Linda Nicolosi, Joe's lifelong collaborator and also his wife of 39 years, is grateful for everyone's prayers and words of appreciation and has shared these words:
"Joe was certainly a larger-than-life, one-of-a-kind guy. Never worried about political correctness, he was happy to swim against the cultural tide when he was sure the culture was going in the wrong direction. That got him into trouble quite a few times. Gay-activist web sites, for example, are still fond of quoting the occasional risqué jokes he made during his life in the public eye, and of showing and re-showing him tossing a microphone back at a rude TV interviewer. But Joe had ardent convictions about the truth of male and female design, and because of his conviction and courage, his awareness that he would face biased reporters didn't stop him from appearing on Oprah Winfrey, Larry King Live, Hannity and Colmes, O'Reilly Factor, 20/20, Dr. Phil, BBC News, and so on.
Joe had always hoped for his legacy as the creator of Reparative Therapy to go on. His career was dedicated to helping people align their lives with their deeply held convictions. Anyone, he stressed, is free to live his life as gay; but we are inevitably gendered beings, and our fullest humanity calls us to live out our biological design. (To read more from Linda, click on the "His Life" tab).
Tributes
Leave a tributeHis faith in God gave him the strength and wisdom to share the gifts God gave him in his profession. Even those in the hierarchy of His own Church were for the most part against him but the head of his Church, Jesus Christ, gave him the strength to proclaim the truth about same sex attraction.
We all benefited from the gift God gave us in Dr. Joseph Nicolosi. May he rest in peace in the Lord.
I did not choose to pursue reparative-therapy. However, I have a friend who did and he has successfully left the gay lifestyle and is able to identify with his heterosexuality as a man. I'm sure there is also a similar field of work for women who suffer from un-wanted same sex attraction. who will also benefit greatly from his research and studies.
Dr. Nicolosi will be greatly missed by his family and friends and also by the ex-gay world, especially those who continue to benefit from his work.
Your friend,
Christopher Doyle
Me puso muy triste enterarme de su partida y el cierre de su clinica St. Thomas Aquinas. Ojalá exista alguien que siga adelante con su trabajo que es muy importante para muchos hombres y mujeres con atraccion al mismo sexo indeseada. Sin haberlo conocido, lo extraño. Hasta siempre gran doctor.
You don't know how sad i turned when i realized you had passed away
Since i left high school ... my only goal was to learn english so that i could go to the states someday to get rid of the feelings i have this dream could never come true ...
No one knows about this but god and me .....
You deserve heaven Mr nicolosi ...
I look up to you ... though you'll never know ...you were my second super hero after god .... bless you ... rest in peace
“Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you and utter every kind of evil against you (falsely) because of me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward will be great in heaven. Thus they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” (Mt 5, 10-12)
Since Joe's death, I have been noticing how many things I say or do in my profession as a direct result of what Joe taught me and it is a lot. I gather from my clients that have been to other therapists, that I am able to establish goals in therapy quickly and help my clients to reach their goals relatively efficiently. I take it that this is rare. Anyone who knows Joe's approach to therapy and training interns, knows that I owe nearly all of my expertise to him, especially the aforementioned efficiency. I am able to compete in a competitive market and am able to continue to keep a roof over our heads and keep us fed, largely because of what Joe taught me. Joe may be gone, but financially, what he has given me is a gift that keeps giving.
Personally, I felt a connection with Joe and he with me. He told me that he thought that for him, maybe the connection had something to do with our similar social class upbringing. He was from the Bronx and I am from Racine, WI, which are obviously geographically distant, but we both were from humble beginnings and spoke the language of our social class origins when together, at times. At his memorial service, it seemed like the general consensus was that Joe was not a good story or joke teller. I couldn't disagree more. He pointed out that I laughed at his jokes, when others didn't necessarily. Maybe that was another way we connected.
I miss experiencing his passion and zeal for life. I miss what a character he was. I miss his guidance. I even think maybe I miss being the butt of his jokes, which I was on occasion. I wish somehow I could keep him from being dead. I want to keep talking about him to somehow keep him alive in that way. Although my sadness couldn't possibly be as deep as Joey and Linda's, like them, I too feel sad at the loss. I feel sad for all of us who knew and loved him. We are united in our sadness and maybe there is some solace in that.
I had never met “Dr. Joe” but somehow I understood him to be an earthly father, one that I have never had. I can only explain my loss like this. Now awake I cried out reaching into the darkness of the room for help. Memories of the nightmare still invading my mind I hear the creaking of the hinge as the door opens. Standing in the gap with inviting arms is this familiar strength and authoritative voice that renders the deceitful notions of perceived danger silent. His voice, deep and strong had again chased out the harm. Sitting beside me was wisdom, comfort, and a voice of caring placating my fears and assuring me that everything would be okay.
Devout self-helper, I had never stepped a foot into the office of Dr. Nicolosi nor had I ever heard his voice. It was his writings that cupped the years of condemnation rendering them defeated. Years of unwanted homosexual behavior was laced with the thoughts of being God’s abomination. Though today my relationship with God is secured by His Anchor it was Dr. Nicolosi that my Heavenly Father called to comfort my soul.
“There is a reason!” My argument remains the same that I had never chosen to identify differently- eventually homosexual, but there was a reason. All of my life I considered myself different. My adolescent swish proved this to my peers and convinced my single mother I was born with a homosexual tendency. She just wanted me to be happy, but there was a reason! Too weak to fight I divorced my high school sweetheart and embraced the gay lifestyle for nearly fifteen years, but there was a reason!
I am forgiven for the sexual boundaries that I have crossed, charging against the natural order of God. The Lord Jesus has completed in me a strong identity of new life, and gifted righteousness. Now rooted and grounded in faith finally the prayer I had prayed in 2009 was coming to pass. “Lord, what happened to me? Why did I identify so strangely, opposite to my biological reasoning?”
I am convinced that Joseph Nicolosi was called and chosen to reach the deep wounds of my life. Providential wisdom has repaired a broken sexual identity. Today, I am a strong man with realized gifts and talents no longer shackled in weighted chains. By grace I was freed, and by grace I now know what those bonds were. Thank you Dr. Joseph Nicolosi Sr.
Love,
Chris Rose
Christ Rose Ministries
Thank you people, who are writing tributes here, they are moving and very needed right now. If Joseph's colleagues or associates, who share his views, are reading it, please, never stop and never give up. There are thousands of people who need Joseph's wisdom. And you are the ones who keep it now.
Mr Nicolosi, thank you so much for your passion, patience, a wonderful sense of humor and everything you did for men. I can't help crying, I feel as if I have lost my second father. RIP
His work is not over! I intend to continue it and spread his message as far as it can go, particularly to the global Jewish community.
May his memory be a blessing.
Joe's contribution to the clinical world not only affected me personally as a man with SSA but also as a clinician helping others with the same. Joe's passion for men with SSA was inspiring and admirable. His passion for people impacted and changed lives for generations! His legacy will live on and on and on!!! You are missed Joe!
Requiescat in pace. Fidélium ánimæ per misericórdiam Dei requiéscant in pace.
Saint Thomas Aquinas, pray for us!
May God bless Dr. Nicolosi and his family!
Dr. William Tong
I was moved with love and compassion to search for the NARTH website because of my introduction to NARTH during Dr. Joseph Nicolosi's message over 23 years ago at a church in Simi Valley, CA, when he, along with a former homosexual and a medical doctor, spoke during a presentation titled "The Christian Response to Homosexuality". I found his information invaluable, using it first-hand during three separate occasions over the years as I encountered adult, male homosexuals who were all sexually abused as children.
As I scrolled down the NARTH site for information, I recognized Dr. Nicolosi's picture and was absolutely shocked to see two dates and a dash between. I am so sorry for his family's loss, and the tremendous loss to all of us who knew him for years, or even just met him once in our lifetimes. He was a great man and performed a tremendous, incalculable service.
Joseph Nicolosi's passing came as a shock to me for many reasons. He was one of the most health conscious active men I've known. I always thought that it would be another 20 years before he even slowed down. He was a driven ambitious man who loved to work and was never one for idleness. I found this inspiring. He was a man of conviction who made light of death threats and didn't let bad publicity get him down. I remember him saying that there was no bad publicity when he was publicly criticized or attacked on a tv show. Lesser men would have given up or given in or lived in a constant state of fear, but not him.
His is a very American story of growing up poor in the Bronx and through dedication and hard work becoming a successful PH.D.
He made the best Italian food. He told the best stories. He loved his family. He was generous and funny. He listened. He believed in God.
"Sure, sure, sure." He'd often say.
It was a privilege knowing him. I wish my son had gotten the chance to meet him.
My most sincere sympathy and prayers for you, his family and having suffered such a great loss.
May he continue to intercede for us before the throne of Jesus Christ.
Rest eternal grant unto him, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him.
I pray that Dr. Nicolosi's wonderful contribution to psychology science stands the test of time and our opinionated-based culture. May you all find comfort in knowing that Dr. Nicolosi is now enjoying a well deserved rest.
Dr. Nicolosi...thank you for arguing for others to have rights. Thank you for not being politically correct at times; wherein truth was evident. Thanks for being just you [human]. The world would be a better place if more men/women would follow your example. I intend to.
I had the pleasure of serving alongside Dr. Nicolosi in several different areas, most recently as an expert witness for the JONAH trial and a reviewer for a Catholic peer-reviewed scientific journal. I was also honored in 2011 as the first ever recipient of the Dr. Joseph Nicolosi award and scholarship for early career therapists by NARTH.
On a personal note, Dr. Nicolosi was a friend, mentor, and supporter of the work at the Institute for Healthy Families and Equality And Justice For All. Last night I exchanged several e-mails with his wife Linda, who expressed she and her husband's admiration for our therapeutic and advocacy work for clients and families struggling with sexual identity. My least meaningful interaction with Dr. Nicolosi was in August when he gave me feedback on one of the chapters of my upcoming book. Joe was enthusiastic about the concept of healthy attachment between parents and children, and his insights really shaped the way I was able to understand the scientific literature around the experience of male homosexuality. He was always eager to interact with young therapists, and was so approachable and willing to give of his time to educate and mentor the next generation.
When giants like Joseph Nicolosi leave this world too soon, one has to ask God, why? If you are reading this and have been impacted by the life and work of Joseph Nicolosi, would you reply with your reflection or a story of him? As we grieve as a community, my prayer is that together we can honor his life and work. I know this will be a tremendous blessing for his wife Linda, his son Joe Jr., his clinical staff, and all of his former and current clients that he leaves behind.
Let's remember and celebrate his legacy in the spirit that Joe would have liked - with laughter, courage, and unequivocal truth. Thanks Joe, for a life well-lived. You gave so much to all of us. You will be deeply missed.
Sincerely,
Christopher Doyle, MA, LPC, LCPC
Executive Director, Institute for Healthy Families
Founder, Voice of the Voiceless
Co-Coordinator, National Task Force for Therapy Equality
My heart goes out to Linda and the Nicolosi Family.
However, the quality I admire the most was Joe’s commitment to a scientific curiosity that led him to explore techniques and theories regarding unwanted same-sex attractions that most of the psychological profession has become too frightened to pursue. I would not be surprised if many of Joe’s insights are vindicated in a generation or two once the current corrupting of psychological science for political advocacy purposes fades. Until then, I sincerely hope Joe’s legacy will serve to give courage to others willing to do this work.
Leave a Tribute
Requiescat in Pace.
My cousin Joe was a very kind, compassionate and fun loving person. Although I am 9 years younger, we still had a lot in common being a Nicolosi. Our father's were very close brothers who immigrated from Tunisia to Brooklyn back in the late 30's. We were very close to our parents and as large as the Nicolosi famiy is, most are in New York. We have some in Florida and couple of us here in CA. Even though my cousin and I lived less than 90 mnutes from each other, we did not see each other often due to his traveling all over the world and I with my work. However, when we did we immediately regressed to growing up in the Bronx and Long Island. We both love to cook and both loved telling stories. The few hours we had together consisted of him cooking and us laughing. The ironic thing is that we were supposed to be together the Sunday after he died. We had been planning to visit our aunt in Rancho Cucamonga along with another cousin named Joe Nicolosi. I had planned it out and we were all looking forward to it because we knew once we were altogether the Nicolosi humor would come out. We had actually planned to make the trip the week prior to his death but canceled because he had a cold. Never in a million years would I imagine my cousin would be dead in three days. This guy worked out everyday, ate the right foods, skinny as a rail and me the complete opposite. I cannot believe he is gone and I am still here. Although we did not see each other much, his loss has affected me greatly and I will miss him. I know he cared and loved me and I the same for him. My priority now is to make sure his wife, Linda and son, Dr Joe Jr, my cousins, remain close with us that are still here. I will still laugh when I think of him and family stories we used to tell each other only now my smile will not be as big. God Bless you my cousin, rest in peace. I love you. Cousin Jackie
Dr Joe was always so kind to me...once I was having a really hard time and needed to talk to a counselor. Knowing Dr Nocolosi for a very long time I called him as he used to counsel with some of our guys by phone. I told him what was going on and I asked him if he would do the same for me as I was very sad over my son's situation. He explained that he was so busy..and then all at once he said, "you know what, Gloria, since it is you, I will do it, not to worry." Through my tears I told him that I would try to find someone in San Antonio. He then proceeded to talk with me for at least an hour. I will always remember his concern and his generosity towards me, knowing how busy he was. He was truly a good man I will remember him always.
May God comfort Joey and Linda.
Thank you Joe, thank you so much!
At the news of Joe passing I immediately thought "no, please, not now, we need you more now than ever". I am forever grateful for this man standing up to 2 of the biggest "bully pulpits" in our culture today 1) APA 2) intolrarant political gay lobby. As as a same sex attracted man, Joe helped me stand in my power that my voice and beliefs for a different life were VALID. His writings mentored, fathered and empowered a vision for something more. I am so grateful for him. I will admit my fear that a VERY big gap has been left open. Who could possibly replace his voice of authority? This is a call to every therapist, religious and non-religious organization to WAKE UP. The time is now to forward Joe's writing and research. He has given us all a great gift with his calling on his life.
Thank you God, for the faithfulness of your son Joe. I celebrate your words to him "well done good and faithful servant". With grief, tears of sadness and gratitude, well done Joe, well done!
To God be the glory,
Jase B.
"It's Gonna Be Worth It" by Rita Springer ---> https://youtu.be/DzSJ8snhXao