It’s your birthday again Ed & I so wish you were still here.

Well, my birthday has rolled around again. Another trip around the sun without you beside me. Remembering the very last birthday I got to spend with you. It was in the hospital with you getting your lung biopsied. You always knew how to show me a good time we joked. I miss you more with each passing birthday, my love. Counting days…

I. Miss. you.
I miss you with every painful breath.
I miss you with every cell of my body.
I just miss you.

My heart hurts. This would be the 29th anniversary of our first date. My heart knows we should be spending the day celebrating the first best day in a long series of best days. Instead is is a dark, empty shell of painful existence without you. Instead it is just one day closer to coming home. I’m counting on you to be the first to welcome me home when that day finally gets here. You are my forever. 

“The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”
It is written that God made mankind in His own image, in the image of God he created them male and female he created them. Perhaps we truly are not complete without each other, male needing female and female needing male to truly be one.  My darling SweetPea, from the day we met and then later married on that beautiful day 25 years ago, I knew that I was finally complete, whole. We lived a life of love and bliss, even in the most difficult of challenges. Nothing was so unpleasant so long as we faced them together. And at the moment you drew your last breath I was cleaved in half and again forced to live my days missing half of my soul and the essence of my heart. I now count these days as “one day closer” as each day passes. I am adrift, untethered in this world without you. So, my love, please be readying a place for me for that day when I truly get to come home and be whole once more. Happy 25th wedding anniversary. I wish with all my heart we were fulfilling our plans today returning to the place we spent our honeymoon. Oh how amazing it might have been. #onedaycloser #foreverstillmeansforever

My Sweetpea. This is the third Thanksgiving I have faced without you. There is no Turkey, not stuffing, no apple-cranberry pie. While I am eternally grateful to be your wife, my heart aches every day and every night missing you. I think of all of the things we should be doing together, laughing and making memories growing old together. Time seems to standstill and disappear by all at once. I can only count the passage simply as each day is one day closer. I love you forever.

Just another “ordinary” Saturday (the 121 Saturday without you) and I miss you more with each passing day. Hell, with each passing breath. I count passing days simply as one day closer. Until then, know I love you more each day.

You would be 64 today. In heaven I believe you’re ageless, but we all sure do miss you here. No one more than Cindy . You were her piece of heaven. Happy heavenly birthday Ed. Love, Cheryl

My darling Sweetpea, it was 28 years ago today we had our first date. We arranged to meet at Padonia Station for a drink after work and enjoyed each other’s company we just wanted to see more of each other. As you said so often it was the first best day of my life. Our life was an adventure that I never wanted to end and that even our worst days were infinitely better because we faced them together. It had also been 25 months since the worst day of my life as God called you home, ending your suffering on earth and really beginning my own as I face each day and night without my best friend, soulmate and husband by my side. I spend my time trying to deepen my faith and counting the days until we are reunited in heaven. There isn’t a single breath, heartbeat or space between that I am not thinking of you and aching for the day I see you again.
Another day closer Sweetpea.
I love you forever.

My darling sweetpea, what can I say. I wish I could claim that I am making you proud. But we both know just how broken losing you has left me. You are forever in my thoughts and in all of the pieces of my shattered heart.
Today, like every day, bring us one day closer.

rest in peace, dear friend

Rolling into a second holiday season without you and it is still so incredibly difficult. I miss you with all of the pieces of my shattered heart, my darling sweetpea.

Happy 63rd Birthday Sweetpea! I so wish you were here. I can’t help but to think of how we would spend the day. You would still be working out six days a week determined to outlive me by one day. We would go to a movie and get pizza at your favorite spot. Probably watch the sunset at the beach.

I really believe the years here are seconds there. I’m trying to get okay with waiting for my time. The truth is, though, I’m ready anytime you can get God to let you come and get me.

If you were here you would be slowing me down, encouraging me to take in the moments as you did so well. Snuggling up on the couch with you more, going for walks. Hopefully I would have found a way to work less and travel more, visit family.

I now feel so old. And as much as I look at what is good, I miss seeing myself through your eyes. The way you always told me, “you are so beautiful” - I knew that, to you, I truly was. You also would sneak into the bathroom when I was taking a shower or bath just to wash my back. You always were so sweet and thoughtful. You are always my hero.

I would have had you here to put my head on your chest and feel the comfort of your arms when I felt that others didn’t see me for who I am. I wouldn’t have grown in the way I am trying now, seeking to find some feeling of comfort in God and heaven. 

You would still be encouraging me to go to the gym with you and you would fit a second workout in just to motivate me. You’d be finding us places to explore so I could devote time to photography while not giving up on every moment possible together..

I love you, my darling Sweetpea. I miss our life daily. I think you would be encouraging me to learn how to focus on the good and not let it make me cry as much. Today is just another tough one. The truth is this world to me is still without color or depth without you sharing it with me. After 26 years of being one unified “Team Chaney” I don’t know how to engage without you. I am trying babe. I really am. I just feel like I am no longer anchored, like my roots are all superficial and not deeply rooted in “us” because half of that is gone.

Happy Birthday, my love! I hope heaven has birthday parties and you are surrounded by your Mom and Dad, your God parents and friends! I hope your mom can’t wait to meet me. I am deeply grateful for your love. It is the closest thing I can imagine God’s love being. I love you Ed, and I will love you forever.

Ed, it’s so hard to believe it’s your second birthday next to our Heavenly Father. We all miss you so much, but no one more than Cindy. You are in our thoughts daily. 
Happy birthday from Don & I. ❤️

I don't want this to come out wrong, so what I am trying to say is meant with the kindest and most sincere meaning possible. To start, I hate the term, "You lost your fight" "you lost the battle" and similar terms regarding your having died as a result of this evil illness. You didn't lose, it wasn't as if you were in some kind of stand up kickboxing, or MMA fight, and were beaten. Cancer is a decease its a sickness, it's not something you could have done anything to have somehow defeated. Getting better is determined by a lot of things, most are out of your control, I think the only thing that could have been different would have been earlier detection, and in your case, you were being checked regularly, So brother, you didn't lose your battle, there was no lost fight. You got sick, and the odds were not in your favor. But you are a winner, and always will be. You and I have always been close, the kind of close where we might have even pissed each other off from time to time. But we always loved each other like brothers, and I refuse to remember you as having lost a battle, or a fight. Rest in Peace, we'll work to keep your memory alive on this end. oh and Happy Birthday...

My darling Edward, Today marks one year since you lost your fight to stay with me and the angels slipped you quietly away. As I saw you leaving before my very eyes, my heart shattered into billions of pieces and with you went half of my soul. It has been a year and still I can’t seem to manage more than going through the basic daily tasks required. So much of me went with you that I feel like an outsider to life, no longer part of it. All I find I have here is the giant hole inside of me where we were one, and the memories of something so rare and beautiful few can even understand. Not a moment goes by, my love, that I do not miss you and grieve the life together we lost. I loved you yesterday. I love you today and I love you all of the tomorrows, forever.

I sat with my sister 1 year ago, today as she lost her best friend & husband.  I can hardly imagine just how difficult this year has been, they were what you think of as the perfect couple. 
Hardly a day has gone by when I haven’t thought of her or Ed. 
It’s often small things, like yesterday the last Star Wars movie came on & I remember just how much Ed wanted to see that whole series. I can’t look at countertops without remembering Don helping Ed with the installation of the countertop in Md. It was chipped during the install & the ribbing between Don & Ed was classic. I miss the fact that he’ll never again come over my house rooting through my cookie cabinet. I used to buy some stuff just for Ed because I got a kick when he’d find something decadent.  I miss his opinions, viewpoints & general approach to life.
But mostly I think of how much my sister has lost & my heart aches. The spontaneous endearments & sweet or silly songs he’d sing to her spontaneously. I still hear his voice sometimes in my head.  Everyone please give Cindy all your love & prayers, for today is going to be difficult. Cindy, Don & I love you sis. Hugs.

One year ago today we thought you were getting to Moffit only to have the hope destroyed halfway there. As I tried to catch up to the medic transferring you I got the call that they stopped at a hospital halfway there. When I arrived at the ER you broke my heart when you told me you just needed it to stop. You were done. Despite your heroic positive attitude and unprecedented fight, you were too tired to go on. Hearing you tell me you needed it to stop I simply said OK and signed papers that would provide you the most comfort in your final hours. I never left your side the entire time besides the medic ride. I sat with you as you slept and made sure no medication was delayed. I would not have you suffer another moment. I held your hand as you drew your final breaths. You were done and I am forever shattered. The only thing that gets me through a day is knowing I am one day closer to being with you for our forever. The next two days are reliving absolute hell on earth. All I want to do is sleep just for the chance that I may dream of us together. I love you forever my sweet Eddiebear. Forever still means forever. 

Well, Sweetpea, somehow 10 months (10months, 4days, 4hours,20minutes) have dragged me along without you. I recently heard a quote that was so perfect I wanted to share it with you, here.
“I would rather be no where with you than anywhere without you.”
I find so much truth in that every single day. But I have to believe you are still someplace and all I want is for this to be a blip of a separation between our together yesterday and our together forever. It is the only reason to even breathe.
You truly were sunshine in human form. Definitely always my sunshine.

When someone would walk into the room. We would talk about Left Handed Screw Drivers and Fiber Glass Muffler Bearings. And just watch their faces.

My darling Sweetpea, Valentine’s Day has come and gone and it may have been the worst time of my life since your death. You promised to be my forever valentine, and I yours. But this chasm between this life and wherever you are is so deep and wide, I am truly lost and isolated without you. I simply don’t know how to function in a world where half of me is not here. They very best parts of me. I find I miss you more with each passing day. It makes me think of your dad and how he possibly did this for so many years seems such an impossible goal. All my love forever. ForeverStillMeansForever.

My dearest Sweetpea, this is the first Christmas Eve I have ever spent alone, truly, completely alone. I have spent part of the day looking at the photos from our beautiful past Christmases. I truly thought we would have many more. I couldn’t imagine you wouldn’t beat the cancer that was attacking you. I have never known anyone stronger, more committed to fighting. How could it have robbed me of you so quickly? I am grateful you are no longer in pain. But I fear that burden was left behind and I’m struggling to now carry it. I miss you beyond any words. My love continues, searching to find you. Happy first heavenly Christmas Sweetpea. Give both our moms and our dads a hug for me. I hope the choir of angels are magnificent in their songs this morning. I miss you with all of the pieces of my heart. My Christmas wish is for peace and perhaps a dream of you visiting with me as I sleep. Merry Christmas my beloved. Sending all my love until I see you again and resume our forever.

Oh Sweetpea. Sunday was three months without you. Yesterday was your birthday. On this day last year you started chemo and radiation for a second time. We were so optimistic they could get it knocked out or in remission. How could you be gone less than 9 months later. I am truly lost, adrift in an empty world without you. I was thinking of your dad today, wondering how in the hell did he go so many years without your mom. Then I realized he had two sons and a granddaughter so he had people, purpose. YOU were my people. YOU were my purpose. And I’m fighting every day to find some purpose to move forward with. I love you forever and I’ll miss and grieve until my last breath and you come to get me,
Until that day, make a place for me beside you and be ready to hugs and kiss me for all eternity, my love.

Been thinking about you all day today Ed but that’s not really new. Since you went to be with God I’m overwhelmed by so many things that make me think of you. Recently I keep seeing silly or cute little things that you would have loved as a gift, but I guess that’s just because your birthday has been coming up. We all miss you, none more so than Cindy. So today I’ll just say, Happy birthday in heaven. Love, your sister in law.

Twelve weeks today, Sweetpea.  Your friends and family gathered last week to celebrate the life you lived. You would have loved it. Many of them wore flowered tropical style shirts (or ties) much like you wore all of the time. They told stories about times they shared with you. I finally got to meet Wick and his wife. Such wonderful people! I wish we had traveled together to visit them like you wanted but just couldn’t make time for. I’m sure we would have all been great friends. I’m just hoping one day I can feel you near me again. Maybe I get one of those warm hugs from you that you described you got out of the blue from your mom. That would certainly help heal this emptiness. I miss you deeply until we are together again. I will go on loving you forever. XO

"The Final Inspection"
The policeman stood and faced his God,
Which must always come to pass. He hoped his shoes were shining. Just as brightly as his brass. Step forward now, policeman. How shall I deal with you?
Have you always turned the other cheek? To My church have you been true?" The policeman squared his shoulders and said,
No, Lord, I guess I ain't, Because those of us who carry badges
can't always be a saint.
I've had to work most Sundays, and at times my talk was rough,
and sometimes I've been violent, Because the streets are awfully tough. But I never took a penny, That wasn't mine to keep
Though I worked a lot of overtime When the bills got just too steep.
And I never passed a cry for help, Though at times I shook with fear. And sometimes, God forgive me, I've wept unmanly tears.
I know I don't deserve a place Among the people here.
They never wanted me around Except to calm their fear.
If you've a place for me here, Lord, It needn't be so grand.
I never expected or had too much, But if you don't.....I'll understand.
There was silence all around the throne Where the saints had often trod. As the policeman waited quietly, For the judgment of his God.
Step forward now, policeman, You've borne your burdens well.
Come walk a beat on Heaven's streets, You've done your time in Hell!

It has been 13 days, 4 hours and 20 minutes. I miss you more deeply with every breath. As completely as we loved each other is just how massive the void is by your passing. No words can possibly covey this agonizing sorrow.

The first time I met Ed and Cindy Todd and I were docking our first boat. To say the least, it was not a good experience, Eddie came to our rescue and introduced himself then told us the story of his first time docking. There are so many great memories, one in particular we took the dingy’s out to get lunch at Riverwatch.  The skies were turning blacker by the minute. I’m not sure who said oh, we can make it back before the storm hits. Boy were they wrong, the skies opened up it was raining buckets and the the lightning started. We were lucky that the house in the point (we had no idea who they were) helped us to shore and took us in their house until
The storm passed. We were drenched and still today laugh about the shenanigans we got into. He always wanted to be a pirate, loved coming to the marina and seeing his pirate flag flying! Another time, was at Red Eye Dock bar. Again we were in the dingy’s are were bar hopping in the Narrow’s well, Eddie had a water gun and decided to blast us in our dingy. The war was on, we used our water pump and aimed it directly on his dingy. Eddie loves Cindy so much, he always put her before anyone including himself. The love and bond you share is unbelievable and most will never have. Cindy cherish all your memories and know we are ALWAYS here for you! We love you both so much and we will miss Eddie every day!!

Ed and I became friends 1979. Ed and I were disco dancing Kings back then!! Ed more importantly help me to come out of my shell!! I had seizure disorder and was kind of embarrassed by it,even though it was well under control I lived in fear of having another one!! Ed convinced me that it was no big deal and that if ever happen around him, he would have my back and kick anyone’s ass that made fun of me. Ed had the knack of making a tough situation much better mostly using his sense of humor!! Loved this guy!! Thanks Ed for being there for me in many ways you saved my life!!!

Any time that I needed help with a domestic case in the district, Ed was always happy to help. Always had a smile and a joke. I want to thank him and Cindy for sharing their whole journey with us on Facebook. May he rest in peace. My condolences to the family.

I first met Ed in the early 1990's when he brought our Daughter Cindy to our house in Frederick. Ed was a friendly guy whom I thought might be petrified meeting Cindy's Mom Betty. Betty immediately liked Ed, she thought he was good for our daughter, and that was good. We both saw a love blossom, and Betty was happy for them both. As time grew, we both saw a love affair that only comes around once in a life time, we saw it twice in both our daughters. Betty adored Ed, for the way he loved Cindy, Rest in peace Ed and thank you for being part of my life

My sister Cindy & Ed truly we’re soulmates. They had a marriage to be admired. Never wanted to be apart. They were each other’s best friend. And they loved to live life to the fullest. Love to travel as well as go on local adventures or just staying home, content to just be together. They laughted often, seldom had disagreements & were truly a team. I know one day they will be together again. 

A sparkling light and a space ship is how I knew Ed and Cindy when they invited me for the Christmas season.
Half the tree was decorated with Starship circa 1996 and the other half with beautiful white lights and sparkly ornaments. We had a fabulous dinner by Cindy's culinary hand. Ed and I walked outside afterward to purvey the jet ski they owned.
Both of us sat in the parking lot staring at this jet ski like "sugar plumb fairies dancing in our head." Ed and I knew that this jet ski would sit before us no longer and he mentioned to me of spending his life on the shores. Ed and Cindy found themselves there, however is wasn't along Maryland's coast line!
This is my story of one moment in one day that was superbly meaningful to me.
Xoxo, Kimber
BEYOND THE SEA (Bobby Darin)
Somewhere beyond the sea
Somewhere waiting for me
My lover stands on golden sands
And watches the ships that go sailin'

My dearest Sweetpea, you remain the keeper of my heart that I gave freely and without regret so many years ago. You promised to hold on by your fingertips and you sure gave it your all. You are the most courageous, tenacious fighter and loved me fiercely and passionately and I continue to love you completely.  It shattered me to let you go, but you deserved to rest and be at peace where there is no more pain. I know our love is a unique and special blessing. You have gone ahead to make a place for me for when I join you, just as you did when you would travel ahead of me to Florida. Until we are together again, I will miss you deeply with every breath.