There is a myth of closure that I would like to address and I hope these words bring you comfort and peace. When we lose a loved one we often ask ourselves, "When will I begin to feel better? When will I return to normal?When will I achieve some closure?" Closure, our culture tells us, will bring about a tidy ending, a sense of completion. Some grievers hope that the desired magical closure will occur after the funeral or memorial service. Others are confident it will come once they have cleared out their loved one's room. Or maybe after a special personal ritual. Or perhaps after the first anniversary comes and goes...." surely then we will have closure," we think. We pray.
The reason we long for closure, of course, is because we would like to neatly seal away all of this pain. We would like to close all of the sad, confused, desperate, angry feelings out of our life. We would like to put all of this behind us. Closure. What an odd concept really, as if we could truly close the door on pain...turn the lock and throw away the key. The truth is far more complex, of course. Closure is for business deals. Closure is for real estate transactions. Closure is not for feeling or for people we love.
Closure simply does not exist emotionally, not in a pure sense. We cannot close the door on the past as if it didn't exist because, after losing someone dear to us, we never forget that person or the love we shared. And in some ways, we never entirely get over the loss. We learn to live with the loss, to integrate it into our new identity. Mine came by relying on Jesus' strength and my daily walk with Him.
Imagine if we really could end this chapter in our life, completely. It would mean losing our memories, our connections to those we love. If we really found closure, it would ironically hurt even more because the attachment would be severed. And this attachment is vital to us...the memories are treasures to be held close, not closed out.
Perhaps it is better to think in terms of healing. Yes, we can process our pain and move to deeper and deeper levels of healing... we can find ways to move on and channel our pain into productive activities. Yes, we can even learn to smile again and laugh again and love again. As Jesus said, "Blessed are they who mourn for they shall be comforted", as only He can do.
But let's not ever think that we'll close the door completely on what this loss means, for if we did that, we would unwittingly close the door on all the love that we shared. And that would truly be a loss too terrible to bear.
We can only ask our heavenly Father to grant us all we need and to trust that He will supply all these needs according to His riches in glory...Jesus died for such a time as this and so before I close I would like to share a Scripture, and that Scripture is found in John 14:1-6;
“Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know.”
Thomas said to Him, “Lord, we do not know where You are going, and how can we know the way?”
Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."
Now, as we come to the end of this chapter in our lives, let us rely on the Words of Our Lord Jesus Christ and pray the Lord's Prayer together...
Our Father who art in Heaven,
Hallowed be thy name;
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread;
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us;
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For Thine is the Kingdom, the Power and the Glory...
Amen!
Erin, you will always be missed because you brought a breath of fresh air every time you entered a room..your laugh was delightful and your passion for life unlimited. We may not see your smiling face, physically, but it will always be with us. I choose to remember the happy times we had together...sleeping in a tent in my yard and the many exploits we all shared as a loving family. As I look at the state of this world, I see that we won't be separated for much longer..."Even so, come Lord Jesus"!...Linda, may the peace of Christ that passes all understanding be with you and Shannon as another year passes. Take heart...she is waiting for us all!
God bless!
