitey Bulger and obsessed with getting all the facts of this mad mans life.......enjoying the read and always feel like we are reading together. The "Departed" was a loose take on Whiteys life but really didn't hit close to home. "Black Mass" was released a couple of years ago but I haven't seen it yet......you know how I am about being current with media events. And I will catch it eventually and you will be with me for sure. Just in case you haven't figured this out Charlie, people we truly love are NOT doomed to be forgotten. Not a day goes by son that I dont live with your spirit and soul.
You were a fine man and made me proud.
Happy Birthday Charlie
loving you always
dad

Charlie, as I sit here today on your 37th birthday I wonder how its possible you have been gone for five years and seventy days (but who is counting). You, my precious child are loved, remembered, always missed, forever thought of and never forgotten. Every day I think of you. 
You are the wind whislting throuh my hair, the sun, the moon, the graceful bird that lands nearby, the beautiful butterfly that brightens my day. My wish on your birthday is that when my time arrives to leave this world that you and I will be joined forever in eternity. That we will be happily united in gods kingdom. My faith carries me forward each and every day as I remember you and our love. 
Happy Heavenly Birthday Charlie and we will see you in heaven. Know that you may be out of sight, but you are still here in our hearts and minds. Tonight for your birthday I will eat a piece of pumpkin cake.......pumpkin everything was one of your very favorites. I love you son and miss you so much. A part of me is forever broken, but knowing we will meet again keeps me moving forward. 
LOVE YOU AND LOVE YOU MORE! 
Mom

Charlie.............your mother made it to the top of the Round Island observation tower after all......sore feet and all. I was headed down the stairs and there she was coming up the stairs !!
Somehow, I just knew she would do it. We stayed for a long while thinking of you.
Earlier Ashley shared a video of you backstage while Fallen was doing a radio gig. You were real happy to be in the moment.....watching you made me happy too.
"Pleasure moves on too early....trouble leaves too slow" (Joni Mitchell Court & Spark)
How true it is....
I really need to work on that moment thing....haunts me that you paid the price.
Cant change the past, we can only do our best to learn from it........

Charlie cuisine tonight......

1 lb hamburg
1 lb hot Italian sausage
2 Pablano peppers
4 Jalapeno peppers
Pkg of fresh Portabello Mushrooms
salt, garlic, oregano, basil, pinch of sugar
NO Onions ( I never did get it !)
Sriracha sauce to taste
Served over rigatoni

Love you son but may need to add cream to make it through the night

Rest Well Son........you are NOT forgotten

Dad

Happy 36th Charlie....mom and I are in Vero for your birthday....this seems be the usual. I would say this is just because of weather but has become to feel very "right" for reasons that I cant readily explain. Maybe because you never really much liked winter.....the thought of us ice fishing NEVER crossed our lips ! Maybe it was because I so much wanted to have some good times here in the warmth with you and truly believed that was going to happen.
Missed you at the Superbowl last Sunday. Hurts so much to see that empty chair....not just for football games, but for all the good movies your brought my way......American Beauty, Pulp Fiction, Train Spotting......And yea, then there were those Japanese mobster movies too = to "Dad, wake Up....its time for bed". But that is all that good stuff that made up our lives. The "stuff" we never forget Taking mom to Round Island today. She wont be able to make the hike and climb the tower but just being there helps me understand the more important parts of life.
Thanks for being a wonderful son Charlie.....love you so much
Missing you every day
Dad

I cannot believe it has been 4 years...your smile and good nature are missed every day!

Four years ago today Kris Santerre took your life. I miss you more each day and pray that you are happy. May you feel the love in our hearts and know you will always be loved, you will always be missed and you will always be remembered. There isnt a day that goes by we dont think about you. We will be together again one day and until then know that we "love you more" as I always said each time you walked out the door. 

Love you so much
Mom

Charlie,
You came into my thoughts very suddenly yesterday and now I know
why...your birthday was approaching. I knew it was coming up but
wasn't sure of the exact date. Please don't think you will ever be forgotten. That will never happen! There are so many people who love and miss you and no amount of time will change that. Rest in heavenly peace Charlie and pray for us on earth.

My Dearest Charlie,

I woke up this morning with tears in my eyes and the dreaded feeling that I just did not want to get out of bed. Today is your 35th birthday and you arent here with us to celebrate your life. Dad and I will celebrate it in memory of you in a quiet way as we do every day by remembrances and tears. I remember one time when one of your friends passed away you said sadly "doomed to be forgotten." Well I hope you know that you could never be forgotten as long as we live. There isnt a day that goes by that we dont think of you, talk of you and even talk to you. 

We wonder what you would be doing if you were here with us now. Would we have a little Charlie grandchild to love, would you finally have found your love and be married, would you own a dog to love and of course I would have enticed you to purchase your own home. People are afaid to mention your name for fear that I will cry. They dont understand that mentioning your name and those tears bring me some comfort knowing they remember you as we do. Of course thats because they have never lost a child and I hope they never have to feel our pain. 

You were a loving son and I miss you so very much. I even miss our disagreements! What I wouldnt give to have a disagreement with you now. So many things I wish I could say, but none more than I LOVE YOU CHARLIE and I hope you are having a HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY! 

KRIS SANTERRE TOOK YOUR LIFE, but he can never take your memory or the love we feel in our hearts. I have one voice message from you on my phone that I listen to every day. That voice message is my lifeline to help me stay the course of this journey that we are on since 12/4/2013........the worst day of my life son. 

Your death has taught me several things. To be more tolerant of people, to be more compassionate, sensitive and giving to others in need, to focus on what really matters in life.......loving those that love us. You were always so generous with everything. One thing that will make you smile a heavenly smile is that when I see a person in need I cant help but hand money out the window to them. Dad sometimes looks at me like "good lord she is handing out twenty's" and I say to him "Charlie would want me to do it to help others." That makes dad smile. Dad misses you something terrible. YOU were always there for him through thick and thin. Our last phone coversation the day you passed you told me how you were going to make sure dad did a chore each morning and then you two could go play. HE REALLY MISSES YOUR PLAY DATES! Even if it was just riding along in the back woods of Florida quietly........you were his best friend. He said that the other day and he wishes you were here now so he could tell you how very much he loves you and misses those little things. 

I miss your weekly phone calls just to say hello and ask how Im doing. Then you would update me on your life. Charlie we were so blessed to have you for 31 years. You were a true gift! We attend a support group each month and I hear parents say they lost babies. We at least had 31 beautiful years.  Yes, we had bumps in the road, but that is what parenting is all about. I never dreamed you would be gone before me. NEVER! 

I know that someday we will be together again. I dont fear death because I know we will be together in spirit with the greatest father of all, God. You always believed in a higher authority and were a kind, loving and honest man, so I know you are with him. Pray for me son until we meet again. I love you and this hole in my heart will never heal. 

HAPPY HEAVENLY 35TH BIRTHDAY..................

Please send me a sign that you are alright and happy. I look up at the clouds and wonder, is he there now? Is he happy and at peace? Does he know now how great our internal love for him really was? 

P.S. Your friend (Justin) who passed away and you said "doomed to be forgotten", well his prayer card and memorial candle are still here with us in plain view. His card is on the refrigerator with yours and Nicks and his memorial candle is placed next to your candle and Nicks candle. Any young man who loved dads fried onions as much as Justin Tetrault did will be with us forever. Your are always my waking thought and my last thought at the end of each day........then many thoughts inbetween all day, each day. LOVE YOU! 

Dad and I are planting two shrubs together today in your honor and our Charlie plants that you planted with dad two days before you passed are blooming!  I hope the shrubs grow because they are tropical and we arent especially good gardeners. LOVE YOU! (You know its really dad doing the planting while I watch and supervise. Dad really needs you here........his friend, son and helper)

Love You More,
Mom

P.S. Of course we know French Vanilla as mentioned below in dads post was one of your favorites. Our Charlie plants are blooming (that you and dad planted together)......could it be a sign?!

Happy Birthday Charlie......
You once said that anybody who passes on is sure to eventually be forgotten. I told you parents wouldn't forget never thinking your mother and I would know this only too well. We are in Vero, on the lanai enjoying the fine weather, flocks of egrets and an entire pot of Dunkin's French Vanilla....and missing you so much. You should have been here for the Superbowl VI last Sunday and a fishing trip at Round Island on this birthday. You are a beautiful person, a fine son and a great friend.......miss you every day son !


love you Charlie

dad

Hi Charlie
Missing you as I do every day.......but today is different and in a guilty way really about me. I relive the pain of losing you all over again on this day and it is impossible to avoid. I am getting better at living with the good memories ........but still not catching any fish and would give anything in the world to have you here to teach me your secrets. Funny thats not way its supposed to be....as your father I was to teach you ....but sadly life doesn't always follow the script. Love you always and every day day you are in my life.

love you man .....and a fist bump

dad

Charlie, I have spent this week thinkng of you and the memories we shared. Today I looked at all the photos from day one to the last photo taken of you on December 1st, 2013. Its so very difficult to accept the fact that you are no longer here in our physical presence. Your tragic death at the hands of Chris Santerre saddens me beyond what words I could ever write on paper. I love you Charlie and that love grows stronger each and every day. I wish we could have one more talk, one more day, one more laugh, even one more argument. I look up into the clouds each day and wonder if you are up there watching, waiting and I hope you have found peace and love in your new existence. We hope you know that you are loved beyond words, never forgotten and I pray that when my time comes you are there to welcome me into my new home and into your loving arms. I remember this day 3 years ago as if it is today. Our last phone conversation, your happiness and planning your next vacation to Florida. Its never been the same knowing that I wont see you there again. Sometimes I sit or lay on your bed for confort and guidance. I can almost sense your presence and wish I could hear you say "Mom is the coffee ready"? Of course in real life if you saw me sitting on your bed you would ask what I was doing in your room. I love you son and I miss you so very much. You were a precious gem in our lives, a gift from god and I am so very thankful for the 31 years you blessed our family. The crown jewel can never be replaced........I miss your laughter and seeing your funny sneakers parked by the door.  So many every day little things that we took for granted. If only, why, what if, maybe, oh until that time.........LOVE YOU MORE!

Remembering your kind soul and warm smile today on the day of your birth. You are missed so much - may you rest in peace my friend!

My precious Charlie today is your 34th birthday and my mind and heart are filled with memories of you. I am so missing you and not a moment goes by that you aren't on my mind. It's been two years, two months and eight days since you left us........I think often about the angels and guardian angels and pray that you are happy, content and without any pain in the afterlife. I wonder when and if we will meet again and what a blissful reunion and happy day that will be for me. Happy Heavenly Birthday Charlie and know that you will never be forgotten. Today dad and I will do Charlie things and cook your awesome sauce. Dad seems to think he has the recipe down pat, but only YOU could make that nose burning sauce that we loved. I won't tell him because I know you wouldn't want me to hurt his feelings. Later we will have a balloon release with messages written on them to you and of course we will have your special dessert.....PUMPKIN PIE! My heart is broken indeed, but know that you are with me everyday in everything I do. Sometimes its a quiet thought I share with no one. Other times it's an avalanche where I need to leave the room and gather myself together for fear that I will scare those around me. It doesn't matter, you are always with me. LOVE YOU, MISS YOU, ADORE YOU..........please send me a sign that you are alright and at peace. Share your special love with Joe, Justin and Nick............it took us a long time to find out what REALLY happened to you and we do now. If someone had told me that my son would be murdered by a friend I would never have believed it. Sadly, it's true. Justice moves slowly, but it is moving forward. A day of reckoning will come. You were my gift....truly my gift and I remember the day you came to us from the hospital. You were the MOST BEAUTIFUL BABY......big brown eyes, chubby cheeks and a smile that would brighten an entire day. I hear your giggle and I can smell the scent of your skin.......as sad as these things make me, they also make me smile for you were the ultimate gift. You taught me true love in life and what giving is really about. You are still teaching me honey, even today. So glad we had those last 13 days together and that special last morning on December 3rd, 2013. No one but you, dad and I could ever understand how special that morning goodbye was......I still hear your voice and feel your hug and hear you say "love you mom". Who would have thought when I spoke to you the next day at 1:15 you would be gone three hours later? NOT ME........LOVE YOU...........LOVE YOU MORE! Why? Why? Why? I ask that every single day. I want you back.......NOW. We have so much more to say and do together. In time we will be together again.

Love forever and always,
Mom

I often think about the day you passed away and the conversation I had that day with your mother. Today I'll picture you in a beautiful place waiting for a reunion with your family and friends.
You will never be forgotten.

Charlie, today marks two years since you left us. We think of you every day and every night and still cant believe you are gone. It took us a very long time to find out what and who caused your death. We now know that you were poisoned and by whom. I cant bring you back but I can think of all the wonderful years we had together and I am thankful that we did. You were a bright light in our lives and gods gift to us. We just never knew it would end so soon or the way it did. Who could ever imagine such a thing from someone you trusted and liked? Even with all the pain in my heart I have some moments where I can laugh or giggle FOR A MOMENT thinkng of something funny or unusual that you did or said. You had a way of making people laugh and you had so many wonderful friends. Everyone loves Charlie! Each day I say a prayer and send you my love and hope that you feel the love and energy comng your way. I may not be able to see you physically or hear your voice, hug you, scold you, sit with you, but you are here with me. I can feel it and the spiritual presence can be strong. You are with me ALWAYS EVERYWHERE. I love you Charlie. I never knew love could hurt so much or be so strong. I only hope you know it, feel it and one day I hope we will be together again. We did not go to Florida for Thanksgiving this year because its not the same without you. Sometimes traditions have to change and that was one. I will always remember the way you walked through the front door, so excited, happy and headed right off to your room to unpack. If I could relive those last 13 days in Florida there would be so many things I would have said and done with you. I WOULDNT HAVE LET YOU GO HOME TO THAT MURDERER. You were our sunshine, our power, our guiding light and you can't even imagine the profound positive influence YOU had on our lives. It would make you smile for sure. My wish is that in your new spiritual being that you are at peace, happy and in the presence of our greatest god and creator. May you truly find eternal peace........sadly I now understand that statement that I have heard all my life, but I understand in the heart now. Take care of Nick, Joe, Justin and Paul. LOVE YOU..........miss smelling those Marlboro cigarettes that I always complained about. Miss you. Love Mom Forever and a day. Miss and LOVE YOU MORE. You will never be forgotten, ever.

Hi Charlie
Two years now and think of you every day.....No shortage of reminders, food-football-Big Bang Theory-leaves. You are with me everywhere I go. Do you remember when a classmate of yours passed away and you said to me "everyone is doomed to be forgotten". I paused and responded with "parents would never feel that way"........Only wish I could tell you again, you will never be forgotten

I can't believe it's been 2 years since your passing Charlie. Time will not change the heartache we feel knowing that you're not here but we'll hold onto the belief that someday there will be a happy reunion with all our loved ones. Until then, God Bless you and your family.

Charlie, wishing you a happy and peaceful heavenly 33rd birthday. Today I thought of sleeping the day away just so that I could remove the pain that I feel over your loss while awake. Instead I have decided to face the day and celebrate your life by sharing memories and thoughts with Dad. Right now I can imagine that if you were with us here you would be asking "what are we cooking for dinner mom?" You were always so enthusiastic about planning for family events. Its difficult for me to adequately and accurately express all the millions of ways I miss you. Every holiday I purchase a card for dad and sign it from you. Michaels birthday I signed a special birthday wish from you on his card too. There isnt a day that goes by that you arent my every minute thought. How I wish we could celebrate just one more birthday together. Today I will try to focus on all the good memories and fun times we had. You were a gift to us and of that I am sure. You blessed us with your short time on earth and now that you are no longer here with us I sadly realize how very precious and valuable you were to all who knew you. You had many wonderful friends and Im thankful for that. You were a kind old soul before your time (Aunt Charlene said this all the time) and Im thankful for that too. You showed compassion, kindness and care for the young, old and all. You were generous to a fault and would give away your last penny (even when I told you not to). You genuinely cared about everyone especially those that were down on their luck. You were a trusting young man (sadly that was the cause of your death). I remember the first time I set eyes on you......my immediate thought was "he is all mine, never going to let you leave, beautiful, gorgeous baby, love him". It was love at first sight. We had our differences as you grew into a fne young man, but thats what brings a child and a parent closer. Watching you evolve was rewarding, but to lose you was so unfair and devastating. You were finally so happy. I was looking at old photos the other day and came across some from your dance recital. Yes, I know you didnt want to dance, but we all have such fond memories from those twot years. The strobe light blasting away and the smoke machine malfunctioning in a black auditorium and all five of you boys jumping around with the strobe light on stage. Only five sets of parents knew something was wrong and we were all driven out by the smoke. I watched and wondered when they would notice and I thought for sure you were going to strobe and jerk yourself right off the stage before Lisa threw on the lights. Not a one of you had ever seen a strobe light before and with the smoke machine malfunctioning it was a comic sight. She never made that mistake with a dance group or a smoke machine or a strobe light. It was however the most talked about and remembered dance recital they ever had. Im going to post a picture here of your firemans costume. LOVE YOU CHARLIE and when my time comes I hope it is YOU that ushers me up and through. LOVE YOU MORE...... MOM.

Charlie.....missing you every day. Its been a little over a year since you left and this winter is wicked. So many big snowstorms and every one of them would have had you over here with us for more time together....makes me sad but makes me happy to recall good times. Best was the Patriots in the Superbowl. Stood by your urn for the entire game and what a game it turned out to be. Yes they won, but guessing you already knew that. And then the came a monster snowstorm that night.....beautiful, and you were with me the whole time.

Happy Birthday Charlie.....love you man !

Charlie, As always, thinking of you and your Mom and Dad especially today. I picture you living in beautiful, heavenly peace. Reading the tributes that others have sent makes me understand even more what a wonderful, loving person you are...truly loved and missed by so many.

Charlie! I remember hanging out in the summer on chace hill rd. For whatever reason we didn't really have much going on we kind of just we're hanging out in the kitchen on the computer. At some point I figured out that the sound of change falling to the floor and rolling around drove your dad nuts. I feel like it drove Mike nuts too because it drove his dad nuts but you and I just continued to laugh and I would look up at Steve, "oh geez I'm sorry Steve I seem to have dropped a bunch of change on the floor let me pick that up" with a total straight face. oh how we laughed. every single time I do something good for somebody else I think of you because I know you would be doing it too. You're a good friend good buddy.

God Bless You Charlie. I know you are living in heavenly peace.
Someday there will be a great reunion with all your loved ones.
Until then, watch over everyone.

Charlie, today marks one year that you left us and my heart is forever shattered, lost and so lonely without you. You were so much a part of Dad and I, nothing can ever be the same. Today we will focus on you and all the things you loved in life. We will take you riding with us and drink your extra large Dunkin Donuts coffee with extra extra sugar and extra extra pumpkin cream? I have dreaded this day for a long time as it forces me into reality that you are gone. However, you will never be forgotten and you will always be loved FOREVER........I hope that you have found peace and love and that we will see you again. Until that time, feel our thoughts of you every day and the love we send through our thoughts, tears, prayers and even some funny memories that make us smile momentarily. Sunday I was recalling our trip to California when you thought you were on a bus and realized we were flying. Then when we ended up at our hotel and you were so exhausted and you cried when Dad opened the hotel room door. You cried "there is no kitchen". As a child you did not want to get on a plane. Im happy that we spoke the day you passed away and you were so happy planning your next trip back for July 4th to Florida. Dad and I couldnt go this year without you. Fireworks without you at Riverside Park would not have been any fun. We think of you every day and night and we know that it wasnt your time to go. Life handed you and us a tough hand and now we must deal with our sorrow and loss. You are in our prayers and we love you more than anyone could ever imagine.......you were my shining light, the one who was always there for me and everyone. You were kind, generous (would give away your last penny), thoughtful and I cherish every little thing you gave me. I have the little angel you gave me in Florida next to your candle.  Also that little snail that you gave me as you said "Kelly took the last of my money". You were so precious indeed. Love you son.........wishing you were here right now. 
Your Mom Forever And Beyond

Colleen and Steve, my family and I are thinking of you today with love.

Charlie always had a smile when I saw him. I didn't see him that often but when I did he was always nice and was easy to spark up a conversation with.

Colleen and Steve,

Anniversaries are beyond hard for anyone person to bear and my heart goes out to both of you today, Wendy

Charlie,
Its been a year almost to the hour and minute since we last shared time together. The year has gone by fast but in truth, much of it was a blur of agony. The shock is gone....... but the ache of missing you never leaves. I see and hear you every day and these vivid memories of you are a comfort. Pulp Fiction, chicken cutlet, fishing docks and jalapenos......nothing is the same anymore, but every once in a while a memory will bring a smile and I am thankful for the time we did have together. You brought so much good to our lives and it all came so natural for you. You make me proud son.

Good Night Charlie....I love you

I have thought long and hard about a memory to share here that best sums up my friendship with Charlie, but it's really quite difficult because I have so many. So after a great deal of reflection I thought I would instead share this. Charlie and I spent countless hours driving around listening to music, and one of the greatest things I admired about Charlie was his love for music because he was never afraid to explore and listen to something new. Furthermore, he appreciated everything he heard. The reason I say this is because that quality translated to how Charlie treated the people he met. He appreciated everyone he came into contact with and was never afraid to make new friends. Charlie, thanks for everything. Brosef. Here's one more band you would have appreciated: http://youtu.be/sIL-vgHNOu0

Dear Charlie,
I am here with Owen today and as I have shared with your Mom his calm demeanor and pleasant personality reminds me so much of yours when you were a baby.We always enjoyed watching you .You continued with that attribute as life went along into adulthood and in eternal life I am sure nothing has changed.Bless you Charlie.

Love always,

Aunt Charlene

Dear Charlie,
I am here with Owen today and as I have shared with your Mom his calm demeanor and pleasant personality reminds me so much of yours when you were a baby.We always enjoyed watching you .You continued with that attribute as life went along into adulthood and in eternal life I am sure nothing has changed.Bless you Charlie.

Love always,

Aunt Charlene

Charlie, I remember you as a small boy. You were so cute, you and your brother Michael. You and Michael used to play in the yard with my girls Sam and Rachel at your old home in Sterling. As time moved on we didn't get to see you to much as your adult life came into play. But your mom always keep me posted on what you and your siblings were up to. You were taken much to young from this world. If we can only turn back time, your parents would be over the moon with joy. But sadly we can't so I'm grateful for the time we did get to have you here with us.. May your soul have peace everlasting. Not always together but always connected. There is a human bond that connects us all.. RIP Charlie!

Charlie, rest in peace….One nice thing I remember is when we first met and you called me Mr. Roberts. I then was able to judge your character as a well-mannered boy that was raised to pay attention, as well a teen ager that listened to his parents’ teachings. …Something tells me, that when we meet again, you will say, “Hello Mr. Roberts”. You had many friends that I imagine you saw at your demise,…Mr. Roberts

Charlie you were so funny, charming, handsome, full of spunk and life, fun, and so charismatic!! You also really cared about people! You are very missed and loved. I wish you could see all the posts and be here and we wouldn't have to miss you and that You could make us all laugh and feel great!! You were/are still a unique soul and your spirit lives on through your family and friends!! Much love you <3 RIP Charlie you were an angel in all our hearts on Earth.<3

Although many years have passed, it seems like yesterday that a little blonde toddler would come to my home to play. Now those memories have taken on a whole new significance. Words seem insufficient but when I see your mother and father the lyrics from the song "I'll Remember You" come to mind...
        
       "I'll remember you when I've forgotten all the rest.
       You, to me, were true. You, to me, were the best.
       When I'm all alone, in the great unknown, I'll remember you.
       In the end, my dear sweet friend, I'll remember you."

Peace be with you Charlie.