She carried me first in her arms when I was born. So many years together, so many memories. Losing Paati has changed our life.

Going back now to an empty house is difficult. The house with its silence seems to grieve with us.Tough there is everyone else around….. her empty bed ...sinks in my heart.The house feels empty without her voice echoing us to help her with her chores and scolding us for not eating veggies and food properly on time.

Her voice still echoes…Vinu… Ravi mama is here get coffee….get tea for Ramanju mama…check the veggies in the fridge and pass it to me for cutting…Shishir loves vadam…pack some for him and pass it to Ranga mama to take home….never ending care and love….…I still feel her sitting in the sofa cutting veggies and watching the tv…..her age made it difficult for her to walk with the leg pain for which she would ask us to stand on her legs and press it for her.....but she never gave up her loving duty of cooking snacks and our favorite food….we miss u paati..!

Even this Feb when Akshaj and Rishik were over all night she would be coming over to tell us kids would be hungry…give them milk…she wouldn’t sleep to make sure they were fed on time…she showered love on all…!

Our Paati’s home…Matunga…we… love this place…it is all our most favourite place to visit. Tough I grew up in chennai my best times was in Matunga home…in my summer holidays with my loving paati thatha….cousins and family. Summers and mangoes and Paatis milkshakes. And her love to buy us aapus (Alphanso Mangoes)…was a loving memory….we cousins used to sneak out of paatis sight to eat pav bhajis and golas..and paati would always scold me when we are back saying...you are spoiling the kids …..too….!! We used to just giggle and runaway…missing those times paati…

I lived 6 months duting my internship in 2004 with her….best and loving moments of my life…coming home to her home made snacks and feasts….and stories…was the most beautiful moments.

She found delight even in seemingly simple things in life. This is what perhaps made our life an enjoyable journey. She appreciated and portrayed her happiness over every one of our achievements…she was proud of all of us.

Our Paati was the pillar of our family bonding..if not for her don't know how this family would have turned out…even in this hectic busy life… my uncles and aunts made it a duty to visit Paati at Matunga everyday…the house was full..and never empty always with joy fun and laughter…..this was the bonding she instill in all.

She has seen life through good and bad…and seeing her gave us confidence that we can handle everything…her life stories…her swimming talents….all was amazing. We all owe it to her for what we are today…her love caring nature…..her cultural values…..we all carry it from her.

When I used to call home to speak to Paati…she used to always worry what I ate and then would be surprised…how I can be strong …with what little I eat……and advise me you should eat more veggies and a complete meal…now when I call home…I miss talking to her.

Paati used to make Rice Paal Payasam and say gave archanai at krishna sabha….for me on my birthday and wish me over phone saying we celebrate on ur behalf since you are not here at home…..it will never be the same without her…!!

There is a rigid lump in my throat. I am learning to hold on and come to terms with the reality that she is no more.Her sudden death has stunned us all and left us void …..and lost.She is immortal in our hearts

“She was gifted…….she was precious….We love you Paati.”

What resonates to me most about Paati is that she had this incredible persona which was warm and welcoming. More than culinary itself, I think her passion was to make us happy by cooking special delicacies. I know sometimes she would feel bad that we kids love food from restaurants which are different from what is cooked at home. So she would make samosas, wafers, cake at home just because we like it.

Something about my childhood which brings me closer to Paati and Thatha is the time when Anirudh and I stayed with Paati and Thatha for a few months. Thatha would pick us up from school in Thane and would bring a dabba given by Paati to eat so that we are not starved on the way.

Paati was curious about my life outside of home. She would always ask me about my job, my friends and how I managed over there.  There’s never a time she missed preparing vaadam, thattai, murruku, whenever I went to India.  I would tell her “NO” feeling bad that so much effort is being put into making things for me who is just going to enjoy eating all that and forget about it. But, she would just make it anyway…that’s Paati for you. Only something void fills my stomach when I think about the last time I spoke to her. She said – “I feel very happy that you said yes to getting married”.

Paati was an involved person not only with her family, but with everyone she met. She had her group of friends, was an active member at Krishna Sabha, and always attended dance shows by her talented granddaughters.

Being married at the age of 18, I can only imagine the nature of responsibilities Paati took on at an early age. What I learnt from Paati is to be the best of what you can be...

Akshaya Patrachari