Another Christmas and New Year has come and passed. Even though...I have my children and grandchildren...I miss you so very much. Especially at Christmas.
I love doting on your granddaughter, she is darling, smart, and I love being her Grantie...but I wish you were here so we could brag to each other about our little girls. 
Oh my Sissy, my love is never ending and my memories keep me smiling...but I still cry...Love forever

Give my Uncle Fuzzy Face a hug for me when you see him. I miss you both.

It's Autumn Equinox.
The season's turning.
Shorter and cooler days.
Longer and colder nights.
Almost time to put the electric blanket
 back on the bed.
No words for how cold and dark
 it can be.

Your granddaughter loves books. You'd be proud. The Librarian of Congress is a woman (and black!) for the first time. You'd be proud of that too - and probably say it's about time.
I finally went to Britex - it's amazing. It was hard shopping there without you. I found fabric I think would make an amazing jacket - but I could never sew one without your help. So I'm making a skirt instead. I hope. I still have to find a pattern.
The shop next door (on the alley side) had dozens of heavy old singer sewing machines filling 2 stories of windows. I think you would've loved to see it.
I just keep missing you, and it keeps hurting that you're not here.

8/4 9 PM PDT

it's hard to know that you have gone -
that you won't be there beside me at the dawn.
but I treasure all the days when you were mine
and wish - for just an hour - to turn back time.

Love you (as always), anyway. ;-)

Still in my heart...still in your children...still in Micaela...still loved by those you left behind...oh my Sissy I miss you so much, my heart is still broke...Love you much

It is hard to believe it's been 2 years since you have passed. I still feel your presence and think of you often. My baby girl Hannah crossed the rainbow bridge in December and I felt at ease knowing you would be there with Mallor to welcome and love her. Till we meet again me sweet friend.

Your visitation the other night was so sweet. I loved the way you got into bed and put your head on my shoulder. Thank you.

But the Days and Nights Are Long" by Cheryl Wheeler

Life is short
But the days and nights are long.
And time will heal all these wounds. Someday soon
I'll be rising, I'll be strong.
But now I'm losing all my battles.
Now I'm down and dropping still.
And this snow's blowing through like some ghost
With this blue I know too well.

Broken hearts
Keep on beating just the same.
So I can, too: go through these moves -
Facing forward, walking straight.
But now my glance keeps drifting downward.
Now my feet can't find their way.
And this cold's creeping in through my bones
Whispering, it's here to stay.

I'll bide my time
Like there's any other way.
It moves too slow, moves too fast, it's gone and passed
And stopped entirely today.
I know there's light on some horizon,
But I can't see so far ahead.
Patience and grace, blessed is love. I'm losing my faith
In most of that stuff those wise men said
Most of that stuff those wise men said

Life is short
But the days and nights are long

Diana, I remember the fun times we had together with Jim and Pastor Vi. Every time I think of you I get tears in my eyes. I know you are here right now with each of us who loved you! God bless you and we will meet again. <3

The LIGHT of your smile is unforgettable, and your laugh is always contagious. I can hear it now, and I know you will live in our hearts forever.

Thinking with love of sweet Diana today.

Mother's Day came and went, and you're still gone. It was harder this year, maybe because Micaela is 15 months and not 3. There are more and more things I want to ask you, to talk about. I wish I could share my mother-hood experience with you - I feel like no one would understand better than you. Today is your birthday and I didn't spend the weekend making a new necklace and earrings for you like I would have. I still have a couple of beads I'd planned to design necklaces around for you. Maybe I'll make one in your honor, if I have time during Micaela's nap. I'm typing this before she's awake... that must be part of why you were always such an early riser, getting things done before we kids were awake. I miss you so much. I love you so much.

Dear Diana, you are missed even across the ocean in Germany. Yesterday we sent our loving dog companion of 14 years "Stella" on her way over the rainbow bridge. In reading the many loving messages here today I feel the loss of you and of our furry companion very deeply. I hope you get to feel all the love from the many many people you touched over your lifetime. And maybe give Stella a rub behind the ears when you see her.

I celebrate you my Danner Fay today on your birthday!
Still missing you sister, still loving you.
I see and hear you in my life...Melissa's rose you gave her in all its blooming glory...i hear you in my own laugh...I see you in Micaela and Sarah's faces...I hear you in Zachary's music. And every Iris bloom. You are so missed...forever in my heart

Our son got his Master''s degree last night. I stood and whistled. I know how proud you would be. I cried because you weren't there and because I was so proud of him and just because.

Your birthday's coming up. I haven't forgotten. I still miss your smile and laugh. I Love You.

Honey, our son has written an amazing piece of music. "Zodiac" is a pretty high bar for any future "student" composer to reach. I cried tears of joy and pride when it was all over. He had a huge audience: Melissa, Sharon Lea, Randy, Sarah, Matt, Ardis, Dennis, Mark, Martha, Chuck, Colleen (Erin's folks), Meghan, Dr. LaRocca, Tish, Natashia ... Of course, the rest of the auditorium was filled. And you were there.

Well Sissy, My Iris are absolutely Beautiful. You always had good taste. I staked some today in the wind. Making sure I take care of my Sissy's iris. I am just the caretaker. I miss you so much sometimes I just yell ...I want you here with me. But I know you are near and telling me to calm down and take care of myself. Always in my heart, Hopefully I will see you again. Love you my Danner Fay

Well, I did it. I survived the first year of parenthood without you. I have missed you so much. There were so many times I needed you this past year. Micaela is amazing and wonderful and I know you'd be delighted with her. Dad is wonderfully helpful, Matt is the best husband and daddy I could have ever hoped for. Auntie is a font of advice and a listening ear and a reminder of you. But none of them are you.

Shannon lost her mom yesterday. I don't know if you and Bonnie got to meet more than once. You'd like her. Hopefully you can find her & the two of you can kibbutz and have a grand time.

It's coming up on Valentine's day. I guess I'll have to get the flowers for both of us. We would probably be traveling by now. Maybe a weekend to Pacific Grove. We so loved being there together. I still miss you and love you, remembering with gratitude all the times we shared together.

What a bumpy start to the year, Sweetie. It is wonderful now to feel your love surround me again. How do I lose that connection? I miss you every day; there is some little thing that we would have done together ... or complained about together ... or laughed about together. Be at peace and know that you are always in my heart. How could that not be? I gave it to you so many years ago.

Oh My Sissy I held your granddaughter and tears filled my eyes because I wish you could hold her too. I love her so much and I am Grantie...we would have so much fun you and I with Micaela and Ellie. You never got to see Ellie either. But Ellie will grow up and I will make sure that she knows she had a Great Auntie who would love her and her name was Diana. Of course Sarah will make sure Micaela knows who you are. But I will whisper in her ear about you and I always will.  I miss you every day and I still seek your advice...I love you my Sister. My Danner Fay...

This has been harder than last Christmas season because I'm not numb. You would have remembered where everything was. I sorta knew, but missed your certainty. We went to Christmas with Ardis and Dennis -- who is doing much better -- and I knew you would have baked something, so I went to Ettore's and got a coffee cake in the shape of a Christmas tree! (How I miss the smell of the house when you baked!!) I also bought some little loaves for Gifts to the neighbors. Just trying to keep some of your traditions alive to honor you. I miss you terribly.

Micaela is 9 months old. She's been out as long as she was in me. Just this week she's starting to sleep more than 2 hrs at a time. She still doesn't have any teeth but she's doing great gumming the food we give her. Sometimes she laughs like you, and I see you in her smile the way it lights up a whole room. I wish you could hold her & I could see that joy on your face. Missing you still hurts. I know whenever we needed help keeping up with stuff around the house you would've been here. I know you would be delighted with Micaela crawling up to you and babbling sounds that are almost grandma. I love you.

It is getting better, honey. This was actually a good week.

We celebrated Sarah's b-day. I gave her a coloring book ... and the set of 96 crayons in a box she'd given you!

We had dinner at Manderes (the new place) ... and owner was there and remembered me. Remember when we had that downpour and the ceiling caved in from all the water?!?

Love you.

It is hard to believe it has a been a whole year since you earned your wings my sweet friend. There are days when I know you are near because you cross my mind. I miss your sweet voice and our honest talks. Please know I'm taking great care of our sweet kitty friends and there are even new additions to the bunch. I love you and thank you for watching over me everyday!!

Diana, you are missed every day. I think of you when I see a beautiful quilt or go to a garden or see a picture of Yosmite. You inspire me to do selfless things for others or risk doing something new. There is a whisper of you in the joy of laughter and sunlight and gentle breezes. You are missed.

I think of you in the morning, I smile when I think of your smile, I hear your laugh in mine. I miss our talks and our adventures. But I most of all miss you, yet marvel when I look at our Micalea . I take such joy in this little one, partly because she is my great Niece and partly because you live on in this precious little one. She is a darling.
Always your sister, your friend, I love you Diana

A year of reaching across
 to your side of the bed.
  (Oh, that's right.)
A year of trying to remember
 where you said you were going.
  (Oh, that's right.)
A year of not having anyone
 to remind me when I forgot to close the cabinet.
A year of hearing your laughter,
 seeing your smile,
  only in my mind.
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
 We were going to live together
  forever.

Oh the lonely part of me is wishing to hear you laugh again, but then I stop and ,Oh I hear you laugh. I want to see your smile again,...oh I see your smile. I want to see you buzzing around doing this and that... Oh I see you buzzing around, you are still here in my heart and alive in my memory, as you will always be... you will never be far from me. I am your sister and always proud to be.

Roseville Fair ~Bill Staines, 1978

Oh the night was clear and the stars were shining
And the moon came up, so quiet in the sky
All the people gathered 'round, and the band was a-tuning
I can hear them now, playing "Coming Through the Rye"

You were dressed in blue and you looked so lovely:
Just a gentle flower of a small-town girl.
You took my hand, and we danced to the music –
With a single smile, you became my world

And we danced all night to the fiddle and the banjo.
Their drifting tunes, seemed to fill the air.
So long ago, but I still remember
How we fell in love at the Roseville Fair.

Now we courted well, and we courted dearly.
We would rock for hours on the front-porch chair.
Then a year went by from the time that I met you
And I made you mine at the Roseville Fair.

So here's a song, for all of the lovers
And here's a tune that they can share:
May they dance all night to the fiddle and the banjo
The way we did, at the Roseville Fair.

Sonnet for Grievers

We seem to plumb of grief the very Deep,
With groans replacing words we dimly sense
And find the grey mist pieces scattered hence
Where word nor act could bring them home to keep.

Our balance fails – we fall into a heap:
There tears (or none) bring no surcease to tense-
Held neck and shoulders. There is a vapor dense
That binds us and prevents release to sleep.

Why, then, does this cold world still keep its spin?
Why sun? Why rain? Why commerce yet goes on?
Knows no one of the jagged glass within
Our breast, piercing these hearts that find no dawn.
But by some Grace we hope to someday win
A Light to pulse in corners ’til all shadow’s gone.

May 23, 2015
© Jim Watkins

I miss you every day momma. I know you were with me, in the room on February 14th when your granddaughter was born. I know you helped me through the birth, and held me understandingly when they took her up to NICU & I didn't get to hold her until she was already 5 hours old. Now Micaela is 3 months and I think she has some of your smile- it lights up her whole face and the whole room. I know you're proud of me becoming a mother. There are so many things I understand better about you now. There are a million things I wish I could ask you, even just to hear an answer I already know. I wish I could see you hold her, your first granddaughter. I know you'd be smiling.

I tried to make strawberry jam. The recipe in the book isn't quite what you taught me. The first batch came out too runny and didn't set up. But you taught me well and I think I know how to make it right next time. I'll try again a little later in the summer - you always said June or July has better strawberries.

It feels so strange not to be making a new necklace or earrings for you today. I was always grateful to you for being my biggest jewelry fan. Maybe I'll make something for you today anyway.

Happy Birthday, Honey. It's so strange --we always kissed each other and wished "happy Birthday" as the first thing. You were always so surprised that I put a card under your pillow... Hundreds of differences. All add up to I love you and miss you.

Happy Birthday Sissy,
My God I miss you so much. Why did you have to leave us...I ask it every day...  I see you in Micaela's face. Her whole face lights up when she smiles just like her Grandma. I love her so much and I talk to her about you. I am proud to be her Great-auntie. We all still hurt, it will never go away. But I try to remember the smiles and joy we all had, Melissa misses you terribly. I love you so much as I sit here with tears running down my face. Love you Sister, my Danner Fay.

I love it when you visit, honey. What a great dream about the two of us out on a date... When was the the last time we went dancing?!

"I see your sweet smile / I hear your laughter / You're right here beside me every day/ 'Cause I know you by heart."

Well Sissy, my first iris is blooming, Halloween Moon. I lost one iris out of the 13 so there are 12 left. All the others are growing. I will get another one to replace it.
I miss your smiling face and your smiling voice. I miss your advice and your scolding. But I will continue because that is what we do. And I will continue to live, love and make you proud of me. Miss and love you

The irises we picked out for Sharon Lea are starting to bloom. They're just as you pictured them and described them when we visited the Iris Garden. I'm learning a new song: "I Know You by Heart."

"You're still here, beside me every day. 'Cause I know you by heart."

Still loving you. Still missing you.

All our flowers are coming up and are blooming...I remember the day you planted all those pansies and Jonny jump ups. They are blooming now and I see your smiling face in every little happy face of each bloom.
I tell my self each day this day I won't cry out of sadness, and each day I try to only shed a tear of joy that you were my Sister. Dear one I love you

I pruned the roses and said, "Don't worry, Dear. Roses are weeds; they'll grow back." I put the sheets over the plants to keep them from freezing. "They're safe, Dear."
I Love You. I always will. Happy New Year. I'll be sure to wake you for the ball drop.

What I Didn’t Tell You
What I didn’t tell you
Is how it hurts to do the bills
Without Diana here to keep track and check the budget.
What I didn’t tell you
Is how I always played guitar and sang to Diana
And now I don’t play anymore because she’s not here to listen.
What I didn’t tell you
Is how I stay up late
To avoid going to bed alone.
What I didn’t tell you
Is how afraid I am that others judge me
For not grieving properly. Or enough. And that they’re right.
What I didn’t tell you
Is how I need your approval
Without Diana to tell me I’m OK.
What I didn’t tell you
Is how afraid I am to tell you
What I didn’t tell you.

Thank you to all who contributed. We have sent the paperwork to California Musical Theater to have two seats named in momma's honor. Once the engraved plates are installed, I will post photos. We are all so grateful for your support and I know momma would be pleased and proud to have this memorial.

Still missed and her life still treasured. I love you my sister always and forever

I was saddened to read of Diana's passing. I had the privilege of working with her at the California Energy Commission for a number of years. Her sparkling smile and personality were always a pleasure. As a fellow quilter we shared our love of fabric and creativity. I know she will be sorely missed. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

God has taken another Angel home. Prayer of comfort and strength from God who wraps his arms around you; hold you up; carry you; wipe your tears; and then smiles and laugh with you as you remember a great woman 'Diana' and all the wonderful times you shared. My prayers are with you.

My deepest sympathy to your family during this trying time.

Dear Jim and family, I was SO sorry to hear of your loss. I wish you strength and courage in the coming weeks and years. I know there will be tears, but may your good memories of Diana bring you smiles and laughter as well.

Diana was a bright and energetic librarian at the CRC Library during my short time as the interim dean. It was an honor to get to know her even for those few months before she had to leave due to her illness. She was positive until the end, and her giving, caring spirit shone. With deepest sympathy to all of her family - she will be missed by many.

Eyes full of pride, joy and interest
Laughter filled with delight, happiness and warmth
A heart bursting with kindness, love and strength

Diana, you will be missed! Not just your physical presence but your energy, your spirit and your loving nature.

I will cherish the memories of you and keep you close to my heart, always.